How many men will accept that I'll never do cohabitation?

[yeawutever]

I was never interested and still not. I don't want to move in with just a bf I'm dating. To me moving in with a man means something way more serious than an ''I don't know where this is going but let's try it and decide from there''. No thank you. I don't do trials.

 

If I were dating a man, at what point should I tell him about my refusal to cohabit.

[yeawutever]

I know many people are nowadays doing this but I'm still old-fashioned. I won't move in with any man unless there is a true purpose and it goes deeper than just a relationship.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Then why not just get married right away rather than date a guy if you don't want a trial run.

 

Don't you want to know how a guy REALLY lives before you put a ring on it? I'd be so mad to find out after marriage that he pays every bill late and poops with the door open.

[yeawutever]

Then why not just get married right away rather than date a guy if you don't want a trial run.

I am looking for marriage one day and only engaged along with the invitations passed on (plus him answering the where and when exactly questions) when I'll move in. A trial run is doing cohabitation, which I'll never do. IMO you either date and don't move in together or you get engaged and move in.

Don't you want to know how a guy REALLY lives before you put a ring on it? I'd be so mad to find out after marriage that he pays every bill late and poops with the door open.

No, I don't want to live with a man without an engagement. In addition, when people are in a relationship and not living together, they can still spend some time with their SO and have intimacy with them so why move in?

[Cognitive_Canine]

No, I don't want to live with a man without an engagement. In addition, when people are in a relationship and not living together, they can still spend some time with their SO and have intimacy with them so why move in?

 

Because people act way differently around you pre-move in to post-move in. They can easily hide their spending habits, hygiene habits, and other things when you aren't living in the same space. Also, you'll be seeing them when they aren't focused on you. They'll be doing their routine with you added in and that means there habits may change a lot.

[yeawutever]

Because people act way differently around you pre-move in to post-move in. They can easily hide their spending habits, hygiene habits, and other things when you aren't living in the same space. Also, you'll be seeing them when they aren't focused on you. They'll be doing their routine with you added in and that means there habits may change a lot.

Yes, I suppose that might be true but I'm very skeptical about that. I've seen too many stories of women confusing this for an engagement in the near future and what usually happens is too much have been wasted and the man got too comfortable that he forgot about proposing.

 

I don't want to be string along and refused to be used.

[Fudgie]

I do personally believe in cohabitation, as my boyfriend and I are living together now. I think there are lots of people on both sides of the fence.

 

I think you need to look for more traditional men. Also, be prepared to marry early, as in, one year of dating. Most guys aren't going to want to date you for years on end prior to marriage. I personally don't see myself marrying for another 5+ years, maybe more, so cohabiting works for me in terms of a LTR.

 

Btw, the answer to "why" for me is because I'm not super set on marriage and I care about living together, not marriage.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I guess I've never worried about a guy being anti-committal or dragging his feet. Do you really want to be with someone that you have to lay down the rules so that can't drag their feet? Why not give them the chance to be anti-committal and not marry them if they don't want to really marry you.

[Fudgie]

yeawhatever

 

I think for you, it would be best to move in with a guy after engagement. Get a ring, set a date, and move in. You get to see what he's like and yet you also have that commitment. Makes sense?

 

I can understand not wanting to be used. I know I am not being used since my boyfriend and I both can pay our own way and neither of us wants kids, so it's not like I'm on a timeline.

 

You, however, may be.

 

Tell the guy you'll move in after you get a ring.

[yeawutever]

Fudgie that's the only time I believe cohabitation is ok; if the woman isn't seeking marriage at all and both of them are on the same page. But what ends up happening is many women there were seeking marriage, got lured into moving in with their bf because he ''promised'' that a proposal was going to happen and that he sees marriage too in the future. In the end, they ended years waiting for the proposal to happen and it never did.

[yeawutever]

I guess I've never worried about a guy being anti-committal or dragging his feet. Do you really want to be with someone that you have to lay down the rules so that can't drag their feet? Why not give them the chance to be anti-committal and not marry them if they don't want to really marry you.

So I have to go along with the man's agenda all the time? I have to do things his way because he wants it that way while I don't like it instead of finding a traditional man as Fudgie said?

[yeawutever]

yeawhatever

 

I think for you, it would be best to move in with a guy after engagement. Get a ring, set a date, and move in. You get to see what he's like and yet you also have that commitment. Makes sense?

 

I can understand not wanting to be used. I know I am not being used since my boyfriend and I both can pay our own way and neither of us wants kids, so it's not like I'm on a timeline.

 

You, however, may be.

 

Tell the guy you'll move in after you get a ring.

Excellent idea. Will be doing that when I get into a committed relationship.

[itsallgrand]

Yes, I suppose that might be true but I'm very skeptical about that. I've seen too many stories of women confusing this for an engagement in the near future and what usually happens is too much have been wasted and the man got too comfortable that he forgot about proposing.

 

I don't want to be string along and refused to be used.

 

I've co-habitated (though hate that word!) with two serious boyfriends. Long term relationships that lasted longer than some people's marriages. So whatever.

 

Never felt used, or felt disappointed. The way I see it, you can only be strung along if you let yourself be.

 

Exactly what you said is the key. Don't be expecting it to result in an engagement. (though I received offers both times, with it being me ultimately not taking things further, so there ya go). Moving in is an end in itself. It is a commitment in itself - to some people. For some people; it doesn't mean that. But this is all ultimately for two people to figure out together where their commitments lay.

 

Depending on the laws where you live though, moving in together can mean not only co habitation but common law rights/responsibilities to be considered. So I guess in a way, I've been married twice. Never thought it that way though!

 

I think it won't be that difficult for you to find a man who wants the same as you. No harder than it is for anyone to find a person who is a good match and wants the same things as themselves.

 

Sounds like you know what you want and what is/isn't acceptable to you, so what is the problem here?

[itsallgrand]

 

 

Oh yeah, and refer to Number Two.

 

Don't do things waiting on someone to do something. To me, moving in with a man waiting/hoping for an engagement would be tantamount to putting one's life on hold - living it to your own max - for a man.

 

If it's the marriage that is more important than anything else to you, go for the marriage.

[Fudgie]

I honestly think putting off living together until there's a ring is not strange and you're not going to be hard pressed to find guys who are okay with that.

 

If you told me that you'd never ever ever move in with someone until you were actually married, then yes, you may find it a little more difficult.

 

It is true that cohabitation means different things to different people. Some people want to do it just to save money. I think this is a bad idea personally. I live with my boyfriend because I love him and see a future with him.

[yeawutever]

 

Oh yeah, and refer to Number Two.

 

Don't do things waiting on someone to do something. To me, moving in with a man waiting/hoping for an engagement would be tantamount to putting one's life on hold - living it to your own max - for a man.

 

If it's the marriage that is more important than anything else to you, go for the marriage.

I've just read it and everything in number 2 and 4; everything is true. Too many future fakers/future avoiders and it's kind of depressing. I agree with that poster. It would be great if more women follow those helpful guidelines.

[Cognitive_Canine]

So I have to go along with the man's agenda all the time? I have to do things his way because he wants it that way while I don't like it instead of finding a traditional man as Fudgie said?

 

If a man's agenda isn't capable with mine, I wouldn't marry them.

[yeawutever]

If a man's agenda isn't capable with mine, I wouldn't marry them.

Exactly and both living together before engagement and being anti-committal is not what I want.

[Realitynut]

The old saying, 'why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free', was said for a reason.

 

I really think a person should have a 'commitment'....or engagement ring before living together if MARRIAGE is what you are after. If you don't care about being married....then of course just 'living together' is what ya gotta do!

 

My cousin has been 'living' with her bf(?) for 25 years now....maybe longer. But she never believed in marriage. Never wanted kids. And was your basic hippy living in an earth home!!!

[PrettyGood]

I think it is ok not to live with a person if it's too early. If you want to know the British statistics performed by "The Daily Mail":

 

* Usually people are going to 2 dates a week

* First kiss - after 2 dates or a week of dating

* Having sex - after 4 dates or 2 weeks of dating

* Meeting friends - after 6 dates or 3 weeks of dating

* Meeting parents - after 6 weeks of dating

* Saying "I love you" - after 14 dates or 7 weeks of dating

* Start living together - after 60 dates or 30 weeks of dating (almost at the 7th month)

 

And if you ask for my personal opinion, I think that it's ok not to live together in the early phase. It's ok to date person for at least 5 months, because just in that time the negative features of his/her character starts to show up and just then you understand if you can live together or not. Also you need to talk about a lot of things before you start living together - about the approximate future plans (if you both are gonna marry someday, if you both are gonna have children someday, what are the other future plans, who pays for what daily, what kind of household chores do you and your significant other need share do in turns, etc.). So there's a lot of thinking. You can't just hop into living together and hope that one day you will become a wife material having successful relationship. What if he/she doesn't have a similar perspective?

 

My ex boyfriend of 8 months started insisting me to live with him 2-3 months of dating. Of course we had a distance dating, so it became more stable, but in the end he just dumped me saying that it was convenient to have a woman in the house and that's all. There was no actual love. So be careful, girl and I wish you good luck not start living too early. By the way, don't make guys scare saying that as a strong statement that you will NOT live together with anyone. Say it more gently, maybe "Of course I'm thinking to live together with someone someday, but now it's too early, so I would like to know you better and do it later. We are not rushing anywhere, are we?"

[Fudgie]

^ I am actually shocked that having sex, according to this, comes over a month prior to saying "I love you." I have never slept with someone until I've heard those words first. Seemed like a no brainer to me.

[Realitynut]

*blush* i've probably slept with a guy before i even knew his last name....ok...i guess we really never SLEPT.

[Fudgie]

Lol, that's okay! I know it happens. I am just surprised it happens that often!

[Lonewing]

Why? I Love You has absolutely nothing to do with sex.

 

Cohabitation is blamed for ending relationships. I think it should be PRAISED for Preventing Divorce!

[Fudgie]

For many people, including women, sex is linked with emotional attachment.

 

So you may speak for yourself when you say that love and sex have nothing to do with each other but for I, feeling love for someone has everything to do with sex because I don't don't want to have sex until I feel it.