Getting Older and Friends

[MrAdversity]

Going to try and make this short since I am just blown away with how people turn out to be later on in life - actually this maybe long bare with me, but please help -

 

Been friends with a bunch of people since growing up, on the one side i have a group of friends who basically are drama seekers, and love to sit around on the weekends trying to get a rise from people, they are good natured and have always been there for me through troubled times but they seem to have major issues when it comes to going with the flow - case in point the ring leader lets call this person of the group has to have everything on her terms, at her place, with her friends and always has to be surrounded by people (she is married but seems to value the quatity of people around her more than her marriage) - in some way of fate she is always the center of everyones business which always involves the others either by direct contact or by gossip,

 

On the other hand i had a group of significantly different friends (different ethnic background as well) which slowly dwindled down to two - one got married had a kid and decided that he was going to disappear (he introduced me to the others) the other guy has been in and out of contact for a long time, never really feeling comfortable with his living quarters and with a gf at the time way passed due for at least an engagement

 

Fast fwd, the one friend finally got engaged bought a house, move upstate and started to come around, stupid me seeing he was friendless at this point after our mutual friend had the baby i intro to my other group of friends never in a million years thinking the worst would play out -

 

Fast forward my good friend know is almost best friends with my other group secretly hanging out behind my back and almost has completely changed his personality to there's (drama induced completely obsessed with hanging with the group doing nothing but gossiping) as this is his new escape since his wife works long hours and nights - the best part is prior to him sneaking all this he told me he likes hanging with them occasionally b/c he sees how it is to live poorly that it makes him feel good about his new life -

 

All the things we talked about doing together i hear from the other groups husband they are thinking of doing with no mention of me, and lets not forget the ring leader who i grew up with loves the fact that she has a new friend to add to the group whose become obsessed and afraid to change the routine - and no my so called friends both sides have be come shady as hell,

 

I have called him out on it and he agreed he has become obssesed but wont fix it, even after hanging with one once recently he went over to the others house to hang and gossip , not telling me but i found out when someone slipped, its like a brainwash movie here WTH do I do? People suck

 

Everyone talks crap about everyone and yet its like this universal fakeness its crazy ,and somehow i am the outcast now going against the grain every weekend of not wanting to sit in the house with these people

[Edmund Exley]

Wow, its like you just crawled in my head and wrote everything I have been thinking this morning. Im at the point I cant take it much more. Removing oneself from social media is the first step. We are all too much involved with each others lives. The distance that used to be before the world became one big living mass relationship via Facebook is what kept the drama isolated.

[nutbrownhare]

It sounds like you need to find a new group of friends; if you don't enjoy hanging out with other people gossiping (and I've got a lot of sympathy with that!), then get to know people whose values you share and where your interactions are based on shared interests, or shared activities, or anything else which means that you're doing something constructive rather than getting sucked into the round of frankly quite adolescent-sounding interactions.

 

On the other hand, though, you need to look at your own relationship not just with these people, but the guy you've recently introduced them to. It's none of your business whether he goes over to see them or not, and it's not your place to 'call him out on it'. You don't own either him or them, and you're not entitled to dictate who he sees socially. From your post, it doesn't sound as though you respect or even like these people very much, so feeling upset about being the 'outcast' doesn't really make sense.

 

You need to look at the payoff you're getting from this situation, what's positive in there, and recreate it for yourself but in a healthier, more constructive environment.

[dhaynes0412]

From your post it seems as if you are the one who needs the drama or maybe you are afraid to walk away...if these people are so horrible to be around. Just seems very fake of you to hang with them since they have always been there for you (your words) and then come to this site to slam them and judge them behind their backs. If it's so bad...move on. Just my point of view.

[MrAdversity]

Thanks for all the responses, I have indeed looked at all angles and while i do get sucked in at times (dont we all do) i still think its wrong to outcast me like that considering the fact that if i never would have introduced them this one instance wouldnt have happened ...but i do probably need to find a new group but what i am finding out is as we get older its harder to make friends who arent already in groups comfortably ...i think the reason why i hold on so tight is just that, i just get so bothered by that one friend who has basically coached me about doing good things in life, creating a career, having my wife come first etc. for him to actually contradict his own words of wisdom and to have the other group actually get him involved with nonesense drama at times (like this weekend) trying to get a rise out of me ...

 

and I agree i think social media can be the devil, we only see the positives people want us to see which created at times this unconscious way of trying to compete ...whether it be with friends or with material things, its sad because the next generations are going to be even more consumed by this than us ... the best as of lately is when people who are friends have drama and post these quotes that indirectly say something about the situation there in which your left with the question is that about me ...its sad world in which we use a site to catch up with those we cant normally see and yet there is so much behind the curtain motives people use on these sites ...

[Patrick974]

Everyone talks crap about everyone and yet its like this universal fakeness its crazy ,and somehow i am the outcast now going against the grain every weekend of not wanting to sit in the house with these people

 

Phonies everywhere. You learn that in high school, when children becomes "adults".

[happpybear]

Phonies everywhere. You learn that in high school, when children becomes "adults".

 

ya this, sometimes i fee like Holden Caulfield