I cant bring myself to get rid of the photos of us

[pandorasbox1]

So after trying the friendship route for a little more than a month, I decided to walk away from him on Tuesday and somehow he has made me feel like the actual dumper when this was never the case. He's wanted to dump me on numerous occasions before and he finally did on the 12th of last month. He's made me feel like I truly messed up by walking away. I know it needed to be done though... And although I still hope for something in the future I know that its unlikely and that I need to take steps to move on, for my own sanity and health.

 

I cant bring myself to remove the photos of him/ us from my phone... I was thinking of removing them and storing them on my pc somewhere to delete at some later stage. I know it took me forever to delete pictures of my last ex, but I did it when I was ready to.

 

Is it okay to remove things from my sight or that may be somewhere where I may constantly see them, but store them elsewhere until I am ready to let it go permanently?

 

Any other thoughts and opinions welcome

[pippy longstocking]

you will do this in your own time darling

 

there are no rules to follow and there is certainly no harm in doing this in your own time .

 

I have every photo ever taken with mine ..

 

one day you will just know dont worry xx

[pandorasbox1]

thank you. I just know a lot of people who have been putting pressure on me to get rid of them.... I cant stop thinking about whether or not he has already...

[pippy longstocking]

try not to waste your own head space on what he is doing ( easier said than done) and certainly take no notice of anyone else ..remember we tend to advise people on what makes us feel right ..so for your friends it may suit them to go for quick death with these things ...but this is your show , not theirs.

 

In the early days of my split , one of my pals told me to get a bonfire going and burn all his stuff ...errrr no ...hahah

[markie6]

I have always tidied the items ( gifts,momentos etc) into a box and hidden the box away for another time. The photos I put onto a disc ( from phone and pc ) and into the box too. Some will tell you to get rid but I have always found it easier to just hide them away. These memory triggers need to be dealt with to some degree to help you heal. The trouble with the smart phones of today, our use of social media and the like, a whole relationship can be viewed like a re-run of a soap if we're not careful. If we can't trust ourselves not to get the box out ( or go through our phone) then ask somebody to look after it for you. There may come a time in the future where you can not only handle the fond memories, you actualy can embrace them without it causing you pain.

 

Last year I needed a box to put my stuff in and I used the same box I had used for the last 15 years worth of breakups. There was nothing in there that bothered me at all and I was able to get rid of loads of it with no emotions what so ever.

 

You will get to that point, it will all be part of the past and just maybe, you will be grateful you didn't destroy them. Definitely get them out of your sight for now though

[pandorasbox1]

Thank you, I will do that. Im just having a really bad day today and feel like im in such a rut. I dont want to do anything but lie in bed all day. I dont want to see or speak to anyone or have to deal with outside world in any way. Im just massively depressed I guess. Im considering going on anti depressants again, but I think I need to give myself the chance to deal with all these emotions instead of running away from them.

 

I will get to removing the photos eventually... Just not today.

[figmentations]

When my ex dumped me, I immediately deleted all our pictures together and burned the love notes my ex had written to me (extreme, I know) But a few days later, I regretted deleting the pics so I salvaged a few and left them in a separate folder where I just scroll past them. One day maybe they'll end up in the trash bin, maybe not. It all depends how it makes you feel and give yourself time.

[surfjon]

Raines,

I too was forced to be the "dumper", it really sucks how they try to "friendzone" us and then make us become the damn dumper!!

 

I deleted all my phone pics of her, but they live on in my computer...

 

I won't delete them, but won't look at them for a good while....

[Mike80]

Same boat over here, Raines.

 

I have two pics on my phone Im not ready to get rid of yet....the very first pic we ever took together in 2010, and the very last one we took Christmas of 2012. I think Ive reached the acceptance phase of the BU, but I just cant bring myself to delete those last two. I guess Im just a sentimental fool.

 

so no, youre not alone. Delete them on your own accord.

[capilot]

So don't get rid of them. They're your memories, and your memories are part of who you are.

 

Throwing away old photos would be like getting mini lobotomies. Ever see The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? You don't want that.

 

But put them away out of sight, especially before trying to start a new relationship.

[pandorasbox1]

I think im a good year or even two away from even remotely wanting another relationship again..

 

Thank you guys for being so supportive. I find myself on here everyday and it truly does help.

Its always good to get advice and know that im not alone. In many ways I feel like I have friends on here who want to hear about my drama and support me through it.

I cant say I have any of that in reality.

So thank you!!!

[Lonewing]

Find a way to move them toa safe storage device - a disk, or a thumb drive - tranfer them, and drop the drive in a box with everything else you want to put away form this relaitonship. someday, they may become trash, they may be treasures, but you will not have to worry about regretting having made the wrong decision.

[lizardking999]

^what he said. Chances are there will come a time you will ask yourself why you bothered. But at the end of the day this is about your sanity. Find a way to save them to a central repo, then back to business as usual.

[SlammaJamma]

Raine91,

 

I would like to say that it's sorrowsome when a couple splits and I'm going through and had gone through splits many times before. I know I had a lot of difficulty letting go of that past and continued to hold on to memories and pictures as I wasn't truly ready to move on yet. Even now I'm finding it very hard to handle the break up and I'm the one that ended it.

 

I'll let you know though that I have a box I keep that has some of my cherished memories from the past in it and things of significance; the I love you notes, the memorable pictures or moments, anything that took a lot for them to give. Being in this situation is a lot like other times for me and I'm finding it hard not to think about it right now, so I'm trying everything I can to obstain from torturing myself by looking at photos or other reminders. I know I can't get rid of them, so I store them in that box and when I'm healed I like to look at the stuff from time to time to reminisce.

 

I wish you well in this time of healing.

[kz91]

I agree with what someone else said, you'll do it in your own time. At first I couldn't delete anything, no photos or any of the conversations I had saved.

But then something happened and I just deleted EVERYTHING, I didn't leave no photos. I deleted everything off Facebook, every picture, every comment off her. I regret it now though but then I think it was for the best because it would just hurt me looking back.

 

If anyone is thinking about deleting anything, I recommend saving it onto a USB pen first. Then one day you can look and actually smile!

[Iamstruggling]

My ex deleted photos of us within 2 weeks of our breakup because she found someone else (her friend set her up with him while we were going out) and no matter how angry and betrayed I felt I couldn't bring myself to delete the photos of her or of us together. I got the digital photos of us and put them on a online storage. All physical items I put in a box.

 

Bit lame but I still love her with all my heart so I can't bring myself to destroy all the memories of us together.