He contacts me after 4 years and just 2 weeks after his wedding?

[pandorasbox1]

So this guy was my very first boyfriend and we experienced all of our firsts with eachother. We started dating in 2008. However, over time I lost attraction to him and eventually grew to be resentful of him before finally calling quits after about 1 year. I took the cowards way out and suggested we take a "break" after 2 weeks of which I told him I didnt want to be with him anymore. I shattered his heart and I know it. I felt bad about it but I knew deep down that he wasnt the one for me and his talks about marrying me and having children with me scared me. He was my first and I didnt want to settle down with the first guy I ever dated.

 

Anyway, about 8 months after our breakup he starts a relationship with a new girl and I wish him well and tell him I am happy for him. Since then we had no contact. I saw him again in April of 2011 at a concert, with his new girlfriend. I greeted him with a hug and did the same with his gf who made no secret of her hatred for me. We didnt speak or have any form of conversation. I carried on having a good time, however he couldnt stop staring at me which made both me and his GF uncomfortable.

 

So since then I have not spoken to him. Somewhere down the line I found out via a mutual friend that they were engaged. Today he emails me and asks me how things have been going for me. I said things were alright and told him about my studies. I asked about his and I also told him I hoped things were going well with him and his fiance. He responded by saying that they got married two weeks ago. I congratulated him and asked why he emailed me. He said he just wanted to see how I was doing. I was honest with him and told him I was doing well and that I met the man of dreams whom I love and care for deeply. I told him how happy I was for him that he found someone who can love him the way he deserves (which is honestly how I feel).

 

He has since not replied, which I know means that my words about my man stung him.

 

My question is, why would seek contact with me after he has just gotten married to this "fantastic woman"? (her and I are complete opposites I might add). What did he hope to accomplish in speaking to me? Was he hoping to hurt me with the knowledge that he is now married and that I missed out on that position in his life?

 

Im confused. I genuinely feel nothing for him and I am happy for him but Im not sure as to why he would contact me after all this time and most especially right after he got married...?

 

Any advice?

[luminousone]

Wow--Who knows, perhaps a bit of remorse. I feel sorry for his wife, but you are lucky you did not end up marrying him.

 

And I would never answer any correspondence from him again.

[pandorasbox1]

I dont intend to. I know it seems a bit vain of me to say this but I feel like he never truly got over me.

[morrowrd]

I think this is an ego boost for you. This whole post isn't really a request for advice, but fishing for comments regarding that he hasn't gotten over you. If you really didn't give a damn, you'd have deleted his email, and forgotten about it. You really enjoy being stroked, now why is that?

[laninaperdida]

I probably would have laughed @ him then forwarded it to his wife.

I'm a ***** like that.

No one is using me for a last ditch effort, a shoulder to cry on, etc.

[pandorasbox1]

Morrowd --> You're full of ****.

 

I left him and came to terms with the decision looooong before i pulled the trigger. There are literally no feelings left where he is concerned. I started the relationship with him when I was 17.

 

Im not naive and nor am I that vain to think along those lines. You know absolutely nothing about me and if you arent going to contribute something constructive then I suggest you keep it to yourself.

 

FYI... I did delete his email address though apparently he didnt delete mine because HE contacted ME.

 

And I am asking for advice on why HE decided to take these actions especially since he is SUPPOSEDLY happily married.

 

I dont need to be stroked. Im secure enough within myself that I do not need the attention from others, especially ex's, to feel secure within myself.

 

As I said, I met the man of my dreams and he is the only one I require some attention from.

[pumpkinmoon]

Simple, I think he used it as a chance to tell you that he had gotten married and you used the response as a chance to tell him you had met someone new.

[ParisPaulette]

It sounds like he married this woman, is now panicking or second guessing his decision, and is now reaching out to you not so much because he's not over you as simply in a knee-jerk fashion to see if perhaps he can get validation from someone, anyone else. He's probably worried he made a mistake, thinking maybe it should have been you or anyone else really and he's just sort of shooting in the dark hoping to find a reason to justify how he's feeling. Anyways that's been my experience when I've seen this sort of behavior in the past. It's not so much about you as it is about them though. In short, if he had other girlfriends besides you they'd likely be getting emails too along with his friends and family and anyone else who can maybe respond to him in a fashion that allows him a distraction or validation of some sort. Just ignore it and move on. It's his life and his decision, you stated your piece to him and that's all you can do really.

[pandorasbox1]

Thank you for your responses.