I'm here to save you from more pain. READ NOW!!!!!

[TopFive]

So I've been on here for almost a year. In all this time, I have dealt with two females. The first chick caused me to lose my mind all the way out in Oklahoma while she had a new man back here in Jersey. I chalk that situation up to me being young and dumb because she was my first serious relationship (I was used to just being "friends" with girls) and I had never been through anything like that. The most recent chick whom ive been involved with for about six months has forced me to call it quits this week. We are not compatible and we are in different stages in our lives.

 

I'm just posting this to everyone going through a break up. Remember this advice and live and die by it.. Ready????

 

OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND WHEN IT'S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

You must disconnect and focus on yourself to make the healing process go by a little easier. Don't be like me and have dozens of sad posts about how you're hurt is broken because you broke contact. To all you people getting out of your first relationship please leave your ex in the past, they aren't worth a quarter to you now. You'll be fine in the future. Trust me.

[StayTrueToYou]

Well said!

[Live-N-Learn]

Must be something in the water here in Oklahoma! lol Agree completely.

[TopFive]

Must be something in the water here in Oklahoma! lol Agree completely.

 

Bro, I was in Goodwell of all places having to cope with a tough breakup back in jersey. smh only you and i know. And alot of these people on this forum where talkin bad to me.

[allison2777]

YES! Im really really struggling with this because my ex and I broke up 9 months ago and we were together 5 years. We recently had a talk about forgiving eachother and staying in eachother lives in a way (neither of us are dating but I dont see us getting back together). However even though we dont usually talk about anything emotional or about the past and shes legitametly trying to be my friend I just feel so much pain with it sometimes. Like it hurts to see she has moved on, and is just fine without me or just isnt lonley or ..I DONT KNOW. I moved to a new city so Im struggling with the old break-up issues on top of being homesick and finding my place in life. I mean I dont know whats worse not talking at all or talking a little bit. But seriously theres just stuff about her current life that I just dont want to know. Why does that fact that her life does not revolve around me anymore give me anxiety and hurt me so much??? I thought maybe talking to her a bit at a time would help me face my fears so I can just accept she has a different life now and move on but I just dont know anymore. She actually would be hurt if I stopped contact but how can I handel me being so emotional and her being happy go lucky??

[and so it goes]

The first chick caused me to lose my mind all the way out in Oklahoma while she had a new man back here in Jersey.

 

 

OK, this is an awesome first line for a song.

Not minimizing your post and its great advice, just pointing this out!

[Live-N-Learn]

Talking to her though for the moment may give you some relief, it quickly turns to thoughts of "I'm not good enough" or "I have been rejected" or whatever other negative you want to put in there. In addition you are always on pins and needles trying to guard your words and praying she won't say things that tear your heart out. Trust me, there is no upside to staying in contact.

[Asher]

I actually remember your posts from last year. I'm glad to hear you are doing better. Grief is a process that has to be endured to some extent. At some point though we prolong our own suffering. You cannot move on if you don't let them go even long after they have done the same to you.

[TopFive]

OK, this is an awesome first line for a song.

Not minimizing your post and its great advice, just pointing this out!

 

That's a dope idea! thank you!

[DonDraper32]

I've prolonged my suffering for two months cause my ex kept me on a string and told me she still loved me but was figuring things out on her end. Only this past weekend did she tell me that she doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore and is moving on (i.e. being with other guys). She's moving on while I'm left to start from square one.

 

I hope you guys are right. I'm trusting that strict NC will heal me. I'm just not looking forward to months of suffering, but keep telling myself to man up.

[HeatherB]

I agree. What I did that worked was to pretend like the ex was tragically dead. (Not in a creepy, vengeful way!) More along the lines of him having been hit by a bus or having had a freak grand piano fall on him. Then I could grieve properly and miss him, because I was treating the situation as final and permanent. You really have to let yourself be sad for your hopes and dreams that have died. Only after the old ones are buried deep can you create pure new ones.

[TopFive]

I've prolonged my suffering for two months cause my ex kept me on a string and told me she still loved me but was figuring things out on her end. Only this past weekend did she tell me that she doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore and is moving on (i.e. being with other guys). She's moving on while I'm left to start from square one.

 

I hope you guys are right. I'm trusting that strict NC will heal me. I'm just not looking forward to months of suffering, but keep telling myself to man up.

 

It's gonna hurt regardless. Only time and nc will heal you. The time it takes varies from person to person, but you'll be fine. Just don't make the mistakes i did. you should read alot of my old posts from like august and September. you'll be fine

[Mike80]

TopFive always gives sound advice.

 

Also, try to avoid ex-sex if possible. Unless youre 100% over her, continuing to be intimate with someone you still love will only set you back further if she only sees you as an object of lust. Take it from me. Its like feeling the pain of the initial breakup all over again months later.

[DonDraper32]

TopFive,

 

just went back and scanned your posts. I think you were feeling what I'm feeling now. Like your relationship, the sex in mine was amazing, and the thought of her being with other guys is driving me insane, especially because I've convinced myself it's happening.

 

How did you manage to let go/get over this?

[Slimpee]

Great post!

 

Out of sight, out of mind does wonders for healing.

[TopFive]

TopFive,

 

just went back and scanned your posts. I think you were feeling what I'm feeling now. Like your relationship, the sex in mine was amazing, and the thought of her being with other guys is driving me insane, especially because I've convinced myself it's happening.

 

How did you manage to let go/get over this?

 

You and I are going to get personal real quick. I'm just talking to you. This stuff is going to hurt like hell. More than likely she's "talking" to other people. She chose to move on from what you guys had. It's imperative that you let whatever happened at the end of yalls relationship go. It's over and it hurts worse than if you broke your leg or dislocated your shoulder. You think about her early as hell in the morning and every song you listen to reminds you of her. A cute chick walks past you, you wanna holla at her, but she wears the same fragrance as her. You check all the social networks to see what she's doing and who she's screwing. Man this time in life sucks, especially if it's your first serious relationship. All you can do is completely lose all contact for good and let time heal you. Nothing will make you stop thinking about her and stop hurting except time. You can even upgrade and find another chick, but you will still think about the one who broke your heart.

 

All I'm saying is never talk to her again and don't do anything silly like ask a dude if he's messing with the girl you love. All that will do is make you hurt waaaaaaaayyyyy more and you'll have friends who've never been in a relationship or been in love tell you that you're acting like a b****. I'm here to tell you that i fully understand whatis going on with you and you will be more than alright. Trust me. God planned for all of this to happen to you and he makes no mistakes. There's a lesson in all of this. You'll figure it out. Just be strong and leave that girl in the past with the rest of em.

[DonDraper32]

Unfortunately, I already know she's been talking to/hanging out with other guys. She's told me as much. She claims she hasn't hooked up with anyone, but I know either she's lying (likely) or it's only a matter of time.

 

You're right. It hurts like hell and is worse than any physical pain I've ever endured. But it's also somewhat reassuring to know that time will heal this, as you've said. It sucks that there's nothing I can do to speed up the process, but I guess that's just that. I'm confident to remain NC with her, but don't know if she'll do the same. I suppose if she texts me I'll just ignore her.

 

Thanks for your advice, it actually is something I can fall back on, as it seems as though I'm in a similar situation as you were. Glad to see you're doing well now and thanks for stopping by.

[stranger88]

The thing I wonder is what everyone is saying to their ex?

 

I wouldn't even know what to say to her. I literally have nothing to say.

[mg22]

Usually the 1 year point is the moment when we let go of the pain. Funny many of the OP's posting their healing were with me a year ago. Its proven if you stick to NC and focus on yourself you will make it !!! Make sure you dont start any relationships (REBOUNDS), just focus on yourself, let go of the past, and the future will fall into place !!

[TopFive]

Usually the 1 year point is the moment when we let go of the pain. Funny many of the OP's posting their healing were with me a year ago. Its proven if you stick to NC and focus on yourself you will make it !!! Make sure you dont start any relationships (REBOUNDS), just focus on yourself, let go of the past, and the future will fall into place !!

 

By the year mark i want that chick to be totally forgotten. i hate having flashbacks of females who forgot about me.

[kevinyates]

TopFive, you speak the truth. I'm going through the same thing right now, I recently found out my ex is screwing who I thought to be a good "buddy" of mine. long story short, we all played this dumb texting game with other people's phones, and I ended up getting my buddy's phone and the first text messages were from my ex, sending the most explicit and sexual things back and forth to each other. hurt like HELL to see this. I almost threw up when I read it. he had always told me to dump this chick when we were dating..... it does get better though

 

hope y'all recover quickly, and like TopFive says, outta sight, outta mind. so true!

[DonDraper32]

Amen. I just slept with my first girl since my ex and it helped take the edge off of the thoughts of her sleeping around. It didn't fix anything, but it at least took the anger out of my feelings.

 

It's been a week since I found out she's back at it and I feel much better than I did seven days ago. I know there are only more downs in my future, but I hope that they're steps towards healing.