My Girlfriend is very unhappy with herself and her life..is it okay to leave?

[someguy03]

I've been dating a girl for about 8 months and in the last month or so things have unraveled for her. I am 23 and she is 21.

 

She moved out on her own and started going back to school, and now she works 2 jobs, goes to school, and is basically broke at all times after her expenses (obviously I help her out). She is very unhappy, lost, feels helpless, etc. I went through this when I was 19 or so, I understand that it is AWFUL.

 

Since this as happened she has grown very distant, lashes out a lot at me, is always depressed/tired and doesn't want to go out, has been messing with heavy drugs, etc. All around just not in a good place right now. It has hit a point where I am not happy at all in the relationship and am getting nothing out of it. I try so hard to comfort her, be there for her, etc. but she is pretty horrible back to me and is very selfish about her feelings because she is unhappy. She is never concerned with how I feel anymore, only about how unhappy she is, and she seems almost annoyed at how happy I am. If I try to talk to her about our relationship she gets angry and says I am causing more problems and making her more upset.

 

She has bailed the last 5 times I have wanted to see her. Talking to her is not enjoyable for me anymore, she has too much built up anger and sadness. I am sitting here waiting for the girl I love to wake up from this depression while other girls walk by. I like to consider myself loyal, so I'm not going to start flirting with the idea of other girls until I am single. After we got in a fight the other night she basically said I am just being needy and that we are at the stage in our relationship where we can just leave each other alone until she feels better, which I would be open to if she wasn't being so selfish and lash out at me so often.

 

Any advice? Is it wrong to leave her? Should I wait for her? I want to be there for her through this...but she is making it hell for me. She flakes out so often that I can't even talk to her in person, I'm at a point now where I would probably have to pull the "we need to talk in person, you know what this is about" and make her do it.

[Ms Darcy]

If you want to leave, be very honest with her as to why you are leaving. You have the right to leave if you wish.

[someguy03]

If you want to leave, be very honest with her as to why you are leaving. You have the right to leave if you wish.

 

Leaving her is absolutely not the thing I want to do, but I am not happy anymore and I don't know what to do at this point.

[Ms Darcy]

So then how are you going to communicate to her what your needs are?

[Janeiac]

You need to talk with her, whether or not you leave. It's going to be a talk about how to make things better, or a talk to break up. It sucks, I'm sorry. I wish you well.

[DN]

has been messing with heavy drugs, etc

and is basically broke at all times after her expenses (obviously I help her out)

By helping her out you are enabling her buying these heavy drugs.

 

Her use of these drugs is reason enough to leave, but her behaviour other than that is unacceptable.

 

i think you should tell her that this relationship isn't working for you and you are going to leave her. You don't need to give detailed reasons - she already knows her behaviour is unacceptable and just doesn't care. if she doesn't know - then she is even less of a person you should be with.

[someguy03]

One of my main worries is leaving her high and dry...and her getting into an already bigger mess than she already is.

[NorthDallas40]

I agree with the other posters. This "relationship" isn't any good for you. If I were in your position, I'd tell her I'm there for her as long as she helps herself, but until she does, I'm out.

 

Right now she's taking your money and making zero effort to make you happy. You deserve better.

 

One of my main worries is leaving her high and dry...and her getting into an already bigger mess than she already is.

 

She's not your child or therapy project. She's an adult and she'll manage. Or she won't. That's her choice.

 

But YOU have the choice to get out of a toxic situation.

 

I know I would.

[abitbroken]

One of my main worries is leaving her high and dry...and her getting into an already bigger mess than she already is.

 

You should not be financing her lifestyle. If she can't afford to live on her own, she can get a roomie or move back in with her folks. It is not your responsibility. If she is already working two jobs - what is she using the money you give her on? Drugs?

I think she is telling you that your relationship is mature enough to not see eachother because she likes your financial or physical help but doesn't want you to have a say in her drug use.

 

The first thing you need to do is cut her off. No more financial help. She might not stick with you after that so be prepared.

 

She made her own mess, btw, by taking drugs. and if she couldn't financially live on her own - thats not your fault.

[maxxpayne]

Someguy, I guess you should just move on. I know how much it appeals to be the knight in shining armor but it's gonna simply get you killed. So talk to her about it, and clearly mention whats wrong, and tell her you're leaving. There's a lot more to life than sitting around cribbing. She should understand that. And in my opinion, you deserve better. Get outta there while you still can!