i give up

[raccoon]

So. Here I am.

 

It's been three and a half months since we broke up. It's been a month and a half since we've had any communication. There is no reason for me to reach out to him. There is no reason for him to reach out to me.

 

We have no mutual friends. We do not go to the same school. We don't work together. Our paths initially crossed by chance, and that will never happen again. This city is just too big.

 

I maintained "No Contact" truthfully because people promised me that if I just disappeared, eventually he would miss me enough to call. That was my incentive. I told myself that even if I didn't want him back by then, at least I would feel vindicated somehow. But that's never going to happen. All I am left with is the crushing realization that the person I cared about more than anyone I had ever loved in my life, doesn't like me at all.

 

When we broke up, I was naieve enough to think that our story was so special, so unique. But of course it's not. I fell in love, he didn't. End of story.

 

I'm really fine. It doesn't hurt anymore. I have a scar. It's a wound that's almost healed, but it will leave a scar. I know that I won't just "get over it" or "find closure." I don't believe in that anymore. The pain - though that's not really the right word anymore - will be manageable, but it will always be with me. It's just something I have to learn to live with.

 

I don't think we ever fully get over our heartbreaks. I think we just learn to deal with them. Our scars make us who we are. And I like who I am. Scars and all.

 

So my new goal is to stop thinking I gotta get over it. This is as good as I'm going to get.

 

I will never see him again. This is my reality. This is my scar.

[DragonSlayerX]

DUDE learn that you must never give up always have a little hope in your heart and you will one day find what your looking for

[DragonGirl724]

i am in the exact boat u are in...its a sigh of relief in a way that the burden of worrying & thinkin hoping & praying is all OVER WITH isnt it! good riddens. youre in the same big city im in, theres tons of benefits to that, look at all the other people out there that you can meet. i learned to love my life again & im the happiest ive ever been! i think youre on the verge of finding that same inner peace that i recently found & i feel like a million bucks. IM me anytime u wanna talk. now i look at it, hes off my list, out of my fone, out of sight, out of mind & i love it! if he ever decided to come back, id def tell him off.

 

i agree scars may always be around from the healing wounds, but its just a matter of time that those scars my become indifferent to you & wont bother you again. some people leave beautiful footprints in our hearts, meanwhile others leave stab wounds...but hey we just have to grow thicker skin so we dont get hurt like that again now dont we....youll be back to yourself again real soon, except stronger than you have ever been! i have faith in you. drop a messege anytime.

 

-DG724

[titan]

Dude to be honest i am not a very big fan of NC, i don't know your story but if your not there how can he know you are avaliable. Don't be over the top but friendly from a distance just to let the other know of your presents.

 

I said i don't know what the story is was a a good breakup meaning no one cheated etc??

[ddp0109]

the reason for NC is not to get him to call..but to heal your heart...you have to stop looking at what you want to happen..and look at whats going to happen..or what already has..NC is the time for you to release all sorrows and pain of the past and rebuild...use NC to help yourself to get your life back on track for YOU..not him...time heals all wounds..trust me..you sound like a great girl..im sure NYC has someone there waiting for you...just give it time...

[DragonGirl724]

sounds like a great GUY. hehehe..racoon is def a dude.

 

i think youre doin fine racc, continue keep on keepin on. we'll chat again.

 

-DG724

[Strandysmommy]

At first I was a fan of NC because it made me feel like "ha! yea, he's going to miss me, I want him to hurt sooo bad!" But honestly, I think NC kinda puts them on the spot as to how they want to conduct what is left of your relationship. They can say "I still want to be friends, I really mean that!" But when you don't reach out, and it's on them to do it, you find out how serious they are about being friends. Actually it kinda puts into perspective what you really did mean to them. I don't know, I am rambling now.

[lost_puppy]

Yeah, I think it's dangerous to start NC thinking that it'll get your ex to miss you or call you or hurt or whatever ... NC is for YOU and You alone. That being said, I'm sorry you still have a scar (sounds like a pretty big one ), but I really do believe it will fade and eventually dissappear. It might take a very long time (I just broke NC with my ex-ex from over 4 years ago but it feels fine now ... hope it doesn't take that long with my latest ex). But it will happen. Just keep living your life, you know it'll be without him, but right now, all you need is YOU! So rock on with your bad self!

 

 

[raccoon]

You are exactly right. NC does put into perspective how the dumpers really feel about us. He hasn't reached out to me and I cannot imagine a situation where he would. I know NC is strictly for me to deal with my emotions and heal. I was just hoping eventually he would miss me. I don't think he does.

 

Because someone asked... The breakup was fine. No one cheated. There was no fight. I told him he has to do what he feels is right for him. Yadda yadda. I was a good guy. I let him have an easy breakup.

 

The first month there was some communication, but looking back, I was always the one reaching out. He would return phone calls, but he would never initiate contact. It was polite I guess. But when I stopped calling, he just stopped calling back. I guess the only thing that can mean is he didn't want to be friends. That's it. Hard to not feel a little empty when thinking about that. I feel like such a fool for caring about someone who doesn't want me around at all. This isn't my style.

[jhrivera1]

I feel for you man. I just broke up with my girlfriend a couple of days ago, and man it's tough. She wanted to be free, so I let her go. Now I'm feeling like NC will hopefully help her realize how much she loves and needs me. I think I too am being dillusional. I also need to realize that NC is not to be used too make someone realize that they need you back in their life. NC is used to repair and heal yourself. For me, it's tough to accept that it's over, which is why I thought the NC time would help her be with me. I'm sure you were the same way. I need to follow your lead and just accept the way things are. I too am gonna have a scar...a huge seven year deep scar. But the scar should make me stronger.

[idontgetit]

nc is definitely not the route to make them come back... i think it leaves too many alternative interpretations from the dumpers side anyhow (i've had a lot of time, sorry).

 

1. why is he/she not calling? maybe mad at me, maybe moved on, maybe dating someone

in which case: well, i'm not going to call if they're mad, just to get yelled

at or cried to. i can't handle that again.

i don't want to hurt the person more

i'm really jealous, and realized i was wrong...i should call

too much time has passed, it's just awkward now

well, they are dating someone else, it's too late for me now

 

 

2. i'm too guilty to call if he/she doesn't

 

3. thank god he/she stopped calling me because

i've moved on

i can't handle thinking about what i've done and just want to act like it

never happened

i never really cared, why didn't they get that

they must have accepted it

 

 

feel free to add, i'm sure there are options i haven't thought of.

 

and we all have scars. some are just more visible, and stay pink a little longer

[raccoon]

I think in my case, it's option 3.

[idontgetit]

i'm undecided, but having the options in black and white certainly doesn't make it any easier to deal with!

[trishcollins]

3. thank god he/she stopped calling me because

i've moved on

i can't handle thinking about what i've done and just want to act like it

never happened

i never really cared, why didn't they get that

they must have accepted it

 

For me, it's option "3" with a twist. Take out the "I've moved on" and the "they must have accepted it" parts completely and replace the "I never really cared part" and with "I still love you and miss you but there are too many obstacles to overcome that make our relationship impossible right now amd it just comes down to bad timing".

 

3A. thank god he/she stopped calling me because

i can't handle thinking about what i've done and just want to act like it

never happened

I still love you and miss you but there are too many obstacles to

overcome that make our relationship impossible right now amd it just

comes down to bad timing

 

Although deep down, I know that there are never too many obstacles to keep people who truly love each other apart, even if the timing is bad, if you truly love someone, you figure out a way to be together.