Hypersensitive and cry more with my boyfriends than anyone else

[BlueKitten]

(I am currently single partially because of this/my emotional crying all the time)

 

I've realized that every time I am in a relationship with a guy I get hypersensitive and end up crying way more with him than I would with anyone else. I also cry a lot to my mom but no one else. One of the last things my most recent ex complained to me about was that I cry all the time. At first I was really offended that he would say that but then I took a lot of time to think about it and I realized he was right....I did cry significantly more to him than anyone else. Why is it that I would cry so much to a significant other and how can I control it? I realize my crying took a huge toll on our relationship and I want to correct that for the future. I don't want to burden people with soooooo many of my tears. I need to find a way to harness it but I dont know how. Does anyone have this same problem or know any tips?

[Not a rookie]

You need to get your hormones checked. Sometimes hormone imbalance makes women do funny things.

[BlueKitten]

I did. I even had the blood work done and everything with two different doctors and they said my hormone balance looked to be normal. The first time I had the blood work was a few years ago and the most recent was in Spring 2012.

[Not a rookie]

What about your iron levels?

[BlueKitten]

Hmm I havent checked that out. what would Iron have to do with it?

[Not a rookie]

If you suffer from iron deficiency you feel irritated by simple things and that often causes you to cry.

[BlueKitten]

OK, I will look into that. I have never heard of that before but if that could be part of the cause then I definitely want to look into it. Thank you!

[Not a rookie]

link removed

[BlueKitten]

hmm I guess I will probably need to look into getting more iron and b12 in my diet. Thanks for the link!

[Moontiger]

I think this is more likely a psychological issue since it only happens with certain people. I would contact a therapist to explore this.

[Not a rookie]

After I got married, I started crying a lot even over the most simple things. My ex-husband was die hard vegetable fan so we rarely ate meat at home. Before I was married I used to consume a lot of meat on a daily basis. My GP recommended that I have my iron levels checked. So I did and the results showed that I had iron deficiency. I took iron supplements and B12 for over two months and everything went back to normal.

EDIT: I also changed my diet, started eating a lot of celery, spinach and meat.

[RedDress]

I think you've gotten a lot of good advice. One other thing I wanted to point out/suggest...

 

I think it's ok if you are a crier to a certain extent. It may be a hormone/iron thing, it may be psychological or it may just be a part of your personality. That's not so bad - but where it gets draining on a relationship is when you are always crying TO someone and they have to constantly dry your tears, reassure you, make you feel better, etc. It has a big impact on them. It brings them down and they feel your pain. Having to shoulder your pain AND their own pain is a little much, yanno? Maybe a part of this is just a little bit of independence too. Maybe it's just about recognizing sometimes that - whatever you are experiencing is not a big deal (if it's not) - but you just need a good cry. Then, excuse yourself, go do your own thing and sit and have a cry.

 

I'm not saying that you should do that all the time or when something is really bad. It's ok to lean on others sometimes. But maybe it's just about choosing which times you need support and which times you just need to let it out (on your own a little).

 

Know what I mean?

[In the Dark]

I think this is more likely a psychological issue since it only happens with certain people. I would contact a therapist to explore this.

 

I agree with this.

 

As well all know people behave differently around certain people.

I had an ex who would exude confidence aruond a friend and in clubs, but when around me, she was very conservative and shy.

[Lambert]

I just wanted to chime in and agree with RedDress. I have a very dear friend, we have been friends 15+ years and she is like you, very sensitive and lately it's put strain on our friendship. She is so sensitive and it is really starting to come accross as self centered. It's like anything that happens makes her so sad, so worried, so "my heart is aching", so everything is focused on her. After 15 years, I can't take it anymore and I am one of her best friends. It's like she doesn't even realize that all people have problems and just because they are verbalizing their concerns doesn't mean they don't have them. Over like the last 5 years, she has ended more and more friendships. I think that people just get so burned out on her, they snap. And I am getting to that point. She sometimes sends me this emails at work about how she is just down... but she has no reason. I am not saying she doesn't have troubles but in the grand scheme she is doing pretty well financially, happily married, good health, job she says she enjoys. It's like she needs attention.

 

I am not telling you this to make you feel bad. I am telling you because you need to do something to resolve this situation. Whether it is getting yourself checked or just bucking up and realizing that not everything requires tears. If you really are feeling down, start practicing taking care of your own problems. Focus on positive things. You don't want to push people away simply because you can't deal with your life.

 

Good luck to you.

[BlueKitten]

Thank you Red Dress and Lambert! I am definitely learning to cope with this and understand to walk away when something makes me upset. (I had to do this today with my roommates and I am proud of myself for distancing myself from the situation before i let it get to me too much)

 

Despite the bad ending to the relationship I was really grateful that he did say that I cried too much because it knocked some sense into me and made me realize that he was right! Like you were saying, Red Dress, having to deal with one's own problems and someone elses can put a lot of stress on someone. He was depressed during the time and I see that I only added to it with my emotions. I used to be a very independent person but when I got into the relationship I really allowed myself to become more dependent on him and now I understand that I need to find a balance and set aside alone time for me to sort through my emotions.

 

I definitely know for the future that I dont ALWAYS need to have someone to cry to. This time after the relationship (even though I miss him and still want to be with him so badly) has allowed me to grow and practice harnessing my emotions. I am definitely more aware of my crying and now when I get sensitive I try to remove myself from the room because I know that it is usually something small that I can handle on my own. I think I became too comfortable having someone to tell all my worries too that I became selfish and clouded with the idea that I should tell ALL my problems to that person. We are all only human! Ugh, I wish I had realized these things early but I am glad that I am at least learning them. =/