Jump to content

GF talking alot to guy(s), lying about it.

audax

By audax
in Infidelity

Recommended Posts

audax Newbie

audax

Posted
Posted

Hello,

 

My gf and I have been together for nearly 5 years now. We had had arguements , really bitter ones regarding me not giving her space(I didn like her talking to so many guys and she said it was her life) and so I backed off because I wanted her to be happy and be happy with me.

 

We have been in a long distance relationship for last 2 years. Now she has moved to new york for her graduate studies. I recently came to know that she spends hours talking to guys well into the night.

 

If it was a one off call I wouldn bother. What is bothering me is that,

1. She ends any call with me well before 11 PM citing reasons of work

2. She is on call with one particular guy, till 2-3 AM.

3. She calls him whenever we fight

 

Initially she told me its conference calls with her friends for her grad work. And that its cheap of me to doubt her, so again I stopped questioning her.

But later on I found out, when I was actually using her phone was just surfing that is was this guy.. When i confronted her, she cried and told me she only speaks to him because she can talk to me about anything under the sun, but with me its a bit difficult to do so.

This happens 1-2 times a week. She and this guy were work colleagues during their undergrad days.

 

Am I being paranoid? I did tell her im not comfortable and she should stop it. She tells me its not possible since they have been in touch for 4-5 years themselves( btw, I didn know this either) and it would be awkward.

 

She tells me they just discuss about college days together and gossip, jokes ,etc. But I find it so weird to talk about this for 2-3 hours in the night, esp when she has her coursework!!

 

What do I do? She avoids the topic altogether if I confront her. She either stops texting or switches her phone off or threatens me with a break up.

I feel Im losing alot of self-respect begging her to not break up and asking her to stop talking so long to other guys, when I too am just a call away. I feel she is cheating on me emotionally.

 

Any advice would be much appreciated. I really dont want to lose her, I have emotionally invested alot into this relationship and I want to trust her. I want a serious committment. Please advice.

Thank you, for reading this!

Link to comment
  • Replies 95
  • Created
  • Last Reply
audax Newbie

audax

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Well she chooses to cut her conversations with you short so she can talk to another man for 2-3 hours? That sucks....

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

Ya..I know that..Thing is she insists that they do NOT discuss anything personal. I am finding it hard to trust her on this. I am so sure of her, am planning on proposing this summer.

Link to comment
audax Newbie

audax

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Huh? What? Sorry, my brain just locked up.

 

The trust issues are arising recently. I want to sort this out in a matured manned, but getting her to talk about this is a Herculean task. She just avoids confrontation wrt to this issue.

She wasn like this before, and that why I am trying to sort this out. Having trust issues after 4 years sucks!

 

Is is OK to let one's girl talk to a guy for this long?? I understand people are different, and what bothers me need not actually bother her. I just want to know if my reaction is normal. I would hate messing things up to a great degree for no reason.

Link to comment
audax Newbie

audax

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You're not messing anything up. She is.

 

Have you been paying attention to what everyone's been telling you?

Thanks everyone for your replies.

 

I am looking into each ones suggestion. What is difficult to fathom is that we are having these issue after 4 and half long years. Did not expect this.

Link to comment
sickandangry Newbie

sickandangry

Posted
Posted
Thanks everyone for your replies.

 

I am looking into each ones suggestion. What is difficult to fathom is that we are having these issue after 4 and half long years. Did not expect this.

 

why dont you just leave her? if she is threatening to break up with you and avoiding confrontation she knows she has the upper hand. She knows you are anxious about her leaving

Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Apprentice

oldenoughtoknow

Posted
Posted
My gf and I have been together for nearly 5 years now.

 

We have been in a long distance relationship for last 2 years.

 

I recently came to know that she spends hours talking to guys well into the night.

 

She ends any call with me well before 11 PM citing reasons of work

 

I did tell her im not comfortable and she should stop it. She tells me its not possible since they have been in touch for 4-5 years themselves( btw, I didn know this either) and it would be awkward.

 

I feel Im losing alot of self-respect begging her to not break up and asking her to stop talking so long to other guys, when I too am just a call away. I feel she is cheating on me emotionally.

 

Read and reread your key points above.

 

You're now in an LDR. Where does this guy live?

 

She talks to him for hours and says stopping is "not possible."

 

This has been going on pretty much since you met, and you're just finding out about it.

 

And you're begging HER to not break up with YOU?!?

 

Is any of this starting to sink in?

 

Do you really want to marry her and put up with this for the rest of your life?

 

Now is not a good time to be an ostrich. You need to be a lion.

 

You need to leave her to this other guy that she's demonstrated is more important to her than you.

Link to comment
audax Newbie

audax

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Read and reread your key points above.

 

You're now in an LDR. Where does this guy live?

 

She talks to him for hours and says stopping is "not possible."

 

This has been going on pretty much since you met, and you're just finding out about it.

 

And you're begging HER to not break up with YOU?!?

 

Is any of this starting to sink in?

 

Do you really want to marry her and put up with this for the rest of your life?

 

Now is not a good time to be an ostrich. You need to be a lion.

 

You need to leave her to this other guy that she's demonstrated is more important to her than you.

 

Thanks for the reply.

The guy she talks to lives in CA, shes in NY.

 

I am certainly in denial that things are pretty much over between us. Reason being I am insanely attached to this one woman, and I still feel it is worth it.

So this is what Im going to do. Meet her, vent out whatever is bottled up. If shes , then and there decides its over, then I will have to accept it. Last stance for old times' sake.

And I want her to stop talking with this guy then n there.. Dont care how "awkward" it might be.

Link to comment
audax Newbie

audax

Posted
  • Author
Posted
She won't stop talking to the guy I'm sure of that. You can either accept it and there's a possibility of her leaving you for him later, or you can not accept it in which case she won't back down either and it will end in a breakup. Crappy situation to be in

 

Well after seeing all ur replies, I feel much better.

I will tell her to put an end to talking to this guy. If not lets end it. I will be devastated for sure, but I cannot lose my self-esteem to this extent either.

Link to comment
annie24 Grand Master

annie24

Posted
Posted

honestly.................. it sounds like she is having an emotional affair with this other guy. it sounds like he might be her next boyfriend. meeting up every 5-6 months may not be enough for most people, so i think it looks like she is getting quite attached to this other guy - i mean, talking until the early morning and all....

 

it's one thing to have opposite sex friends, but what she is doing sounds very fishy. i don't think you should tolerate it at all. and i would strongly consider breaking it off.

Link to comment
audax Newbie

audax

Posted
  • Author
Posted
honestly.................. it sounds like she is having an emotional affair with this other guy. it sounds like he might be her next boyfriend. meeting up every 5-6 months may not be enough for most people, so i think it looks like she is getting quite attached to this other guy - i mean, talking until the early morning and all....

 

it's one thing to have opposite sex friends, but what she is doing sounds very fishy. i don't think you should tolerate it at all. and i would strongly consider breaking it off.

 

Do you think I should just call the guy and ask him to back off..? I dont want to come off as being too insecure.

Link to comment
audax Newbie

audax

Posted
  • Author
Posted
no - it's up to her to tell the guy to back off. that is, if she wants to back off....

 

I'll meet her and bring this topic out, cant avoid it then.. And get closure on this or the relationship.

Thanks to everyone for their replies. This is my first thread. Thanks once again.

Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Rookie

rosasnyder811

Posted
Posted

What? This is controlling and immature! I can see why she is doing this now! I'm not saying this to bash you or anything,I'm just giving it to you straight-- but you completely ignored my earlier post. If you love this girl, you need to take a look at yourself, seriously. You can't order someone not to talk to someone else or be friends with them because you're being insecure about it. That's going to push her further away!

She is going to this other person because you are not giving her something she needs. What is it? More than likely it is something she has asked you for, as well.

Us guys have this problem of not always hearing women when they tell us they need something. Then we are completely shocked when they leave us.

Look at yourself and your relationship with her. She gave it to you straight man-- she said--- she talks to him about things she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you about!

Why doesn't she feel comfortable talking to you about those things?

What can you do to make yourself more trustworthy to talk to about these things?

She gave you the reason why she's talking to him. She gave you an opportunity to fix it within yourself---and instead you're going to threaten her?

That is hardly going to work out in your favor, I can tell you that right now.

Think very carefully.

If you do the right thing, and she still walks out on you, then ---she really wasn't worth it, anyway---and you'll be better off.

Well after seeing all ur replies, I feel much better.

I will tell her to put an end to talking to this guy. If not lets end it. I will be devastated for sure, but I cannot lose my self-esteem to this extent either.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...