PrettyGood Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Me and my date don't know each other that long so we decided to spend New Year separately (with our friends) in different towns. He drove me to the bus station, we drank a cup of coffee together, laughing, embracing and kissing each other, expressing how sad is that we don't know each other so long to celebrate it together. Then he said "I'll call you later." When I came to another city and met my friends, we all went shopping for party (fireworks, etc.). He called me that time and I told him that I already arrived, I'm safe and I'm with my friends. He told me "Ok then, I'll call you later again." However, when we went to the party place, I noticed that there is no network connection on my phone and I wrote him sms that I will call him tomorrow, wishing him a happy New Year celebration. During the night, my phone battery died, so when I returned to my home city today afternoon and charged my mobile phone - I called him immediately. However, there were no sms messages left for me, no missed calls. I was calling him twice and he didn't pick up his phone. I thought that maybe he is still sleeping after drinking with his buddies, but now it's a late next evening and still no message. I've sent him message about my call and congratulated him with New Year again, however, no reply. Do you think men can sleep so long after binge drinking with their buddies? Or he just doesn't want me to contact him any longer? I have no idea what to do and I'm going crazy. However, I'm not gonna call him any longer, because I don't want to stalk him like crazy psycho. It makes me so sad Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Whoa. It's only Jan 1 and you've called twice and texted once? I think you should back off and play it cool. You barely know each other. Link to comment
RedDress Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 I agree with Annie. With most phones, if your battery died, you would not see any missed calls. You would get a missed SMS, however. But - since you sent him a text to say that you would be out of touch, it would not make sense for you to have any missed calls or texts anyways. That brings us to today. Yes, it's possible for someone who was out late partying to wake up much later than usual (noon, even?). Then, when he woke up, maybe he went for a meal with friends or - yanno - anything, really. You've left your messages. Let him respond. And I wouldn't start worrying until at least tomorrow. Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 Whoa. It's only Jan 1 and you've called twice and texted once? I think you should back off and play it cool. You barely know each other. Noo.... We know each other for already a month, but I called him twice today and messaged just because we agreed to contact each other yesterday and my phone was off and now he doesn't answer. Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 I wouldn't worry about it unless it's been like five days and he hasn't returned anything. How often do you usually contact each other? IIRC, from your last post, it seemed like this guy and you were only casually seeing each other? Link to comment
Furbys Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Don't keep calling/messaging him otherwise you will make yourself look clingy. You have tried getting in contact with him so the ball is in his court. Give him some time to recover from the night before. Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 How often do you usually contact each other? IIRC, from your last post, it seemed like this guy and you were only casually seeing each other? Well we were just going to the dates between which were 2-3 days gaps sometimes. And we are dating for almost a month. Just before the New Year celebration we had our first night together (I think it was our 8-9th date). I didn't regret anything because he made everything so romantic and stood overnight which I wasn't expecting. Another days he kept calling me and finally yesterday he asked himself if he do me a favour and drive me to the bus station. It was a very nice gesture from him He didn't run away after our night, so I hoped everything will be ok after New Year. Don't keep calling/messaging him otherwise you will make yourself look clingy. You have tried getting in contact with him so the ball is in his court. Give him some time to recover from the night before. I will take your advice for granted. I really don't want to look clingy just because I don't like clingy people myself, but this situation makes me nervous a little bit because I like him so much Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Yeah, don't worry too much about it now if you've been out of contact for up to 3 days before. Is he a big drinker? He could be really hung over. Link to comment
Lambert Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I agree with the others... it really hasn't been that long. He could be still hanging out with his friends.... up late partying, crashed somewhere and maybe going for breakfast or celebrating New years Day with his family. My mom always makes a big pork roast and saurkraut dinner for new years, as many do. So just cause you are done with your celebration and ready to touch base, doesn't mean he is. I think you are reading too much into it. Sounds like things were going really well and you have no reason to freak out. But look at it this way-- if after all that, he just blows you off like and NEVER calls you again, then F him anyway. That is not cool. Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 Well guys, it seems that he was with his girlfriend. I just found out we have mutual friends and I saw his and her New Years Eve photos on FB. There were tons fo them. It wasn't a night club with his buddies. It was a theme carnival for couples in private house. Wow... today I've got his message that his phone battery was also dead. What a lie It was a normal signal, he just didn't pick up so I replied quoting his New Years photo content "I hope you had a really great time there with ***** (his gf's name)". He didn't even tried to apologize, disappeared after this message immediately after finding out that he slept with me and I know about his current girlfriend What a moron! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 You're positive it's his girlfriend and not just some other woman he is casually dating? Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 I'm sure because she is in all of the other celebrations in most of the fb albums with him. I'm sure you don't take out your date to every single event every year by year to meet your best friends when you are dating other women (e.g. me) at the same time. I was asking him once if he's dating many women at a time or just me. His answer was "Just you, just because I just don't want to and I don't have time to do that with other women. What's the point to do that?" Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Are you sure that is his gf? Like Batya said, it's possible that is a good friend or cousin. Were they kissing in any of the photos? Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 Are you sure that is his gf? Like Batya said, it's possible that is a good friend or cousin. Were they kissing in any of the photos? It was couples' New Years Eve party at a private house somewhere. They go everywhere together for a quite long time (I decide by looking at the photo albums' dates). He could take me, but he was lying about the people he was going to be with, and about the place itself. And he never picked a phone when I rang previous times before. His phone is always on "Mute" and he had time to meet me only at late night (even though we haven't had any sexual intercourse till the last evening before New Years), so I thought I'm not some "booty call" and he never took me out to public places in a day time. He found time for his friends, colleagues, business partners, but not for me. He always said "Well, we will meet and then I will go to my friends to some restaurant to eat". So why not with me? Maybe I also was hungry. Or I said "Ok, let's go for a cup of coffee" and he always replied "Oh, no, I just had one". Or if I asked to go to public place, he always complained "There is very crowded place, let's go somewhere where are no people surrounded." (like his office after working hours where we drank wine, watched tv, or newly build empty private house without any furniture, or a parking lot, or mcdonalds drive, or an empty hotel). Can't it be more obvious? I'm just so sorry that I started seeing all of that today Link to comment
junebug123 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 i deleted this when i continued reading the other posts Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Yeah, all evidence points toward that other woman being his gf. What a jerk! If I was you I would tell her that he was seeing you on the side and even slept with you. If I was his gf I would want to know. ALTHOUGH, there is a chance they could have been broke up for a short period of time while he was seeing you.. still pretty stinky though, if they got back together and he didn't even bother to tell you things had changed. I'm thinking they were never broken up though if he was limiting your dates to private places even though there was usually no sex. Wow.. what a stinker! Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 Yep, I feel bad too. Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 How did you meet him again? Was it online dating? Just wondering, because it seems like these stunts often get pulled by men from online dating sites. Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Oh yeah, that also explains the other thread in which it sounded like he didn't want to be in a relationship, just to date really casually.. he couldn't get into a relationship because he was ALREADY IN ONE. The one where he was like "maybe you'll find your husband soon" or whatever. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I think the "we don't know eachother long enough" was a ruse on his part. I could see you don't know eachother long enough to spend Christmas with eachother's families, but New Years eve is more of a date night. Unless there were plane tickets already purchased, etc, then that is understandable. What I really want you to look at is the guys you have been falling for. There was one guy who was sleeping with someone else that he was doing a business deal with, a guy last year who didn't buy you a present even though you flew all the way to see him (like even a card or a small token or making you something). There is a pattern here that you might want to examine and maybe take a break from dating and figure out why you are letting this all in. Maybe it is confidence issue that you don't think you are worthy on some level of a mutual and exclusive relationship. maybe you dive in too fast before you really know them. i don't know. But its not an isolated occurrence Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 How did you meet him again? Was it online dating? Just wondering, because it seems like these stunts often get pulled by men from online dating sites. Yes, it was online dating site. Actually a normal one, not some pervert dating site, but still. Oh yeah, that also explains the other thread in which it sounded like he didn't want to be in a relationship, just to date really casually.. he couldn't get into a relationship because he was ALREADY IN ONE. The one where he was like "maybe you'll find your husband soon" or whatever. Yes, you are so right. Maybe it is confidence issue that you don't think you are worthy on some level of a mutual and exclusive relationship. maybe you dive in too fast before you really know them. i don't know. But its not an isolated occurrence Yes, you are absolutely right. It repeats from time to time. I've just noticed that I am always more attracted to "bad boys" than "good ones" who are giving away their hearts and are always dumped by me. I had a pretty long time away from dating, so I just felt ready for it. I thought, well dating is not relationship and I can have a good time, maybe it will lead somewhere. I have no idea how I let him to make me so blind. It was so obvious how I see this situation now... I WAS... I just always gave him a lot of excuses and explanations. I shouldn't have done it at all - 1st red flag and good bye. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 It sounds like at least part of you didn't want to see it and that's something to work on for next time - keeping your feet on the ground even though your head is in the clouds. Was there a reason you hadn't looked at those photo albums before? Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted January 3, 2013 Author Share Posted January 3, 2013 Was there a reason you hadn't looked at those photo albums before? I just don't have and don't know the contact person in my friend list and I haven't known her before to look at those albums. My sister told me 1 week ago, that in her contacts, there were some photos shared and one person is very very similar to the one I am dating. Then she asked me to look at the photos. Unfortunately, the first time she asked to do that, the photos were already removed so I didn't see him there to compare and recognize. It had to be Christmas party photos and now I saw New Years photos and them together. He doesn't have FB and he wasn't even tagged there, his gf and other people were. He has some scars and marks on his face, so even blind person can identify that it's really him, and moreover, I saw many many of those photos from far and from close shots. It just broke my heart. I told him I know about the party and all he got to reply 5 hours later was "Oh, so the information is spread very fast these days. How was your New Year Eve?" So he almost confessed it was him. And then I just dumped him by writing him a long message with nasty words what I think about him, his behavior and asked never ever contact me again. He went NC immediately. Either did I. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I think your thinking is wrong on the good guy/bad guy distinction. It's not good at all in my humble opinion to give away one's heart before making sure the other person is worthy of it -people who do that often are insecure, need too much approval, are passive/doormats - and there's nothing good or healthy about that. By contrast, a good guy is confident (but not arrogant), loves himself, and is discerning about who he gives love to and asserts himself when necessary. You don't have to pursue a bad guy like the one who you just ended contact with because you think your only other alternative is a passive "tell me how high to jump honey" guy. The trick is to be the person who doesn't need to be treated badly to feel excited. Who is turned on by someone who is kind, compassionate, yet loves himself and doesn't let you walk all over him. The sooner you figure that out to the point where it resonates with you the better because here's the other thing about good guys - they probably don't want someone who is cynical or jaded about men because she chose the "bad ones" too many times. It's in your control. I wouldn't be happily married to a good guy if I'd continued to go for the unavailable "bad ones". What do you want? Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I told him I know about the party and all he got to reply 5 hours later was "Oh, so the information is spread very fast these days. How was your New Year Eve?" So he almost confessed it was him. And then I just dumped him by writing him a long message with nasty words what I think about him, his behavior and asked never ever contact me again. He went NC immediately. Either did I. Wow, it's like he didn't even give a hoot that you caught him. I really would tell the gf if I was you, but I can be sort of vindictive like that, admittedly. Link to comment
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