Random Update

[eastonweston]

Well that didn't take long.

 

Just now received a random text from the ex (who, by the way, is now labeled in my phone as 'Normal Girl'), saying "Oh by the way. You probably want to buy apple care ASAP?" Yep, I did say it was random.

 

She purchased an apple product for me last Christmas, and I assume she's referring to some type of 1-year window of opportunity to spend more money with Apple to ensure that when their glorious, shiny products break, you can get it fixed.

 

So as I see it, I have two options:

 

1. Ignore. Start NC right now.

2. Reply with something witty, because I am known to be the wit-master.

 

Thoughts?

[sharky988]

For the love of god..... ignore.

 

If you reply something "witty" you are throwing yourself at her, once again, begging for approval and trying to force a connection.

 

Just ignore.

[zep]

just ignore. What would some potential witty responses be to this?

[eastonweston]

Sharky, please, don't beat me

 

The reason my mind is having such a tremendously difficult time wrapping its head around the concept of NC at this point is because: the original 'me' -- the one whom she was head-over-heels crazy in love with 5 years ago -- was very funny, witty, confident, et cetera. Near the end of the relationship, I became boring, predictable, and at times 'too serious'.

 

I have my ex reaching out to me rather frequently, and so it just FEELS like a good opportunity to show her the original reason why she fell in love with me; the rapport and witty connection with which we started. I'm never reaching out to her, it's always her to me. And so...eh, what's the use. You all are right.

 

That's why this forum exists, to keep boneheads like me from screwing things up even further.

 

e.

[Cope and Hope]

Ignore. Go NC as should have been done months ago.

[sharky988]

Confident. Witty. Positive. These are attractive qualities that you had that made her fall for you. This kind of guy wouldn't be sticking around trying to prove his worth to a girl who was obviously detaching from him. He'd have too much confidence and self-respect.

 

She'll respect you more for having healthy boundaries and just telling her, "no contact for now. I wish you the best, but I need to move on."

[amipushy]

She probably received an apple notification that it was due so thought she should let you know. I would just say thanks for letting me know and then go back to NC

(p.s. its worth getting that apple care btw, they will give you a brand new one if they can't fix it)

[eastonweston]

So then there's no response in this universe right now that would have the ability to show all three: confidence, wit, and positivity? If those are the traits that attracted her to me, then at what point to do I reinstate those qualities to her? Ignoring her will not allow her to see those.

 

In my mind, ignoring someone shows a lack of confidence; it feels like you're scared, running away, or hiding.

[eastonweston]

She probably received an apple notification that it was due so thought she should let you know. I would just say thanks for letting me know and then go back to NC

(p.s. its worth getting that apple care btw, they will give you a brand new one if they can't fix it)

 

Yeah, maybe you're right. Just a straight-forward, simple response?

 

Ok, I'll look into the apple care thing then

[sharky988]

Omg...... I can't believe you're going to reply to that text! Hahhahahaha..... oh well. I give up : )

[zep]

So then there's no response in this universe right now that would have the ability to show all three: confidence, wit, and positivity? If those are the traits that attracted her to me, then at what point to do I reinstate those qualities to her? Ignoring her will not allow her to see those.

 

In my mind, ignoring someone shows a lack of confidence; it feels like you're scared, running away, or hiding.

 

I think it shows you're too busy living your awesome life to respond to a text (which requires no repsonse) from an ex. Trust. I've been the dumper enough to know.

[zep]

Or you can post a few potential responses here and we can tell you if they are witty or lame

[eastonweston]

I think it shows you're too busy living your awesome life to respond to a text (which requires no repsonse) from an ex. Trust. I've been the dumper enough to know.

 

Thanks, Zep. And so you're with Sharky in that as a female dumper, mystery and silence from the male dumpee can go a long way to MAYBE rebuilding some type of attraction that once existed?

[eastonweston]

Or you can post a few potential responses here and we can tell you if they are witty or lame

 

Oh I know the responses will be witty. I'm not worried about that. I know my reply will make her laugh. After 5 years of seeing her every single day, I know what makes her laugh. So it's a question of if that's a better strategy or is silence a better strategy.

[JohnGalt]

In all honesty, I wish they had relationships insurance. When your relationship falls apart, your ex is replaced with someone of equal or better quality in all ways immediately. Oh well. One can hope.

 

Don't respond man. There's no magic bullet to getting her back or showing her positive qualities. If you do respond, forget the wit part and just be confident and direct. "Thanks for the heads up. Take care." Leave it at that and go about your day.

[Loveandlost]

Any reply is just going to say "thank you for the breadcrumb i miss you come back to me"

if you really think any witty response is going to change that hidden meaning you are fooling yourself, because thats how she will read it.

 

So go ahead, give a witty response, feed her ego and let her know that she can still get a response out of you.

[Cope and Hope]

So then there's no response in this universe right now that would have the ability to show all three: confidence, wit, and positivity? If those are the traits that attracted her to me, then at what point to do I reinstate those qualities to her? Ignoring her will not allow her to see those.

 

In my mind, ignoring someone shows a lack of confidence; it feels like you're scared, running away, or hiding.

 

In your mind, ignoring someone shows a lack of confidence because you have been and constantly still are thinking of ways to justify the actions YOU want to make. You're kind of ignoring the fact that you've been doing this constantly and it's been leading to the same thing over and over again plus the problem of attraction will not be fixed by this.

 

For people going through a break up, it's the one/ones who CAN'T stop contacting who are weak, are lacking self-confidence, self-respect, and so forth because they are being dependent on the other person for some kind of validation or for making them happy. Like Sharky has mentioned, it tells everyone that you haven't/can't set boundries that will draw a line between what you're willing to put up with because she IS detaching from you as we have discussed before which seems to be okay with you at the moment. If reconciliation is eventually what you want, staying there for her to completely detach from you and become completely platonic is not what you want. The reason why so many people can't or don't do NC and why so many people fail when trying to implement NC is because it is hard. It is MUCH harder than staying in contact and looking for that window of hope; trust me on this. As in life though, it's usually the difficult choice that is the right choice.

 

And really, until SHE wants to look at you in a romantic light to find those traits in you then no, there is no response in the world that will make her think otherwise of you. Her not seeing you in that romantic view right now is because she does not want to; regardless of what led to the break up, at the very base level of it that is all, she doesn't and doesn't want to see you romantically right now. Your part in leading to reconciliation is NOT to SHOW her you've changed but to work on yourself and give her time/space to WANT to see those changes in you and then ACTUALLY HAVE those changes solidly ground into yourself for her to see. If you make it about SHOWING her you've changed and not about her WANTING to see you've changed then it's not about her wanting to come back to you but about you wanting to get back in with her. It is hard, it is work, and it takes time. NC isn't the cowards way out; it's the determined persons way back -- whether back is to themselves or to a reconciliation.

 

On a different note though. Good to see you've been well E.

[eastonweston]

Cope and Hope, I love you bro.

 

Okay, between Sharky, JohnGalt, Zep, C&H, and Loveandlost's always appreciated sarcasm, I will not respond.

 

One thing of interest to mention. I am a web entrepreneur, with several web businesses / products, one of which I'm sure quite a few of you here have heard of and quite possibly use. Last week, I launched another web venture, link removed. I can't be certain, but I think she's downloaded and uses it. I'm 75% sure she has (based on the analytics reports). This browser app interacts over top of your browser screen every hour (or 3 hours if you choose that setting). My point is, if she's downloaded it, it will be a constant reminder to her every single hour of her day, every day, of me. Is that good or bad? Doesn't make a difference either way, but I'm curious.

[toby17]

EW,

 

There is no response that will make you seem witty and confident because you're not. Just look at this thread. Despite unanimous advice on this thread not to respond, you keep asking what you can do.

 

When you met her 5 years ago, YOU DIDN'T TRY DESPERATELY TRY TO GET HER TO SEE YOU AS WITTY AND CONFIDENT.

 

She's done lots of soul searching and decided this relationship isn't what she wants anymore. And you have to do lots of healing, before you can decide what you want. Because right now, you're having withdrawal symptoms from a drug.

 

This girl left you. She didn't care you who you were 5 years ago, or whether you could be that person again. She left. Now forget her.

 

Start loving you more than you love her. And loving you means taking care of you and not opening yourself up to more embarrassment and rejection.

 

And buy Apple Care! - that is after all (the only reason) why she texted you (like you're a kid that she's used to looking after).

[eastonweston]

In all honesty, I wish they had relationships insurance. When your relationship falls apart, your ex is replaced with someone of equal or better quality in all ways immediately. Oh well. One can hope.

 

Don't respond man. There's no magic bullet to getting her back or showing her positive qualities. If you do respond, forget the wit part and just be confident and direct. "Thanks for the heads up. Take care." Leave it at that and go about your day.

 

Agreed, JG. This makes sense to me. No magic bullet. It's been four months since the breakup, and while she sends me a tremendous amount of breadcrumbs every week for 16 weeks now (lots of mixed signals, little "i miss you's"), as Sharky and Cope and Hope can attest, I've made no visible progress in getting her back. So, clearly my strategy isn't working out too well.

 

Now to decide between no response at all or your direct reply suggestion. It's probably easier to just not respond. Ding dong, the broad is gone. Replies at this point just show my reactive need to speak to her.

 

Thanks.

[Shane Falco]

Oh I know the responses will be witty. I'm not worried about that. I know my reply will make her laugh. After 5 years of seeing her every single day, I know what makes her laugh. So it's a question of if that's a better strategy or is silence a better strategy.

 

Silence is more powerful than words sometimes. It is here. Nothing you say will have any positive effect. If you try something witty, she'll think you are trying too hard and are willing to lick her boots for another chance. Say nothing or just say "Thanks", but preferably nothing. This isn't a romantic comedy movie, where one witty retort brings a heap of emotion that causes her to reevaluate her life and realize that she really does love you.

[Shane Falco]

In all honesty, I wish they had relationships insurance. When your relationship falls apart, your ex is replaced with someone of equal or better quality in all ways immediately. Oh well. One can hope.

 

Don't respond man. There's no magic bullet to getting her back or showing her positive qualities. If you do respond, forget the wit part and just be confident and direct. "Thanks for the heads up. Take care." Leave it at that and go about your day.

 

Your response is too long. If you have to respond (which you shouldn't), a simple "Thanks" is enough.

[Cope and Hope]

Agreed, JG. This makes sense to me. No magic bullet. It's been four months since the breakup, and while she sends me a tremendous amount of breadcrumbs every week for 16 weeks now (lots of mixed signals, little "i miss you's"), as Sharky and Cope and Hope can attest, I've made no visible progress in getting her back. So, clearly my strategy isn't working out too well.

 

Now to decide between no response at all or your direct reply suggestion. It's probably easier to just not respond. Ding dong, the broad is gone. Replies at this point just show my reactive need to speak to her.

 

Thanks.

 

Don't reply. By replying you're giving her a direct "I'm done with you" kind of feeling. By not replying you give off a "I'm fading out of your life now" message which I just find to be much more effective because you leave it open ended. Human psychology points to people driving themselves crazy with thinking of different possible scenarios and usually thinking the worst whent hey are in doubt. If she does consider getting back together anytime soon, it's going to be through the realization of the possibility of actually being able to lose you if she doesn't make up her mind. That's not going to happen with you there and it's also a bonus because it will without a doubt at least bring back some attraction via things we have discussed before some time back.

 

It's not meant to be a game; NC is still without a doubt meant for you to heal and move on but it also does have external effects for reconciliation. The beauty of it all is that, and this is actually one of the hardest things as you should know since you have had trouble implementing NC yourself, all you need to do is NOTHING.

[eastonweston]

Re-read this, Cope and Hope. This is really great stuff. Thank you.

[eastonweston]

Silence is more powerful than words sometimes. It is here. Nothing you say will have any positive effect. If you try something witty, she'll think you are trying too hard and are willing to lick her boots for another chance. Say nothing or just say "Thanks", but preferably nothing. This isn't a romantic comedy movie, where one witty retort brings a heap of emotion that causes her to reevaluate her life and realize that she really does love you.

 

Shane, right. This makes sense. I understand that silence can be powerful. Thank you for your guidance.