Damn it! What to do when BF hasn't responded for 8 hrs now?

[Lostndazed]

I called twice after I noticed that I texted him at 1.... All it does is goes to voicemail. All we talked about this morning was me doing some research on oral surgeries so I don't think it has anything to do with anything I said today.

 

He says I jump n to conclusions so I don't want to jump in to conclusions.... but I don't know why he hasn't texted or called and its drivin me crazy. He's working tonight (been at work 7 in the morning) but theres no way he wouldnt text back. I'm so lost.... Should I call his work? I'm worried. Usually he calls/texts back.

[RedDress]

Usually when a call goes right to voicemail, it's because it is dead or off.

 

No - if you know he is working, I would not call his work. You know what he's doing. He's working. Unless it's an emergency, get some rest and call him in the morning...

[Ms Darcy]

Try to relax and let him call tomorrow.

[lalalollipops]

Chill... It's only been 8 hrs, I remember when an ex went MIA on me for two weeks.

[Lostndazed]

ok still no word.... dont knwo what to think now. I did call again and it went to voicemail. I hope he doesn't stay MIA... esp for more than 2 weeks.

[ForumGuy]

Been at work since 7 this morning? He probably doesn't feel like texting or calling. Maybe he is in a bad mood and doing you a favor by having his phone turned off, or maybe it is dead like RedDress said. Don't you trust him?

[Klokwurk]

Chill, this is normal guy behavior.

[abitbroken]

The guy is at work. he is busy. He shouldn't be at your beck and call - he should pay more attention to his boss and job right now. It sounds like he is working a double. Don't freak out. He is not dead. If you call his work, you might cost him his job for taking personal calls like that or you might no longer have a boyfriend if you continue the clinginess.

[Lostndazed]

Clingy n worry r two different things dear. Im worried thats all. He has never done anything like this. We always say goodnite. He is a fire fighter. Didnt c any news on a fire nearby or a wildfire that happened....

[Lostndazed]

I do trust him people and thats y im worried. He knows i can get paranoid. Does anyone think this could be a 'test' bc he says i jump in to conclusions and i told him ill work on it and now he is testing me?

[Lostndazed]

I texted three times in thr span of 8 hrs yest. Finally another 2 hrs went by and Called him twice towards the evening time we usually will get on the phone. Gave it another hr and called and went to sleep. Ok was that doing too much for being n a relationship with someone for more than 9 months?

[Ms Darcy]

It's not his problem that you get paranoid. Just try to be busy and STOP CALLING HIM. Do not think of it for the rest of the day.

[Lostndazed]

Ok fine........., sighs

[SapphireNoir10]

Relax. You do need to back off a bit on communication. Let him do some of the chasing. wouldn't it be nice for you if he text or called first? Show some independence and don't contact him again until he does you.

 

to be honest Im usually too busy in my own life to concentrate on texts from my fiance...you need to keep busy and stop checking your phone. Turn it off!

[abitbroken]

If he is a firefighter, he might be out SAVING SOMEONE"S LIFE. He could cost a life if he is texting you. Somedays at the fire house nothing really happens, and sometimes a firefighter is out his/her whole shift saving lives. Keep this in mind!!!! I am sure he will contact you when he gets rest after his day of work. And if he is working 7 am to 7 pm or MORE LIKELY 7 am to 7 am the next day - and he is busy the whole time, he needs his sleep.

[Heather Dawn]

Chill, this is normal guy behavior.

 

Not always. Even when I was first dating my boyfriend, whom I now live with, he wouldn't go more than a couple hours without being in touch via text or phone. I can see being worried after eight hours if that's not typical for them.

[IAmFCA]

 

 

OP: I suggest mixing a bit of scarcity into your relationship dynamic... the attached post may help. I know, intimacy, the fun of reality and no games, I get it. But still, it seems like a difference balance may be called for. Hope you like the post.

[IAmFCA]

*different*

 

argh.

[Lostndazed]

well he did end up texting me back. said his phone died at work and no charger. He has the new samsung galaxy. He got back in the afternoon today and this morning I didn't text him. Thought I stopped.

 

IthinkIcan, thanks for posting that. believe me, i can go NC if we broke up. However when I am with someone, I want them to know I am there for em/

[IAmFCA]

Totally understand. For myself, I am beginning to think about this dynamic when I am in relationship, and learn how to keep a little more space for each person to breathe. I think my habit of frequent contact is related to a desire for affirmation and fear of abandonment. If I own those fears, then I will fix them without needing to stay actively in contact with my S.O. Since I am working on this thought pattern for myself, it is top of mind.

 

Glad you liked the post in any event. And glad he texted!

[faerietale]

This happened to me recently when my boyfriend was in Aruba for a business trip. He and I got into a minor dispute the night before and he didn't try to text me at all the next day. I gave in and tried contacting him. When he didn't respond after 4 hours, I panicked just like you. I tried calling and texting again and again. It went straight to voicemail and other times it would just ring once and then it would go to voicemail. I didn't realize it but I texted him 5 times and called him at least 10 times. He finally texted me back at the end of the day and blew up on me.

 

Basically, he had been working the entire day and dealt with a lot of stress. He didn't have the time to text me and when I kept bothering him, he blew his fuse.

 

When he got back to the states, I sat him down to talk about it. I apologized for my behavior and he apologized for getting so angry. I know have a better understanding of him and his work schedule. I show him respect by giving him space when he's working. I know that he doesn't mean to be neglectful and that he can take care of himself, so before jumping to conclusion, I just try to keep myself occupy and do my own thing. He contacts me when he can throughout the day and even when he couldn't, I keep my mind at rest by knowing that if something is wrong, he would be sure to let me know so I just keep it light and simple. He's just busy, that's all.

 

Unless you and your bf have major trust issues, I'd suggest for you to just get on with your life, and do your thing. Let him know that it worries you when he doesn't contact you and see what he says. If he assures you that nothing is wrong and that he is just caught up with work, accept that, be understanding and respect his space.

 

I learned that no one likes it when the other partner acts clingy or too dependent.

[Lostndazed]

Yes I get paranoid because if I care about someone I want to know if they are okay. If they don't give me an answer or give me a vague response, I will try every now and then to ask them again. Sure i may not be able to help, but I can listen.

 

With my bf, it felt more like an emergency because that was unlike him. We don't have any major trust issues because he has been good about talking to me about my insecurities and it has helped me- plus you start to know someone after so many days talking to them and seeing them. I'm lucky to have him but I do understand that maybe Ive been spoiled and now sometimes he wants space or he is not responding to my texts asap and I'm thinking something is wrong. I just need to quit my irrational thinking.... Because yes it is somewhat clingyness of me to want the same amount of affection and attention I got in the beginning.

[faerietale]

I am the same way as you are, trust me. I am spoiled, too and I want (and still want) the same attention and affection my bf gave me in the beginning before he took on this job. However, after he and I talked, I came to realize that a lot of my fears are reasonable, but my actions were a bit irrational. He said that he's a grown adult (he's 29) and therefore, he's very capable of taking care of himself. He said that if he's away at work and I'm at home constantly worried and being paranoid, it's going to make it even harder for him to concentrate on work, so I need to just take a step back and give him space.

 

I know that it's not like your bf to not respond to you, and the same goes for my bf, but there is usually a good explanation. Your bf's phone turned off and my bf was stuck working. I know our minds tend to trick our hearts by jumping to the worse case scenario, so we just need to take it to a nice place to relax and cool off. I think if my bf did not respond to me for a whole day, then I'd be extremely worried, but by the end of the day, he always reaches out to me no matter how busy he is because we made it clear that if I were to give him space, he has to try to at least let me know he's ok.

[abitbroken]

See? Everything was fine. There was a reason he didn't contact you. And being at work would have been good enough. There is a different between knowing that your boyfriend is having a good day and "checking up on him." I think you should practice assuming that the people you love are okay unless you hear differently. This way you are not always in a panic.