ck Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Not to discount your feelings on this, but I really disagree with you on the above point. In fact, my friends and I were saying it feels like females have become the pursuers. Put it this way, nice, normal guys rarely if ever approach me. I have to approach them. Seriously, I've had to approach almost every guy I've ended up dating in Colorado. No hard feelings taken, however I have RARELY in my life seen a woman do the approaching. The closet thing I ever seen a woman do is huddle up in a circle and giggle or gawk at the guy until he comes over. And I live in a "BIG" city not like Denver which is pretty small to me. Over 1,000,000,000 people strange isn't it? And what do you mean by nice, normal guys. Is there a definition of what one is to you? Link to comment
bnybrain Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Okay, here it is: After reading all your posts in this intriguing thread, I've come to a final decision... I want to marry Venturer. Love Struck Hannah Link to comment
tiger_lilies Posted October 21, 2004 Author Share Posted October 21, 2004 The last guy that peaked my interest, I made the frist move and gave him my number. He called me several days later and to make a long story short, we ended up hanging out on some casual dates. We talked about where we stand in terms of relationships and he states that he is not looking for anything serious. What is that supposed to mean?...Not serious? I wasn't thinking about trapping him into a marriage, I just wanted to get to know him better, spend more time causally hanging out, take things slow. Yet the last time we hung out, he made his move on me and wanted to have sex. When I told him I didn't want to go that far with him (yet) he blew a bit of a fuse. This incident has left me a bit shocked and has made my faith in men diminish even more. I don't want to think that all men are out for sex, but when something like this happens (and it happens a lot to people around me), then what the heck are you supposed to think? Link to comment
johnagent1911 Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 We enter the world alone and leave alone. Link to comment
Prezkot Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 This thread is going to make me depressed... hahaha... All we are is dust in the wind... Link to comment
PrismicThunder Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Really Sex is suppose to be the goal of a relationship? I thought it was to find that one person that makes all the BS in life seem bearable and someone that love you know matter what and stands behind you 200%. Atleast that is what i have found with my gf and trust me when i say that there are much better things in life than sex. Sure being one body with her is amazing as is being together that intimately with someone you love beyond words. But sometimes, i would rather just have her cuddled against me or just look deeply into her eyes. Far far better than sex could ever is seeing how much she loves me. Link to comment
PrismicThunder Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 i would also like to state that I firmly believe in soulmates. I think we look too hard for them sometimes and pick the wrong person or atleast a person that is in someway a muddled reflection of our soulmate (speaking from experience). As for being born alone and dying alone... that is a crock. I was born into this world as a child of God and greatly feel that i will always have Him at my side no matter what. Finally to all i would like to give the secret of life and that is simply..... Don't Settle Link to comment
mtastic Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Hi, I saw this post earlier but didn't have enough time to respond. It seems in that time that most of the guys that have posted share a similar opinion to my own. I've dealt with lonliness myself for years, and recently have been trying trying to help myself. I've actually made two very good friends, both female, and i talk to plenty of people during the day at schol, but things still feel empty. I recently met a girl I've been thinking of asking out, but I'm afraid of having any kind of relationship develop as I feel i might fall back to the complacentcy(sp) that I developed rather quickly in my last realtionship, the "blanket" Scout and Tiger Lillies talked about initially. I'd also like to say I think fantasia had a good point, its more the idea of lonliness that is the problem. I realise that I'm more scared of being alone in the long run than i am dissatisfied with being alone now. I know being alone is not going to kill me, i'm capable of sustaining myself without having other people around, but the thought that I will be alone in the future is a depressing one. I guess thats enough for now, there's so much to reply to in this thread I don't really know what more to add at this point except: "How to fight loneliness? Just smile all the time" -Wilco Its good to know others feel this way, mtastic Link to comment
Venturer Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Okay, here it is: After reading all your posts in this intriguing thread, I've come to a final decision... I want to marry Venturer. Oh Hannah you're making me blush. How about a hug? Link to comment
sisterlynch Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 I think I know why we all feel this sense of emptiness all the time, I think it is a way for us to move forward. We have pain and discomfort for a reason, it is to tell us that something isn't right. WE all know that when we have been bad we feel anger and frustration at ourselves, but we often don't know what to do with that feeling. we know that we have done wrong, but we don't ever ask for forgiveness from others. We think about what we are missing, but we forget about nurturing what we have! Link to comment
Mun Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 After reading through most of this thread I have made an interesting observation. Most of the men who have posted are in their 20's... and for the most part want a relationship--not just sex. So now I wonder, is it just the 30' something guys that are jaded and not wanting anything serious? Why haven't any 30 something guys posted? Come on I want to hear from some of them. Love this thread---had seen the sticky, but didn''t know what all the fuss was about. Glad I read it Link to comment
Scout Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Sister Lynch, that was a great - and hopeful - insight you gave there with your post. Muneca, I too am surprised that the thirtysomething guys haven't posted on this thread. But I thank the guys who did, and all I ask is - please stay that way! Don't become jaded as you become older. We women need more guys out there who have a more optimistic opinion of us. Link to comment
talo Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 IMO talo, that made no sense whatsoever... Making sense or non-sense? Are we making sense or non-sense here? Does this mean we are 'making it up as we go'? Are we trying to make sense out of non-sense? Are we trying to understand what 'making sense' is? Is making sense, making someone/something out of nothing - or is this non-sense? Is making sense understanding what we do not understand; in other words, understanding non-sense? Or is all this non-sense? Isn't making sense no different than making non-sense? Isn't sense here, before being made by anyone/someone? Link to comment
tiger_lilies Posted October 21, 2004 Author Share Posted October 21, 2004 I was speaking to a friend of mine about this thread and she suggested that to fight lonliness depends on your level of serenity. However, no matter how much serenity one seeks, there is still some sense of lonliness. Some seek comfort through religion, which I feel, is a great way to alleviate some of that lonliness. I guess bottom line is that, even with all posts made, there really is no real "cure" for lonliness. It is in all of us. I guess it's just how you deal with it? Link to comment
Scout Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Talo, even the Dalai Lama speaks with more clarity. Are you trying to give advice, or impress us with the amount of Buddhist quotes you know? Why not give a few explanatory details along with them...if one re-reads them enough times, some of them make pretty good sense, but not everyone here has the time to try and decipher what you're saying. Link to comment
ForAnother Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 I really liked what sister lynch said. She said its there to help us move on. I agree entirely. Loneliness is necessary for us to decide right and wrong. Happiness and unhappiness. I think we are always alone, but there are times when we believe we are found and that makes life bearable. About the women having a hard time finding women, who comes up to who, discussion... As a guy, I have found that more women have come up to me rather than me going up to them. The only way I would say I have come up to them is by actually having intentions of a friendship, when they have something mroe on their mind. So I experiment, find if that is what I want, and either reject or accept. I think that women now adays are having to become the pursuers. However, they shouldn't. If a women pursues (like I said in my earlier post) it is usually taken (from a guys point of view) as a "lets go have sex." If a guy approaches first it is something more than just sex. This isn't the case everytime, but typically in the more successful relationships I have found this to be the case. I have found that the more successful ones started with the guy pursuing. The only reason I can find is that men look for one thing. But if they have some interest in the person from the start, they want to go up to them and find out more. (hmm confusing, I don't know how to get it accross in words). They sort of see the girl in the room and get curious as to who they are. When the girl comes up to them, a guy is curious "why did she come up to ME. She probably thinks I am cute or something... maybe there is something I could get from her. So lets see if my humor will pick her up for the night." I hope people understand my view in this. Loneliness is necessary, and I am glad I feel lonely. Feeling unhappy makes me appreciate the really happy times. ForAnother Link to comment
ck Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 I think that women now adays are having to become the pursuers. However, they shouldn't. If a women pursues (like I said in my earlier post) it is usually taken (from a guys point of view) as a "lets go have sex." If a guy approaches first it is something more than just sex. ...................................I hope people understand my view in this. Um no I'm sorry I don't see it? Link to comment
Scout Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Well, I see it and so do a lot of other women. And apparently, so do some guys. Link to comment
bnybrain Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 My Venturer, hehe. Your words are spoken so well and true. ---- Hannah Link to comment
sisterlynch Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Hey there, good response!! I think that I understand what you were trying to say. If the guy is interested in the girl then they are more likely to do what he wants as he is the interested party. So if he approaches her, then he wants to get to know her better. If she approaches him then it kind of puts him on the spot to be a gentleman and go along with her plans. It puts him in the backseat of the relationship and we all know that guys like to drive!! So if he gets stuck in the back, then the whole time he is planning on how is he going to get out of this car!! Where as if she is just there acting all cute and passive and sexy, he thinks well maybe she is my "soul mate"-- so he checks out the periferal view to make sure that she looks ok, then he can come in for the kill. If the woman comes on too strong, it makes her look sort of desperate, which most people want to abuse rather than to cheerish. that is my two cents!! now you can all thow snowballs at me!! Link to comment
ck Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Well, I see it and so do a lot of other women. And apparently, so do some guys. Well aprrently I'm not those women or other "1 guy"/s I suppose your talking about? Link to comment
Mun Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Well aprrently I'm not those women or other "1 guy"/s I suppose your talking about? CK what they are trying to say is that when a woman persues a man it is often viewed as though she is offering herself and a man may think--I can play a bit here and get some sex. He won't take her seriously, and may not stick around very long. When a man has to persue a woman then he has taken a special interest in her and he is not after her for just sex. He genuinely likes her and is more likely to behave himself with her. He won't see her as just a sex toy. Get it now? The problem with the passive approach is that a woman may feel as though she has to wait forever to find a man. Since she is thinking: if I talk to him first he is going to think I'm easy. Link to comment
ck Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 No I don't? And I don't think by you making the man ask you out is going to reduce the chances of him trying to get sex out of you either. You either want it or you don't. Link to comment
Mun Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 And I don't think by you making the man ask you out is going to reduce the chances of him trying to get sex out of you either. No, but by him asking a woman out he is showing his interest. If she persues him then she is really not sure that he had any interest to begin with. I may be wrong, but I don't think men generally persue women they don't like. I'm sorry to tiger-lilies, we seem to have wondered off topic again. Link to comment
ck Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 No, but by him asking a woman out he is showing his interest. If she persues him then she is really not sure that he had any interest to begin with. Well what makes you think by him asking her out it is known For sure if she likes him? That's the whole point of taking a chance otherwise everybody would know exactly who to approach and there would be no bull crap. Link to comment
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