Time to look out for me, and no one else!!!

[kantore]

Well since the time I btoke up with my ex I have been in and out of meaningless relationships! It typically goes like this, I meet a girl, and I ultimately like her and think she could be the one. But after a date or two once I realize that I can have the girl... I quickly loose intrest! Especially if we have sex! So I started thinking why this could be. I have concluded that it is because I am/have been looking for a new gf. But it does not work!! At least for me. So I have decided not to look anymore, and just be selfish for a little while. It might be a little late since my bad break up was years ago, but I never took the time for me to do only for me. I figure since I can not find what I am looking for I am just going to have fun... essentially have the trophy girl on my arm, and take care of me. Hopefully this time to myself will help my scars heal. And since I am no longer looking, maybe I will stumble onto something great. And for those that think I am being shallow... well that is your right. But I have not really done anything for me in years...and that is why I have not been able to move forward. So basically I am saying that I need to be selfish for a little while. As always Comments and questions are always welcom and appreciated.

Kantore

[pineapplegirl]

I AGREE!!! After years of being in bad relationships, it's about time for me to step away from that scene and focus on me. There's nothing selfish about it. Afterall, if you can't love yourself then you can't love anyone else. I'd love to just hang with the perfect trophy guy, be showered with affection, told that I'm beautiful, smart, funny etc., but if I found him, I know I'd fall in love... Good luck.

[Scout]

Hmm, no offense but it seems you've already been doing things for yourself all this time. You've dated a slew of females, and dropped them the minute they actually care about you.

 

At what point were you being selfless??

 

Anyway, if you what you really want is a trophy girl on your arm, instead of an actual relationship, then just say so. Some guys are meant to be bachelors, and that doesn't mean you're a bad person. Just someone who isn't all that great at true intimacy.

[hockeyboy]

as someone who has spoken to kantore for some time now im going to have say your wrong scout. if you knew the whole situation maybe you'd think differently. kantore most certainly is not a selfish person and i for one would like to see him be a little selfish. kantore has had his heart broken and it is hard to open back up to another female after what he went through. he needs somebody he can trust

[tiger_lilies]

Kantore, I've been struggling with the very same situation. I say struggling because I have been questioning the whole purpose of relationships. I've also concluded, like you, that I have to think about myself now. It's our time to be selfish and work on ourselves.

 

Yet, the million dollar question for me is, why are we always looking for "the one"? Even though I tell myself that I don't want to be in a relationship, I find that it's my nature to be constantly looking for "the one". How do I stop this, if at all possible?

 

I am currently dating...yet I feel unfulfilled like you. The only fulfillment would be to be in a relationship...but isn't that what we want to avoid???

Maybe I'm not making any sense...I just wanted to let you know that I'm in the same boat.

[kantore]

First and foremost i would like to thank hockeyboy for his reply to my post. Although Scout is entitled to her opinion, hockyboy's words mean alot to me. To answer tiger-lillies response. I think that since a relationship is what I was looking for, I tried to convience myself that people who were not right for me, were people that I should date for no other reason tthan that I thought they would fill that void. But I never focused on my own needs, just the void I was trying to fill. So I feel I need to work on me, and that will give me the tools to ultimately find what I want on a partner. It will let me heal so that I can have a meaningful relationship. Because like yourself, I too yearn to meet my soulmate.

[lunatic]

Kantore is being a little selfish about himself but, who cares. He is doing what makes him happy and to be honest with you I did the same thing a few months ago. I was not looking at all and I did not even care that I was doing things for me. So Kantore do what you must to make yourself complete and happy again.

 

Sorry Scout but, as a guy I know exactly what he is going through and I think that exactly what he needs. Taking time for himself will allow him to rediscover the man he was meant to be. Sometimes in a relationship we kind of lose ourselves over the years. I was there about a year ago myself and about five months ago I wanted nothing to do with women in general. I had no interest in dating or even trying to find a date for some months. So Kantore go do what you must for you and the heck everything else.

[hockeyboy]

i to find myself in that situation. where i am constanly looking for "the one" even though i dont want to be looking. its my nature, i cant help it. so a part of me, just says let me be who i am. i am who i am and if people dont like that, its there problem and not mine.

 

i think we all are entitled to be selfish at times in our lives and i dont see anything wrong with it as long as your not going out and hurting people just to make you feel better. i dont see what kantore is doing as that. going on a few dates is not promising the world to these girls.

[Scout]

First of all, Kantore is the one who said he's going to be selfish, I never said he was.

 

I did say I didn't think his previous dating experiences could be described as selfless, though. It sounded to me like he has had several opportunities to have something special with many different females who were open to having a meaningful relationship, but he put a stop to all of them simply because he lost interest.

 

Then he said, he now just wants a trophy girlfriend. I certainly don't think that's necessarily wrong, but I don't think it should be painted as from this point on he's going to be selfish. I don't see how he was so giving before. He was dropping people the minute they started to care about him.

 

Obviously, I got a different perspective from his post then the rest of you did. I still agree with my perspective, too. Which is based on the few details given in his post.

[pineapplegirl]

It sounds like kantore is kinda just venting, and dealing with a broken heart. And if he's a little pissed off, who isn't after a break up?

[Scout]

Re-read his post. He said his bad break up was years ago.

[lunatic]

Without sounding like an iddiot I just have to say that everyone heals at different paces. Sounds like Kantore is entering the final phase of his healing process because he now realizes that he needs to make him happy. I know that when I left my last ex I said the same thing that I wanted to be a male pimp daddy. I would never ever be even close to that but, I do realize now that I needed the time to myself for closure. I never knew that being single was so nice!

[pineapplegirl]

Scout: What's with the time frame on grieving a break up? Excuse my response, but I guess I never got the rule book on how to deal with a broken heart...

[Scout]

Pineapple, I never got any "rulebook" either, nor did I ever imply there is a "time frame" for anything.

 

You asked me who wouldn't be pissed off after a break-up....I just wanted to point out the break-up he referred to was apparently years ago and he's had many mini-relationships since then.

 

If someone is still holding on to bitterness because of a break up that happened a long time ago, they can be sure that is playing a big part in why they can't find a soulmate.

 

Anyway, that's not the issue. Kantore doesn't seem to want a relationship right now, and he has the right to feel that way. I never questioned that. My whole original point was that it didn't seem like he was really putting a lot of effort into it when he was supposedly looking for a relationship.

 

Again, I obviously veer off the path the rest of you are taking with this topic. If you want my input, I'm happy to give it, but I would appreciate it if you would carefully read what I'm saying first.

[pineapplegirl]

I suppose the entire thing could be argued on different levels, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, even if it's just for arguments sake.

BUT, maybe he just wants to have a little fun, without "putting a lot of effort into it". And I think that is his whole point. No harm no foul as long as he's honest with the girl(s) he is "dating".

BTW, I read what you said very carefully before I responded.

[Scout]

BUT[/b], maybe he just wants to have a little fun, without "putting a lot of effort into it". And I think that is his whole point. No harm no foul as long as he's honest with the girl(s) he is "dating".

 

I am sorry you seem to still be misunderstanding me, despite close scrutiny of my posts. The fact is, you don't need to defend Kantore's new philosophy to me, because I never criticized it to begin with. I said it seemed that had been how he was approaching relationships the whole time.

[pineapplegirl]

I'll agree to disagree... =;