bw92116 Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Here is what to do: Get away from her, completely, forever, and don't go back to here for any reason. Forever. Link to comment
DN Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 What you do is simple - walk away and don't look back. Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 i spoke to my friend earlier today, who knows my situation.. he told me, that the fact the she has been so disrespectful to me & threatened me with the police over something so stupid is not a good sign for the future.... he said in the future she could have me actually arrested over something stupid. he told me i need to grow a pair and stand up for myself & i should not have taken this kind of crap from her...i should have walked away, the first time she messed me around & made it clear to her, i would not be treated like this! he also believes, this girl has no control over her temper & does have some serious issues (she was abused by her step dad) and spent some time in a hospital for people with mental health issues... this was a long time ago tho, when she was younger. my friend thinks it would be best for me to walk away from this, as her problems will not go away, no matter how good i am to her! he said i have 2 options... 01. totally walk away from her, for the way she has treated me 02. if she contacts me... and wants me back, then i should tell her to go get some therapy, anger managemant before i should even consider a relationship with her... if she denies she needs therapy (anger managemant) then just walk away & have nothing to do with her.... i personally think i need to get away from her, as i am doubtful she will admit to having issues! Link to comment
bw92116 Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 So which do you choose? 01. or 02.? Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 i am choosing 01, because i have spoke to her about therapy, anger managemant before & she does to some degree believe she has a problem, but i don't think she is taking it seriously or is ready and willing to address these problems... if she really believed that she does have a problem, guess what..... she would have contacted me by now, apologising & assuring me, that she will get help! but she is not, in her eyes i am probably still the bad guy. i can't spend my life trying to be her therapist... i love her, but i will have to choose option 01 Link to comment
DN Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Your friend is right and yoi are right to choose option #1. Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 i know option 1 is the best choice & that is what i will be sticking to. but it is so hard when you love somebody... you feel so torn and you have to let them go. she was my best friend & hurts me so bad to let her go, we had many amazing times together! but i have been kidding myself all this time, thinking things will change... nothing is changing, we are just going around in a circle. what i find so embarrasing is the fact, that we are not arguing or splitting up over serious issues, like drug abuse, physical abuse or serious matters along that line.... but over things like "me wanting to go see my mate for 2 or 3 hours" or "who cooks the bloody chicken" who the hell splits up over these kind of matters.... such trivial matters, two years down the toilet, over a dispute about the chicken... jeez Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 You're not splitting up over cooking chicken or seeing your mate for 2 - 3 hours. Those are a symptom, not a cause. You are splitting up because you are in an abusive relationship and need to get out to retain your sanity. Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 You're not splitting up over cooking chicken or seeing your mate for 2 - 3 hours. Those are a symptom, not a cause. You are splitting up because you are in an abusive relationship and need to get out to retain your sanity. i just wanted to know, when a person behaves like this, are they usually very insecure? is insecurity & being an aggressive or bad tempered person at the same time, a bad combination? Link to comment
bw92116 Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Stop thinking about her and start thinking about you. Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 i,m missing her like crazy tonight... been trying to keep myself busy all day, taking long walks, been to the gym, but struggling with my emotions... at times i hate how she has treated me.... then i remember the good times.... i have to let her go, but i love her Link to comment
bw92116 Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 But why are you missing her? Look at how much harm she has done to you. She's toxic and harmful to you. Why would you miss her at all? Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted October 2, 2012 Author Share Posted October 2, 2012 because i cannot just switch the love off... we had a good relationship for most of the part, its been bad for the last 5 or 6 months. and i agree she is harmful to me, the way she is behaving & treating me is totally wrong... i tell my self every day, this relationship is toxic & nothing i can do can change it. Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Sorry for the hard talk, ok? I agree with the others who are telling you to walk away from this relationship. Unless you enjoy being manipulated like this, Leave! Such acts by her are called abuses. It is not only physical abuse but also, she is using emotional blackmailing & confusing you. That kind of abuse is for me the worst because you can't go on with your life. You deserve better, including the chance to avail yourself to a more deserving girl. Link to comment
Justme3 Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 You are breaking up with her because she is abusive to you. You said this only started 5 or 6 months ago and before it was great. Well, I'm sure these abusive behaviors have always been there one way or another. At that time you just were more tolerant, blinded by love, and I'm sure she hid some of it. Now you see her true colors. This is who she truly is, an abuser. You take her as she is or run as fast as you can and never look back. she is not changing. She doesn't listen to your rational. Your only choice is to walk away to keep your sanity. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 You don't need to turn the love for her off in order to walk away from her. You have to love yourself equally. No love for another justifies that they be allowed to tear you down as an individual. It sounds as if you have a good friend who is giving you excellent advice - ask him for help in the next few days/weeks to keep you busy and to keep you from going back to her. Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 it has been 4 days now and i have not heard a word from her? would i be stupid to offer a chance to get help (counciling) would it be stupid of me to approach her? Link to comment
camus154 Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 it has been 4 days now and i have not heard a word from her? would i be stupid to offer a chance to get help (counciling) would it be stupid of me to approach her? Yes, you would be. It's not your responsibility to ensure she gets help for her own issues. She needs to do this on her own, and from the sounds of it, she most likely won't. Either way, you shouldn't be around if and when she does. Have some self respect and find a woman who will treat you better. Yes, we know, you love her, it will be hard to let her go, all that jazz. It doesn't matter. Use your head, not your heart. Link to comment
bw92116 Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 You're still focused on her, and that's the mistake you are making now. You must focus on you instead. It's not about her any more. She's gone. It's over. Finished. It's all about you now. You must think about you. You must make your own emotional health and stability your top priority. Much more important than any relationship. And for a while, your own health is your ONLY priority. Stop thinking about her. Don't post any more questions about her. Post questions about you, and what you can do to heal and recover, and restore your own emotional health and stability. Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 You're still focused on her, and that's the mistake you are making now. You must focus on you instead. It's not about her any more. She's gone. It's over. Finished. It's all about you now. You must think about you. You must make your own emotional health and stability your top priority. Much more important than any relationship. And for a while, your own health is your ONLY priority. Stop thinking about her. Don't post any more questions about her. Post questions about you, and what you can do to heal and recover, and restore your own emotional health and stability. i have spoke to my doctor & have arranged for some counseling for myself... the waiting time is 9 months, so i am looking at some other avenues to get counseling, but this is something i will definiatly do for myself. ok if i work on myself, and she decides to contact me, and asks for a chance to work things out, would it be crazy for me to suggest she gets professional help with her anger & only then can we talk about a relationship. i am doubtful she will make this move tho, guess just wishful thinking on my part Link to comment
penelope13 Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Therapy is only useful if the individual in question is highly self motivated and open to it. So many people waste years in therapy, without really opening themselves up to the process of digging into themselves and being self critical, but instead use it for venting. Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 Therapy is only useful if the individual in question is highly self motivated and open to it. So many people waste years in therapy, without really opening themselves up to the process of digging into themselves and being self critical, but instead use it for venting. there is an organisation in my home town called "Stop" it is a group counseling & therapy class exclusive for woman who are "emotionaly or physically" abusive to there partners.... i spoke to the lady who runs this organistaion today. she told me, my ex would have to feel like there is an issue for her to address, so i should should just leave the ball in her court, just look after myself & get my confidence back... if or when she does contact me, and if she wants to work things out, then i should tell her she "must" get this help! i doubt she will contact me tho, as the lady who runs this organistation told me, that she is probably feeling like the victim. for now i am looking after myself, and adjusting to being single and on my own Link to comment
bw92116 Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 and she decides to contact me, and asks for a chance to work things out You do not reply. Ever. Period. I am looking after myself, and adjusting to being single and on my own Good. Stay on that. Completely. Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 i screwed up really bad..... i rang her tonight, just to find out where we stand, as not heard from her in 5 day. the not knowing has been driving me nuts..... she ignored my calls, i rang her twice! then she sent me a text saying "stop calling me, i know i,m to blame for the argument, we don't need to be in a relationship, as you said i was being abusive..... it's over between us why the hell did i ring her.... where do i go from here, i made i mistake, should have stayed no contact, i felt we could have talked about what happen that night.... i messed up! Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 i screwed up..... what do i do from here! Link to comment
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