i am scared of my girlfriend... what to do?

[kaitracid2010]

It's killing you. You just said it yourself. So get out.

What possible reason do you have to stay in this?

People do die of bad relationships.

Do you want to be one of them?

 

i know what you mean, i have been in this very same situation with her 3 times already.... and every time i thought it would not happen again... i had no intention of hurting her, or upsetting her... i just asked if it was ok to go to my friends for a few hours, maybe i should have waited to see him, on a day, when she was not stopping with me.

 

but i can't believe she is putting me through all this pain over such a stupid thing!!! she is probably hurting herself, why do this... this is insane!!!!

 

i am going outdoors for a walk, cant cope!!!!

[bw92116]

She's not putting you through all this pain.

You're putting yourself through all this pain.

You've been in this long enough to see what it's like.

You know that it gives you nothing but pain.

Yet, you are choosing to stay in it, even though it brings you nothing but pain.

You can also choose to not put yourself through it.

All you have to do is walk away and leave this relationship behind, forever.

It's that simple. It's not easy to do, but it is simple.

What is stopping you from leaving it?

[iamkaylee]

The reason why she is doing all this over something so stupid is easy. It's called control. It's all about controlling you. What's wrong with you going to see your friend? Nothing. Except she doesn't want you to. And it is insane that she would threaten to hurt herself over something that stupid. If she actually does hurt herself that's on her. She did it, she is the only one responsible. You didn't put a gun to her head and make her. She's not going to do it anyway. It's a bluff abusers will use to control people. You have to stop letting your emotions rule you and look at it logically. Then you can see how insane it all really is and that it's all on her. You aren't responsible for anything more than choosing to stay in the relationship and subject yourself to the abuse or saying enough, I choose myself over you and your manipulations and choose to get out.

[kaitracid2010]

She's not putting you through all this pain.

You're putting yourself through all this pain.

You've been in this long enough to see what it's like.

You know that it gives you nothing but pain.

Yet, you are choosing to stay in it, even though it brings you nothing but pain.

You can also choose to not put yourself through it.

All you have to do is walk away and leave this relationship behind, forever.

It's that simple. It's not easy to do, but it is simple.

What is stopping you from leaving it?

 

 

i love her, she was my best friend, there was so much good about her too, we was there for each other, but finding it so hard letting go... but i can't cope with being chucked away again and again, when anything upsets her... i go through so much pain and agony on my own, locked up in my flat... i know i need to find the strength to get away.

 

i need to find the strenght!!!!

[bw92116]

Well, then stop loving her. She doesn't love you, so your love is wasted on her.

She was your best friend, but she's not any more. She is not treating you like a friend at all.

Maybe at one time, this relationship was good for you. But it has turned toxic. And it will only harm you.

The longer you stay in it, the worse you will feel. The sooner you get out, the sooner you will feel happy again.

[kaitracid2010]

the reason she is angry with me, is because i was going to see my friend for a couple of hours, on a day that i am supposed to be spending with her... that is what has upset her so much, but i spend every single weekend with her, this was just a one off... it is very very rare for me to meet anyone, other than her every weekend

 

i did not even demand to go, i just asked her if it was "ok" to go... just because i asked her that, i am now getting punished by her!

 

she does not like the idea of having to wait around for me, at my apartment, while i am at my friends... i kind of understand that, but she totally flipped out on me, with such anger!!!

 

i know this is not normal behaviour, and i know it's a scary situation to be in....

 

this is what i fear.... what will it be the next time, thats sends her over the edge? the next time i accidentaly upset her or annoy her, how will she react.... i am pretty certain i will be back in this situation again

[bw92116]

I've been in the same situation. You have two choices:

 

(A) Stay with her and be miserable and in pain, forever, as long as you are still in it.

(B) Leave her completely, and feel intense pain at first, but then happiness afterwards.

 

Those are your only choices. Which do you choose? Choose right now.

[kaitracid2010]

I've been in the same situation. You have two choices:

 

(A) Stay with her and be miserable and in pain, forever, as long as you are still in it.

(B) Leave her completely, and feel intense pain at first, but then happiness afterwards.

 

Those are your only choices. Which do you choose? Choose right now.

 

 

i have been thinking a lot tonight, and i do believe she has too much control over me, as i have let that happen!

 

but part of me really believes, that the underlying problem in our relationship is, that i have been seeing her for 2 years, but not made any serious commitment, like living together or having children. i think she feels like i am just dragging her along for the ride.... and not taking the relationship anywhere.

 

but, i am scared of her tantrums, so i find it a very scary thing to commit... but if i did show her some commitment and we lived together, maybe she would stop behaving in this way? we would be together, and more able to sort things out.

 

it's a big risk, that could either pay off, or totally backfire on me... only one way to find out

 

or my only other option is... to get away from her for good, and put an end to what she is doing to me, right now!

[bw92116]

OK, so you've decided to stay in it.

[kaitracid2010]

OK, so you've decided to stay in it.

 

 

i have not decided anything.... i don;t even believe i have a choice, because she believes she is the "victim" in this, and probably is feeling no remorse for how she has treated me, so more than likely i will get a text tomorrow or the day after, dumping me..... because i will not be contacting her or chasing her!!!

 

so i am certain she will end it.....i just feel maybe me not commiting to her, maybe the underlying problem here and the cause for her to feel insecure and angry.

 

i know, i would be taking a huge risk going down that road, so for now i am just sitting still and doing nothing.

[bw92116]

Therefore you're choosing to remain in it.

[nutbrownhare]

but part of me really believes, that the underlying problem in our relationship is, that i have been seeing her for 2 years, but not made any serious commitment, like living together or having children. i think she feels like i am just dragging her along for the ride.... and not taking the relationship anywhere.

 

You'd have to be out of your MIND to commit to a relationship like this for the rest of your life, especially the having children bit - thank your lucky stars you haven't! There are many women around who wish for a commitment their partners haven't made and, guess what - they're not necessarily emotionally abusive and manipulative as a result! And, by the way, abusers get significantly worse once there's 'no going back' and they really know they've got their partners where they want them. As it is, she threatens to end the relationship. She could be throwing you out of your own home.

 

Knowing her as you do, do you really think her personality would change if you got married and had kids? Hardly. It's just that you'd have abused kids to deal with, and a legal battle when you couldn't take it any more.

 

You don't love this girl. Dependent on her, yes. Frightened of being on your own, yes. But the kind of fear you've expressed on here has nothing to do with love.

[bw92116]

Thanks. I tried just now to convince him to get out of it. But he won't. I'm giving up. Maybe others can help him.

[iamkaylee]

If the only time you see her now is on weekends and she's this controlling and angry over that, moving in will not fix it. It will make it this controlling and angry every single day, you will be even more scared than you are now and it will be 1000 times harder to leave then.

 

Your only way out of this is to get out of the relationship with her 100%. Either break up with her yourself or let her break up with you and then just don't go back.

 

I know you don't want to face it but those of us here telling you this have already been through what you are going through. She will not change except to get worse. Nothing will get better. It will get worse. This is not one of life's lessons you have to learn on your own. Please, listen to us and learn from our experience. We are trying to help you a whole lot more than you realize.

 

And yes, you DO have a choice. You CAN choose you and your happiness over fear and abuse. You just have to do it.

[Justme3]

Things won't get better if you commit more. She will be the same and within time, worse. She is what she is. You have to decide. If you stay with her, accept her the way she is. Abusive, controlling, selfish...and just live how you've been living. If you don't accept her the way she is, then leave her. If you let her decide for you, then accept what she gives you and be happy with her decision.

[kaitracid2010]

i am not going back guys.... i just don't know what do, there is so many good things about this lady too & it is very hard to let her go... but the pain i am going through is too much, she is not calling me, texting me, i can't eat or sleep, i feel abandoned and yes, i can not keep putting myself through this torment again & again

 

i would have done anything for her, just wanted her to be a little patient & stand by me!

 

this is the 3rd time...

 

i am thinking about just staying away from her, do not make any contact & let her end things with me? like she has always done, let her dump me again, then try to move on.

 

i am finding it hard, being on my own

[iamkaylee]

If letting her dump you and then just staying away from her is how you can do it, that's fine. Whatever works to get you out of that toxic relationship is what you need to do.

 

Please call a counselor and get some therapy as soon as you can. Like Monday morning soon call for an appointment. You sound very codependant, depressed and anxious. You will need some therapy to help you with the codependance and free yourself from that. You may also need the support once this relationship really ends.

[Blue92]

This is an unhealthy relationship for you. No one should be scared of their own partner. A stable relationship is founded on good communication skills, which she does not have. Also, she is very controling and irrational. There is no reasoning or negotiating with this woman. She puts her feelings before yours when she accuses you of seeing someone else or just simply hanging out with your friend for once..... I would walk away from this. She is not able to handle her emotions, so the relationship is very unstable and likely to fall apart anyway if you stay with her.

[kaitracid2010]

If letting her dump you and then just staying away from her is how you can do it, that's fine. Whatever works to get you out of that toxic relationship is what you need to do.

 

Please call a counselor and get some therapy as soon as you can. Like Monday morning soon call for an appointment. You sound very codependant, depressed and anxious. You will need some therapy to help you with the codependance and free yourself from that. You may also need the support once this relationship really ends.

 

 

 

when i last spoke to her on the phone, she told be clearly that "she will not be bothering to see me at the weekend" but she said, she will probably come to see me on monday or tuesday....

 

she has not bothered with me since that day, i have texted her once or twice, but she is cold & is not texting, or calling me at all. we used to talk on the phone every single day... and now nothing?

 

 

so what makes her think after doing all this to me, we could just simply meet up on monday or tuesday?

 

 

also it feels like to me, maybe there is some other reason why she was adomant not to meet me at the weekend, could be a possibility she is meeting someone else? so for that reason, she does not want to make up with me, till the weekend is over.... just does not seem right to me

 

maybe i am over thinking.... but one thing i do know is..... I DID NOT DESERVE ALL THIS....

 

i have not slept, or eaten right for 2 days, been breaking down and crying.... why? because i asked her if i could see my freinnd for a couple of hours... yes it was on the weekend that i spend with her, but it was just for a couple of hours, and a total one off... i spend all my time with her, it was just a one off

 

why put me through all this pain, for something so damn trivial... i am so angry today.

 

 

i did not deserve this... just don't know how to proceed forward, she has not ended things with me yet.

 

i am not sure wether i should finish her, or let her finish me.... this is not love!!!

[kaitracid2010]

This is an unhealthy relationship for you. No one should be scared of their own partner. A stable relationship is founded on good communication skills, which she does not have. Also, she is very controling and irrational. There is no reasoning or negotiating with this woman. She puts her feelings before yours when she accuses you of seeing someone else or just simply hanging out with your friend for once..... I would walk away from this. She is not able to handle her emotions, so the relationship is very unstable and likely to fall apart anyway if you stay with her.

 

 

if she had communicated with me, and just said, she would prefer me not to go to my friends and spend the entire day with me, then i would have had no problem with that at all.

 

i tried my very best to talk to her, to reason with her, but she would not budge.... she told me straight "there is absoloutly no way she will be spending the weekend with me"

 

i kept saying to her, look i want to spend the weekend with you, she kept saying "no" to me. in the end i gave in, and said to her "if your not going to spend the weekend with me, then fine... i can't stay on the phone all night with you, just going around in circles,

 

when i told her ok fine, don't meet me then... that annoyed her & she came off the phone....

[nutbrownhare]

Look up CoDependents Anonymous, and see if there are any meetings available in your area; then go to one if you can. You will find yourself surrounded by people who will really understand you, because they'll have been through something similar themselves, and you will be able to see how people are able to move through and past the kinds of emotions you are experiencing at the moment.

 

In a way, your sleeplessness, extreme anxiety and all the other symptoms you are showing are similar to withdrawal from a drug- it's just that in this case you're addicted to a relationship rather than a substance. A simple definition of an addiction is a behaviour which you know is harming you - but you still feel compelled to carry on doing it.

[kaitracid2010]

i have arranged a doctors appointment for monday.... i will see my doctor about getting some counceling or therpay.

 

i still have not heard anything from her, not even a text

[kaitracid2010]

just got a text off her "hope your ok, have a good day" what the hell are these silly games

[SapphireNoir10]

Stop playing the games. Stop letting her treat you like this.

[kaitracid2010]

i was thinking of just texting her back with "thanx" or shall i just ignore