camus154 Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Reread the previous 10 pages of advice you've already gotten. Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 really peed off with myself right now, why did i ring this abusive cow!!!!! Link to comment
camus154 Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Well, don't hold onto your anger as an excuse to keep obsessing over her. Let it go and move on. "Abusive cow" did make me laugh, though Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 i feel anger and at the same time i feel a sense of relief... i don't have to live in fear anymore, worrying about getting dumped by her again & again... worrying about getting into an argument with her & not knowing how far she will go i just wish it was me, who had dumped her for the way she treated me, not the other way around! but i held out for her because of my love for her, i wanted to give her an opportunity for us to fix this, maybe get counseling. wishful thinking on my part? how do i handle this? should i see this as a blessing? saved myself from further torment Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 in her text message, she admitted that the argument was her fault, and she is angry, and said it was over between us..... because i suggested her behaviour was abusive.... was it so wrong for me to say this to her? your opinions? end of the day, it needed to be said, because that is how i felt about how i was being treated.... if she did not like it, then thats just tuff luck for her!!!! i swear i looked after that girl, i never neglected her, always there for her, met every single weekend for 2 years, didn't go out drinking, or spending more time with my friends!!! she had a operation done on her hands few weeks back, i stopped a full week at her place, and looked after her, cooked for her, washed up for her, just made sure she was cared for & this is what i get for it..... she wanted commitment, how can i commit to someone who ended it with me over arguments 3 times.... it was always me making up with her, because i did not want to lose her.... i was afraid to be alone, because i have no family or support system.... i wish i had stood up for myself.... i should not have let her treat me like that.... Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 i hate how this has ended..... but you know what, i am also feeling some relief.... IT IS OVER NOW i know where i stand, i don't have to think about, is there any hope.... it was the hope that was driving me mad! now that hope is gone, i have got her answer! i gave this relationship my all, i tried my very best, and did not give up on it.... i can walk away from this, knowing how bad she treated me & why i will never have anything to do with her again i tried my best to make it work.... so i will NEVER have any regrets, nor will i look back. from now on, get my confidence back & fix my life and move on, wont be easy, will be a battle, but i will get there in the end!! Link to comment
UnderTheRadar Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 I just finished reading this entire thread and feel as if I could have written it from my previous relationship. I got out about 16 months ago and I'm so much happier and healthier for it. The other posters are right in saying that you will be in pain temporarily, but after some time you will start to normalize and build back your confidence. My ex girlfriend did all of these things to me and the silent treatment was the worst. As bad as the name calling, guilt trips, and routine shaming tactics were - it was ignoring me for days on end that was most torturous. Like you, I would break down and begin to question my sanity and feel massive levels of guilt. Everyone of my friends gave me the advice you have been told on this forum and I had to learn the hard way. I kept saying how much I loved her and that she had good qualities. I, too, had trouble eating, sleeping, and running my business. One of the first times I saw this side of her was when I wanted to see my best friend on the weekend after barely seeing anyone else but her during the first year of our relationship. She flipped out on me and neglected me for days not calling me back or responding to text messages. I walkied on eggshells for 3 more years. Like you, I had no family, only a couple of friends, and I rationalized her treatment of me as ok because I should have been a better boyfriend. I was co-dependent and my self-esteem was directly linked to her external validation of me. My brain knew I was being abused and manipulated, but over time I felt beaten down just like you. I WAS SCARED OF HER JUST LIKE YOU. As others have said it WILL NOT get better - only worse. Looking back now, almost a year and a half later, I am so much happier and have my confidence back. Everyone who knows me can see a complete change in me for the better. I feel for you man, and I know how hard this is for you. She does think she is the victim and you are the one abusing her. She was being sarcastic when she stated she was wrong in the argument. She will never sincerely apologize for her behavior. The cycle will continue for the worse if you go back. PLEASE DON'T GO BACK!!! Go no contact and please start healing your body and mind. Like I said, all of your posts could have been written by me to a tee. Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 thank you for your inspirational post undertheradar.... i want to be healthy & feeling confident again & i hope i will get there soon. all tho i for see some very difficult times ahead of me, i guess i will just have to deal with them the best i can... i am out of the situation now & feel a sense of closure, even tho she ended it. i just don't understand why she feels like she is the victim in all of this, and how i have done her wrong. i was even willing to take some blame for the day of the argument, yet according to her, it is all my fault. i don't understand how a person can behave this way. i can assure you, i will NOT BE GOING BACK i am certain after some time has passed, she will contact me again, but she will be ignored... Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 even tho, it is me who is being treated like crap by her, why do i feel guilt? why does she make me feel like, it's my behaviour that is un acceptable? see even right now, as i type this post, i am feeling like "wow should i really have pointed out to her, that her behaviour was abusive" also i feel guilty because, when the argument blew up, maybe i should have just walked away and left the room, to let her calm down & let myself calm down!!!! why did i stay in the room.... i just felt like i needed to defend myself, and stand up to her passive aggressive attitude towards me. Link to comment
PetiteGirl Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 even tho, it is me who is being treated like crap by her, why do i feel guilt? why does she make me feel like, it's my behaviour that is un acceptable? see even right now, as i type this post, i am feeling like "wow should i really have pointed out to her, that her behaviour was abusive" also i feel guilty because, when the argument blew up, maybe i should have just walked away and left the room, to let her calm down & let myself calm down!!!! why did i stay in the room.... i just felt like i needed to defend myself, and stand up to her passive aggressive attitude towards me. Because she can. She's an abusive cow. Remember? Link to comment
bw92116 Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 You're not guilty of anything; she's the guilty one; you did nothing wrong. But none of that matters anyway. You've moved beyond this whole thing. I like the statements you have made in your last few posts: "...so i will NEVER have any regrets, nor will i look back. from now on, get my confidence back & fix my life and move on, wont be easy, will be a battle, but i will get there in the end!!" "i can assure you, i will NOT BE GOING BACK i am certain after some time has passed, she will contact me again, but she will be ignored..." Those are what I had been hoping to hear you say ever since you started posting on this site. And I'm glad you are finally at that point now. Link to comment
kaitracid2010 Posted October 6, 2012 Author Share Posted October 6, 2012 read my post i guess i am lucky in some ways, we have no children together i read your post Link to comment
WaterThrower Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 Hey, I believe I am in quite a very similar situation where i can’t even have free time away from her.. we live together on a campus.. but I want for example to go workout for a bit alone or visit my family at home for a weekend.. boom she thinks I’m choosing the gym over her or boom she is going to break up with me if I go home for a weekend blah blah blah.. I’m so tired of it.. I told her one day that if she wants me to give up on my hobbies that will not happen.. she said she just thinks I’m more excited to go to the gym rather than spend time with her! But like I spend countless hours with her and the gym is my time to mentally beat up my stresses.. I like both why can’t I have both..weve been together 2 years as well.. she’s thrown things at me, broken my small useless items like a comb, spat on me twice.. and everytime we fight, its my fault and she “wants” to break up.. I’ve confronted her yesterday saying it feels like you want so bad out of this relationship so essentially,,, leave if u want to.. she says she doesn’t actually wanna break up??? So confused I’m tired. Anyway I want an update on how ur doing dude 8 years later? How’s it been without her Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 Thread is several years old we live together on a campus.. .. she’s thrown things at me, broken my small useless items like a comb, spat on me twice. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 Hey, I believe I am in quite a very similar situation where i can’t even have free time away from her.. we live together on a campus.. but I want for example to go workout for a bit alone or visit my family at home for a weekend.. boom she thinks I’m choosing the gym over her or boom she is going to break up with me if I go home for a weekend blah blah blah.. I’m so tired of it.. I told her one day that if she wants me to give up on my hobbies that will not happen.. she said she just thinks I’m more excited to go to the gym rather than spend time with her! But like I spend countless hours with her and the gym is my time to mentally beat up my stresses.. I like both why can’t I have both..weve been together 2 years as well.. she’s thrown things at me, broken my small useless items like a comb, spat on me twice.. and everytime we fight, its my fault and she “wants” to break up.. I’ve confronted her yesterday saying it feels like you want so bad out of this relationship so essentially,,, leave if u want to.. she says she doesn’t actually wanna break up??? So confused I’m tired. Anyway I want an update on how ur doing dude 8 years later? How’s it been without her The OP hasn't logged on since 2013. How about starting your own thread? Maybe we can help. ETA I see you already did. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.