i am scared of my girlfriend... what to do?

[iamkaylee]

Her behavior makes no sense because it is irrational. There IS no sense to it. It IS abuse.

 

Ignore it. It's just a way to suck you in to more emotional games.

[kaitracid2010]

i get the feeling she might be seeing someone else this weekend, thats is why she would not meet me...

[kaitracid2010]

i will ignore it from now, she isn't saying anything, other than hope ur ok.

 

i think she maybe seeing someone else

[iamkaylee]

If she is seeing someone else, that's even better for you to get out. She can play her games with the someone else.

 

Do you want to be with a liar and a cheater? You're not a toy for her to pull out and use when she wants and then toss you back in the corner when she doesn't.

[bw92116]

This stuff is going to continue forever until you leave.

[iamkaylee]

i will ignore it from now, she isn't saying anything, other than hope ur ok.

 

i think she maybe seeing someone else

 

I have a suggestion. Call your friend that you wanted to go hang out with and see what they're up to. Find out if you can come hang there for the day. Then turn the phone off and just go have some fun. Talk to your friend and tell them what's going on. Be busy for the weekend and don't worry about what your GF might be doing. Just like any other day of the week when you don't normally see her.

 

She's not talking to you because she's punishing you for wanting to go see your other friend. And she's not texting back now because you're ignoring her first crappy try to suck you into the blame game. You're not playing anymore. Keep ignoring.

[kaitracid2010]

if she is seeing someone else, then she must have been doing so, when i was with her too... and no i do not want be with someone like that.

 

 

i went to see my friend, he told me, that i need to start thinking with my head, as she has just turned this into a game, and i should stay strong!

[PetiteGirl]

Good for you! You're very brave for taking the steps to take care of yourself. Keep staying strong! A healthy individual would communicate her feelings and concerns in a constructive and mature manner. She would not use anger and punishment to get her way, nor should she blame you for her own feelings and insecurities. This woman is not fit to be in a relationship until she works on her own issues. It is very alarming that she would become this angry when you only wanted to hang out with your friend for a few hours. Really, you weren't asking much. Her "punishment" for you only reinforced the fact that this will get much worse down the road if you continued to stay with her. You don't want to commit to her because deep down you know something is wrong. No healthy individual would want to commit to That.

 

She sounds like the female version of my ex. Whenever I did something that he didn't like, such as hanging out with my friends or picking up a new hobby, he would get unhappy and cancel dates to punish me.He constantly wanted more commitment from me and more love from me. I was as committed and loving as I could ever be, but I had doubts about him because something didn't feel right. I was depressed, constantly crying and walking on eggshells. I felt as if no matter what I do it will never be good enough for him, and not getting the same amount of love in return certainly stopped me from committing to him further.

 

In the end he cheated on me and blamed me for not being "enough" for him. And guess what? I stayed with him because I thought I deserved it. Then he became physically abusive and blamed me for being "too fragile." Yeah, my self-esteem was almost non-existent back then. I was isolated from my friends and family. I didn't have anyone to talk to and I could understand how that could be hard to get out of a relationship like that. I decided to call the local domestic abuse crisis hotline and made an appointment with a counselor and their support group. I talked to my friends and family and told them what I've been going through. They became my support network. My ex was very controlling so he was the one who decided to break up with me when I did something he didn't like again - for the last time; by the time it happened, I was emotionally detached and strong enough to let him go. I had simply come to terms with the fact that someone who tried to control me and abused me does not deserve my love. It was also very satisfying to tell him to never to call me again when he contacted me a month after the breakup.

 

Leaving my abusive relationship was the best decision I've ever made. It will be hard but you do become happier. You no longer have to feel depressed or walk on eggshells. You'll feel liberated from the burden of being abused. Everything will be okay and you'll come out a stronger and better person. Stay strong!

[Ms Darcy]

I am curious ... if you don't have a job then I am assuming she has been financially supporting you since you lost your job? If you leave the relationship, logistically, how will you live?

[kaitracid2010]

I am curious ... if you don't have a job then I am assuming she has been financially supporting you since you lost your job? If you leave the relationship, logistically, how will you live?

 

 

hello guys, i have not been on here for a few weeks, as i lost my internet connection & only just got it back

 

they say, some of the most important lessons you learn in life, you have to learn the had way!!! and i would have to agree with that, because i have been a complete fool.

 

you guys will have read my thread & know of my siutuation, since then i decided not to talk to her again... but a week later i was feeling very very low in my life & totaly alone & other things was going wrong in my life too.

 

i contacted her & asked her if she would want to talk about things... i went over to her house to talk to her & she was still very angry with me... even tho deep in my heart, i know i did not commit any mojor sin

 

i told her, maybe i should not have suggested going to my friends & i would never do it again. i told her i will only go see my friend on a week day & not over the weekend, when we are together.

 

i explained to her that, just not bothering with me for the entire weekend, not a text or phone call, was a nasty thing to do to me... all i did was ask her about going to my friends & you have totaly over reacted & thrown the relationship away, over something that small.

 

after some considrable shouting, mostly on her part, she admitted, that ignoring me for the whole weekend was a wrong thing to do & she would not do it again.... she said we could try again & work it out.

 

so foolishly i agreed.

 

ever since getting back with her, i have been walking on egg shells, trying to be ever so carefull not to annoy her or upset her in anyway.

 

i have not been sleeping or eating out of worry, that she will dump me, if we argue about anything again.

 

on top of that, everything is going wrong in my personal life, i still have not been able to find employment, financialy i have barley in enough money to feed myself & i am having trouble paying my rent. i could lose my home!!!!!

 

i panic at night, worrying about what will happen to me.... all i wanted was her to be my side, in this very difficult time in my life... i have been scared of losing her again, scared of her temper & i think she knows that she has this control over me!!!

 

i have nobody else to turn to... no parents, no brothers, sisters, uncles or aunties. i have just the one friend.

 

 

since the last break up, i got back together with her, but 2 nights ago, i was at her house, we had a little argument over who will cook the chicken... i asked her if she wanted to cook it or shall i?

 

we ended up having an argument over the chicken... long story short, the yelling and shouting started again, she over reacted again, i tried to explain myself to her, but she was annoyed & told me to "**** off"

 

this really upset me, so i told her not speak to me in that way, fair enough we have had a disagreemant or argument, but you do not need to resort to using abusive language...

 

she then stormed off & left me in her living room & got in her bed & started reading her book & just left me there on my own for an hour.

 

i got really annoyed about this, as i am stopping at her house, yet she just leaves me on my own just sitting there, while she ignores me.

 

i eventualy went to the bedroom and said to her "look you cant just ignore me like this & storm off, when i have come to your house"

 

the shouting and arguing started again, she just would not listen to anything i had to stay, and the called me a "****"

 

i again told her, you cant swear at me like that everytime we have a fallout, is that how things are going to be with you?

 

she told me straight to my face "yes" she told me, that is who i am... if a person annoys me, then i will call them whatever i want... and i will not chnage that about myself....

 

so i told her, couples will have arguments & fall outs all the time, but you cannot resort to calling using abusive language, telling me to **** off & calling me a ****.

 

she told me, that is how its going to be with her, like it or not.

 

i said to her, this is boderline abuse???? your basically telling me, if i ever annoy or upset you, you will use bad language towards me?

 

she said that is how it is.... so i told her, but that is abusive behaviour???

 

and at that point she totaly flipped & said "how dare you suggest i am abussive" and started shouting.

 

she then told me to leave her house immediately or she would call THE POLICE

 

i tried to explain how i felt to her & how she makes me feel, but she would not have non of it, and threatend me with the police...

 

so i left her home in tears, and walked home, it took me 2 hours.

 

i loved this woman and was with her for 2 years & over something so petty, she has treated me like crap & threatended me with the police.

 

 

so here i am, back again, dumped for the 3rd time by her.... what shall i do guys?? i feel so down and low.

 

it hurts so much!!! i should have listened to you people

[kaitracid2010]

any thoughts on this situation guys

[DN]

Yes, - you should never be with someone you are scared of. You should not have gone back but now this has happened don't go back again no matter what.

 

I suggest you get some counseling to do something about your self-esteem - it that was in a healthy state you would not be in this position right now.

[kaitracid2010]

why do i end up blaming myself?

 

i end up questioning what i said to her, what i could have said to her, what i should not have said to her...

 

is this lack of self esteem

[DN]

Yes, it absolutely is. You see yourself defined by her actions and that is lack of self-esteem.

[kaitracid2010]

she flipped when i told he, swearing at me, calling me names & expecting me to put up with it & live my life like that, could be classed as abuse behaviour... did i screw up by saying that

[Justme3]

You are being emotionally abused by her. You are thinking this way because she has succeeded in tormenting you and in bringing you to a dysfunctional level. You continually let this happen because you keep coming to her. This has become a cycle now. You're the only one that can stop it. You need to take care of yourself first. You need to work. Can't you get a job at a Starbucks or something just so your mind can clear up? Your mind is consumed by an abuser. Let her go and take care of your self.

[markie6]

When people are getting abused you need help with your self esteem and good sneakers for a quick getaway

 

Take care of yourself

[Silverbirch]

I think you are going to feel a whole heap better once you get a job and so not worried about money, and it will help your self-esteem. You most definitely didn't screw up by saying what you did. She has treated you appallingly. I have a feeling that once you get on with your life and are doing okay, that she is going to be contacting you and trying to get you back into her web of abuse.

 

You are much stronger than you think. You managed without her before she was in your life. One day you will see this as a lucky escape.

[kaitracid2010]

it is so difficult to walk away from her tho, she has so many good qualities that i like about her. in many ways, everything i wanted in a woman.... but this anger of her & controlling attitude is getting me so down... sometimes she treats me like a child, and it feels like i am being told off by a parent...

 

an argument with her snowballs into mayhem & that is when it gets scary, because i don't know how far she will go!!

 

she has ended things with me in the past, over an argument... when a disagreement does happen, i feel like i cannot defend myself or i have to stay quite and avoid it, because this sudden fear comes over me, that it will snowball into madness!

 

i know she will text or call me soon, but i am not sure how to handle that situation

[kaitracid2010]

what is hurting me the most is, she told me to leave & threatend me with the POLICE

 

i was not even abusive with her, was just trying to explain to her, she is over reacting & needs to calm down.

 

 

i was with her 2 years & now she is threatening me with the police!

[bw92116]

She has no good qualities. Zero. She has NOTHING you want in a woman. And she is everything you don't want.

 

You must end this now. Forever. For real. This has gone on way too long. YOU must be the one to end it, NOW.

 

You must never see her again, never talk to her again, no communication at all. Period. Completely. Forever.

 

Block her from calling you or texting you. Do not ever go to see her or go where she will be. She does not exist.

 

This is the end of that chapter of your life. Do not go back to that chapter. You are starting a new chapter now.

 

And she is not in the new chapter, and she will not be in the rest of the story, for the rest of your life. She's gone.

 

You must end it now and walk away, no matter how difficult it is for you. But it will get easier and you will be happy.

[Justme3]

Her bad qualities override her good qualities. The only way to fix this is by you not responding to her texts or phone calls. You need to take care of yourself first. Then you can deal with this abuser. Right now you're not being rational. Being alone is way better than being with someone that mistreats and disrespects you. This woman is driving you insane and its time you let her go and be free to be who you are.

[DN]

If you stay you will end up being arrested. Good chance you will be charged and convicted.

[kaitracid2010]

If you stay you will end up being arrested. Good chance you will be charged and convicted.

 

 

seriously i was shocked to hear her say this to me... i woke up today & i am thinking maybe i should not have confronted her about her attitude towards me, maybe all this would not have happened.

 

if i had just stayed quiet then, she might not have flipped... but i felt victimized & her just ignoring me was getting me very upset.

 

 

feel sick today, have this awful feeling inside!

[kaitracid2010]

i just wanted to explain a little about why the argument came about...

 

first of all i must point out, that she wanted to have sex with me that morning & i was so very tired & not even fully awake, so i said to her, is it ok if we have sex later tonight, i feel exhausted i,m not even awake.....

 

so she just turned her back to me.... i said to her "hey are you in a mood with me now" i,m just tired that is all. she said "no i,m not in a mood" but i think she probably was a little.

 

(i must point out, sometimes if i don't have sex with her due to being tired or not being in the mood, she does get moody & has got angry on a few occasions) we usually have sex 2 sometimes 3 times a week, and have been together two years.

 

anyway i could tell there was just a little atmosphere in the air later on, maybe because i was too tired for sex.

 

 

we had just got to her house after doing some shopping.... she suggested cooking some food, and i asked her if she wants to cook the chicken, or shall i cook it.

 

she said... she would do it... i said ok (even tho, when she does the chicken, she so over cooks it in the wok, it's like chewing burnt rubber) and i have mentioned that to her once, and she just said "well that is how i prefer to cook it"

 

so anyway, while she was preparing the chicken, i decided to help her with chopping onions & pepper... and we just chatted, but i still could sense some kind of atmosphere.

 

she then started cooking the chicken in the wok & i could see she was clearly cooking the crap out of it... but i did not want to say anything to her, as i was worried she may get angry with me!

 

i just stood there watching her cook & she turned around and said to me "do you want to cook it"

 

so i said to her "sure fine, i cook mine a little different to you"

 

so she let me take over & then just marched off..... the way she walked off, i could tell she was in a mood....

 

so i said to her "where are you going" her response was in a angry tone "i,m going to the toilet...is that ok with you?"

 

i was taken back by her snappy response & said to her "what is wrong, you seem angry" she responded with an angry tone "well one minute i am cooking the food, next minute you are"

 

my response "hey it's not a big deal you can cook it if you like, i just took over because you asked me if i wanted to cook it myself, it's not a problem"

 

she then just walked off into the bedroom in a mood..... so i walked in and said "hey i,ve left the wok on the cooker for you"

 

i got worried i had angered her, so i thought i better let her finish cooking it.... as i did not want it to turn into a argument or a big fall out"

 

i went and sat down in the living room, she then marched in and "slammed" my dinner plate on the table in front of me...

 

i was again taken back by this.... i said "what is wrong, why are you slamming the plate on the table like this"

 

she then shouts, well make your mind up who the hell is cooking the food

 

my response "look its ok, i don't mind either way who cooks the food, i just tend to cook my chicken a little different from how you do it, that is all"

 

i told her i don't want an argument over it... she then walks off again into the kitchen.

 

i finished my meal, went into the kitchen and said "what is up with you, why are you carrying on like this over something like this" she starts telling me i am being rude to her.... so i said "how am i being rude" she responds with....

 

i can't even go to the toilet without you questioning me..... my response "when did i question you about going to the toilet, all i said was, where are you going, as you just marched off in a mood, when i took over cooking the chicken"

 

her response "i just went to the toilet no big deal why does that mean i am in a mood" i said to her "well you snapped at me and said "i,m going to the toilet - is that ok with you in a angry voice"

 

she then totally denied that ever happened & kept telling me i am taking the pi#ss with the cooking...

 

i swear to god, i did not know it would turn into such a big deal on her part... if i knew she would get this angry, i would have just said no to her, when she offered me to cook & would had been happy to eat burnt chicken!!!

 

so anyway, she starts raising her voice at me, but as soon as i raise my voice.. she tells me "to keep my voice down in her house" but then continues to raise her voice at me....

 

if i raise my voice she tells me to lower my tone, but then makes up an "excuse" for why it is ok for her to shout at me!!

 

so basically i should let her shout at me "because she is upset" but i have to stay quiet, as i am in her house & it is di respectful to raise my voice in her house.

 

 

so then i point out to her, she is over reacting, why get so upset over some bloody chicken, she keeps blaming me for everything, then tells me to "F#CK OFF"

 

i tell her, please don't throw language like that at me.... she tells me, when she is angry, then that is what she does, wether i like it or not.

 

she then marches off to the bedroom & leaves me sat alone in the living room on my own, while she reads a book in bed.

 

so i am sat in her house being ignored... after 30 or 40 mins or so, i go to the bedroom and say "hey you cant just ignore me all day, i have come to your house and your just ignoring me like this, if you want me to leave... then i will leave"

 

her response... well if you want to go, then go...

 

my response... i don't want to go, but i can't stop here and let you treat me like this either

 

her response... oh it's always my fault, your mr perfect... well your not, your a tw@t

 

my response... can you not use language like that, i,m not going to put up with you talking to me like that

 

her response... when i get angry... guess what, that is what i do, that is how i am, when somebody pissses me off, i call them whatever i like!!! i have changed other aspects of my life for you, and i,m not going to change who i am

 

my response... so basicey if i ever upset you, or annoy you by mistake, then you will use abusive language & i will have to just accept that, because that is who you are....

 

her response... yes i guess you will, that is who i am

 

my response... that is not the right way to treat your partner, you cant expect me to put up with that, that is almost boderline abuse!

 

 

her response... how dare you suggest i am abusive, get out of my house, i want you to leave or i will call the POLICE

 

my reponse... i am not saying you are abusive, but you get too carried away & i should not have to put up with that kind of language??

 

her response... thats because you are mr perfect arnt you.... you don't say or do anything wrong

 

my response... did i say i am perfect

 

her response... i don't want to know, i want you to leave

 

my response... i walked out of there... got outside, had a cry... walked home nearly 12 miles

 

 

now i feel numb and don't know what to do, or what i have done!