Teen-FIxated Porn Lover: Is My Boyfriend a Pervert?

[Lolligirl]

I am 29 years old, and my boyfriend is the same age. We've been dating for two years now, and are expecting a child together. Recently, I've been finding porn searches on his computer for teen girls. This is teh second time it's happened; the first time, I thought it might be a fluke. Now, he's done it again, as well as masturbate to porn about "chubby women." I am neither chubby nor a teen, so of course I was insulted.

 

Is my boyfriend a pervert for his teen girl porn obsession? Is this really the man I want to be the father of my child? I'm considering breaking up with him, and really need any advice I can get. Please, and thank you very much!

[Ms Darcy]

Whenever threads like these appear, I just say that you really need to decide what you can handle. It doesn't matter if we call him a pervert or if we say it's normal. If you cannot deal, then you cannot deal.

 

I am wondering why you are having a kid with a guy you don't seem to know well and aren't committed to? Just curious.

[OptomisticGirl]

Whenever threads like these appear, I just say that you really need to decide what you can handle. It doesn't matter if we call him a pervert or if we say it's normal. If you cannot deal, then you cannot deal.

 

I am wondering why you are having a kid with a guy you don't seem to know well and aren't committed to? Just curious.

 

My thoughts as well.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I'll give you a male perspective. Does it upset you that he masturbates? For most of us, rubbing one out is about sexual release. We get our rocks off, without having to worry about foreplay, whether or not you enjoy it, etc. it's a solo and we get 100% to dictate the experience. Porn, is an aid. Guys are visual creatures (its why we tend to find attraction first with our eyes). Porn isn't about you. It's about masturbating.

 

Of course people can take it overboard, spending all their energy on porn and masturbating, and not spending that in bed with their mates. It can also lead to unrealistic expectations for partners behaviors and looks, but I'd be willing to say that if you two still have a normal-ish sex life, it's not a problem.

[PaintWithLight]

I am 29 years old, and my boyfriend is the same age. We've been dating for two years now, and are expecting a child together. Recently, I've been finding porn searches on his computer for teen girls. This is teh second time it's happened; the first time, I thought it might be a fluke. Now, he's done it again, as well as masturbate to porn about "chubby women." I am neither chubby nor a teen, so of course I was insulted.

 

Is my boyfriend a pervert for his teen girl porn obsession? Is this really the man I want to be the father of my child? I'm considering breaking up with him, and really need any advice I can get. Please, and thank you very much!

 

Well if you are already expecting his child then it looks like he will be the father of your child. Talk with him about his sexual tastes. Why would you be insulted? A fantasy life is not supposed to be a carbon copy of his actual life, right?

[Lolligirl]

I don't have a problem with him masturbating. It's just the teen girl thing; I find that inappropriate and a bit weird. It's a little creepy. When it comes to porn, I'd expect lesbians, threesomes, anal, standard stuff like that to be popular, but teens? Ugh. I don't know whether to think he's some creepy pedophile, or not.

 

As for why I'm in a relationship with someone I find questionable, well, he misrepresented himself when we were initially dating, and I fell for him. We're expecting now; figure I might as well live with it.

 

And Painwithlight, you've got a good point. I just wish his fantasy life involved something less creepy than teen girls. This man is almost 30.

[Lonewing]

..and how old is Heffner?

 

We've had this debate as of late; Teens are no longer children, and after 18, they are legally adults. Not old enough to drink, but old enough to be an adult. It's just one more category in the porn industry, I dare say teen porn is more common than threesome porn...unless it's threesome teen porn...or lesbian teen porn...

 

It would seem to me from what I have seen that the average career span of a porn star starts at 18 or so and ends by 25 or 30 at the very latest. So a fair portion of the porn you kind of wish he was looking for is kind of by default also teen porn, due to the ages of the girls when they appear in those videos. The reason for this is very simple: girls naturally look like what the porn industry wants most when they're between 18-23. After that, life takes over: weight gain happens, gravity [sag] happens, children happen...all these things added together add blemishes that simply don't do well on camera. Don't take my word for it, though, you may be surprised if you were to go through playboy or other publications and note down the average ages of the girls at the time they appear in the press.

 

You can wish all you want about his fantasy life, but that is what it is: HIS fantasy life.

 

As long as it remains just a fantasy, that's where it belongs. If he ever crosses the reality line, well, then it's game on...

[duke nukem]

Many guys watch large varieties of porn, sometimes searching for women who may not look or act like what they prefer in real life. Just because they do this doesn't mean that's what they actually want. As for the teen part, well, it's not like it's 14 year olds, is it? Likely it's 18 and older, which would be girls that are fresh and full of energy.

 

All of this doesn't mean he doesn't love you or find you attractive. Sometimes guys just need to have time to themselves, it's what we do.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Teen porn is also very popular. Obviously you're not okay with it, and I'm not saying you should be, but truthfully, as a guy who has looked at "teen porn" I'm neither a pervert, pedophile, or a creep. Just a dude who wants to play ball with himself.

[OptomisticGirl]

Most 'teen porn' is actually young 20-something women pretending to look like a teenager. If they are actually teens then they are 18 and over (as they have to be 18 to do porn) so even though they may look much younger, they are still what we define as 'legal'.

[pinkelephant]

It depends on what the girls look like. Some of them are weird and have lollies and stuff. My bf likes school girls, but the porn I've seen him watch, these girls are only in those outfits.. and the senario is what's expected lol, but they look act like little girls (which in my opinion, is what makes it creeeeepy).

[Ms Darcy]

Again, can you deal with it?

 

How did he misrepresent himself while you were dating?

 

I do have to say, you still have control over your life. Being in love doesn't mean you cannot leave.

[Capricorn3]

When you say teens, are we talking about 13-15 years old? If so, then yes, I would be inclined to say it borders on the creepy/perverted line.

[Lockwood]

I think that when a person discovers something that unsettles them they are inclined to feel antagonistic towards that thing. I interpret your choice of words (creepy, pedophile, pervert, etc) as expressions of anger, not fair-minded judgments or descriptions. Distinguish between your anger and your reasoning. To me you sound too quick to judge, and too quick to cut and run. My advice is to have some steel and address your concerns in a reasonable manner, not throw some insult caltrops and run away.

[click]

one thing to keep in mind is that our cultural norms don't line up cleanly with biology (which is only concerned with age of reproduction). That isn't to say you shouldnt have your own standards for the relationship. Just that you shouldnt dogmatically assume that attraction to people under the age of 18 is pathological. Even psychologists only label people who are exclusively attracted to teenagers, not people who are attracted to teenagers and adults

[Seraphim]

To me for an adult to be attracted to teenagers is pervy and gross.

[Lonewing]

When you say teens, are we talking about 13-15 years old? If so, then yes, I would be inclined to say it borders on the creepy/perverted line.

 

Such porn is flat out illegal here, no questions asked.

[Lonewing]

I think we should be clean here, and come right out and say that porn and it's use is in general in and of itself pervy - it's masturbating to the act of people having sex. if we were a strcit puritanical audience, we'd deem even masturbating as perverted, of oneself.

 

However, in understanding ourselves and our culture, we're a culture that sells sex...because sex sells...

[PlayingAces]

I think your concerns are valid. But I think that your sex life reflects every other aspect of your relationship, so I'm sure that there is a lot more going on than you are posting about here. Since a child is now involved, I'd really encourage you to find a counselor and try to bring resolution to your relationship. There must be a reason why the two of you aren't married or engaged, considering you are the mother of his child now. Just because you're pregnant, doesn't mean you have to stay with him. It's much easier to raise a child by yourself in peace than to do so in a broken home. There are always options. Please don't feel trapped!

 

Now to address the porn thing specifically, unfortunately those "genres" he has searched out are fairly common - however that doesn't make them any less creepy. As another posted commented, most women in porn are young, so if he feels the need to search out the word "teen", he may very well have an unhealthy fixation on adolescent girls. There is a lot of porn that will attempt to portray children - pigtails, school uniforms, "Daddy"/"Teacher" roleplay, somehow this is still legal ... if I found any of that, I'd definitely be leaving. Most likely he is not a pedophile, but since there is a child involved now, please get to the bottom of this issue before you make a judgement. If you live together, I'd encourage you to be your own private investigator. Men are careless, especially when they think we're oblivious.

 

It's been my experience that if you're having relationship issues, a man will search out erotic images that are the exact opposite of you. For example, when my ex husband and I were fighting, he would intentionally leave up his porn videos with voluptuous blonde women, knowing that because I am a very thin black haired woman, it would make me feel self conscious. So he may not really be into chubby women, but he simply wanted to make you uncomfortable and/or he couldn't stand to have his masturbation experience with a woman who looked anything like you.

 

 

I really encourage the counseling thing, but if you're feeling that you're done with him and his behavior ... do yourself a favor and follow your instincts. You seem like a smart, down to earth woman who could do MUCH better. Good luck!

 

 

It would seem to me from what I have seen that the average career span of a porn star starts at 18 or so and ends by 25 or 30 at the very latest. The reason for this is very simple: girls naturally look like what the porn industry wants most when they're between 18-23. After that, life takes over: weight gain happens, gravity [sag] happens, children happen...all these things added together add blemishes that simply don't do well on camera.

 

I just felt the need to comment on this. There are many women who are by your definitions "expired", who look just as great if not better than any eighteen year old. I know you meant by porn standards, but life doesn't render every woman over 23 fat, saggy, or stretch marked. The best years of a woman's life, sexually, emotionally, and psychologically definitely aren't in the 18-23 range. Men are delirious if they think the best sex they will ever have is with a young, inexperienced girl who isn't comfortable in her own skin. Ugh, the artifices we indulge in as humans! Tsk tsk.

[LostInMyThoughts]

To me for an adult to be attracted to teenagers is pervy and gross.

That's a pretty general statement.

 

So a 21 year old (adult) who is attracted to a 19 year old (teenager) is pervy and gross?

 

We're not talking about attraction. It's porn. The OP's significant other is also watching chubby girl porn. That doesn't mean he's attracted to them.

[PlayingAces]

 

We're not talking about attraction. It's porn. The OP's significant other is also watching chubby girl porn. That doesn't mean he's attracted to them.

 

Generally, people indulge in porn fantasies that they feel are taboo/not allowed in real life/impossible for them. Hence, why "teen" stuff is so popular - a middle aged, average looking man would never have a chance in hell. A man would never waste his time masturbating to something that isn't a major turn on, get real! If he's watching chubby women, he is either attracted to chubby women but doesn't feel that he wants to indulge that fantasy in real life, or is he trying to get back at his partner (I explained this in my earlier post). If he is looking at teen porn, he is attracted to young girls but feels it's impossible to make this fantasy a reality. Someone's porn collection is a major indicator of what they're really into when no one's looking or judging them for it.

[Seraphim]

That's a pretty general statement.

 

So a 21 year old (adult) who is attracted to a 19 year old (teenager) is pervy and gross?

 

We're not talking about attraction. It's porn. The OP's significant other is also watching chubby girl porn. That doesn't mean he's attracted to them.

 

You would think it was pretty gross if you raped by an adult at 13 and so had half of your female relatives.

[Lonewing]

You would think it was pretty gross if you raped by an adult at 13 and so had half of your female relatives.

 

But then one would have a revolted sense toward anything sexual in nature after that point...now wouldn't they?

 

It's not pervy or gross, it's just two humans having sex together...and some teen girls actually enjoy having sex...shocking, perhaps...

[Seraphim]

But then one would have a revolted sense toward anything sexual in nature after that point...now wouldn't they?

 

It's not pervy or gross, it's just two humans having sex together...and some teen girls actually enjoy having sex...shocking, perhaps...

 

No. I am not repulsed by sex at all. I am married and had kids. I am repulsed by adults using teens and children to suit their own perversions. Do not assume people who have been raped that ALL of us are repulsed by sex. That is not true.

[OptomisticGirl]

But then one would have a revolted sense toward anything sexual in nature after that point...now wouldn't they?

 

It's not pervy or gross, it's just two humans having sex together...and some teen girls actually enjoy having sex...shocking, perhaps...

 

No we wouldn't actually.

 

Teen is also used to describe legal teens as well - eighTEEN is still considered a teen but is in fact legal to do everything (but drink). When people hear teen they think 13-16 bug reality is it could mean simply the younger population of adults, 18-19.