Teen-FIxated Porn Lover: Is My Boyfriend a Pervert?

[LostInMyThoughts]

Generally, people indulge in porn fantasies that they feel are taboo/not allowed in real life/impossible for them. Hence, why "teen" stuff is so popular - a middle aged, average looking man would never have a chance in hell. A man would never waste his time masturbating to something that isn't a major turn on, get real! If he's watching chubby women, he is either attracted to chubby women but doesn't feel that he wants to indulge that fantasy in real life, or is he trying to get back at his partner (I explained this in my earlier post). If he is looking at teen porn, he is attracted to young girls but feels it's impossible to make this fantasy a reality. Someone's porn collection is a major indicator of what they're really into when no one's looking or judging them for it.

 

Unless you are a guy, I don't think you can fully speak for why men watch porn. You are looking at it way too literally (as many who don't understand why men watch porn do).

Fantasy != Reality. Porn is fantasy. It's over the top. It's meant to be visual, and for quick release. Yes a guy won't look at something that will turn him off, but that doesn't mean that's the type of women a man wants to be with. Judging a man by his porn collection is like judging a women by her bra size.

[LostInMyThoughts]

You would think it was pretty gross if you raped by an adult at 13 and so had half of your female relatives.

 

I'm sorry for what happened to you, when you were 13, but now it seems like your conflating a man who looks at legal teens (18 and 19--and girls who are older who look younger), with a child rapist. And that's the problem I take up with.

[Seraphim]

I'm sorry for what happened to you, when you were 13, but now it seems like your conflating a man who looks at legal teens (18 and 19--and girls who are older who look younger), with a child rapist. And that's the problem I take up with.

 

I do not have any conflicted thoughts about anything. 19 is one thing. However you say it ONLY about fantasy, LOTS O pedos and teen rapists look at kiddie and teen porn and force kids to make it so NO it is not just fantasy. I think people forget that. They just want to believe it is all fantasy because that is only THEIR experience of it.

 

Some men may see it as "fantasy" does not make it not sick though. There are also plenty of men for whom this is NOT fantasy but no one wants to think about that. But it is reality or so many children would not being raped on a daily basis.

[Lolligirl]

Well, his teen porn video depicted a teenaged girl in a schoolgirl outfit. Even if she was 18 (and she may have been), the fantasy is clearly that she's younger, 16 or so (judging by the schoolgirl outfit). Honestly, I understand biologically and evolutionarily why men are attracted to teenagers, since these are generally a woman's most nubile years, but seriously...not all men are like this, and certainly not all men indulge in this fantasy.

 

My boyfriend has a history of dating/sleeping with chubby women, so yes, chubby love was a reality for him, LOL (kind of funny since he's a tiny little stick of a man!) PlayingAces, you're certainly right that this isn't the only thing going on in our relationship. We have a LOT of issues. We also have a very active sex life, and like one poster said, men do indulge in a wide variety of porn, but the teen girl thing has come up twice in a row (he attempted to delete his browsing history but doesn't know I know how to get by that). ;D

 

He has never ONCE mentioned ANYTHING about teen girls, but PlayingAces, you're damned right that the true heart and desires of a person lie where one thinks no one can see. Maybe I'm overanalyzing this, and like some of you said, he was just looking for a quick clown-boxing, but the teen girl thing still creeps me out. Evolutionarily understandable and not exactly pedophilish (not until you reach 15 years and below, imo), but still creepy: have you ever LISTENED to most 17-year-old girls talk?!! My God!

 

Impulses do not have to obeyed.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I said "conflating" in that you're taking multiple issues: watching teen porn, child pornography, and rape, and putting them together.

 

Sure pedophiles and rapists watching porn. But that doesnt mean everyone who watches porn are pedophiles and rapists. It's the same as saying "homosexuals can't be parents because they'll molest children."

 

There is a HUGE difference between kiddie porn, and teen porn. Teen porn are consenting adults. Yes some of the stuff out there is kind of creepy (like when the set looks like a childs room, or the actresses look really young), but it's still legal.

 

It also seems like you're implying that the Op's boyfriend is a pedophile or a potential rapist, which is unfair.

[itsallgrand]

Why are you considering breaking up with him? There is more to it than this right?

 

I agree with Ms Darcy - doesn't matter too much what we think. What I can handle, and what you can handle, comfortably and within our own value systems, might be very different.

 

May I say though, I do not like the idea of teen porn. I don't care if it is an adult dressing as a teen or an actual teen. I just don't like the whole scenario, it turns me off, and it causes me to have uncomfortable feelings. If it was something that was repeated, it would bother me.

 

But at the root of it really is trust, isn't it? When someone does something that makes us uncomfortable, and perhaps makes us question their character - that can sometimes be an indicator of trust issues already being there, or cause us to doubt this person who we didn't before. Because the question comes up, "is this person someone who I can trust when it really comes down to it? Do I have to worry here?"

 

And that is a very relevant and real question for you in general at this period in your life. With a baby on the way, and doubts about your relationship with this man. So this teen porn popping up more than once, and you not having knowledge of it before, could just be the kicker?

[Seraphim]

I said "conflating" in that you're taking multiple issues: watching teen porn, child pornography, and rape, and putting them together.

 

Sure pedophiles and rapists watching porn. But that doesnt mean everyone who watches porn are pedophiles and rapists. It's the same as saying "homosexuals can't be parents because they'll molest children."

 

There is a HUGE difference between kiddie porn, and teen porn. Teen porn are consenting adults. Yes some of the stuff out there is kind of creepy (like when the set looks like a childs room, or the actresses look really young), but it's still legal.

 

It also seems like you're implying that the Op's boyfriend is a pedophile or a potential rapist, which is unfair.

 

No, I am not making that correlation you are thinking I am. I never called him a pedophile or a rapist. It is still ass bat creepy though that people NEED a fantasy that they are having sex with teens or kids.

[PlayingAces]

But then one would have a revolted sense toward anything sexual in nature after that point...now wouldn't they?

 

It's not pervy or gross, it's just two humans having sex together...and some teen girls actually enjoy having sex...shocking, perhaps...

 

You shouldn't speak for other people, Lonewing. I was a victim of sexual violence as a child, and just because you've been abused, doesn't mean you have to be a victim for life. Rape or molestation is rarely about sex, it is about control. One can argue porn is about control, too, because a man has total control of the situation, which is why excessive pornography use is an indicator of a sexual or personality disorder. There are many studies in this area, all you have to do is Google.

[PlayingAces]

Unless you are a guy, I don't think you can fully speak for why men watch porn. You are looking at it way too literally (as many who don't understand why men watch porn do).

Fantasy != Reality. Porn is fantasy. It's over the top. It's meant to be visual, and for quick release. Yes a guy won't look at something that will turn him off, but that doesn't mean that's the type of women a man wants to be with. Judging a man by his porn collection is like judging a women by her bra size.

 

 

That comparison makes no sense at all intellectually. A woman has no control over her bra size, unless she has implants. A man has total control of what kind of porn he looks at. Could you please elaborate as to why you made that statement? Am I missing something?

[OptomisticGirl]

See (for me) I don't denote a school girl outfit as 'creepy teen' if a guy watches a video with a woman dressed like that - they make adult costumes of school girl outfits for consenting adults. From my POV the whole 'school girl outfit' thing is a fantasy not about the actual person but the time period that type of wear represents - teenage years were your just starting to explore sexually (maybe), it's about seeing something naughty that's not suppose to BE naughty in reality. Same with adult costumes of policemen, fire fighters, teachers... In the real world these things don't scream sexual but they can be sexualized (ie adult costumes). But that's my feelings/boundaries on it.

[OptomisticGirl]

That comparison makes no sense at all intellectually. A woman has no control over her bra size, unless she has implants. A man has total control of what kind of porn he looks at. Could you please elaborate as to why you made that statement? Am I missing something?

 

I think he meant men don't control what kind of porn they look at in the same way you can't control who you find attractive - its just a part of us (ie unless we get implants or reductions our bra sizes is up to genetics).

[PlayingAces]

I think he meant men don't control what kind of porn they look at in the same way you can't control who you find attractive - its just a part of us (ie unless we get implants or reductions our bra sizes is up to genetics).

 

Either way, it's not relevant to this discussion. If you look at porn and are an adult, you do have total control of what you look at. Of course there are certain types of people we are "naturally" attracted to, but because we have a developed BRAIN, hopefully equipped with a moral compass, no one should resort to animalistic sexual tendencies. Just because the urge is there, you don't need to act on it. Women have urges, too, and are just as much sexual beings as men. But because we are held to a higher standard, we have to adhere to that standard. If we were held to such a low standard that most women hold men, things would be A LOT different, and probably a lot better.

 

If you do give in to every desire that ever enters your brain, be it sexual or not, there is a serious problem in your impulse control, which is a huge indicator of many other psychological issues. One can argue nature vs. nuture regarding sexuality, and to a certain extent I do believe the studies that have come forth regarding ovulation (fertility) and attractiveness (due to pheromones), which may explain why younger women are viewed as more attractive (it's more than just looks), and the claim that scientists recently discovered men with a more balanced estrogen/testosterone level are not only more attractive to women (again, pheromones), but also have a higher sperm count.

 

But for the most part, the cave man/men can't help it they're just "wired" differently argument is total BS, in my opinion.

 

Futhermore, I don't think the poster would have had an issue if her SO was looking at an obvious adult in a schoolgirl costume. The problem is that many successful porn stars are so acclaimed because they could pass for 14 or 15; no body hair, petite, small breasts, "Daddy/Teacher" roleplay as I mentioned earlier ... It feeds a pedophiles fantasy. Why risk going to jail when you can just join a "teen" site and get the same kicks?

[LostInMyThoughts]

That comparison makes no sense at all intellectually. A woman has no control over her bra size, unless she has implants. A man has total control of what kind of porn he looks at. Could you please elaborate as to why you made that statement? Am I missing something?

 

All analogies break down if you look at them closely enough.

 

Your point: You can judge a man by the porn he watches.

My point: You can't judge a man by the porn he watches.

 

Rationale: You're not getting any meaningful information to gleam from it, much like judging a woman by her bra size.

 

You're looking at it too logically, and I'm saying you can't. It's a common trap that some women (usually those who post here about porn) fall into. Porn is--for many of us guys--just about sexual release. It means nothing. Yes there are those who have porn addictions. There are those with perverse sexual fetishes. But teen, chubby, black, bbw, asian, etc porn, are all really normal.

 

What about role playing? A couple may role play a variety of scenarios. Does that imply they actually want those to occur?

 

Should women be okay with porn, well that's a value judgement everyone has to figure out for themselves. However, I think such a belief is outdated, and typically rooted in ignorance. I will say, I'm don't like that many female pornstars come from broken homes and have been the victim of sexual abuse. That is one aspect of pornography I do not agree with.

[OptomisticGirl]

If we are talking about whether we have the control to go into creepy line vs. simply what we find attractive yes, we can control which one we do. But I don't think we can control what and who we find attractive. I watch a certain type of porn that most women I know would shy away from. I like to be dominated in the bedroom (and therefore that's the type of porn I lean toward). Now (most) people would say that means there is an underlying issue of me believing all women should be subjected that way but it's not. Outside the bedroom I'm the dominating one in our marriage with my personality and don't like to be dominated outside the bedroom.

 

I see nothing wrong (for me) with a guy looking up teen porn - for me it would be creepy if he were to look up kiddie porn. Which is why all this is mute - its up the OP to know what they can an cant handle.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Futhermore, I don't think the poster would have had an issue if her SO was looking at an obvious adult in a schoolgirl costume. The problem is that many successful porn stars are so acclaimed because they could pass for 14 or 15; no body hair, petite, small breasts, "Daddy/Teacher" roleplay as I mentioned earlier ... It feeds a pedophiles fantasy. Why risk going to jail when you can just join a "teen" site and get the same kicks?

 

You're projecting *your* own issues here. She said "school girl outfit" nothing about body types, other than chubby.

 

Also what about the girls who are adults, but who are petite, have small breasts. What if my girlfriend looked like that? Does it mean I'm a potential child molester? Do women who are built like that, excluded from being in relationships?

[LostInMyThoughts]

No, I am not making that correlation you are thinking I am. I never called him a pedophile or a rapist. It is still ass bat creepy though that people NEED a fantasy that they are having sex with teens or kids.

 

But you are. You just implied that fantasizing about teens (via teen porn) is the same as fantasizing about kids. BIG DIFFERENCE.

 

No one here is saying it's okay to want to have sex with kids.

 

Looking at teen porn != sex with kids.

[Seraphim]

But you are. You just implied that fantasizing about teens (via teen porn) is the same as fantasizing about kids. BIG DIFFERENCE.

 

No one here is saying it's okay to want to have sex with kids.

 

Looking at teen porn != sex with kids.

 

 

I still think that kind of porn is DISGUSTING. It however does not make the person anything other than a disgusting type of porn viewer unless they take it beyond fantasy. It is still a disgusting fantasy. I am glad a lot of this porn is illegal. No amount of fancy words and fancy arguments will make me change my mind about that.

 

Just as you are entitled to your opinion. We are entitled to ours.

[Seraphim]

I agree, it just goes back to the same sad lame excuse that some men go back to. The d.... rules the brain. If YOU don't rule your brain then there is a problem.

[OptomisticGirl]

I still think that kind of porn is DISGUSTING. It however does not make the person anything other than a disgusting type of porn viewer unless they take it beyond fantasy. It is still a disgusting fantasy. I am glad a lot of this porn is illegal. No amount of fancy words and fancy arguments will make me change my mind about that.

 

Just as you are entitled to your opinion. We are entitled to ours.

 

But that's also putting personal beliefs (and personal opinions) into a situation that the belief and opinion aren't warranted. It doesn't matter what we think of teen porn (I personally have no issue with it) but how the OP sees it and how she feels about it. Everything else is just mute.

[Seraphim]

We are still allowed an opinion though OG. Whether people like it or don't like it. Just because some people think teen porn is ok does not make it a superior view.

[PlayingAces]

But that's also putting personal beliefs (and personal opinions) into a situation that the belief and opinion aren't warranted. It doesn't matter what we think of teen porn (I personally have no issue with it) but how the OP sees it and how she feels about it. Everything else is just mute.

 

When asking for someone's advice, you are essentially soliciting their personal beliefs and opinions. Get real.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I still think that kind of porn is DISGUSTING. It however does not make the person anything other than a disgusting type of porn viewer unless they take it beyond fantasy. It is still a disgusting fantasy. I am glad a lot of this porn is illegal. No amount of fancy words and fancy arguments will make me change my mind about that.

 

Just as you are entitled to your opinion. We are entitled to ours.

 

It's not fancy words or fancy arguments. It's logic, facts, and reasoning.

 

Yes, you find teen porn disgusting. And anyone who watches you find disgusting. I have zero problem with your beliefs, no matter how much I disagree with them. You are entitled to that, and I would never want you to change your opinion.

 

However, trying to state opinions as facts, isn't something anyone is entitled too.

 

Fact: Teen porn is not child pornography.

Fact: Teen porn is not illegal.

[Seraphim]

When asking for someone's advice, you are essentially soliciting their personal beliefs and opinions. Get real.

 

I agree, advice is filled with personal opinions and belief. There is seldom anything that is totally objective. Just because one thinks something is ok does not mean that it is an objective opinion.

[OptomisticGirl]

And simply because some see teen porn as disgusting means its the superior (or right) opinion. Our opinions mean nothing on this, it's all down to how the OP views/feels about it. What most who think teen porn is disgusting don't realize is most of the girls are 18,19 - legal adults although they are still put under the subtext of 'teen' because they aren't 20 yet.

[LostInMyThoughts]

When asking for someone's advice, you are essentially soliciting their personal beliefs and opinions. Get real.

 

There is no need to be uncivil.