Islam Destroyed Me

[Miakoda]

I posted this before, but I wanted to repost it in a more appropriate place.

 

 

In the winter of 2011 I visited my local Mosque out of curiosity. I love learning about religion, history, philosophy, culture, etc. Not to mention, the media and all it's followers say nothing but bad things about Muslims and the Islamic religion. I'm not one for blind faith, so I decided to find out for myself. Well, I was introduced to a college aged youth group and a young man named Bruce. He is extremely handsome and polite. Instantly we clicked and became close friends. Talking all night, every night and hanging out constantly.

 

And then the rumors began. It seemed as if everyone was making fun of me behind my back because I obviously fell for Bruce. But in Islam, women and men are not allowed to speak to each other, be close friends or even hang out. So, when I confessed my feelings for him he started treating me like a disease. He'd mostly ignore me, but then pop up and speak to me. And I found myself trying to fix our friendship and express how I felt for a year. Driving him further and further away. I became obsessed with trying to fix it and talk to him. I just wanted human interaction and understanding from him soo bad.

 

He would flip flop with excuses to why he ignored me. He was busy. Islam said we can't be friends (yet he can be friendly to a pretty desi girl who is still in high school). He acts so self righteous and holier than thou. My gender was thrown in my face hard, yet Muslims sit there and say how they respect women and that women are equal to men......yet they turn around and say that a woman can't control her emotions, western women can't control our desires bc we are ******, a women is granted paradise through her husband. And obviously his treatment is easily justified with the fact that I'm a woman.

 

What about the fact that I had no knowledge of their views when we first started talking and he still let me get that close to him KNOWING that is wasn't allowed? Yet I get treated like ****?

 

And I didn't mean to get soo obsessed over him, but it tore me to shreds to feel such closeness with another human being, to feel so accepted and cared for and then the next minute it's gone just like that. It brought up a lot of deep emotional pain about my gender and sexuality. My female body and sexuality has been nothing but a curse since I was a young child. Why? Why throughout history, in every culture and religion have women been tormented psychologically and physically? Why aren't we granted the right to live normal lives and social lives like a man?

 

And why do people always abandon me?

[camus154]

I suspect it was your pushing to be with him, along with a lack of interest, that drove him away and not his religion, which made for a good excuse.

[hausser]

How old are you? (@ Miakoda) Islam is not known as being particulary welcoming of other religions when it comes to long term partnerships btw.

[Miakoda]

Pretty much, but the fact that it was used as an excuse and the fact that my gender was put on display causes me to think very lowly of the religion and it's followers.

[Miakoda]

Early 20's, USA

[nutbrownhare]

And why do people always abandon me?

 

Sweetie, I feel your pain, I really do. But the fact that you have this core belief that 'people always abandon you' means that you will unconsciously pick people and situations which will do just that, and not register the many, many people who are actually available to you.

 

This guy distanced himself the moment you were honest with him - that would have been the point at which to back off. You had put yourself into a situation where normal, healthy relationships between men and women are forbidden and - let's face it - it takes quite an effort to find an environment like that in the west, if you're born a westerner. You walked into an environment which, in some ways, mirrors your own ambivalence and pain about yourself and your body.

 

I'd honestly seek professional help in getting over this one; issues around abandonment are very common but difficult to deal with on your own - as are problems around body image and self esteem. But at the same time, there is a massive potential for growth here, and I hope you will take the opportunity.

 

(((HUGS)))

[Miakoda]

I know and trust me, I feel extremely foolish.

[Minx2012]

It seems that there is a lot of immaturity involved here. For one thing, Islam itself did NOT destroy you, so your title is misleading and could possibly invoke some heated debate. The whole thread is about " girl likes boy and boy rejects girl " on the basis that he is emotionally immature. If we stay on the " religious strain " of this thread you posted, it just shows that, once more, religion has NOTHING TO DO with morals. People who are religious can be the most unpleasant, unforgiving, morally corrupt people around, which you are finding out now. It seems that you are searching for a cure or a refuge from your abandonment issues....and to be quite honest, maybe turning to a religion that is erroneously misinterpreted by such callous people is not the answer. If they are judging you, during your time of need, then it's obvious that they are not the answer to your problems.

 

Secondly, STOP BLAMING YOUR GENDER ( BEING FEMALE ) as the root of all your social problems. I am not sure what these people have been telling you, but this is just a select / small group of people who have no real understanding of morality. Isn't it frightening to think that your gender is "faulty" based on these people's false assumptions? If you have this defeatist mentality, then you will simply assign yourself to that mold of helplessness which in turn affect your actions, thus creating the very type of reality you hate.

 

 

If we stay on the whole " girl likes boy and boy rejects girl strain " of this thread, then we can conclude that he really is a j*rk?

[Miakoda]

I never said that Islam itself destroyed me, perhaps I should have made a different title. But the gender bias from the religion and culture did bring up a lot of things. I want to make it clear, when it comes to my issues with my sexuality.........I started puberty at the age of SEVEN and it f**cked with me very very hard. What was worse is that I had no one to talk to. My parents got angry anytime I sought emotional help.......but I don't want to get into that.

 

I don't hate Islam, but I hate the people. Just as I don't hate Christianity or Judaism, but the people......they're all the same. Self righteous and arrogant.

 

I was just trying to LEARN and educate myself. I had no intentions of ANY of this happening. But it did and I feel very bad.

[hausser]

(Grabs beer and doritos)

[Miakoda]

how can I delete this thread?

[pinkelephant]

Well, I suppose you made the title provocative for attention but it is highly offensive. I'm not muslim, or religious at all and I find it hard to sympathize due to the title. I know this sounds terrible and I'm not saying it's all your fault, but are you sure you're not doing little things that put people off wanting to empathize with you? (Since you said you've had bad experiences with people in general).

[Capricorn3]

Thread closed.