Two Wives?

[abitbroken]

My marriage isnt great, were just going through the motions. We wont be getting divorced, but ill always feel blah and bored so that is why i wanted to do this at all. Youre so right damed if i do damed if i dont. Wouldnt be too sad to trade the wife for the friend. I do like her better.

 

Then go to marriage counseling and if you can't work it out, and you both refuse to do things to rekindle your romance, it is better to split than CHEAT with a second woman. Then you are free to pursue that second woman. BUT you will probably find that your issues with the second end up being the same. I really recommend personal counseling and sticking by your guns.

[Mercurial Girl]

I wonder if they're trying to set you up to make it look like you cheated so she can turn around and take you for everything you've got in divorce court.

[appdev89]

If something is too good to be true, it isn't. You should be wary of "the catch"

[lavenderdove]

No, i wouldn't do it. Adultery can be grounds for divorce, and depending on where you live, it can give her a distinct advantage/leverage when filing for divorce if the judge assigns you fault for the breakup of the marriage, and her friend goes to court and lies that it wasn't consensual on your wife's part. It could also be a trick to get you to father a baby that the friend wants.

 

This kind of thing opens a Pandora's box too... Your wife may THINK she is OK with it, but if you show too much enthusiasm for her friend, or the friend starts to get jealous of the wife's special status, you're screwed.

 

If she wants to get out of her 'conjugal' duties, you are better off getting IN WRITING from her and notarized permission to have an open marriage with a 'don't talk, don't tell' policy where she never knows the women you see nor hears about it from you or them. But doing it with someone she knows is fraught with all kinds of land mines.

[rosephase]

I'm poly. I live with my two partners. It can be done. You should talk to these people: link removed

 

These are people who do poly and think about how to have committed relationships with many people. I'm sure they would have some good advice or recommendations for you.

[lostandhurt]

Okay I don't know if this is for real but if it is tread lightly.

 

This is for you to decide and that means thinking with your big head not your little one.

 

As far as trapping you into a divorce she doesn't need a reason in most states now so I doubt that is it but just in case there needs to be a written agreement on how this is going to go down. Write it all down and everyone signs it. Each of you get a copy to keepsafe and secure.

 

If you decide to do it (which you have in my opinion) then tell them not without a signed agreement so there won't be any misunderstandings in the future and also you want to do trial run to see if you are really okay with the whole idea. Perhaps 30 or 60 days and then revisit if it should continue.

 

The one thing I would worry about is she moves in, bangs you for a month or so then the sex stops and your wife won't let you throw her out because she likes having her best friend living there. Next thing you know you are in a studio apartment livng on next to nothing while supporting them both in your house!

 

Tell them a 60 day test run just to be sure everyone is okay with it. This way at least you get 60 days of "good times"

 

 

It could work but is the juice worth the squeeze?

 

Good luck

Lost

[abitbroken]

I'm poly. I live with my two partners. It can be done. You should talk to these people: link removed

 

These are people who do poly and think about how to have committed relationships with many people. I'm sure they would have some good advice or recommendations for you.

 

It is one thing for a couple to get together under the understanding its an open relationship, but when people go to an open relationship to avoid solving or dealing with their marital issues, saying "we are poly now" is denial and a crutch and an excuse to cheat. And isn't being poly about having a "primary" that you come back to? She is asking to give her friend to him so she doesn't need to bother and I am afraid that instead of feeling fulfilled by having the friend fill a certain need that he will feel a bit emptier. But that's just my take.

[annie24]

2 wives means 2 mother in laws.

[johnyblaze]

Thanks everone. I will think with my big head and tell them their both crazy. Lol sounded good but thats why i asked. Oh well ill go back to doing everything myself including myself lol

[Lonewing]

Then go to marriage counseling and if you can't work it out, and you both refuse to do things to rekindle your romance, it is better to split than CHEAT with a second woman. Then you are free to pursue that second woman. BUT you will probably find that your issues with the second end up being the same. I really recommend personal counseling and sticking by your guns.

 

It's not cheating if his wife facilitates the arrangement.

[Lonewing]

It is one thing for a couple to get together under the understanding its an open relationship, but when people go to an open relationship to avoid solving or dealing with their marital issues, saying "we are poly now" is denial and a crutch and an excuse to cheat. And isn't being poly about having a "primary" that you come back to? She is asking to give her friend to him so she doesn't need to bother and I am afraid that instead of feeling fulfilled by having the friend fill a certain need that he will feel a bit emptier. But that's just my take.

 

How would you know? Are you poly? And what does "come back to" mean, anyways?