Mingling two different fams - pretty worried

[csr14]

Ok, so my boyfriend and I of 7 months just moved in together - don't need the judgement comments on that - already had enough of those. Anyways we are having a little housewarming grillout this Sunday with our families. We were both raised in a pretty typical American family but there were some differences. His family is pretty churchy. My parents are divorced, his are still married. My mom has been dating a man pretty steadily for about a year and he will be there too. His parents don't smoke or drink or anything and for the most part my family doesn't either. Usually when we grillout though my aunt will bring a 6 pack of Miller Lite and will enjoy some cigarettes on the patio and usually my mom's boyfriend does the same. On top of that my aunt is a little strange and says some off the wall things. This is the first time our family's have ever met so I'm kinda worried. I don't wanna tell her she can't have a few beers, cant smoke and to be careful what she says because I want her to enjoy herself just as I want them to but I'm afraid if they see the way she acts they'll think different of me or just feel awkward in the situation, how can I help this situation? My mom is pretty normal - aside from having a little bit of chemo brain but I'm not really worried about her.

[mhowe]

Your family is your family -- for better or worse. You can't do a thing. Just let them interact.

 

Hopefully, everyone will be on their best behavior.

[luminousone]

Set up a smoking place away from the crowd so that nonsmokers will not have to smell the smoke. And if you dont want to ban alcohol then hopefully they wont judge you for what your family does.

[cherryx]

Whether it's now or in a few years time - if your going to stay together they are eventually going to meet. So you might as well get it over with. Don't worry about pleasing everybody - you can't. I had the same worry as you - and even though my parents are completley different from the in-laws, they all get on great! The important thing is that they all support you two and know that your both happy together! I promise you'll look back on this and wonder what all the fuss was about! Good Luck!

[lavenderdove]

You are more likely to have the families not get along if you try to 'suppress' your family when frankly they aren't doing anything wrong. Having beer and a few cigarettes and a strange aunty at a cookout is perfectly normal! If you tell them they need to restrict themselves from being normal you are casting some aspersions on them that they are somehow 'bad' and his relatives are 'good' which is only going to get their dander up and make them less inclined to get along with his family, and annoyed at you for overreacting and not being loyal to them when they are doing nothing wrong.

 

So just relax and enjoy it. I would be perfectly acceptable to ask them to only smoke outside as many people do have trouble with cigarette smoke, but other than that, just let everyone go about their business.