"Just us Guys" Sporting event, now one brings his wife.

[rosephase]

I think the easiest way to think about it is to take gender out of it. Someone who everyone likes keeps bringing along someone that makes everyone uncomfortable. That is a difficult situation socially. And it's probably best handled by talking about it with the original friend. There isn't an easy answer because it could hurt people's feelings but there is no reason to keep doing something you aren't enjoying because you want to be polite (okay there are plenty of reasons for that but not on vacation)

 

Personally, every person in a group I'm hanging out with changes the way a function in that group. Male/female aside.

[RedDress]

Yes. I see this more of a problem with people assuming they need to curb their behavior because they aren't fully comfortable around another gender.

 

It's not just behavior, though. It's also conversation.

 

I can give a concrete example. A friend's husband tagged along for girl's night. We were all discussing a variety of things and one of the girls was talking about how she and her husband did not want to have any more children. The conversation turned to having her tubes tied vs. vasectomies, how this and that person had a vasectomy and what they felt about it, how this person had complications, etc. The husband's reaction was "Do we have to talk about this?".

 

Then another girl at the table had recently had a baby. She was talking about how she wasn't healing well (in more graphic detail), the hemerroids that go along with that, etc. You can tell she was less comfortable discussing this with a man in the room - but - there it was. She got over it... but the husband was trying to change the subject.

 

Men naturally have some things in common. Women naturally have some things in common. It's the whole reason girls gravitate towards girls (for the most part) on the playground and boys gravitate towards boys.

 

I don't think the question should be "why aren't they comfortable". I think the question is "why can't these people spend a day without their mate"? It's healthy to have separate lives in addition to a "same" life.

 

... I guess there are different types of people... but at the end of the day... he should respect the tradition (even if he doesn't agree with it), rather than imposing his own views by bringing her.

 

I agree - maybe a vote is in order. Keep it a men's weekend or open it up.

[Peoria]

Lol, there's really no need to read into it that much.

 

Men and women are different, class. Sometimes men just want to hang out with men. Sometimes women just want to hang out with women. It doesn't mean they're sexist, it doesn't mean they secretly loathe the other sex, it doesn't mean they're afraid of not being themselves.

 

It's healthy. Those of you who really can't understand that could probably benefit from a few men/women only weekends yourselves.

 

This isn't true in all social groups. Not everyone in every part of the world in every generation is grossly hung up on their gender.

[Generation]

Guys who don't understand the concept of guys' weekends don't get invited on subsequent guys' weekends.

 

I strongly agree.

 

Having done hundreds of men only things all my life and never felt having a woman there would put a damper on it at all I welcome women wherever they want to go.

 

That's cool. But not everyone feels the same way as you, for whatever reason. I don't think you should try and argue with that.

 

In the case of me and snowboarding, it's as simple as not wanting to stay on the bunny hill cause ditching them would be rude and potentially unsafe. I'll also have to watch what I say in front of a lady. I can't talk about certain things cause it'd be rude and inappropriate.

 

Yes. I see this more of a problem with people assuming they need to curb their behavior because they aren't fully comfortable around another gender.

 

In my case with one of our friends, it doesn't necessarily have to do with gender either.

RedDress has a point too when it comes to conversations. I can be nasty with words and visual interpretations.

I like to talk about stool. Not a lot of women share that interest, but a lot of guys do.

 

Anyhow, I really think there's no point in trying to argue it. It is what it is.

[greywolf]

While I understand how frustrating it can be when you're trying to spend time with your friends and they insist on bringing their partner along, why is everyone automatically jumping to the conclusion that she must have insisted on coming and even threatened him to let her come? Seriously?

[DN]

While I understand how frustrating it can be when you're trying to spend time with your friends and they insist on bringing their partner along, why is everyone automatically jumping to the conclusion that she must have insisted on coming and even threatened him to let her come? Seriously?

Yes, he may just like to include his wife. Some people do - me for instance.

[Angler]

Having done hundreds of men only things all my life and never felt having a woman there would put a damper on it at all I welcome women wherever they want to go.

 

Dude. You're that guy.

[Angler]

How old are you people?

 

Age has nothing to do with it.

 

Bringing a girl to a guys' weekend fundamentally changes the plans - it's not a guys' weekend anymore.

[Snny]

I hate this and have no tolerance for it. One of my girlfriends is like this... she is the only one who brings her husband on girls' night. I mean... we all love him. And there is a time and a place for group-couple time. But he cramps our style a little when we're trying to go a girl's night. We're trying to "girl out". I finally snapped when she went to bring him with us on a spa weekend. Ummm... no.

 

Just remember this feeling when YOU are in a relationship and want to cramp your gf's "girl's night". It sucks. Get a life of your own and don't do it (moderation is everything, of course...). Your relationship (and others around you) will be happier for it.

 

/end rant (sorry, it's a bit of a pet peeve for me)

OMG I have this same problem too and it pisses me off. I'm a tomboy at heart, but there are nights I just want to spend it with my female friends alone without ANY guys. Every time I have a girl's outing involved with my best friend, she ALWAYS has to bring her boyfriend along and doesn't GET IT when I kindly ask her to not bring him along. I don't like to go clothes/accessories/etc. shopping with men around, talk about relationship issues or sexual stuff from the woman's perspective that are super personal with a guy around... it is extremely awkward. It's why I recently stopped inviting my best friend out on girl's nights because she refuses to leave her man at home on our feminine excursions.

 

And OP... sorry, but that is what you gotta do if you want your guy weekends without this girl coming in. I can see why some people want to include their spouses in every activity... and unfortunately, those are people you just can't invite on guy-only trips because they absolutely refuse to give up their spouse/date for ONE weekend/night. And it doesn't get any easier when younger children start to come in the picture and the spouse doesn't want to be left behind to take care of the kids for one weekend.

[YakasJourney]

First there is the gender thing--which has been covered pretty well. It's a fact of life that men need to do things in groups of men only, and the same goes for women too. Not all the time, but it does need to happen.

 

Second--I think the real issue here is less that the wife is being brought along, and more that she is the *only * woman there. Having a group of say, 5 guys and 1 woman is not a natural ratio. It would probably be fine if all the wives came along, that way the guys could go off and do their thing while the woman do their thing.

 

You never know the exact reason behind why she is coming along--who knows, it could be that she feels like she doesn't know him very well, and wants to see what he does on these "man trips". Maybe after she sees it a couple of times, she will begin to understand that her husband needs his guy time, and she should just stay home.

 

I say talk to him about it.

[EricaNicole]

Do your friend and his wife ever get a vacation alone together? Some people work so much that time as a couple is hard to come by. If that's the case, maybe the two of them see it as an opportunity to do something away from their normal lives together. Yes, I understand that it's a guys only thing, but four times a year for nearly a week is a lot. Maybe if one of those weeks was spent with the two of them on a vacation together instead, then neither of them would feel deprived of each other when he leaves with you and your friends for days at a time.

 

I'm not saying that's the case, but it's something to consider. Maybe the time spent with your group is the only vacation time he gets from work all year.