I was miserable, she dumped me, now I want her back

[anon728]

This post is more of a vent than a question, as I have been having a rough couple of days.

 

Short recap, my GF of 2.5 years left me ~3.5 months ago. She started a pretty serious relationship with a guy from work right away. We spoke for a few weeks, then went NC. She sent me a few emails, but then stopped.

 

These last few days, I have found myself crying over the situation. I had been on a 3 week trip to the states (NY), and I think that took my mind off of it, but now that I am back home, it is hitting me again.

 

The funny thing is that for many months prior to the breakup, I wanted out. I was sick of the fighting, she wasn't the type of girl I wanted to spend my life with (although she was a great girl). I even thought of ending it a couple times. However, when she dumped me, I was devastated. Since then, thoughts of her have consumed my life.

 

I have been exercising, taking classes, rekindling old friendships, and have even kissed a few different girls, however, yesterday, I cried three different times for her.

 

Why is it that I miss something that I didn't want back then? Is it because I am lonely? Is it the fear of never finding someone else? It is almost like I want her back as long as she made all of these changes...why does that consume me, when in reality, I should be out looking for someone that doesn't have to make the changes?

[JynX]

People say you dont treasure something until its gone, and that seems to be the case here. Break ups are hard to get over and take time, but eventually you'll move on with a new person, unless, of course, you love this girl. Then...it may be more difficult.

 

As for your questions, lonelyness might play a part, but then again you have kissed 5 other girls, so it looks like you can get a gf easily. As for the fear of not finding someone else, the fact that you've kissed other girls after her shows you're capable of getting someone.

 

I hope this helped. Good luck!

 

JyNx

[anon728]

Thanks...the point of identifying the girls was more to point out that I am trying to get out and meet other girls. Mainly, they were girls I met at bars...nothing major, and no one I see myself with.

[Silencer]

I can empathise. Whilst I enjoyed being with my ex, and had feelings for her, they were never as overwhelming in the relationship as they were after it. I'm starting to debate with myself whether that is because I miss just having someone rather than her (unlikely, because I don't think it would have lasted this long), whether it's infatuation (also unlikely due to how much I miss her) or whether it's just that now I can't have her (possible).

 

I do think it's mostly because it's her I want and they are genuine feelings. I had a relationship before her that was much more emotionally intimate, and that went away a lot faster. The bad thing about the relationship was that it came at the wrong time, I had a final year of uni to concentrate on and it wasn't really conducive to a relationship with someone I only got to see every other week. Now I have the time and peace of mind, I don't have her. Ironic really.

 

Give yourself some time to work it out for yourself, it could be one of the things I mentioned above. It may be that you lost out on someone you really want. Giving yourself time to heal is really the only way to get more of a handle on things.