Slept with My Brother in Law

[rahulrocks]

Just to add to what tiredofvampires said, No matter how much we talk about equality in this world, we somehow subconsciously believe that it is a girl's responsibility to be in control rather then the man. We take it for granted that Man are there to cheat as soon as they get an opportunity to do so.

[rahulrocks]

It is not about supporting woman, its just about posting what appears right to me. But yes i do support the people who post here for advices even if they have done something wrong. The reason is that, there is no point in condemning somebody, it does not help much and moreover we are nobody to condemn them (we are not their judge, family or gods). The only thing i feel for them is to somehow get them on the right track (right track according to me..)

 

You really are quite the supporter of women, Rahul. Try objectifying for just a few minutes sometime. It's quite satisfying until they slap you.

[PhilliesFan001]

I wouldn't count on this being kept a secret.

[abitbroken]

Just to add to what tiredofvampires said, No matter how much we talk about equality in this world, we somehow subconsciously believe that it is a girl's responsibility to be in control rather then the man. We take it for granted that Man are there to cheat as soon as they get an opportunity to do so.

 

 

The OP is a female, so we are addressing it to her. She is solely responsible for her behaviors, no matter if someone comes on to her or not. And it is sexist to say that all men are just waiting to cheat. There are very honorable men out there who are 100% committed to their wife, girlfriend or partner. That doesn't typify all men. If the brother in law was here, we would be giving him a lashing about how could HE do that.

 

So anyways - I pray that this somehow works out for the kids involved - that somehow things are kept between the grownups for their sake.

[Moontiger]

The OP is a female, so we are addressing it to her. She is solely responsible for her behaviors, no matter if someone comes on to her or not. And it is sexist to say that all men are just waiting to cheat. There are very honorable men out there who are 100% committed to their wife, girlfriend or partner. That doesn't typify all men. If the brother in law was here, we would be giving him a lashing about how could HE do that.

 

So anyways - I pray that this somehow works out for the kids involved - that somehow things are kept between the grownups for their sake.

 

Thank you abitbroken. You expressed exactly what I was thinking. This thread is about the OP and HER actions. If the BIL was on her posting I can promise you his thread would have almost the exact same posts that the OP has gotten.

 

Why should she get a free pass on her action??? She is the wife, she said the vows and made the promises. Therefore, IMO, she is FAR more in the wrong than her BIL (and that is saying something). Why should we waste our time saying, "Oh, ya, what you did was wrong but lets talk about why what your BIL did was just as wrong." The post would be twice as long and get nothing accomplished.

 

It is extremely sexist to not expect a grown woman to own up to her action and to let her use the excuse of, "Well, what he did was wrong too!!!" How childish can you get?

[tiredofvampires]

Just so my post isn't misconstrued (I imagined it might be), I don't believe designating responsibility to all the parties that created this kind of problem excuses the OP in any way.

 

Seems like in the infidelity forum, once anyone suggests other people had their role to play, the false conclusion drawn is that the unfaithful OP is being given a get-out-of-jail-free card, or that their wrongs are being taken less seriously.

 

This is weak logic. It's a response based more on emotion than reason. But I see it again and again, since most people seem to think viewing the problem wholistically is some form of enabling.

 

Because people were saying, "you destroyed your husband's relationship with his brother", I had to say what I did, because I thought that was not an entirely fair/accurate charge, taken as a face-value statement, as I said. It needed to be qualified. That has nothing to do with taking the OP off the hook for everything that she could have done differently, on her own volition.

 

And if all the genders were reversed in this scenario, I'd be saying the exact same thing.

[Scotcha]

While I agree that all parties played their part pointing fingers doesn't really change anything. I'm honestly concerned about the brother-in-laws behavior more than anything else right now. But this concern is more of a safety concern and I hope the situation doesn't spiral further out of control.

[gwendolyn180]

The brother may say now that he loves you and don't want to see you hurt but what about later? What if he ever uses it for his advantage.

[pippy longstocking]

The brother may say now that he loves you and don't want to see you hurt but what about later? What if he ever uses it for his advantage.

 

this would be my concern op ...

[the bandit]

Great way to salvage a relationship hit with the "cheating" spell-- just sweep it under the rug.

 

The problem here is that you and your BIL have a secret between you. That is not what your husband signed up for.

 

This is the worst of them all. The brother is the bigger POS because he is kin, while you're just a person who came into his life.

 

 

I would give anything to rewind and undo what I have done.

 

If there's one thing that irks me about the cheater babble is this comment here. I mean seriously, you're only saying because it's impossible to do. This is more of an insult, than anything else.

[Donovan79]

You need something on the brother to keep him quiet. Right now you have no idea that next Thanksgiving he's not going to get drunk at the dinner table and make some "inside joke" to you that your husband overhears and starts to interpret correctly. Stay far, far away.

[SamiJayne]

It's obvious you're not happy in this marriage. Maybe it's best you do separate. or seek help

You say you don't want to tell your husband because he'll leave, and this will hurt your daughter... why not think of this before you did it?

I really think your setting a bad example. If this all comes out how will your family/daughter feel that you basically lied about something massive?

You'll have no leg to stand on in the future.

 

You have no idea the damage an affair can cause. I saw caught my mum cheating on my step dad, it was devistating. I was 11 years old, and I had to decide weather to tell my step dad who was a dad to me.. or keep the secret for my mother. I was so depressed and stressed and would cry myself to sleep, until I told my Dad and he left and I rarely got to see him as my mum punished me for telling him.

It's AWFUL! People will find out, Cheaters always get caught.

 

And the brother? from what you said about his responce, he doesnt sound too stable. I would tell your husband before his brother decides he needs to confess all!!