This girl is all over his facebook...

[sandrawg]

I've been seeing this guy for almost 2 months. It's not like we've been out a LOT, mainly because he was transitioning to a new job and crazy busy. Also, he's in AA and goes to meetings regularly.

 

He doesn't call me much, and isn't very communicative by text or IM, either. We see each other once or twice a week and always have fun. And yeah, I've slept with him a few times now.

 

My issue is..his birthday was a couple of weekends ago. I was in New york on a business trip, but I came back early. I called him to see if he wanted to hang out for his birthday. I didn't hear back. Then I saw on Facebook the next day that he was with some girl. Looked like she had given him balloons, the whole shlmeil.

 

The following Wednesday, his nonresponsiveness was bothering me so much that I had to ask him, are you into me, or just really busy? He said he was really busy and that he'd do better. I've gone out with him twice since then.

 

Well, before the prior weekend, he told me he was going to an AA dance. Today I noticed that the same girl he hung out with on his birthday, tagged him with her, at the dance.

 

To make matters worse, she called him last night while he was at my place, and he answered the phone. I heard him refer to me as a "friend" to her.

 

It's not like he and I are exclusive, but...I'm just seeing other people casually..there's no one else I've been dating consistently. Nor have I been sleeping w anyone else.

 

I don't know if I should just..distance myself from him or if I should ask him about this girl. What should I do?

 

If I ask about the girl how do I do it w/out sounding jealous?

[Ms Darcy]

IF you are not exclusive why would you ask about the girl?

[pl3asehelp]

IF you are not exclusive why would you ask about the girl?

 

Agreed. You are jealous. If you want something exclusive with him, you're going to have to man up and tell him that.

[DN]

Agree with the others - if you are dating others you can hardly complain about what he is doing.

[Batya33]

He is dating her. Until you're exclusive that's totally fair on his part and I don't think it's appropriate for you to ask him about her.

[pinkelephant]

it's totally fair game, but i would back off. i think he's more into her than you..

[buddha55]

just tell him that you would like to be EXCLUSIVELY DATING (if those are your expectations) that is different than being completely exlusive in my opinion... it's hard to really let yourself get involved when you feel as though they aren't very interested or already have option b ready to go.

[sandrawg]

It's a little different..I'm seeing people casually. This is a girl he seems to be a bit more than casual with! There's no 1 guy tagging me all over Facebook..

 

I don't nec want exclusivity but why would I invest my time in someone who apparently already HAS someone?

 

Agree with the others - if you are dating others you can hardly complain about what he is doing.

[lovebird1]

I would just pull back and not really text and/or call. If he really wants to be with you, he'll realize he misses you and he'll contact you. If he doesn't contact you then I'd forget him. No guy is worth it. There so many fish in the sea

[sandrawg]

The more I think about it, the more I agree. And if he asks me what's going on, I will say, it looks pretty obvious he's otherwise preoccupied.

 

I would just pull back and not really text and/or call. If he really wants to be with you, he'll realize he misses you and he'll contact you. If he doesn't contact you then I'd forget him. No guy is worth it. There so many fish in the sea

[Ms Darcy]

The more I think about it, the more I agree. And if he asks me what's going on, I will say, it looks pretty obvious he's otherwise preoccupied.

 

I don't think passive aggressive really 'works' in this situation. Even reading this, I am not clear on what you want from him. I think you should actually try communicating clearly to him. See what happens.

[thegirl_00]

Two months and you are still considered a friend, he goes days without responding to texts, you don't communicate often... I would leave this behind.

[sandrawg]

I'd frankly like to know if he's actually available for a potential future relationship or not. I can find plenty of guys who truly ARE single to invest my time and energy in.

 

I don't think passive aggressive really 'works' in this situation. Even reading this, I am not clear on what you want from him. I think you should actually try communicating clearly to him. See what happens.

[Ms Darcy]

So you are interested in a relationship.

 

Sometimes the way you start a relation sets the tone. I think if you are casually sleeping with someone and non-exclusive, they are unlikely to want much more. Just my experience. Doesn't make him a bad guy ... he just might not see you as gf material.

[sandrawg]

I am dating with the longterm goal of a relationship, yeah. Not nec with him, but I'm not interested in continuing to sleep with someone who may already have a girl.

 

So you are interested in a relationship.

 

Sometimes the way you start a relation sets the tone. I think if you are casually sleeping with someone and non-exclusive, they are unlikely to want much more. Just my experience. Doesn't make him a bad guy ... he just might not see you as gf material.

[Huntress0527]

Just talk to him and see if he wants exclusivity and if not then time to move on.

[alwaysmoving]

If I were you I'd just stop talking to him.

[pl3asehelp]

I would just pull back and not really text and/or call. If he really wants to be with you, he'll realize he misses you and he'll contact you. If he doesn't contact you then I'd forget him. No guy is worth it. There so many fish in the sea

 

That's a game.

 

OP, you yourself are dating others. You have no right to get upset that he is as well. Your distinction between how you date others and how he does it is arbitrary and self serving. You're both doing the same thing, but you're the only one getting jealous.

 

You could play a game here as this post is advising you to do, but I think you are better off just being honest. If you want to date him exclusively, tell him. If you don't, don't and and be fine with it. If you play a game and just drop off the map, he'll assume you're not interested and move on to one of the other girls he's dating who knows what she wants (do you?) and isn't afraid to tell him.

 

Your problem is that you don't know what you want and you're expecting him to do all of the work and define the relationship for the both of you.

[sandrawg]

I agree that that suggestion is a game, and I don't like games.

 

But I don't think you fully read my posts. I am dating others, yes..but there's not a single person in my life that I would feel I had to describe him as "just a friend" to. I'm seeing people who are casual..there's no one person I'm spending a lot of time with, like he seems to be doing with her.

 

And that's exactly how he described me to her.

 

Besides, as one of my friends pointed out, what is he doing, accepting a call from another woman while he's on a date with me? I thought that was odd. I don't pick up my phone from guys, friends or otherwise, when I'm with him.

 

THe girl brought him balloons and took him out for his birthday--same girl. Sure seems to me like something is going on that's more than just friendly, with this one girl.

 

I'm not upset..I'm not that jealous. I just don't want to keep investing time and energy if he already has one special woman.

 

All of that, combined with how unresponsive he's been to me in the last 2 months, doesn't bode well.

 

I decided to just cut it off with him tonight.

[chitown9]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I decided to just cut it off with him tonight.

 

I think that you made a good decision... I would do the same thing because I value myself more than that. His level of interest is just too low. chi