This is getting too hard

[sydneygirl87]

Hi all as you will see from previous posts my bf broke up with me 4 days ago and I'm not handling it very well.

 

The pain is just unbearable. I can't eat, I feel like I can't breathe, I'm surrounded by people that care about me but I feel empty around them, all I want is him. I want him to hold me and tell me everything's going to be ok. I want him to come back and say he made a big mistake and wants me back. The hard thing is, I know he won't. Why dosent he call? Why dosent he text? I know NC is the way to move on but isn't he hurting too? I wake up everyday and it hurts 10x more. Everything reminds me of him. I feel physically sick. I can't go to work. I'm trying to think positive thoughts to get me out of this black hole but then he comes back into my head and I'm just this mess again. I just don't know what to do, this pain is getting too much. I just want to forget about it all. In the next month I have to have an operation which will mean I can't walk for a week, move house and it's my birthday. He was suppost to be there for all those things. It's just too hard. Someone please help

[Ms Darcy]

As think as hard as it is, you really need to lean on the people who love you. When I went through a break up a few years ago, I was on the phone with loved ones for 13 hours! Reach out to people ... you are not alone.

[secondchance67]

Start by reading these 2 threads:

 

 

 

 

It is very early in your breakup, and this is the hardest time to keep you head straight, keep your perspective and try not to fall apart completely.

 

You are feeling and experiencing the same pain all of us here have, to one degree or another....thats what brought us to ENA.

 

Listen to the advice you will receive.

 

Stay NC, focusing on your healing.

 

TRY to keep your thoughts "out of your ex's head" ; don't worry about what he is thinking, feeling or doing right now ; it will only confuse and hurt you more, delaying any headway you will make by thinking all of the "what if's" about the break up, his feelings, his life, waht he is doing, ect.

 

Try to remember that the person who left you IS NOT the person you fell in love with; his views have changed, his feeling have changed, he wants different things now, and is willing to leave the relationship to pursue them....you fell in love with a different person, and sadly, it happens everyday....people's feelings change, they reach thier personal limits, and make incredible sacrifices to obtain what they want, what they NEED, to be happy at this point in their lives.

 

Sometimes, those decisions come at the expense of someone's heart...in this case: yours

 

Breathe.......sleep where you can get it...make yourself eat.......sleeping and eating are CRITICAL in maintaining yourself while you go thru this...DO NOT neglect your body or your mind now...you need both to be strong to help you thru the heartbreak.

 

You will get thru this....take it one day at a time, and look here for support and advice when needed.

 

One day at a time........get some sleep....eat.....stay outta his head......let the waves of this hit your shores as hard as they have to, because soonerthan later those tsunami sized waves will look like ripples....and you'll be on your way to getting over this.

[Minx2012]

When I was 18 yrs old, my high school sweetheart broke my life in so many ways, by dumping me. I couldn't eat and dropped down to 107 lbs. My stomach couldn't take any food for some reason and I stayed in my room for a good 2 weeks, doing nothing, but crying and thinking about how my life would never be the same. I felt like the ground under me fell, because I couldn't stand up from the thoughts that I could never find another guy as "great" as him. I felt utterly lonely and actually thought that I would die an " old maid ". Even though he officially broke up with me when we were 17 yrs old, he kept on yo-yoing back into my life every 6 months to have "booty sex". I threw every ounce of self respect, dignity out of the window for that opportunity to have sex with him bc I was holding onto the romantic idea that the act itself would reunite us. This went on from the time I was 18 to 21 yrs old. It was three years of mental and emotional anguish....always scared that he was using me ( which he was ) and scared that he would dump me for good when he met someone else that he can call his official girlfriend ( which he did and ended up marrying ). I lost every ounce of self-respect and thought of myself as unattractive ( even though I acted like I was on top of the world, with a lot of men vying for me ). I became your typical love-starved, dramatic young woman at University, surrounded by many men, but always hoping for one.

 

When it finally / officially ended at the age of 21 yrs old, I suddenly got over him. I woke up and thought, " I've wasted the early part of my University years, loving someone who couldn't even respect me ". I started concentrating harder than ever on my studies, meeting new people, working out, traveling and I became something stronger and amazing, in my opinion. I continued on to do my Masters, my PhD and then my professional licensing, got dream job after dream job ( I am now 33 yrs old ). I traveled around the world, tried every single adventure that came my way during those travels, wrote a lot, photographed, met so many people that showed me the more valuable things in life. I am now in a 5 year relationship with the most handsome, wonderful, amazing man who is just as driven, adventurous, successful and educated as I am. The attraction between us was combustible, the first time we met. We were in honeymoon period for pretty much 3 years of our relationship. Now, we have settled into a deeper type of love, but the passion is still there. We travel often to many different countries and our careers are based abroad.

 

As for my ex? I befriended him on FB in 2007. We are still friends on FB but I have NO OUNCE of attraction for him. In fact, he taught me that indifference is the sign that you are completely over him. He got married and now has a beautiful baby. He doesn't have a very successful career and is usually working on a part time basis or contract. His wife seems to be the breadwinner of the household. I am so indifferent to him that he has become merely a name on an FB friend's list that I probably wouldn't even bat an eyelash if he cut me off or if I decided to clean out my friends list. Sometimes, I am ASTOUNDED AND SHOCKED as to why I ever thought that someone like him could rock and crush my world at one point, bc now, if people were to meet me, they would say, " You are such a successful, self-assured, dynamic woman with the world as your oyster....I can't imagine you being like that, all depressive, in a heap, emotionally distraught at one point in your life! "....and I would have to agree with them. I even wonder what I found physically attractive in him. Yes, he is handsome in his own right, but right now, I look at who I have and him and I'm blown away by the difference and how I have changed so much.

 

I also took that first horrible break up as a precedent for how I look / treated / related to men that came after him. I became much more level-headed, acute and logical. I started taking the reigns of all my relationship, lived my life, kept my hobbies and the wonderful things about me separate from them.....in other words, I lived my own life and they found that attractive. I became the dumper in many of the relationships but not bc I was scared. I dumped them because I just became much more acute in the way I viewed relationships that when something was wrong and unsalvageable, I just cut it off, as it should be.

 

Moral of the story : You are in the very first stages of your painful break up. You may feel this physical and emotional turmoil for days, weeks, months or even years...IF YOU LET IT. I definitely allowed it to ruin me from the age of 18 - 21 yrs old...BUT for some reason, something in me said, " Get up. Stop doing this ". I did and it brought me into new exciting, dynamic chapters of my life with such a violent force. You will be ready when you are ready to get over him. No amount of going out with the girls, traveling, finding new hobbies, working out at the gym, partying can make you forget or get over him....only YOU can do it. You can actually train your mind to say, " That's it...f*ck it. I'm over this. I need to fix this myself. DO SOMETHING GREAT FOR MYSELF ".

[LSgirl]

You WILL be okay. You do know this, but just haven't really taken it into account. When I was 22, me and my ex of 2 years broke up and I was devastated. Like you, I lost weight, I even begged for him back, did all the wrong things and finally I stopped trying and eventually dated others (26 now). Just a couple days ago, I was in a coffee shop and my ex from when I was 22 walked in. We said 'hi' but that was about it. He looked like crap! He gained weight, his skin was bad, he looked like he was homeless. From what I heard, after we broke up, he started doing pills and heroin, went to rehab, is better now, but has no friends. He was nothing of the sort when were together, he had ambitions, played music, had lots of friends, and when I just recently saw him, I was so thankful I moved on from that chapter. But at the time when I was young, I was so blind and crushed. I would have done anything to be with him. He wanted to move to San Fran and I even said I'd move there with him even just to be his friend. I was so naive and desperate! You will meet others as you get older and look back on each one as a learning experience. I finished college, and while I have not had the most successful of relationships (as my recent ex brought me to the boards), time makes it better. You're only 4 days post-breakup. I was a mess for at least 2 weeks before I started feeling a bit more normal and have an appetite. Only thing I can say is, as much as you don't want to think it now, you will fall in love with again, and each time you do it will be with somebody better, I promise!

[michelemybell]

That's an awesome story Minx2012! Loved it!

And great advice from Secondchance67, LSgirl and Ms Darcy!