cupcake22 Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 Do you think this is true in most cases? I want to believe my bf has matured in the 5 years we've been dating, but he still flirts with other girls and he has been unfaithful multiple times. He says he feels terrible about it and that he's changed, but I'm having doubts on whether to continue with this relationship. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 I saw some comments you posted in someone else's thread and I am thinking it's probably best to end things. It sounds like you guys are not happy in a lot of ways. I would really try to make some positive changes in your life. hang in there. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater. But are you saying he's cheated on you multiple times? Why are you still with him? At this point, how can he possibly have any respect for you? And you for him? Link to comment
jumper11 Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 If he's just a jerk he's always a cheater, if he has deep-set issues, he will always be a cheater until he deals with them, if he doesn't have high enough regard and respect for others, always a cheater as well. Multiple times? Probably going to cheat again then - because ----- ***** People who have high regard for you would not cheat on you! Multiple times is what makes me think Run Away. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 I think once a cheater on YOU, always a cheater. Think about it. Even if it's no longer physical, he has a pattern of seeking attention from women outside the relationship. You need to end it if you don't want to be paranoid for the rest of your life. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 There are some people who cheat once and never do it again. However, since this guy cheated on you multiple times, chances are he will remain a cheater. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 I agree with CAD and Ms Darcy. The chances of having complete trust in someone who has previously cheated on you, are slim to none...IMO. Link to comment
DWNWRDSPRL Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 Do you think this is true in most cases? I want to believe my bf has matured in the 5 years we've been dating, but he still flirts with other girls and he has been unfaithful multiple times. He says he feels terrible about it and that he's changed, but I'm having doubts on whether to continue with this relationship. Actions always speak louder than words. I seriously doubt that he "feels terrible about it". If it tears him up that bad, he wouldn't keep doing it. I'll simplify it for you. I take a hammer and intentionally bang the heck out of my thumb with it. Wow....that felt terrible. Hey wait, let me do it again.....and again.....and again...... Continuing to flirt with other girls and going outside the relationship shows that he has little regard for your feelings and your health. You have invested five years of your life with him and he treats you like that? If you were to cheat on him......time and time again.........and he kept believing you when you said you "felt terrible about it"........ what would your opinion of him be? Be honest with yourself. Would you have any respect for him if he allowed you to treat him in that fashion? You deserve far better than that. Even if you don't know it yet. Good luck to you. And know that somewhere out there is a man that would love you like you need to be loved......and find the thought of cheating on you to be a stomach turning feeling. A man that would "feel so terrible" about it that he would never do that to you. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 Do you think this is true in most cases? I want to believe my bf has matured in the 5 years we've been dating, but he still flirts with other girls and he has been unfaithful multiple times. He says he feels terrible about it and that he's changed, but I'm having doubts on whether to continue with this relationship. I can't imagine why a married person would stay in this case. You aren't even married, and you have everything to gain by leaving him. Run!! Link to comment
marconi68 Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 He cheats multiple times and feels terrible multiple times. Thats like a killer who stabbed his victim multiple times telling the judge that the victim fell onto his knife multiple times. Don't wait until he feels terrible again. I'm with the above, including Ms Darcy. I hope your (friggin) alright today Ms D : ) x Link to comment
cupcake22 Posted March 11, 2012 Author Share Posted March 11, 2012 I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater. But are you saying he's cheated on you multiple times? Why are you still with him? At this point, how can he possibly have any respect for you? And you for him? I am so very weak minded...that's why I can't walk away. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 I am so very weak minded...that's why I can't walk away. You are a big step ahead of most people I see in your situation. At least you are admitting the reason you stay. Most will make any other excuse. Link to comment
NO5 Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 Advice is what you ask for when you know the answer but don't accept it. Link to comment
Circe Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Do you think this is true in most cases? I want to believe my bf has matured in the 5 years we've been dating, but he still flirts with other girls and he has been unfaithful multiple times. He says he feels terrible about it and that he's changed, but I'm having doubts on whether to continue with this relationship. Do I think "once a cheater, always a cheater"? No. Do I think "multiple times a cheater, quite possible he'll cheat again?" Yes. If he's been unfaithful multiple times and is acting in a way (open flirting) that makes you feel insecure - it's probably time to move on. You'll probably be a lot happier in the long run. Link to comment
Circe Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 I am so very weak minded...that's why I can't walk away. We can all be a bit weak minded at times, but the truth is noone will help you if you don't help yourself. Link to comment
Minx2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Being that I cheated multiple times on different men, I used to believe the saying " Once a cheater, always a cheater ". However, I met someone 5 years ago ( and we are still together in a beautiful relationship ) who has changed me entirely ( he actually used to be a big flirt / cheat too ). I reached a point in my life where I actually started to analyse my cheating behaviour. I made a vow to change for the better bc I know it was extremely hurtful to many. I didn't want to inflict that type of careless pain anymore on people and that's when I really made a strong, conscious vow to change...and I have. I have been in this 5 year relationship where the current two years has been long distance. There were many times when I would lie in bed, utterly lonely and wishing for physical touch or the company of a male ( of course, wanting him )....but I never would because I love him too much / he has changed me. So no, I am not a firm believer of "once a cheater always a cheater "....bc I used to be one and I changed with my own convictions. Link to comment
Alpine Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I don't think that the "once a cheater, always a cheater" phrase is true for every single individual circumstance. But if somebody has cheated multiple times in a variety of contexts, then I think that it is likely to happen again... Some people, on the other hand, make once-off mistakes. Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 I think 'once a cheater, always a (potential) cheater' is more likely. Since a person has justified cheating once it probably becomes easier to justify it twice, etc. And easier to live with that justification. That's not to say it will happen but I'd have to think it's more likely to happen. Let's face it everyone has the potential to cheat. As humans we are weak at times, selfish at times, and any number of other things that allow us to hurt other people. It's takes more strength to walk away than to cheat. Cheating is in essence a weakness. That's why I do believe cheaters tend to repeat, they don't gain strength or repair themselves, so fall into their own weaknesses and cheat again. Link to comment
PathofHealing Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 I am so very weak minded...that's why I can't walk away. I was in the exact same situation - my ex gf cheated on me twice (that I know of) and tried justifying it. I was too weak to walk away and stayed as the pain and insecurity dragged on. Five or six "I am sorry" / "I feel bad"s later... I am on week 2 of NC. Obviously every person is different, but if you see no significant change, chances are they will never learn until you walk away and be a wake up call for them in future relationships - my two cents Link to comment
wesa Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 I don't think a cheater will cheat in every relationship, especially when they mature -- however, if they already cheated in the current relationship, in their mind they had a reason to, and I don't know if that goes away. Link to comment
pudding05 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 You've answered your own question love! Once a cheater means once. You've openly said he's done it multiple times. He will keep doing it, but start to lie better. Dump him and move on. You deserve someone you can trust. Link to comment
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