Closure Happens

[ChellyV]

My dumper ex of 2 years, 5 months NC has been emailing me updates about his life, the routine we go through everytime we break up, make up (3x for 2 years) had coffee per my invitation, with the goal of putting an end to these mind games.

 

Updates, chats and towards the 2nd hour of coffee, I asked, what are we doing? And he stated that he didn't want to mislead me, reconciliations are hardly successful per his experience with his 4 ex's. And that he found me to be a genuinely good person that is why he risked meeting up with me. Then I had the nerve to ask, did you ever love me? And he said he did, past tense, with emphasis on the past tense. That was all I needed to hear. I kissed him goodbye, and I said I hope that we find the things we are looking for in life, and that I am glad he took the time to meet up with me. I thanked him for being a part of my life and that much as I want to, I have to quietly move on once again.

 

He is going through some rough times in his life and thinks it is his karma, to which I did not say anything.

 

Not a single tear fell but waking up today, it feels like being at square one again. Although I know this conversation will help me out more than harm me, in my once again grieving/healing process. A door has been closed and shut and locked and never to open again.....although I know down the road another open door is waiting.

[secondchance67]

Ask yourself this:

 

Is this enough of this "back and forth" and mind games for you now?

 

Have you had enough of grieving/healing, only to be put back to square one after each subsequent meet up or contact?

 

If The answers are YES, then you know what to do.....

 

You must completely walk away, cut the contact once and for all, and truly move on.

 

You will never forget the time you spent with him, and those memories will be with you always.

 

Don't play into his need to see you every time HE wants to.

HE dumped YOU; let him live his life without you in it, COMPLETELY without you in it...because by the sounds of it, he has kept a tie to you, and unfortunately you have allowed it.

 

Cut the ties to this person and get on with your life.....do you see if you don't you will be in this "back and forth" pattern forever, or until he gets involved with someone new and then disappears from your life, somewhere down the road, putting you right back to square one again, but with anger and shame and bad feelings because you realized all to late you were being used as an "emotional crutch" for someone who clearly doesn't love you, but needs you for whatever support or ego stroke he gets from each new encounter.

 

Sometimes the hardest decisions to make are the best ones.

 

He has been apart of your life for a long time....but the way he is apart of your life now is very one sided - you deserve better than that - you would be better off alone then to be someone's crutch or moral/emotional support system, with nothing coming back to you in return.

 

Ask yourself:

 

Is this the kind of man I want in my life?

If there is no chance of reconciliation, what am I doing entertaining these meet ups and conversations?

 

Consider yourself lucky here - you got to tell him, in the end of the last meet up, what so many of us here wish we had the chance to do - you told him goodbye, on your terms, and walked away with your dignity and pride intact.

 

Based on that alone, you got the closure YOU needed to start the real healing process all over again for the whatever number of times this is......make yourself a promise:

 

"This will be the last time I start the healing process over him, the VERY last time.....my life without him starts over today....one day at at time, step by step, I will move on with my life."

 

~SC67

[marconi68]

Very good. I think you will heal faster and better now that you've got some closure, even if you feel crappy at the moment.

 

Same with me. My ex got real nasty when we split. Time has rolled on. I helped her daughter out of a while ago. They are very close. Now the ex has been real decent and nice recently. I didn't really want bad feeling to remain. Now I am healing even better.

[learning2relax]

Chelly,

 

You are now on the road to many open doors.......just keep looking forward so that you can see all of them vs. looking back at the one that is closed behind you. You need to notice all the open doors so that you can see for yourself how many choices and opportunities are before you. Remember that you do not have to choose the first open door you happen upon either! There are SOOOO many doors to choose from - you get to be picky now - you get to take this opportunity to chose what you want. This is an opportunity for your life to be even more enjoyable than before. The opportunities are endless. Take your time and choose what is best for you!

[ChellyV]

thank you all.

 

SC67, you are absolutely right. me and only me have the key to complete healing.

 

marconi68, i thought i was healing pretty good compared to the last 2 break ups with this ex. this episode was a stumbling block, but as always, i know i can always get back on my feet. it does feel good to have walked away knowing you have tried your darnest best. so then the thoughts "what might have been" doesn't stay in my heart as i move forward.

 

learning2relax, as always, i feel so enlightened with your words. thank you for your support and positive feedback, it does help a lot, really.

 

WE CAN ALL GET THROUGH THIS.