Confused about who I am?

[veeb]

I am a straight married female and have this excruciating problem.

 

I find that I am extremely uncomfortable around women and particularly in

all-female company.I feel very different from them and seem like a big misfit.The way they think,they talk and the things that interests a majority of them do not interest me.Please understand that I am not stereotyping female behaviour but this has become a big social heartburn for me.I love sports,electronics,am a little bit of geek,don't like to wear dresses,loathee discussions on jewellery or clothing and avoid shopping and cleaning as much as possible and listen more than I talk.I also have some periodic not persistent or strong loathing towards my assigned gender in that I am angry with God for women having to put up with menstruation and pregnancy and the men getting away with no effort.

 

I have a lot of male friends with whom I get along wonderfully well and have a lot of fun.They talk to me freely about their relationship issues and have always been one of the boys.

 

The worst part of this is that in most of the parties I attend the genders somehow tend to get segregated and I end up getting all worked up about attending one of these parties.

 

So What does this make me ? Am I transgendered? Or just different?

Any one else had a similar experience ?

[Beec]

I cannot empathize. I am a guy, and no one is about to accuse me of being anything but a guy. So I cannot put myself in your shoes.

 

But the only problem I really see is that you perceive this to be a problem. It bothers you, but does it bother anyone else? Does it bother your husband? I hope not.

 

My point is that I don't see why you should change anything about yourself, except for the fact that maybe you could accept and enjoy who you are and not question why you like things others might not.

 

The only other thing I could see you try to do is develop the interests you share with women, so you could have more in common with them.

[WishMistress]

Do you want anything to do with your gender? If not avoid the parties and uncomfy situations.

[shes2smart]

So What does this make me ? Am I transgendered? Or just different?

Any one else had a similar experience ?

 

Unless you have a burning desire to become male, or feel you are really male trapped in a female body, and wish to undergo surgery to make your outsides reflect your insides, you are not transgenered.

 

I, too, can't stand the company of most females. I find them frivolus, catty, simpering......you get the picture. I've always had more male friends and been one of the boys.

 

Quick question for ya...did you perhaps grow up with all brothers? Closer to your dad than your mom?

 

You don't appear to be questioning your sexual orientation as you stated you're straight.

 

I wouldn't worry about it. Just figure it's one of those quirks that makes you "you." As for parties, if you're more comfortable hanging with the guys and talking sports, I'd go ahead and do that. If anyone wants to comment on it, screw 'em...it's none of their business. You are who you are.

[Princess777]

I'm thinking also that you might be reading too much into this. No where did you mention that you are actually attracted to females in a sexual way, or any way, so I don't think you're gay or anything like that.

 

I think you are who you are and who cares if you're not all prissy and such like a lot of other women? I am a straight married female too and I don't like being in a room full of women either. The thought of a bachelorette party or a baby shower or a wedding shower or something of the sort makes me cringe... I can't stand how they act all stupid and such and always end up finding myself wishing I was with a room full of men. I feel much more comfortable around men too, so I don't think that's weird at all. I have one real friend who is a female. That's it and I'm in my 30's. When I was younger I didn't like to wear dresses either but that didn't make me a transgender!

 

I think you're really reading too much into these thoughts.... I say you probably do need to take a look at your feminine qualities for yourself and for your husband, though. Learn to appreciate and play up your femenine qualities and I think you'll be just as happy being a woman as any other woman is. And know that you're not odd for having those feelings.

[WishMistress]

Wow......I feel special........LOL....... ....sorry we are an annoyance........LOL I am glad we are classified as prissy, catty, fussy and stupid. It is ok to make someone feel better about what is natural, and for some women it is natural not to want to hang out with other women. Maybe the insults can be left out next time huh?

[veeb]

Thanks to all those who responded.Nice to know that there are people

who have had similar experiences.

 

I think wishmistress has a good pointt.I would definitely not like to use labels or other women like catty.As for shes2smart no I didn't have any brothers and I am equally close to both parents.There goes another stereotype.

 

Anyway my husband and I are comfortable with who I am and this is purely a social concern for me.And Yes I generally stay away from most parties except for a at few friends where I can be myself.To make small talk with things like 'Nice dress' or 'ooh aah over Lovely Diamonds' takes me a lot of effort as it just does not come naturally.The lack of shared experiences and hence a lack of conversation is what makes me uncomfortable.I do try to get talk to some of the other women about their work or books or something generic but they do tend to gravitate towards other stuff.Finally I end up trying to say some artificial lines about 'Nice this', 'Recipe for that', and all is well.I come back and I hate myself for not being able to be who I am.Not a big deal.Can live with it though!

 

Anyway Everytime I see stereotyped stuff all over the internet examples: articles on MSN - like the chick flicks,dumb blonde, the idea that all techno geeks are male, attribution of gender to human qualities, assuming that there is something called a masculine side and feminine side, having rigid dichotomies about gender - all these external things bother me the most.

 

Anyway thanks to this forum for an opportunity to vent

[shes2smart]

Wow......I feel special........LOL....... ....sorry we are an annoyance........LOL I am glad we are classified as prissy, catty, fussy and stupid. It is ok to make someone feel better about what is natural, and for some women it is natural not to want to hang out with other women. Maybe the insults can be left out next time huh?

 

Not meant as an insult, just a statement of my perception. No need to take it personally.

[WishMistress]

Yes, well your PERCEPTION is that most women are catty etc, sorry if I take that personally and have the guts to say so.

[shes2smart]

Yes, well your PERCEPTION is that most women are catty etc, sorry if I take that personally and have the guts to say so.

 

I cannot control how you - or anyone else - chooses to interpret my words. If you - or anyone else - opts to be offended, irritated or whatever, that is your choice.

 

You can also choose to believe I am a completely horrid person who cheats on their taxes, drives over the speed limit and doesn't recycle. Either way it makes no difference to me. I know I had no intent to harm, offend, irritate, anger, depress or otherwise injure anyone. If you are feeling any of those things, that was a choice you made.

 

The good news is you can un-make it at any time.

 

Have a pleasant evening, I intend to the same.

[WishMistress]

So what you are saying is that you are not responsible for what comes out of your mouth? You have to have accountability. You have heard of for every reaction there is an equal and opposite reaction?? You put the accountability onto another person. There is truth that people do need to own their own emotions, but there is responsibilty that is held by the person that utters the words to trigger the emotions. The reason for this board to support people not to tear down other people as you support someone else. If you have issues with the gender you belong to that is all that you had to say...the descriptive narative was not nesscessay and the person asking for assisstance felt so as well.

[OceanEyes]

LOL - Ladies ladies! Wishmistress, I can truly see your point and the fact that you could take offence to some of the things said here.

 

I, too, can't stand the company of most females. I find them frivolus, catty, simpering......you get the picture. I've always had more male friends and been one of the boys.

 

Now, this could actually be taken in a negative way, but having read over a good number of Shes2smart's posts, I truly doubt that she meant to offend you or any other female, or to single one out and cut them down. She's always given very objective advice. At the same time though, I can see where you're coming from.

 

I've worked on and off in the service industry (waitressing) for years. It's been my experience that sometimes, a table full of women can be literally almost excruciating to serve. I love being a woman and have no desire to be male whatsoever, but in my line of work I've found that it's the women who give me a harder time for silly things, name-call, criticize, and argue. A table full of men can obviously present the same obstacles, but I've never encountered it.

 

Obviously not all women are catty and frivlous, but sometimes when in numbers, they can really have the ability to cut everything down around them and be rather cruel (sometimes). I think I've been on both sides of this spectrum.

 

Now in keeping on topic - Veeb - I wouldn't worry about a thing. You're comfortable as who you are and have a man who loves you for it. You don't fit into a stereotype, give yourself some more credit for doing so! It's refreshing to talk to a woman who is interested in things other than 'typical' female things, and I can guarantee you that there are many other women who feel the same way. Don't let gender stereotypes get you down at all and stay true to who you are!

[shes2smart]

So what you are saying is that you are not responsible for what comes out of your mouth?

 

No, what I said was I cannot control how anyone else interprets my words. I do not think in anyone else's head but my own. I could spend hours sugar-coating my words, and still someone, somewhere would find offense. By getting hung up in trying to figure out how everyone else is going take everything I say, I remove any traces of personality from it at all. Kinda like the ultimate form of PC.

 

You disagree with my observation, and it is your absolute right to do so. I'd hazard a guess we've encountered very different women in our lifetimes. My observation is based on my experience - the only thing it can be based on, which is no less valid than your experience. If you have not experienced the things I've spoken of, then I am quite happy for you and your circle of friends...I wouldn't wish some of the crap I've lived through on anyone.

 

As the quote below says "misery is optional" if you choose to feel offended, insulted or angry about something you've run accross on a message board, that is your choice...but understand that you can also choose to approach it differently.

 

The bottom line here is no matter how many posts we exchange, I doubt we will see eye to eye. People either get each other or they don't, and that's fine. Despite what you appear to believe, it was not a personal attack. How could it be? I don't know you. I am sorry you took it that way...there was no need for you to do so. It is true that I can't stand the company of most (not all) females I have met for the reasons I stated, just as your experiences are true for you.

 

I wish you well.

[Princess777]

I, too, did not mean to offend any one woman or group of women with my comment of "can't stand how they act all stupid" -- I was referring to my own experiences around groups of women, at parties, gatherings, bars, etc., that I have encountered. It is merely my opinion that I would rather pull my fingernails out one by one than be a part of their idea of having a good time, and this site is an opportunity for us all to share our opinions. After all, no one's opinion is gospel, it just is what it is, and I certainly don't think that anyone here is conceited enough to think that their opinion is better than anyone else's. I too, cannot control how someone else interprets things and I do apologize if anyone was offended. I can only offer my opinion on what I have experienced in this category.

[WishMistress]

Let's agree to disagree. Take care.

[Mun]

Veeb I remember when I was in my 20's and I was a young mom. I was invited to numerous gatherings where the women there talked about things that just didn't interest me. As a result I was always the quiet one who left early. I didn't make many friends there and didn't want to.

 

Now I don't really identify with men either, I'm very feminine and love being so. I have chosen a profession that is usually dominated by men. As a result I have worked closely with men and I enjoy it.

 

Much to my delight I have met other women in my field who are similar to me. We love being women, we dress up, wear make up when we go out and we can also talk about books, movies, men, and discuss network protocols ( I'm in computers), get in our jeans and wire a room-or several- and set up a working computer network complete with routers and switches.

 

I'm sure there are times when we are out and we get into a laughing spell or we flirt with the waiter or bartender and that makes us look frivolous and ditzy--but it is so far from the truth ...but im losing my point here.

 

The point I'm trying to make is that you should maybe try to find women you can identify who are involved in those things you like. You may find that there are others who think just like you do.

 

I now go to baby showers and bachelorette parties and I don't feel out of place being there. It's like down time from the rest of my life.

 

Now as for the comments I read on here earlier I want to point out that I think I have read other posts from each and every one of the women who have posted here. I don't know anyone personally but all of you all seem to me to be very intelligent, "together" women. The kind that make me proud to be one too--we're in good company here girls--and I am glad to be part of the mix.