Do you Constantly think about your ex?

[quirky]

I am in a strange stage where I don't know what I am thinking any more. I do think of him but not aching or yearning for him. I feel kinda numb and resigned but often also angry.

[Scuza]

Nope!

I'm not saying I NEVER think about her, as I occasionally do. But the thoughts are not nagging ones, they're more along the lines of 'those were some good times, but more will be had'.

Hell, sometimes even when I'm browsing and posting here on ENA I'm not thinking about her!

[lostlion]

Everyday is a constant reminder for me. I think about her everyday quite a bit because I can't believe it's over. I never expect it to even 7 months later..

[Heidern]

6 months post-BU, it's better now than it was a while ago. Don't focus so much on the amount of time you think you'll need to get over them. Take it day by day, compare the way you feel now vs how you felt a month ago. Trust me, you are moving forward. Slowly but surely.

 

Here's what I say to myself as soon as I start thinking about her: "She did what made her happy, don't be angry! Keep on moving with your own life, pursue your dreams, and find happiness on your own terms. You don't need love now, but one day it will find you again when you're back to being your awesome self!"

[Sammy6]

6 months post-BU, it's better now than it was a while ago. Don't focus so much on the amount of time you think you'll need to get over them. Take it day by day, compare the way you feel now vs how you felt a month ago. Trust me, you are moving forward. Slowly but surely.

 

Here's what I say to myself as soon as I start thinking about her: "She did what made her happy, don't be angry! Keep on moving with your own life, pursue your dreams, and find happiness on your own terms. You don't need love now, but one day it will find you again when you're back to being your awesome self!"

 

Awesome post.. Love it!

[NANNYSTUDENT]

Also love your post Heidern.... I didn't think I was making progress until I can look back and say I am moving forward... slowly but surely.

 

I think about my ex every single day- and I dream about him too (which I hate because they are so real). But it's still in the beginning stages for me. It's hard knowing he will always be in my heart and I will always love him... hard now to understand where those feelings will be placed in the future.

 

If only they knew....if only.

[lolgirl]

This BU is different for me...my ex and I went through two prior BU's...the longest being two months. In a few days, we will be passing the two month mark, and I have come so much farther than I have ever come in any of our past BU's.

 

I really don't think about him too much...and when I do, all I think of are the bad times. I think of all the terrible lies he told me, all the horrible things he said to me when he broke up with me, and all the hurtful things he did and said after we broke up. If anything, the "good memories" seem like a dream from a prior life. In my first two BU's with him however, I dwelled on all the good things and wonderful memories. So when he came back into my life, I took him back in a heartbeat. I've made that mistake twice with him, I'll never do it again. The heartache just isn't worth it.

 

I did have a dream about him the other day...he had a giant bald spot on his head. I woke up and laughed.

[gardnergirl2]

Constantly. I hate it, i just want to stop. It's what holds me back SO much. It's unreal how much space he occupies in my mind.

 

 

I feel the same way rebel. Tonight, my family went to see the Harlem Globetrotters here in my town. We had such a great time. But what did I do on the way home? Start crying. I am like you and it hit me like a ton of bricks. He has a new chick that he is giving free room and board to (started at the 4 week of dating her mark), free transportation, etc. He saw me, a single mother, working at least 2 jobs, usually 3. She doesn't even have custody of the two children she has .....So, she isn't a single mother. Just a single gal. He never offered me free anythng. Why her? I don't know. But I know this. HE CHOSE TO DISMIS FROM HIS LIFE A LADY WITH MORALS AND A HEART FULL OF LOVE FOR HIM AND HAS DECIDED ON SOMEONE ELSE WHO APPEARS TO BE SEEING WHAT SHE CAN GET OUT OF THE DEAL.. What else do I need to know really? When is the kick in the teeth going to be enough for me to say forget him! I have had enough!

[NANNYSTUDENT]

I do. And it drives me absolutely crazy. Also, the dreams need to stop. How do you stop dreaming??? If I could turn those off, life would be MUCH better. I need to move to LA asap.

[RitaTrue]

I think about my ex a good deal. But I'm able to do it with some remoteness. Thinking about him no longer effects my life like it did when we first broke up. I just want to know what he's up to. When I do, his face pops up.

[Jim Wormold]

I just had a dream about her. I knew in my dream I would never change her

mind and that I may never see her again. I had to get up from bed as lying

there was killing me. So where do I turn...eno forum.

 

I guess there is a bit of fear involved too - fear that I may never experience

such uncomplicated and full love from someone again in my life. That sounds

possibly melodramatic, but I am 42 and I know there have been times in my

life when I was alone for long periods. I started seeing a therapist because

I wanted to work on myself, become better or more sorted out. He told me I should

just be happy I even had such love. Be grateful. That makes me even more panicky

that I will never have love like hers again. That whatever comes now will just feel

empty or like a pale substitute. That is not fair on another partner I know. I really

hope my fears are proved wrong.

 

Recently I thought I was ready to start dating again (6 months post BU), I thought

I was going to somehow get through this. I met up with two women, even though I miss

her and love her so much. One of the women chatted me up in a museum. I got inwardly

excited. We met up for coffee, it all felt like fun but she just vanished again.

 

My ex was so there - 100%. No messing about. I suppose that is rare.

 

The worst is I think I sabotaged it all through stupid irrational insecurities that

were not even valid.

[ghengisT]

I'm in the same boat.. 4yr relationship, ignored most of the red flags. Still lying to myself about wanting her in my life.. bottom line for me is that I'm a GREAT Catch. She knows that & told me how well I treated her, I'm her best friend, etc. She became unhappy in the relationship primarily from being young & unsure of where/what she wants to be in life. I believe that regardless of incompatibilites, two people that want to be in a dedicated RS will MAKE IT WORK.

 

She allowed her feelings for me to go, and I lost sights on MY purpose in life, got chubby, but I was content. I couldn't sit on the side lines while she had me in limbo of taking a break. I told her we should walk our separate ways.

 

3 weeks post BU- she's on my mind everyday, but my ambitions are back, I've reconnected w/ old friends, made new friends (girls too!). I'm excited for new possibilites! As for her, I just want her to be happy where she comes back or not. Bottom line is that she CHOSE to leave & she was right for doing so. We're 24, flourishing careers, and I was intent on settling down. I now see that I really wasn't ready & she was right for helping me see that... Anyway I'm kinda venting here..

 

Been LC / NC for a few weeks aside from a text I sent her telling her I'm 100% convinced she was right, and breaking up was best for both of us, hope she's great.. never got a response, but I know I was great BF most of the time & she's missing me which is enough to keep me strong. Focus on yourselves, do the things you love, and that new special person is sure to be there, doing the same things with you

[Jim Wormold]

Can you believe it!!? I go back to bed after writing my post above and I dream about her

again and it is just as horrible!! So unfair, trying to get on and then having these dreams.

[TangySour]

Today has been very difficult day for me. Been thinking about her every second of downtime I had.

I keep playing over and over how I was so unsupportive and became such a monster...

I have no explanation as to why I acted so out of character but it was enough to push her to exit out of my life...

There is nothing more I want but another chance to make it right. I guess for some things, there just is no second chance to make it right...

 

Until then, the sweetest dreams of her each night will give me most bitter awakenings in the morning. The sweetest of scents cannot compare to her fragrance. And her body warmth is unmatched no matter what blanket I use.

[SeattleSigh]

Yeah, unfortunately, I am over a year post-break up and a month and a half NC, but I still think about my ex hundreds of times every single day. I even dated a girl for five months this year (whom I never considered my GF), but I still think of my ex. It's different than it used to be. I used to feel like I was having physical pain when I thought about her, and I had horrible dreams about her being with other people that kept me awake for months, but it's different now. Now I just think about her and it gets me down that we aren't together. It's a long road to heal.

[FreeFallFeelin]

2.5 months out from BU, 3 year RS; still thinking about her constantly. The pain has dulled a bit, and I'm able to have a laugh with friends again. I actually had a couple of days where I felt very strong and kept thoughts of the ex to a minimum. But, as the roller coaster goes...

[Sammy6]

Yeah, I actually had a great time last night with some friends, but she always comes up in conversation...I need to stop talking about her with my friends. I'm at 1 month NC after after 4 years.. The roller coaster is definitely up and down. I had this weird dream last night about her and she was actually nice for a change.

 

but it was just a dream.

[Fraggle]

Glad to near I'm not the only one who thinks about her a lot and struggling to get her out of my mind. Work is struggle as is sleep still. Eating at times is hard but I'm barely a month in and it's only 2 weeks ago that she confirmed it was over after moving out.

 

I really need to stop thinking about her and get on w my life but much easier said than Done. Hopefully progress will go better once I don't have to talk to het anymore to sort stuff out, grr! Must ensure that NC is put in place and that i don't break it!!!!!! I' ll post here instead

[Coconut Twin]

I think about my ex frequently but it doesn't hurt so much anymore - maybe indifference is setting in.

[MissieP]

I normally do not think about him but today for some reason I am thinking about him I keep thinking how happy he is right now ( so he said) and all he did was treat me like dirt.

[marconi68]

I have been doing well recently but strangely got a text message this weekend from her after 2 months NC and she was being nice. I had the phone off all weekend so only got the text today. Any previous contact from her was cold and nasty. I'm not going to over-analyse it. It's just so out of character her being nice. It doesn't suit her at all ha ha

[Guitarguy_82]

Yes she's always on my mind. Sometimes I can acknowledge it and put it to the side...other times it is all consuming and it becomes too much. I'm on day 40 of NC and it's still difficult, but I can almost start to see things getting better very slowly. Anxiety and stress at work and her constantly popping in and out of my head doesn't help. I need to find new ways of stopping the thought patterns.

[secondchance67]

Yes she's always on my mind. Sometimes I can acknowledge it and put it to the side...other times it is all consuming and it becomes too much. I'm on day 40 of NC and it's still difficult, but I can almost start to see things getting better very slowly. Anxiety and stress at work and her constantly popping in and out of my head doesn't help. I need to find new ways of stopping the thought patterns.

 

Try to stop counting the days - it keeps you "connected" to the pain and loosely to her as well.

Counting the days implies there is a "magic number" that, when you reach it, somthing will happen.

Let the days click by, focus on you and and getting to that place of indifference...its a long road for all of us...you will get there!

[JA0371]

Yep...I think of him all the time, but not in an obsessive I need to get him back way. More like wondering if he's working, or what he's doing way. Or if something happens that reminds me of him...

[Molly29]

Still think of him WAY too much, to the point I know it's getting a bit stupid now. I can go out and have a good time, joke, laugh, act like my normal self on the outside, make plans for the future, concentrate on work for short periods of time but in the back of my mind he is there, and any downtime I get is spent ruminating over the whys, hows and also - what's he doing / thinking?? 3 months since break up, pretty much NC since day one other than a few emails 6 weeks ago. The break up was very unexpected and completely out the blue, no signs whatsoever he was going to dump me. Maybe that's why I'm so stuck. What hurts the most is how often he probably thinks of me - once a day? If that?!

For those in the very early stages - one month, 2 months - I really wouldn't beat yourself up about the constant thinking! I almost wish I could go back to that awful time when I was in shock and distraught as at least it felt more normal and acceptable that he was constantly on my mind. Give yourself a break, it's very normal to feel like that, although it feels agonising at the time. Take comfort you are grieving and allowed to feel so bad.

It's getting better as the weeks go on though. Hopefully the time will come when all thoughts disapear completely.