Remember this one rule

[bgbillo]

Hello Boys and Girls,

- I haven't posted in some time, and so I thought I'd check up on everyone. I know many of you are depressed, sad, and even desperate over the breakup of your relationships, but I would like to give you all a little advice. You already have the one thing that can make you happy, and that is you. You are who and what makes you happy. Now the mistake made a lot with relationships and breakups, which I also made was that I felt I had to do something to reunite with my ex, I had to figure out how to get back the girl I loved so much. This only led to further and further separation. You see we all give off energy, and when you desperately want something it will never come, or will take so long it will do more harm then good if it does. Think about this and let yourself soak it in. Relationships aren't meant to be forced, they are meant to be enjoyed as all of life is. The saying is true that if you want something so much, that you have to let it go in order to get it back. What this means is that you can want it, but when you accept that it will happen if left up to God, not manipulate it, and focus on what you need yourself, things will have a far greater chance of working out.

 

The old saying, "Once you finally get over the ex, all of a sudden they pop up" is true. This is because you are letting go of the "Forced" energy and so they can be attracted back into your life. This does not mean take no initiave, but in reality says take all the initiative. Ask for what you want in your heart, then let it go hoping that God or the universe will bring it to you, and make no judgments on how and when. Impatience is the part of human nature that kills us all. So be patient, and know that things will work out for the best, and focus on YOU. Find a purpose for your life outside of that person, outside of an individual purpose and persue it, then let the universe bring those things you want back to you.

 

I have not yet reunited with my ex, but I have faith that it will happen in time as long as I don't judge how, and if it doesn't something better will come in my life. I just have to be grateful for what I have in my life as all of us do, because when you are facing the hardest of circumstances, showing gratitude for your life and things in it, has an even stronger effect. I wish you all the best, and feel free to PM if you have an questions. May peace be upon us all and happiness enter everyone's life.

 

Sincerely,

B

[Confused and hurt]

bgbillo -

 

I love your post! I am going to print it out. I couldn't agree with you more! It is so true that when you least expect things, they come to you. This is true for anything in life...not just relationships. In my own personal experience, a few years ago I desperately wanted to get into law school and thought my life would be ruined if I didn't. I wanted it so bad to the point of obsessing. The first time I applied, I did not get into any schools and this depressed me beyond belief. It was only when I applied a second time without any expectations, but instead with the realization that whatever was meant to happen for me, the universe would allow to happen, and when I didn't care so much about whether I got in or not, that I got accepted.

 

I am hoping the same will be true with the situation with my ex. I realize that I have been obsessing about him coming back into my life and giving me a second chance. The hard part is actually accepting the situation as it is and REALLY moving on. I know that the best thing to do is just leave it up to fate and God, but I still am not at the point where I am able to totally do that. It really is hard to just "let go" when you know in your heart and every ounce of your being that you really want something to happen. I have gotten better though in the sense that I am now coming to grips with the fact that I cannot really do anything to change my situation with my ex...there is something bigger than all of us out there and we just have to trust that things will work out in all our lives the way they are meant to.

 

Thanks again for your insight!

[bamboo]

Great post bgbillo. It really rings true and it's something that I have been slowly realising myself in the past few months. Confused and hurt, I think I am the same as you that I am not ready to let go 100% yet. I still long for my ex so there is still 10% of me that is hanging on to hope. But I have done a lot of soul searching since the split that I know I would not have done if we were still together and I have come to know me better and even to like me better I believe that things will naturally fall into place for us if we focus on our own happiness. If happiness happens to be with an ex then that is a nice surprise, but then if it happens to be with someone new, then that is a lovely surprise as well.

[bgbillo]

Confused and Hurt,

- You hit the nail right on the head. You can live life pushing the things you truly want away simply by not letting things be. I am not in any way trying to say give up on you and your ex reuniting, but understand that you wanting it isn't the problem. Your attachment to it is. I think the trickiest thing in life is to want something and not have expectation of how you are going to get it and trust trust that it will happen in its own time. I am in no way saying give up on your lost love, just saying that you need to focus on yourself. I had similar situations in my life to your law school story, including getting my car, having a grade corrected, and getting into medical school. I have had this lesson shown to me lord knows how many times, but I continued to ignore it. Anyhow, people just need time to get in touch with themselves, but if you focus all your energy on getting them back, what good does it do. You can't force someone to love you, take you back, or even talk to you, so just know that you want it, and it will happen. Don't question how it will happen, when it will happen, or where. Just trust it will and let it go. Still keep thinking positive about it, but don't let it affect you. That is the reality of things. I hope this helps, and I wish you the best.

 

Sincerely,

B

[adji]

that first message was beautiful. i have been feeling so down recently and lookin for answers as to why me and how could she have broke are home in pieces. all i have done is to try and creep my way back into her life when all she is asking for is time. i now realise i cant force her to want me back or love me . i just pray to god she does find it in her heart to cos i love her so much . god bless you all

[maria219]

Thank you for the wonderful post....it actually consoled me. I just had this fear that if you let something go, it may not come back and that that would be the end...and it is such a scary feeling. But it's the only way to go about these sort of situations...I know I am trying to get to that stage of 'letting go' (I hope I can make it!) because I am sick of all these rollercoaster ride emotions and I cannot handle them...so you're right...focus on yourself and surround yourself with those who love you so you can grow and most importantly learn something from this experience....and more than not, you will only become a better person who people will definitely want to be around

[otrebla]

Great post bgbillo!!

That's the way to go instead of wasting time making strategies, if it's over for now, it's over, so let's better concentrate in being happy with ourselves.

If the ex comes back, great, if not, great anyway, it's quite true the thing of forcing things, it's better to live life without expecting something in return, just doing things for the pleasure of doing them and everything will be fine and there will be success.

Greetings

[bgbillo]

Hey Guys,

- I am glad to hear that my post has started to help several of you, and hopefully more have read it. I ask people to take it as they wish, but it rings true. I at times find it hard to believe, but we do put off energies, and think about this example. Why is it when there is a bee or wasp around it always seems to fly toward the person who is most afraid of it, yet the person who doesn't care or isn't afraid doesn't get stung? It's because whatever we fear, we bring into reality. When I applied to medical school, I was rated as one of the top 4 applicants coming out of my university which is the big pool for the medical school, yet i worried so much about getting in, and was so confident on the other end, that I didn't get in initially. "I was put on hold status" as they say. Well time passed and I made an effort to move on accepting that I wasn't going to get in, and the day I said I am going to grad school instead, the letter came saying I got in. Ironic? Not really. I decided not to go anyways and went to grad school instead, but its all part of the universe. If you want something bad enough, and many times even if its not meant to be, the opportunity will arise for you once you let go. It doesn't mean you stop wanting it, it just means you realize that it doesn't define your life or your happiness. You will be happy whether it comes or not.

 

This is also the secret to a happy relationship. If you just let things move at their own pace and don't put undue pressure on it (like I did), than it will be fine. Pressure is something none of us like. Some of us may thrive on it for certain things, but when it comes to emotions such as love, pressure is the worst thing you can do. Just let things be, live your life, don't try to get your ex back and realize that is the key. Trying to get them back leads you to sabotage things. Just trust that you always get what you want, and opportunities will arise for them to be achieved. Best wishes everyone, and keep the replies coming. I love to hear back from you guys, both positive and negative, so that I can improve getting out the message.

 

Sincerely,

B

[Confused and hurt]

bgbillo -

 

Once again...thanks for the great advice. I think your post came at a perfect time for me. Its what people had been telling me all along...that I kept obsessing over getting my ex back too moch that I was inadvertently making it less likely to happen. I had been doing better at the beginning of September, but then my birthday came and I didn't get a phone call from him and I started to worry all over again. I talked to him the day after my birthday and he claimed he had "forgotten" about my birthday so for the past week I had been really down in the dumps. Wondering what I should do in order to make him realize that I still really want to be with him after 2 months of being apart and all the pain he has put me through. The only answer that I am left with after all this contemplation is that nothing I do right now is going to change his mind. He doesn't want to speak with me right now despite the fact that I have expressed my wishes to do so and he is with someone else despite knowing how much I love him and want to try again. He is where he is and he needs to figure things out for himself. That is why my only choice is to let go and take a step back from the situation. I have to let things just pan out and see where they go. I don't need him to be happy...I would just prefer to have him with me. But I know that whatever happens, I will still be able to carry on and live my life the way I should (I may still have some what if's? and regrets with me, but will I be happy?...I hope so)

 

I just have a question for you since you seem to have a good understanding of these things. Do you really believe that once you truly let go, opoortunities that you want present themselves again? And in the end, do you believe that the universe sends us all what we really want, or just what is best for us? I know I have been contemplating this because everyone tells me that in the end things will work out fine. My reply is yes, they probably will be fine...but that does not mean that they will be fine in the sense that he wants to get back with me. I don't know....maybe this doesn't make sense and maybe I am thinking way too hard about all of this. I just wanted to reaffirm how great I think your post is!

 

Thanks-

Confused and hurt

[bgbillo]

Confused and hurt,

- thanks again for your kind words. As for your question, yes I do believe that the universe brings us what we want. This is first and foremost, however the tough part. What we really want is often masked by our Egos. If your ego is asking the universe for something, then chances are that you won't get it. The things we truly want come from our souls/spirit/higher self wwhateer you choose to call it. You really can bring yourself whatever you want, that is if it is what is for greater good of the universe. I know many who bring back people into their lives who are not their soulmates, as long as its in the best interest of universe. The problem that we get is that we are impatient by nature, and the universe doesn't work like the witchcraft movies and tv shows. The universe takes time and its own time.

 

By letting go, you allow things to follow the path of least resistance. When you focus on it and worry about how its going to happen you limit this and so if it doesn't happen the way you think, then it won't happen. The reality is, we get what we want only when we are grateful for what we have and live in the moment. The past is done and you can't go back, so dwelling on it doesn't help you. The future doesn't exist, because it hasn't happened yet. The only time that exists is today, so to bring things to you, you have to live in the now. Future is not set, although certain parts of our lives may be preordained in some's beliefs, the path we take to those is not. We make choices with how we think everyday, and we have to choose our thoughts carefully. You do this by letting your soul guide you instead of your ego. When you give out love to the universe and appreciation, it will bring it back to you. This is how things work. If you expect something back for your love. You have to truly love yourself before you can really love anyone else. By giving the love for your ex, back to yourself, you'll bring more love into your life and draw the things you want. Remember their is no reason for insecurities, fear, doubts, worries. These are all just illusions if you think about it. If you can look at something in a negative or positive way (which you can do with all situations), why would you honestly ever choose negative? If you truly think positive, not just thinking but believing positive, then you'll be fine.

 

I wish you all the best, and if you have any more questions, please feel free to ask.

 

Sincerely,

B

[Confused and hurt]

bgbillo-

 

How do you know then if you and your ex being back together is truly for the good of the universe? The people that you mention who have managed to bring people back into their lives...what approaches did they use? I have another question for you...I am curious to hear your thoughts. Why do you think it is most often the case that when an ex makes a reappearance into the dumpee's life, the dumpee no longer wants him/her back?

 

Although I really do agree with what you write about energy, letting things go, and accepting your present situation before things turn around, the rational part of me can't help but think that we are all in control of our own destinies and that when we want things, we should go after them aggressively and try to make them happen. I think it is this thinking that holds me back from truly letting go. I keep worrying that if I just let it go and give it time, my ex will forget about me and move on. I just don;t want to look back one day and think "oh no, what if I had just tried a little harder to show him that I truly am in love with him and want him back?" I am the type of person who hates having regrets in life. Regardless, I think it is evident that I have done all I can for the time being....there is some grand plan for me....I just have to wait patiently to see what it is.

 

By the way, I am curious as to why you think the way you do. Did you always think like this, or did you realize things through life experiences?

[x143]

hey bgbillo,

 

thanks for your great post i bookmarked it and i always come back to it whenever i start to feel depressed or anxious. i do believe in what you say--that things only come to you when you stop expecting them. i know this from several personal experiences as well. i try not to overanalyze my past relationship or worry and obsess over the past and take life easy. it's hard, but i think i'm getting stronger each day, and your post has helped guide me down this path. so thanks again ! you are truly an inspiration to me and others on this forum. GOD BLESS

[StrawTink]

i have a huge regret in my relationship with my ex. He pushed and i pulled. I would love to go back and just let certain things go. i think some of our stupidest fights would have never occurred if i had just let the small stuff go. i am an overanalyzer by birth. I cant avoid it. What i can do now is trust that if this man is to be the man in my life for the rest of my life....... he will come back to me when we are both ready to do so. He had insecurities as well as I did. What I need to do is work on my own stuff so that if and when the time comes for us to be together again i am a wiser stronger woman. That way it will be a stronger relationship. But, i do trust that when it's time we will both know. I know he misses me as much as i miss him. Hopefully that will be enough for us to work our issues out. MAY WE ALL HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF FAITH, TRUST, AND PIXIE DUST ON OUR SIDES AS WE ALL WANT TRUE LOVE TO WIN

[bgbillo]

Confused and Hurt,

- I don't know if my ex and I getting back together is best for the universe, but I trust things will work out for the best. The approaches they used was to focus on themselves. When you yurn for something, you'll never get it. We have to let go to get. I don't think it's always when the dumpee no longer wants the dumper back. It's when we let go of the need or want. When you want things you worry about whether they will come back or not. When you do that, you are only worrying because of the fear that it won't happen is in your mind. If you fear things you slow them down. Why worry? If you really love each other and are meant to be together it will happen, if not, then it just means something better will come into your life. It's like the stories of people who date, then break up, marry someone else, then divorce years later to end up dating each other again and realizing they are the ones. The truth is they needed to go through some things before they were really ready to be together. there is a difference between a relationship and really BEING together. Being together is a feeling you can't compare to dating or marriage, its on a plane of true love. It's when you aren't someone who does things for that person, but ARE someone to them.

 

Love is stronger than anything else on this earth, and its starts with the Universe. Just have faith that what you ask for will come back to you and let it go, live your life. When you live in the present, you create the things you want. When you live in the past or the future (which don't exist anymore) you create nothing. Plotting to get your ex back does nothing but give temporary solutions if it doesn't push them away. The reason they come back when you let go is that the pressure is gone. A lot of times people feel forced into a corner and don't like it so they bolt. It's the Egos way of protecting them. Give yourself all this love you have for him and he'll come back. Show them love by being your ex's friend and loving yourself. I am not saying by the way to everyone to just think positive. Your feelings are your real guide so don't try to let your mind tell you what you are feeling, it will only do like a computer and categorize based on your past. Your past has past, and this is the now. This is new. Live in the moment, show love without attachment, and great things will come to you, if you just let them. I am not saying don't take initiate. Put out the hand, but don't grab them and force.

 

x143, thank you for your kind words. I am glad this post helped you.

 

StrawTink, you don't need to regret what happened. The fact is it happened, and as long as you learned from it, that's what's important. I think people generally think that they have ruined everything because they make mistakes. Here is a little insight I recently learned. We don't make mistakes, we make choices and do actions. They happen, and happen for a reason to better ourselves and bring us closer to realizing our spirituality. Most times we ignore the lesson (like I did) and repeat the same choices, but once you learn from them and let yourself know everything happens for a reason, you can move on and that's it. The key for all of us is to love ourselves. We are complete and can bring happiness to ourselves without anyone else. If you believe in God or not, we were created in his image or the image of the basic entity of life energy/light (if your not religious), and so we are all connected and all one. When you realize you have control of your life and create how it goes by your thoughts, you will have realized you are whole. Lovers are complementing to us, not completing. Think of you and your lover as circles, when you join, you don't unify into one ring, but more make the form of the infinity symbol. You compliment one another, while retaining your self. Just trust in the universe and let go. Let yourself love you for who you are now. You can't love who you were, you can't love who you are going to be, you can only love who you are now. Plain and simple. Remember that.

 

Best wishes everyone, and keep the questions coming if you need em.

[MrMikeWikowski]

That is certainly profound advice. And I think I will do a myself a huge favour and take it.

 

I have been miserable the last few days because the shred of hope I was hanging on had been cut.

 

But, really, what meeting my ex showed me (yet again, sigh!) was that I was not ready. Not ready to see her, not ready to be her friend, and definitely not ready to be with her.

 

Like many people here, I have been broken. My faith in myself has been shaken. I have been horribly hurt. And the thing is that is that I let myself be hurt. My love was so strong for my ex, that forgot about myself.

 

And so, I really, really need to let go. Yes I will still love her. Yes I will still have hope. BUT, the critical part is I need to love me again first. I need to learn that I am a great person before there is any chance of anything happening. I need to focus on myself. Do what I want and meet lots of new women

 

The funny thing is that as much as I want me ex back, I have always known I was not ready. The choice of being truly alone was just to painful. It still is, but I am going to do this.

 

It is hard when sometimes you feel like you wish you were dead, but I do believe that best things really happen when you are not looking for them

 

I suggest everyone take the advice in this thread. Forget all the plans of getting back with your ex. Yes you can have hope, BUT don't make it the focus of your happiness. Because you won't be happy.

 

I hope that one day my ex and will reunite. I don't know if it is possible, but it certainly isn't now.

 

Good luck everyone.

 

You can pm if you need. I know how very painful this really can be.

 

Smile

 

Mike

[me4ta]

I have no comment, I just want to say thank you, bgbillo - you have such a healthy outlook on life and fate....Sometimes, you understand things and know in your heart that you're a great person, that everything happens for a reason, that this pain we feel it's truly up to us to continue feeling it or to let go and look into the future....It just takes another person, and the wonderful thing is like in this situation, an absolute stranger to tell you these things, actually vocalize them - to finally realize the aforementioned is true.

 

Our exes are not the ones who're hurting us, we are hurting ourselves by hanging there; our exes just provided the precedent for our emotions and we are the ones who have the power to continue reacting in a negative way or to let go and be happy.

 

Thank you once again.

[bgbillo]

Hello Everyone,

- Hope all is well as I take a break from writing my thesis. I am glad to hear my advice is helping everyone and I truly ask you to take genuine time to let it sink in. Don't let yourself get comfort solely from reading it, but allowing yourself to accept it. Many times the answers to life's questions are blatantly in front of us, but we just try to grasp them without letting them soak in. Understanding takes time. Often when you try to force understanding it leads to nothing, so just take your time with this. Also, remember hope is based on the fact that some outside force will bring what you want into place, and since we create our own realities, hope is a misnomer. The true thing you need to have is faith and belief. The difference between believing and thinking is greatly profound. For those who believe in religion, you can understand this easily. When you have faith and believe without a doubt in your faith, you have a true feeling of control in your life and a complete feeling of peace. If you think your religion is right, this leads only to more questioning.

 

Believing that the universe and we do not make mistakes, only choices, lets you know you are always in control. This is one of the two hardest lessons to learn about the world. That you have to have faith in what you can't rationalize and just let it be that it is. Secondly, learning to detach yourself without losing the intention of your wants. You do this by realizing your prayer or request has already been answered and is on its way to you. If it is, then why worry, why doubt, why question. If it doesn't come to you, than something even better will, it is that simple. The biggest mistake I made with all of this stuff was that I tried to rationlize (rational-lies) it, and how it works. We aren't supposed to know, we are just supposed to have faith, and do our part by holding our intentions without attachment. That is what is meant by the old saying, "If you love something, set it free. If it was truly yours then it will return to you". We already have everything we ask for, we just have to allow it to come in whatever way the universe says without judging.

 

Best wishes everyone, and feel free to PM if you'd feel more comfortable asking questions that way.

 

Sincerely,

B

[fantasia2004]

The old saying, "Once you finally get over the ex, all of a sudden they pop up" is true. This is because you are letting go of the "Forced" energy and so they can be attracted back into your life. This does not mean take no initiave, but in reality says take all the initiative

 

 

THAT NEVER happens! I just don't believe it maybe in the movie swingers but not for reality base. I would like to get back on a good note with my ex but it might not happen. Especially when I piushed him away. So I hope I forget him totally like my pass exes and move on. For him treating me badly hurts but it made me stronger to go on.

 

From what you say bgbillo,

 

It just sounds like bad karma to me.

[fantasia2004]

Sincerely,

B

 

 

 

 

This last quote makes sense but sometimes you do not always get what you want. What ?Are you supossed to wish for it to happen?

[bgbillo]

Fantasia,

- I am not saying that this guarntees your ex will come back or that you will always get what you want. The fact is when you ask for things with your ego, you generally don't get it. Often times our loves are not meant to be, and so that is what I meant by this. You can sit back and want it all you want, but you have to let go of it to really let yourself to accept and allow what you really want into your life, which maybe someone else. I am not saying to hold onto your ex, just to let yourself have the love you were giving them and follow your soul and not your mind. Often times people make choices in life that are necessary as learning experiences, and those times are when we grow the most.

 

As for the idea that they pop up when you let go, it is true, but not always, because it depends on what you want when you let go and whether your feelings are neutral. If you let go by saying I hate them, then you'll push them away. If you let go, just by loving yourself and letting yourself live, then you allow it the opportunity to happen. I've seen it many times, believe me. I just hope people don't think I am advocating giving up just to get them back. I am saying to let them go and trust that the universe knows what is best for you, and if they are meant to come back, they will.

 

Sincerely,

B

[fantasia2004]

As for the idea that they pop up when you let go, it is true, but not always, because it depends on what you want when you let go and whether your feelings are neutral. If you let go by saying I hate them, then you'll push them away. If you let go, just by loving yourself and letting yourself live, then you allow it the opportunity to happen. I've seen it many times, believe me. I just hope people don't think I am advocating giving up just to get them back. I am saying to let them go and trust that the universe knows what is best for you, and if they are meant to come back, they will.

 

You make it clearer now but I am still hoping even though everyone just says look at it form a reality and move on. But even if we dod not get back together I would love to get back together if god permits that we are friends when the smoke clears and he is able to be at peace with me again instead of being mean against me for the hurt I caused.

[JustPlainSad]

Fantasia, he has been mean, angry and cold towards you after HE broke up with YOU! He needs to show you that he is a changed man and can act like an adult before you think of even being his friend. Thats how I feel it should be dealt with.

[bgbillo]

Fantasia,

- I am glad that I could clear up the message. The first thing that you have to do is forgive yourself. forgiveness comes from ourselves first, and then others can forgive. You have to be willing to realize that you made choices and they weren't resulting in what you may have wanted at the time, but they have happened and should be learned from. Life is full of choices we choose to look at as mistakes and hurting, but we have to realize everything happens to help us grow spiritually, and that when we can do that, we can forgive the negative energy those choices brought out. When you don't forgive yourself for what you did, how can you expect others to forgive you. Forgiveness is for ourselves, not the other person, and as I said earlier starts with you, I just want to emphasize that. In time we all learn if we allow ourselves and others to, but if you can make yourself whole again, only then can you truly love someone. You have to love everything about yourself, then you can truly love someone else. I love my ex dearly, and I have faith that if we are right for one another, which through my meditation and soul searching I feel we are, then by taking steps only that I am inspired to take rather than "think I should do" and allow the universe to do its part, things will fall into place, even if it means us never reuniting. As long as you focus on him not being in your life, you will react in that way. When you don't give off a sense of neediness or pushing, then you can be truly yourselves with one another, but until that time you will continue to push away one another, so take time to just let yourself love and forgive yourself. That is the key. I hope this is helpful, and I thank you for your comments.

 

Sincerely,

B

[fantasia2004]

Fantasia, he has been mean, angry and cold towards you after HE broke up with YOU! He needs to show you that he is a changed man and can act like an adult before you think of even being his friend. Thats how I feel it should be dealt with.

 

Wow! are you harsh! Love you too! THANK YOU FOR WAKING ME UP TO REALITY!

[JustPlainSad]

I didnt mean to get you angry or anything, but by your PM's and reading about how he has been acting he's the immature one. Yes you have had bouts of it yourself but his actions go way above and beyond yours. If he was a real man he wouldn't call you by his ex girlfriends name. Thats classless in the purest sense of the word.

 

Yes you may have your own issues and the like but you still are a special person and deserve to be treated as such by him. You two spent time as one and now he is a cold hearted immature, boy, towards you. It shows his maturity level. It is understandable that there needs to be a period of no frindship because feelings are involved but to call you names and be mean to you is not cool.