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hey bgbillo, thanks for your great post i bookmarked it and i always come back to it whenever i start to feel depressed or anxious. i do believe in what you say--that things only come to you when you stop expecting them. i know this from several personal experiences as well. i try not to overanalyze my past relationship or worry and obsess over the past and take life easy. it's hard, but i think i'm getting stronger each day, and your post has helped guide me down this path. so thanks again ! you are truly an inspiration to me and others on this forum. GOD BLESS

hi LostAngel, thanks for replying to my post. i really appreciated it i read your story and i just wanted to say that i think there is still a lot of hope for your relationship. but i think you need to lose the mentality that you're going to change for him.. i tried that too to get my ex back and it just doesn't work.. we ended up fighting again. he said to me, "don't change for anyone else.. change for YOURSELF." i realize that that is so true... you can't expect someone else to change you--you might change for a couple months, but eventually you'll go back to your old self and you will get hurt again. use the time away from him to focus on yourself.. i know it's hard, but learn to respect yourself and love yourself and in turn, your ex will respect and love you too. you should continue NC until you get to the point where you know that LIFE WILL GO ON--with or without him--and accept it. realize that there is so much more to life than just this relationship.. even tho i know it doesn't seem like it right now. continue to stay positive even tho right now i know you might feel like your whole world is crumbling before your eyes. you guys have already been together for over SEVEN years.. that says a LOT. believe that it will work out, and it will. i hope this helped hang in theree

i was wondering if anyone could answer these questions because i really need some insight right now.. my ex who was absolutely in love with me broke up with me in late april. however, this was my first relationship, and i was really immature about it.. he still loved me a lot and told our friends that he didn't want to be with anyone but me.. but he broke up with me because he didn't want to hurt me anymore since we kept fighting because he was always really busy and didn't always have a lot of time for me. i was totally in denial over this breakup for 2 months.. i still called him everyday acting like his gf and nagged him about not spending enough time with me... and this led to more fights. we fought almost everyday.. and my ex started treating me really badly because he was starting to get fed up with me. he started yelling more and i felt more and more unappreciated; thus, i nagged more. eventually, a month later, he tells me he doesn't even know if he loves me anymore.. and three weeks after that he tells me his feelings for me have changed. when people ask him how he feels about me, he would say, "i like her but shes too attached" or "i like her but she gets annoying." by july, our fights got worse and worse.. and it wasnt until finally one day he got so angry that he told me that he "hates me" that i let him go. (just a sidenote, he takes the word "hate" extremely seriously.. he always promised me that he would never EVER say that to me.) i tried so hard to get him back.. after a week of NC, i wrote him a letter and gave it to him.. in the letter i apologized for all the things i did to him and asked him to give me another chance. we talked in person and he told me that he doesnt' hate me and isn't happier without me and he misses me but just wants to be friends "for now." but i can see that the spark of love may have died within him..... hes starting to look at other girls [when we were together he would never do this simply bc he had me and that was enough for him] and he seems to have moved on. it doesnt seem to bother him at all whether or not we are together. i can see after each fight that his feelings for me are dying more and more..... but my feelings for him are still the same.. despite all the times he's yelled at me and made me cry. we saw each other a few times this past month [but we never talked to each other] and he always looks really happy and is talking to other girls. and whenever other people ask him about me, he always says bad things, like "shes really attached and its really scary" or "she always tries to control other people".. and yet he claims to still have feelings for me [altho when hes mad he tells people things like "i'm over her" and "i hate her"].. im getting so many mixed signals. what i want to know is, how is it possible for someone who was CRAZY about his gf just a couple months ago change so fast? is this just a phase or is he seriously over me? i have been doing NC for the past month now and i feel a little better but i still miss him a lot. i've had time to think about this relationship and i realize what i did wrong and what he did wrong.. and i think if we try again, we can make it work.. but i can't do it if his heart isn't in it. i am thinking about continuing NC for another month or so and then writing him a lighthearted email telling him how i've been doing and inviting him to IM/call me if he wants to talk. but.. do you think there is any chance that i can ever get him to feel the same way about me again? and if so, what should i do and what shouldn't i do? any tips? sorry i know this was long...