What Women Want

[Silverbirch]

Well, thought I'd just put this topic up for anyone who wants to contribute especially given there are often posts from people sad and confused about trying to understand why their female partner does not seem either responsive or giving.

 

After another thread I posted and others I've seen, I have to agree that most of the eroticism and satisfaction seems to have it's origins in our minds rather than genitals.

 

Well, here is just a thought to start with that somebody might like to add to. One of the most erotic areas for myself and other women is NOT the breasts, but rather the area above the breasts which when stroked gently is highly erotically pleasurable.

[MikNomis]

What you mean like right under the collarbone?

[pepsi71ocean]

i too am interested in knowing the above question.

[doyathink]

Just remember guys, every woman is different. Just like with you guys...what works for some, doesnt for others. I can come close to orgasm with breast play, and above the breast does nothing for me.

[Silverbirch]

Well. it's different for everyone, but for a lot of women, supposedly, myself included, the area just above the bra cups touched softly with a finger. Also, some women find their nipples are so sensitive that some types of touch, including too light licking of nipples is unpleasant, but a bit rougher with a full hand is good. It would be preferable to ask the woman while you are doing it if she likes it and for her to show you what she likes.

 

PS Hoping you will get in some homework and let us know how it went.

[Fudgie]

I don't think that area does much for me but I know it's a sensitive spot, from what I've read.

 

My "hot spot" is the crease where my thigh meets my pelvic area. I simply DIE if I'm stroked there - DIE in a good way that is. It feels so good. Sometimes, it's almost *too* intense.

[Silverbirch]

LOL Fudgie, I think it gets too ticklish there for me, but maybe I haven't had it done right there yet.

[charity]

what i desire in a man is patience. most men touch my vagina and clit and they act like its gonna buld up immediately and i'm gonna come in a few minutes. when that doesn't happen, they think they are not pleasing me (even though i am making appreciative noises) and they , i don't know.... i think they just give up.

i have rarely ever come from a man. i always have to do it myself. so what i want is a man to just touch me and realize its gonna take a long time and be ok with that.

[Silverbirch]

Something I DON'T want is for a man to ask me how many orgasms I just had. My ex used to do that all the time, and it made me feel pressured,and as time went by and he kept asking, it really took away more and more of the enjoyment and it became difficult to have an orgasm because I knew what was coming next.

 

I DON'T want a man to tell me explicit details of his previous sexual experiences and I DON'T want to talk about mine.

[DrKitten]

I DON'T want a man to tell me explicit details of his previous sexual experiences and I DON'T want to talk about mine.

 

100% agree.

 

One of my hot spots is the back of my ear. I swear I can almost orgasm just from being licked/bitten there. Extra good if the guy is scruffy and I feel the rough sensation of facial hair too.

[Silverbirch]

100% agree.

 

One of my hot spots is the back of my ear. I swear I can almost orgasm just from being licked/bitten there. Extra good if the guy is scruffy and I feel the rough sensation of facial hair too.

 

I'm unable to have a lot of skin contact with unshaven men whose hair is bristley or coarse as my skin is soft and sensitive and I will get a rash.

 

So far, there's only been a couple of women contributing and we have been different with regards to physical aspects at least. So it would be fair to say that each woman needs to have her body explored and she should be asked what she does and does not like.

 

I've been giving this subject a fair amount of thought lately because I want my sexual experiences to continue to become more and more enjoyable. I have been a bit surprised by my current partner telling me that so many of the men he has worked with have told him that their wives stopped having sex with them years ago, and seemingly have no interest in it. There is also a claim that many of those women let their appearances go a long time ago, especially with regard to their weight - many becoming overweight. I'm not sure what that is about, but I suppose there would individual reasons for it. By coincidence, I knew one of those men from my own workplace, and I always thought he was physically extremely attractive so I'm certain the reason for his now ex-wife not sleeping with him for over 10 years had nothing to do with his physical appearance. He also looks a lot younger than his age.

 

I do know that if a man hurts me emotionally, if he does it more than once and cannot say "I AM SORRY" (he might give justifications for his behaviour but not change it - or be sorry), I just won't be able to get into sex with him in the way I may have in the past. I haven't taken an intentional "I'll get back at him" approach, it's just how I am - the same as how men can become impotent due to psychological/emotional reasons.

[Moontiger]

Thought I would through in my thoughts on this. I live having my neck kissed and nipped at. I also am very aroused by power games either being dominated or dominating someone else. The trust involved in this is very arousing to me.

[Silverbirch]

Thought I would through in my thoughts on this. I live having my neck kissed and nipped at. I also am very aroused by power games either being dominated or dominating someone else. The trust involved in this is very arousing to me.

 

I'm somewhat freaked out by that type of sex-play. I guess I'm the opposite. I would like to explore some aspects of Tantra which I think has a lot to do with giving and receiving. It involves some control in order to enhance greater satisfaction. I'm not into casual sex and genuine Tantra is supposed to involve a careful selection of partner. To me, the most beautiful and erotic sight is my partner's face when he is climaxing.

[Moontiger]

It actually freaked me out when I first realized I like that kind of thing. Now, I have embraced it and am in a relationship where I can be very open about. My BF likes similar thing so it works out well for us. This is a perfect example of how everyone is different.

 

Ha, I think it all started for me and when my ex and I used a pay of trick handcuffs (super easy for a person to get out of) and it all just snowballed from there.

[Silverbirch]

MT, I would have been more open to that sort of thing when I was younger. I think that throughout people's lives, for a lot of us at least, our sexual preferences can change. On the other hand, there are practices now I find extremely erotic and I am comfortable with which I felt very differently about when I was younger. I was in a long-term relationship where my partner had a real need to be very dominant (not violent) and it got to be an issue that he could only enjoy it like that which became an issue for me. I've never wanted to do it like that since.

[Moontiger]

Yuck, I wouldn't want to be someone like that either. I like to try new things a lot (though there are somethings I know I would never want to do lol) if my partner wanted to be dominate ALL the time that would just get boring.

[Silverbirch]

Yes MT,it became more than boring, it became sort of creepy. I'm definitely appreciative of the "giving" and "taking" but I really get a lot of satisfaction from the "giving" (in the current relationship at this time) so it doesn't feel like an effort. Course I like the "receiving" too.

[Lonewing]

LOL Fudgie, I think it gets too ticklish there for me, but maybe I haven't had it done right there yet.

 

Learn to master your ticklishness, and you'll be able to enjoy the sensation.

[Silverbirch]

Learn to master your ticklishness, and you'll be able to enjoy the sensation.

 

No Lonewig, I won't expose myself to something sexually which is unpleasant for me, especially as there is lots I do like, and I wouldn't expect a partner to have me do something to him he clearly does not like. I do accept that we can't be compatible sexually with everybody and anybody.

[Silverbirch]

^^ It's like some men want to have their penises handled with a LOT of firmness and others don't. From what I've been able to make out,there is a fair amount of variation in what men like most too.

[Lonewing]

I'm just saying that it is more than possible to overcome ticklishness, only because I did it myself. Being ticklish really is 95% mental - and once you determine you won't be ticklish anymore, and really put your mind to it, it's very well possible you can overcome it.

 

Once you do, you will be able to Enjoy such sensations - as opposed to recoiling with a negative reaction. You will have developed an asset out of what is a liability.

 

It is a chillenge, I'll give you that much. But in facing it, it can be overcome.

[Silverbirch]

How did you do it Lonewing? Since I was a kid if I was tickled I've hated it, and sometimes it would make me catch my breath and then be hard to breath out.

[Lonewing]

I had a little brother.

 

We used to have long car trips thanks to visitations.

 

Tickle wars were fun - we played them often. But there'd come a time when I was done, but my brother, being 4 or so, was quite persistent that the game did not end so soon. In a normal setting, you and I would simply leave the room and the game would stop. But when you’re stuck in a truck, there are very few places to go.

 

A year or so predating this experience, my mom read to me the book "Education of Little Tree." The most formative chapter for me was the chapter in which Little Tree goes to a Whiteman school in an attempt to reeducate him. He is then whipped by the schoolmaster. His grandparents had taught him the way to get through pain, to bear it, to internally take it in a way that made it simply a nuisance if little more. I was intrigued.

 

Since I was extremely little my father routinely used the belt or the stick or the hand to discipline me. It had got down to a pretty regular routine: I do something bad, he swats me twice, I cry my head off and he stops swatting me, and he probably yells at me too. But anyhow. The very next time he went to swat me, I applied my new knowledge - that is was possible to take physical pain and not illicit a response. Swat one, not so bad. Swat two...wait, why have I been crying all these years??? Swat 2.5? Ha!! The fact that I wasn't crying completely caught my dad off guard; knew he had been beat, grumbled at me, and moved on to the next kid. Truthfully told, I could have been there for a much longer time.

 

So here I have this little brother who refuses to listen. And I'm just tired of holding his hands in any way shape or form to keep him unable to do so - the best technique was to grasp both his hands and then run them up through his hair and grab hold; if he moved his hands, he'd pull his hair, so he'd hold still quite readily! But this gets exhausting after a while...

 

It worked with swats - why not tickles. I decided then that on his next onslaught, I was not going to be ticklish. I wouldn't laugh. I'd be as stoic as I could.

 

And he was brutal - yes, I wanted to be ticklish. But as I resisted, something curious happened; you know how sometimes you get a tingle run down the spine? That's the best way to describe it. It was as if the very polarity of my body swapped, and now, well...I wasn't ticklish. As in, he was still tickling me, but my body wasn't reacting anymore. I suppose you could compare it with the initial plunge in a swimming pool, or a cat's neck hair rising in response to a threat. My body changed that day. And then I smiled at him and said, "guess what - I'm not ticklish anymore." He looked at me confused and gave it another go, getting more and more frustrated until he finally just quit. The game was now pointless - though I could still tickle him, of course. Perhaps that's not fair, but that's how childhood goes...

 

I suppose it may be similar to allergy therapy or any other work where resistance is slowly developed. You may start with small doses and work higher. You may conversely go for a set time limit, or until you can't handle it any further, and then give it a go another day. If you put your mind to it, though, I do believe in time you can develop resistance to it. You just have to figure out how to get INTO the pool. The plunge is the breaking point.

 

You'll probably do best with a partner you can really trust. This person has to know when to start and when to stop - when enough is enough, when too much is too much. And you'll have to have a way of letting him know you REALLY can’t handle anymore - but I promise you, you CAN handle more than you think you can - learn to stop reacting, then lean into it!!

 

So when I was with my ex, I discovered relatively quickly that she like you is indeed quite ticklish, and in all the places boys might like to touch - those places that fall under "teasing." She also seemed rather disappointed when she discovered that I wasn't just saying I was no longer ticklish - but I assure you, her hands felt GREAT! Once you have down your resistance, you may indeed redirect the sensation towards a sexual stimulus response, which means your partner will have more to work with in getting you in the mood. A light hand sneaking up your thigh right now may be something that the mere though of makes you recoil in distaste, could become an idea that is outright sexually provocative instead.

 

I will say that if you sneak up on me, you can still get me to jump out of my skin. And I still get the wiggles when a person I may like but am not with sneaks a touch in here or there - like accross the back, for instance. I look forward to those touches, though, because there's something else there - excitement! The wiggles pass quick, once I know who and what it is!

[Silverbirch]

Awww Lonewing,

You sound lovely. I'm sorry that happened to you as a child, but you were very brave and sounds like you have come through that experience all the wiser and stronger -from a young age too - and used your learning experience to benefit yourself in other ways. Next time I feel ticklish, I know I will think of you, and I'll try your suggestion. Thank You.

[Realitynut]

I was tickled once. Hard. I asked him to stop. He wouldn't . I slapped him! He stopped!