yeawutever Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I think I have turned into an Alpha female not so long ago. I got sick of tired of being the follower and with my ex it was always me fixing an argument or apologizing when he sometimes wanted to send everything to hell. In the end I send him to hell and he kept trying to crawl back for a while. Or when I stopped calling, he would keep on calling for a while. It's funny how the tables turned around. So when you're an Alpha it works? I have long heard about the Alpha male and the rules on not being a pushover but what is said about the Alpha female? Would men want that too? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 It depends. It is all in how you do it. My husband describes me as an Alpha female in many respects. I was never much of a follower even when I was small. I was shy but I was certainly no push over. I wanted to be leader of the pack in a lot of ways. I was not pushy to get the status but did my best to shine at what I did. Link to comment
22n32 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 you can be who ever u wanna be.. being alpha might carry alot of masculine qualitys, which to most guys are a turn off.. we guys want femine energy is our ladies not masculine.. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Some people are forced to become an Alpha, they do not necessarily want to be one. My mother was forced to become one because my father had no interest in doing anything in life that required effort. I became one watching my mother. I married a man who was very used to being subservient to his parents and did everything they said like it was the word of law. He was used to the subservient role. So I just took my place as the Alpha. I would not say that my mother and I are not "feminine" though. We are both very girly girls, we just do not like opposition in our way and we can steam roller it. I think though if I had married an Alpha male, I would have been very happy to relinquish my own Alpha status because I find it exhausting and not a natural state. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I believe alpha-female would me more on your behavior with females, as in being superior to other women in a social circle (at least thats how i see it, i see myself as an alpha-male, but i dont push women or play games (there is a degree of strength, confidence, etc. though)- but if another male bothers me i will bite their head off). What you describe i believe is more in line with push and pull. You are pushing away, the dynamics of the relationship changes, so one person tries to compensate for this gap, which is the person being pushed away (so they try to pull in to return to what was "normal"). As for the women taking control, in my experience, that usually appeases the womens insecurity, anxiety, whatever they want to accomplish for changing their behavior, but they will lose attraction to the man, especially if the man in this case promoted himself as very masculine and confident. I think people do this without realizing the consequences of attraction. Its like the strong man who suddenly changes to being emotional and submissive (check the break up boards to see what happens to these men). There are powerful women out there who do "hunt" men they can dominate/work with the behavior they prefer to display. I have met them, we end up getting into fights immediately, power struggles pop up, attraction tends to be off. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 It's just a label. It will suffice if you just stick up for yourself, but you don't have to think of yourself using that term - it's kind of distracting and not really helpful. Link to comment
Sim54 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 It's just a label. It will suffice if you just stick up for yourself, but you don't have to think of yourself using that term - it's kind of distracting and not really helpful. I agree, the term Alpha has become very fashionable recently and it doesn't really mean much nor relate to modern life. I read somewhere that women were becoming more and more attracted to more feminine men, as aggressive behaviour was no longer necessary in an urban world, and wasn't very attractive to modern women, who are looking for a partner, not a saviour. Women are capable of taking care of themselves without a guy and some muscles, so it's a bit defunct really. As for being an alpha female, all you did was dump your boyfriend and now he's chasing you. It's standard relationship dynamics, as someone above said. Saying no is powerful, but it's not the be all and end all. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 It's just a label. It will suffice if you just stick up for yourself, but you don't have to think of yourself using that term - it's kind of distracting and not really helpful. Great point. Too much categorizing and labeling impedes getting close to other people. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I'm an Alpha Female and Alpha Males and I get along tremdously well. It takes a real man to be with a secure woman. I don't put up with much from men, but I am honest and don't play games or treat them badly, either. My late bf had a reputation as a player who was very skilled at psychological manipulation (he was a lawyer). One time we got in a horrible fight (one of only 4 we had in the entire 11 years we were together) and he made threats that if I didn't do things his way and walked out the door we were over for good. His words, "Think about it before you leave. I WILL NOT call you every again if you do that." I walked out the door without a backwards glance. I hate games or ultimatums and wasn't about to be influenced by them. I made no attempt to get in touch with him for a month. He finally came crawling back, lesson learned, and we had a great relationship for many years afterwards. He was an Alpha Male and I let him be masculine, he just couldn't control me and he knew it. He said I was the best woman he could ever find and he admired and respected me more than most women. I didn't try to control him or anything, I just let him know that I wasn't going to play games. It's a healthy way to live. Link to comment
carlabu2 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I agree with that. It's so exhausting being an alpha female. I've had to be one for the last 20 years or so Just to make a name for myself and have a career and maintain my household. Then at one point I met a subserviant male and I knew then, I could never maintain an alpha role in a romantic relationship. I like my men manly, protective and take charge. I love being the girl, wearing heels, make-up, sexy dresses and making a fuss with my hair. The guy I'm dating (although we don't have an exclusive relationship) says he loves the fact that I'm sooooo feminine. When we're together, he treats me like a princess. I LOVE IT!! Link to comment
22n32 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I agree with that. It's so exhausting being an alpha female. I've had to be one for the last 20 years or so Just to make a name for myself and have a career and maintain my household. Then at one point I met a subserviant male and I knew then, I could never maintain an alpha role in a romantic relationship. I like my men manly, protective and take charge. I love being the girl, wearing heels, make-up, sexy dresses and making a fuss with my hair. The guy I'm dating (although we don't have an exclusive relationship) says he loves the fact that I'm sooooo feminine. When we're together, he treats me like a princess. I LOVE IT!! exactly what she said I agree with what some other said of taking the roll or what not.. but that doesnt mean u have to be an alpha female.. just means your confident, and have values.. alot of what alpha females carry is very masculine and like i said its a big turn off for guys.. even me im an alpha male.. and i wouldnt want do date an alpha female.. i went my lady to be feminene and a lady.. not strong masculine energy like a guy.. i dont wanna date a guy i wanna date a feminne lady.. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Who said Alpha females don't dress feminine? I dress very feminine and so does my mother. We are very girly girl. I don't think it has ANYTHING to do with not dressing feminine. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 I think what some what is someone to follow their lead AKA a rather beta female. I've been a follower for too long that it sure gets tedious at some point and that's when you said to yourself ''Enough already, time to turn Alpha now''. But I still dressed up feminine too. Another part of the reason.... my father is too much of an Alpha sometimes (plus he's a big time yeller if he doesn't get his way). When we argued sometimes it's like no one wins and my mother is always the one telling him to stop and try to get along with him even if he's not right. I don't listened anymore and when I feel he's not right, I state my point. Link to comment
Alezia Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Do you really have to define yourself as one or the other? Why such an extreme polarized view? Sometimes I like to lead and take charge, else I would be terrible at being a supervisor. I can be bossy, rude, and steam roll people. At other times I enjoy having someone else take the lead, or follow their direction. A good romantic like a good business relationship is give and take, it's nothing about being an 'Alpha'. You're probably just too much of a person pleaser, that you have forgotten what you wanted. That is totally different. Link to comment
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