Ayreonfae Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 My husband left me just over a year ago. I found out in May that it WAS for another woman like I expected. In July we sarted this rollercoaster ride of sleeping together and then telling me he was going to stay with her. I would finally start to let go even if ever so loosely and he would come back again. I fianlly fet good and secure abot letting go, had a letter written out to tell him after CHrismas that i couldnt be his friend or buddy or anything. That to move on i need him to only contact me regauring the kids. BUt right before Christmas he came back again and i held out and kept the distance i could which was hard per we had a lot of holiday plans for the kids together. Then after dodging his kisses for over a week, I let him kiss me. He said (mumbled) something about don't give up he would find his way home. We spent Christmas Eve together with the kids and talked more then and he told me again he needed time but he would make it back to me. Problem is he still lives with her. Thier lease was suppose to be up 1/28/12 but there was an issue and had to be extended till 2/29/12. He says he has broken up with her and they are not together. But he has not told her about me or i should say she doesn't know he is coming back to me, she knows I exisit, knew it before they were ever even just friends let alone more. I have waited so long but I don't want to keep waiting, I know two more week isn't really a lot but I hate this. He is staying at my house on the weekends to be with the boys, during that time we are "together" kinda, he says he wants to come back to me right so in the mean time we are not sleeping together, he even sleeps on the couch. He says he can't come back now, they are late already for final rent and afraid she will skip out and leave him hanging he is leaves. I get that, mostly. I just am loosing my patience. I hate the idea of him spending 5 days and nights with her, and yes i have my doubts of how they are together. He says he wants to find a way to not hurt her too much. I don't think there is such a thing. I think he should just be honest. What should I do? Just keep waiting? Link to comment
Snowy Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Why are you letting a cheater back in your life? I would leave him for good because the thought of him sleeping with another woman would disgust the crap out of me. Link to comment
Ayreonfae Posted February 11, 2012 Author Share Posted February 11, 2012 There are a lot of reason I am able to start and know i will eventually forgive him for cheating. THere were circumstance that do not excuse what he did but i understand why he did some of what he did. I love him, to my core. He is the father to my two beautiful boys. He really do work together very well there was just a bad couple of years there. Link to comment
Celadon Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 He says he can't come back now, they are late already for final rent and afraid she will skip out and leave him hanging he is leaves. ... He says he wants to find a way to not hurt her too much. I don't think there is such a thing. I think he should just be honest. 1. Are your/his finances such that he absolutely could not cover her portion if she were to skip out? Seems to me like ending things now would be the wiser decision, but only if he can afford it. 2. About him not hurting her too much .... HELLO!! He didn't seem to mind hurting YOU by leaving you for her. He owes her nothing, and his concern for her being "hurt" is a red flag to me that they are not broken up (why would it hurt her for him to leave immediately, if they are only friends now???). I would prepare myself to give him the boot on March 1. If he isn't home living with you and the kids, and if he is in any way still in contact with her -- then he's not taking your reconciliation seriously. Link to comment
Ayreonfae Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 Yeah Fiances are not in pretty condition, especially on his end. That is also because he would pay the boys and I before he would pay anything else. He knows he hurt me and says he knows he has a lot to make up for and he is sorry. He is tired of hurting everyone. We talked about it again and he says she knows they aren't together but she is still trying to make it work. But yeah that is a good point. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 He knows you are his safety-net, that buys him a lot of time and comfort while he plays around. You seem to push away, and he reacts by pulling and planting a seed in hopes you continue to wait. There is no promise that he will come back, he might not see these opportunities as a trip but as him testing the waters and seeing what else he can commit too (living with someone is a huge step for a couple- it doesnt seem like a quickie, regardless of how he wants to spin it). Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Hmm. As I don't know him, or his perspective on the story, I don't see it being very helpful to pass judgement or offer speculation on some sort of devious motive on his part. Instead, let's look at this: THere were circumstance that do not excuse what he did but i understand why he did some of what he did. This is good - awareness and identification of the root causes. If there's to be a reconciliation here, forgiveness and understanding will be necessary, BUT - they won't be enough to prevent the same thing happening again if the core issues have not been properly resolved. One suggestion here would be to insist on couples/marriage counseling (individual never hurts, either). If he's serious about getting things right, there should be no reason for him not to agree to this. This could very well work out in the end, but not if the primary action is simply allowing him to come home because the 'other woman' didn't work out. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 He says he has broken up with her and they are not together. But he has not told her about me or i should say she doesn't know he is coming back to me, she knows I exisit, knew it before they were ever even just friends let alone more. Does the fact that he's not forthcoming with her about his intentions of returning to you, not raise a red flag? He knows he hurt me and says he knows he has a lot to make up for and he is sorry. He is tired of hurting everyone. At this point I would have to wonder how sorry he really is. Link to comment
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