Do we have any sucess stories?

[Nap-Man]

I wanted to try one more time to get some positive and hopeful stories on this topic. I have read most of the recent posts for the last six months and they have been very helpful. I have read and written the depressing and painful posts to this site and have found much comfort in the people here. I want to try a new approach. Are there any success stories out there at all? I realize that hope can be a dangerous thing when you want your ex back but I think there could be a balance here? I have posted all of my mistakes and heartache and also read countless others mistakes and learned from them before I made the same. I think that it would be great to learn from everyone's past successes as well. What you did after you broke up…NC/friends, time till reconciliation, length of dating before break-up, reasons for breaking up, better or worse relationship the next time around? There are too many options to list but you get the idea.

 

I know that most are on here because they are not dealing with success stories but even then there must be some successes in the past that can help out someone else. I have seen a few scattered in other posts but I would like to see them all in one spot. Just a thought I had, so if anyone is interested I would love to hear 'em!

 

Ironically enough I don't have any to offer as of yet……

[cassiana]

While I don't have a success story of my own, I do know several within my circle of friends and acquaintances. I have referred to them here and there throughout my posts using false names for them. They are all true stories and If you would like I could list them here. The common thread is that the dumpee got on with their lives assuming that it was all over and the dumpee came back. Contact and time varied. I swear all my stories are true.

[JohnnyTable]

You mean that the dumper came back right? Just seeing if that was a typo.

[RayKay]

Well, these are not mine..but they are friends. I have posted them a few times, but here goes again.

 

 

Couple #1: Went out a couple years when they were in early 20's. Guy decides he needs to be single, she is not the one, commitment fears etc etc.

 

They keep in contact and see each other occasionally. Both date others. 1.5 years later, guy wakes up and realizes he was an idiot. They go on a date...then another...then another, and decide to try again. They have been back together for a while now and just bought a house together. Great couple. He feels it was fate, meant to be...etc etc.

 

 

Couple #2: Mid 20s. Also went out a couple years. Guy decides same thing as in Couple #1. Pretty much same scenario, they are now married and happy as clams.

 

Couple #3: Well this, is getting repetitive! But this was pretty recent. Again Mid 20's. They were dating a while. He said for a while he could never see marrying her though, etc. They broke up last summer. I ran into them a month or so ago, apparently they got back together before Christmas even (so within a few months). Happy. Not sure if they dated others in interim or not though.

 

Couple #4: Together about a year - mid-late 20's. Spent a lot of time together and seemed perfect! Guy was working two jobs, very busy and stressed. He loved her, but decided relationship was stressing him out as well, and it was "easiest" thing to let go - he did not want the responsibility or to work things out, or even the work that went into a relationship. They kept in some contact - she would reply to his contact initiations etc, but lived her own life. Two months into it, he realized that all paths led back to her - he wanted HER. They started off slowly. Been married 21+ years!

 

 

My ex also knows Couples 1-3, he used Couples 1 & 2 as inspiration for "us" even, and seeing how it can happen was part of reason he built up guts to break it off with me (weird, I know - but to him it is a sign it can work out!). Couple #3 is more recent, and I told HIM they got back together, and he might know details better than I anyway.

 

Couple #4 I know...but I use that as inspiration, as it is very similar to my situation I think. Actually, from what I know Couples #1 and #4 are the closest to my situation - both are basically due to the guy not being "there" yet and not realizing really what he had, or how worth it is - even though the love is there, and just stressed out or overwhelmed.

[VultureFury]

Oh i know one but the whole situation is in the air, but theres a possibility my friend Lisa (actual names not used) when out with steven for a bit, it was her first relationship. they broke up,(i think she left him not sure) i think the relationship didn last long. She went out with another guy this summer. They just broke up a on the 12th. The following day she ran into steven and they talked afterschool. They huged and kissed b4 they left.

Why is it up in the air? Its cause she's confused on wat todo now since there another guy invloved 'love triangle'. if they do get back together i'll post it here

[cassiana]

Sorry Johnny, you are right I meant dumper. I am a terrible typist.

[Nap-Man]

Thanks for all the reply's so far. Sorry for some of you having repost what you have written before. I am a bit lazy and thought it would be a great idea to have all of the success stories in one place.

[shockeddismayed]

Since I've been on this forum, there have been several who have gotten back together with their exes. Danimal, Leftalone and MyJoy are a few that come to mind. I'm still waiting to hear back from DaisyB, but I think she is back with hers as well.

 

Others still are getting VERY close, and there is another large group of us who have actually been on "dates" or "what would we need to change" sessions with our EXES and are still not sure where things are going.

 

I guess my point is that it can happen... but from what I've seen, it is very rarely a linear path. Most EXes don't seem to come running back and begging at the feet of the dumpee. (At least not when it was a serious longterm relationship). Typically the EX starts to tiptoe back, then regresses, then tiptoes back again.... each time tiptoeing closer.

 

I'd make a few other general rules of thumb that I've seen:

1) This mixed message tiptoe period usually began around 2-6 months after the breakup. My guess is that this is the window where the dumper begins to heal from the breakup and can look past their own anger/hurt feelings, and start to see the good in the relationship again.

2) I didn't see a trend in NC vs contact in terms of who got "opportunities" again with the EX. But I DID SEE that those who had done NC, or dated others, or been able to truly focus on themselves were the ones who seemed to have more PATIENCE with the "tiptoe" period. They weren't a doormat, but they were able to have enough perspective to say to themselves "I'll take him/her back if they can prove themselves" and also didn't put as much pressure on the EX to make a decision immediately. .... That's a tough balancing act to play.

3) I speculate that those who didn't do NC or didn't focus on their own needs during the first months following breakup, hadn't truly healed, and thereforeeee were more likely to put pressure on the EX, or simply blow up or breakdown.... essentially pushing them away.

[cassiana]

I think that was a very insightful way of putting it. In all the success stories I have been party to with friends and acquaintances, the dumpee got on with their lives as best they could.

I have been trying to emulate that in my own situation. Last week I was happy that we seemed to be back on friendly emailing terms but then when he didn't reply over the next few days I got upset. Maybe he is tiptoeing away. I don't know.

My best friend dated a guy for a year but he kept cancelling on her. She fought with him over it but she was way down his list of priorities. She dumped him and they went their separate ways. Hes been trying to get bakc with her for the last year. Yesterday they went on their first date. Though she was the dumper, she only did it because he neglected her and now shes hoping that he will prove himself.

[quintana]

Nap-Man,

 

I would disagree with your definition of "success"

 

I do know where you're coming from, though. For at least 6 months my primary objective was getting back with my ex, as I could not picture a life without her. That in itself made my goal unobtainable, b/c I wasn't focusing properly on the most important person in my life - me.

 

Anyway, I was suffering from selective hearing and would pretty much turn a deaf ear on those of my friends who did not get back together with their ex'es, and listen with delight to those that did.

 

Didn't do anything but prolong my state of agonising hope. However, it did provide me with a couple of "succes stories".

 

1)

One couple both in their mid-20's had lived together for 4 years. She met someone who was quite the opposite of her boyfriend and moved in with him instantly. He had seemed like the perfect guy when they had first started flirting at work. But the perfect image turned out to be just that.

 

She moved out again after just a month, but continued to live alone for the next 6 months while sorting out the mess in her head. Meanwhile her former boyfriend went partying with a vengeance and was with quite a few women. Purely sexual - if that isn't a contradiction in terms, that is

 

They remained in touch, and he would always profess his love for her.

After these 6 or 7 months they got back together and are now - 6 years later - married with 2 children.

 

I guess they both needed to see what else was out there before settling down with each other. She pursued a romantic dream, he fulfilled som sexual fantasies, and in the end they found a healthy combination in each other.

 

2) Both in their mid-20's. After 3 years together she found another. He realized immediately that this new guy was not the real deal, and ventured into the danger-zone as her friend.

 

He preserved their confidentiality and although he would hurt inside whenever she brought up the topic of her new boyfriend he remained cool and supportive.

Things turned around when he began dating someone else. She got jealous, and one year after the break-up they were back together.

 

They are now living together with 2 kids and have been for many years. He admits to using his interrim girlfriend and feels somewhat bad about this. But not too much though. He's a cunning bastard.

 

3) Both in their mid-20's (see a pattern?). She broke up with him due to poor communication and a general confusion about what she wanted out of life.

He was totally devastated and consistently pursued her with one "romantic" effort after another. Only pushed her further away.

After 6 months or so she began dating another guy, dumping my friend even further in the green pit of jealousy. He said to hell with it. Broke all contact, and started an affair with a married woman.

 

After another 6 months she came back all of sudden. Threw pebbles at his window in the night and said she realized she had made a mistake and that she wanted him back.

 

They also are living together with 2 children now, and have been together for several years.

 

 

I don't know if you can conclude anything from these stories other than what most other posters have emphasised. Which is that re-unions usually occur when the dumpee has finally moved on or at least shifted focus to him- or herself 100 %.

 

I could tell you five times as many stories in which they never got back together again, but this post is getting long enough as it is.

 

You should know, however, that all of my friends, who all have suffered devastating break-ups, without exception are now very happy albeit in new relationships.

 

- Quintana

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

This question has been asked a million times. Yes it does happen. They come through every once in a while for those that are nice enough to come back and say they are reunited. I'm sorry I don't remember all the posted, but I found quite a few. It would be nice to link all these to a FAQ because this question gets asked so often and an answers are always lacking.

 

Well all seem to know friends that have goten back together. But it seems that those that are drawn to this forum are predisposed to not getting back with their ex. JUST A JOKE

 

 

1) I know one girl who has gone back to 3 of her ex's. One guy she went back to 4 times. It never worked out with any of them though.

 

2) Two friends of mine reunited with their exs, one couldn't make it work, one is still together (5 years) no marriage.

 

3) Yet another friend had a guy persue her for a year, he stopped persuing her, she realized what she lost asked for him back. He said no. He later went back to her and she took him back.

 

4) Cage fighter friend of mine broke up and got back with his ex and they are still together.

 

5) Another buddy of mine said he broke up 4 times with his girl and it took a year to get her back one of those times. They got married a couple of months ago.

 

6) My case! yipee! Ex left me for her Ex, and he also went back to his ex for a time.

 

All my stories are also from couples in early-mid twenties.

 

Its' funny we don't see so many sucess stories, as in my case, it happens all the time.

[Berty75]

Break up - reunite - married

 

* My cousin (together 3yrs - apart 8yrs - married now)

* My roomate from college (together 1 yr - apart 4 months - married now)

* Co-worker (together 2 yrs - apart 6 months - married now)

 

I have another story. Actually...it's mine.

 

We dated for 3 1/2 years. Stress and commitment problems broke us up (I wanted marriage, he didn't). For me, NC was never going to work so we did maintain contact (IM, email and phone only). We slowly worked our way back. We had a "date" after 3 months and were fully "back together" after 6 months. Even now, it's work. But I am happier with him now than I have been in a LONG time, even before the break up. We go to counseling together to work out the kinks and to figure out why we lost each other.

 

We have been going strong since May, so maybe there are some happy endings out there...

 

This site helped me SO much during my break up. I came back on a whim looking to see how it worked out for DaisyB (we had similar stories) ---DAISY????------and when I read this I felt the need to share.

 

I hope you all find what it is you seek. Good luck

[ufoureah]

after long dand look eeliberation and lots of work on my part. my decided to take me back. Iam the luckiest person ever to have an opportunity like that. It was mostly my fault, but the separation has brought us so close. we are closer than ever, it takes lots of work and effort. I have changed for the better. I have lost 26 lbs and am working out to look better for me. Iam confident I have made 10 new friends during our separation and I do not take her for granted anymore. Life is good. Thank you for being there. D

[me4ta]

Hmm, thinking about it, I too have several stories.

 

Couple #1: Mid-late 20s, BUT they've been together for 8 years. After the first year, he dumped her, she was a bit overweight, he was young and shallow, so he decided he could do better. She lost weight, started to go out and had a lot of dates. One night they bump into each other at the club, he saw her, she looked very good, he asked her out, since then they were unseperable until 2 years ago.

 

They split up AGAIN, even sex life was terrible according to her, they knew everything about each other and it was borring. I have to note that they are the best looking couple I know, gorgeous people, I thought that they're so perfect for each other, but NO, they mutually split up. She went ahead and right away started seeing this guy who treated her like s&*t, and she was head over heals. Her ex started seeing his class mate - this couple # 1 went to the same dentist school - so 6 months alter, I talked to my gf's ex and he told me that he loved my friend to death but could not see himself together with her, they fought so much, even while being split......but 2 months after that, they got back together, and now they got an apartment together and are very happy. Sex life is back to normal, even better than ever according to her.

 

Couple #2 - they've been together for 3 years, one day she comes to him and says she wants to see other people....she tried I guess, couldn't do better...he didn't try, he was just getting drunk everyday with friends....I don't know what exactly happened, but they got back together 3 months after the split and now as well, got an apartment and are inseparable.

 

Couple #3 - Split up after 5 years. HE thought he could do better....I personally think he was right. (Couple # 3 are not my friends, i just know them) I saw that girl going crazy, she looked like death walking around in a trance - but somehow, I heard through pleading and begging she got him back....I think because he got tired or was just lazy of looking for someone new.....so they live together now. Happy or not, I don't know.

 

Moral - in the above 3 cases, dumpers realized they could not do better or where just lazy. Couple #1 - I specifically know because that girl is my good friend, she said that her bf is the only guy who could take her s^&t, and loves her nomatter what.....so after that big fiasco with the guy she was obsessing about and who treated her badly- she got back together with her ex, because even being gorgeous and all, she could not do better.