Does anyone feel like they will never have sex?

[iwishiknew]

I'm 33 years old and still a virgin. I have always wanted to have sex since I was a teen but that never happened. I'm now 33 getting older and wondering if I will ever have sex? Or will I end up being a kissless virgin for life? The only way I think I can get sex is going to an escort or the bunny ranch. I do not want to do it that way, I want the normal way but I do not have physical attraction or sexual attraction to make it happen. Does anyone else feel like this?

[PonytailFairy]

You have to put pic if you want to know if that is your looks. Rarely it is about looks... It is more about to find a right person who with to share life. Maybe you focus too much about getting laid...? But yes, I think I am forever virgin but that is my choice.

[RedDress]

There is a lid to every pot. You CAN find your match - but you have to work for it. Don't subscribe to the notion that the universe owes you a mate. It doesn't. You have to go out there and get one.

 

So - how do you get one? Well - the sad truth is that most people want the same thing. They want someone good looking who works out, with a full head of hair, stylish, charming and rich. The further that you deviate from the ideal, the harder time you will have. Also - unless you are this ideal - don't expect to date Barbie.

 

Do you go to the gym?

Are you stylish? (Not according to your mom... ask a female colleague or something)

Are you personable?

Do you have a job? A good job?

Do you have self-confidence?

Do you have goals and ambitions?

Do you do fun things?

 

What do YOU think is the biggest obstacle in getting a mate? Wallowing in self-pity is useless and will get you nowhere. How can you channel that energy into being more attractive?

[Voodoodoll]

Why dont you relax enjoy life, go out with friends to bars, mix, have a few drinks, go clubbing and ya might get laid with a girl that night ...... or if you're unconfident, why not online dating??? have a pic up, tell them your hobbies what you like bla bla bla and you might just find a match and TAAADAAA

[PurpleSmash]

Getting rid of your limiting beliefs is the first step to becoming better with women. You shouldn't be worrying about whether women like you or not, if you don't like yourself to begin with.

[WindowTo]

Reddress has covered it. Iwishiknew, when you observe men who are successful with women what do you think? Have you tried to emulate some of the things those men do? Not to be harsh, but I find that many virgins are as such because they either can not or will not accept the way that other people see them and therefore never try to change anything even if the changes are just superficial and they can stay the same person inside.

[Voodoodoll]

Don't even think its about looks.... there is sooooo many unattractive men out there and are married with kids, or have women running after them, why? confidence, why else? they are successful, women like confident men, funny men, and unforunatly some women like unattractive men when they have a wad of cash....... I'd say women go more for personality than anything else, sure a man can be stunning, they can have the looks to drag you in, but when it comes to personality, if they don't have it, then bye bye bye

[poiuyt]

The "virgin" thing is really just a mental barrier. For us men, losing the v-card is a sort of "rite of passage." I know a lot of folks will disagree with me but I, personally, would advise sleeping with a sl*t (if you can find one). Hire a prostitute if necessary, but a sl*t would be preferable (use protection though). Think of it as using training wheels to get yourself ready to ride a real bike. You need to understand that sex is no big deal and the only way you can really accomplish this is by experiencing it firsthand and getting that whole "I'm a virgin" thing behind you. You need to start building confidence regarding this aspect of your life.

 

Getting sex can be a vicious cycle. It really is a game of "the rich get richer and the poor get poorer." The guys who are most successful with women are considered more attractive largely due to the fact that they don't make a big deal out of interaction with females. They don't get nervous around women or anxious about the next time they will have sex. They know sex is not a big deal. This mentality results in behavior which gives the impression of confidence. Women recognize this stuff and eat it up. Women are very good at reading behavioral social ques - so much so that 90% of the time, it doesn't matter what you say to a woman rather than how you say it (confident vs. unconfident). I'd venture that your attitude is making you behave in an unattractive manner and you probably don't even realize it.

 

Just from reading your post, it's clear that you have a lot of limiting beliefs. Your attitude and your belief system are the very root of your problem; it is not about appearance. If you continue to believe that you lack the physical appearance or the sexual charm to attract women, then that will be the case. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your belief that you lack desirable qualities and may never have sex probably get you quite down about yourself, hurting your self-esteem and making you less attractive to women. Such thoughts will result in behavior that creates the appearance of having no confidence.

 

As with anything in life, the more experience you have with an activity, the better you will become at it. You will find yourself less nervous repeating this activity because you've done it before. This will continue until you are no longer nervous performing this activity, but rather, you will become confident. Success with women is no different.

[LeftBehind]

I'm not so sure that all women are that great at reading social cues. There was this one woman in my math class last year who would NOT leave me alone no matter how many body language and verbal cues I gave her that I didn't want to talk to her. It took her nearly the entire semester to finally get that I wasn't interested. I think it varies person to person. I'm very adept at picking up on social cues. I just get annoyed with them because I'm an introvert and generally like to sort of rebel against them by ignoring them. I'm weird though.

[scklbad]

how was my post off topic/// rtht is bull * * * * .

[The_Seeker]

I'm 33 years old and still a virgin. I have always wanted to have sex since I was a teen but that never happened. I'm now 33 getting older and wondering if I will ever have sex? Or will I end up being a kissless virgin for life? The only way I think I can get sex is going to an escort or the bunny ranch. I do not want to do it that way, I want the normal way but I do not have physical attraction or sexual attraction to make it happen. Does anyone else feel like this?

 

I don't know you or what you look like.

 

But you need to put yourself out there. I know, it's easier said than done.

 

You're focus on "you're a virgin" and "if this or that" blah blah blah. I used to be like that. I decided to go to online dating. I don't know if that's for you or not. But I did meet some great people and some not so great.

 

You need to take action. [Not sure if you did try going on dates. So forgive me if I'm assuming.] It takes time, and energy. Only if you know what you want.

 

BUT if you're only in a relationship just to get sex, then really, you're not caring about the other person. So I suggest you not having sex while in a relationship because you would TRULY hurt the other person and used to them like that and I bet KARMA will get you for that.

 

Either get friends with benefits or the escort.

[jonny15]

unforunatly some women like unattractive men when they have a wad of cash

 

And those unattractive men would be sucessfull men.

 

They have to use some angle to get women.

[MattW]

To answer the topic titles, yes; but, I'm not so much concerned about the actual sex part, more so than I am about just wishing I had someone in my life, in general. It's just kinda rough, being 23, and never having even been on a date, let alone had a relationship. I don't personally know any guys in my age range that have never been on a date or had a girlfriend; most have been in relationships at least once, and some are even getting engaged and getting married. I just feel... lonely, I guess.

 

I'll be the first to admit, too, that I have a lot going against me; but a lot of my problems are basically out of my hands... I try to always be at my best, though; I practice good hygiene, I can take care of myself (in terms of things like cooking, cleaning, etc.), I have a sense of independence. Admittedly, I am a bit reserved, and I keep to myself around people I don't know very well (or at all). But, that's mostly because I have trust issues; in the past, I've had girls say some pretty rough things to me, which I felt were uncalled for. Other times, girls treat me like I'm a cute, harmless little puppy, rather than a cool guy they'd actually want to date.

 

So, I dunno. I'm basically at the point where I just can't see it happening for myself anymore. I guess some people just aren't fit for having that kind of relationship with another person. I just wish I could get myself to stop wanting it...

[Leya]

Guys! Don't give up hope. My Guy was in a similar position. Wasn't lucky with the ladies, despite his efforts. In his early 30's, he gave up hope and accepted he'd be alone forever. Felt like no girl would want him. (He also had been used by girls in the past...he would do all these nice things for them, but when it came to sex, they wouldn't do it, made up some lame excuse...so basically they were just using him....he loved them, they didn't love him). And physically, he's not tall, he's skinny, he is prone to acne, a bit of an introvert....so he had a lot going against him.

Then he met me. I am considered attractive (and a "catch" apparently) and so have had no problems getting male attention - but I fell in love with who is he as a person. He is the sweetest, bestest boyfriend one can ever hope for. SO kind and giving and intelligent both intellectually and emotionally. He really is awesome. And I SO appreciate him on a daily basis. We have an amazing relationship (and our sex life is very active, lol)

So please do not give up hope. My guy had to wait til his mid thirties to find it. And even though I had a couple long term relationships and a couple shorter relationships, I am now happy they ended so that I met my current guy. HE is the one who I will marry (we are picking out rings right now).

[LeftBehind]

How did the two of you get it together, if you don't mind me asking? I sound EXACTLY like him, though I might be even more of a recluse and am only 27.

[scklbad]

you sound like a catch personality wise in addition to what you say about your looks.i wish you and your boyfriend the best. Have there been any negatives to dating a guy with such little experience? How has he progressed throughout the relationship as he has learned new things...or had he already kissed girls/had sex bfor?

[joffie]

me

 

Filler Filler Filler

[Leya]

How did the two of you get it together, if you don't mind me asking? I sound EXACTLY like him, though I might be even more of a recluse and am only 27.

 

We met through eharmony! I was tired of the quality of men I was meeting when I was out and about (I wanted a nice, humble, sweet guy...and those were NOT the type of men who were hitting on me) and two friends of mine (one girl, one guy) both had found their fiances through it (both fiances are as awesome as my friends are). So I decided what the heck and gave it a go. As long as I was cautious and safe, couldn't hurt, I thought.

I met a few perfectly lovely men but nothing clicked til I met my current guy. All the men I met (and my girlfriend agrees) were similar in that they didn't have much luck with the ladies but was wanting to find a loving, long term relationship girl. And the men who are just looking to "hook up" tend to stick with the free dating sites.

 

My Guy was fairly inexperienced with both relationships and sex. It was tough on him knowing I had more experience...and yes, I was a bit nervous about him not having a proven track record. How did I (and him) know that he had what it takes to navigate a relationship? Plus, I didn't want to hand hold a guy through the ins and outs of dating a woman (us gals can be complicated, lol) I have been there done that, and by my thirties, I wanted a guy who knew what he was doing. But I gave it a go. And in the first few months, he would say and do something that would upset me (doesn't help that I can be overly sensitive) but he LEARNS from his "mistakes". He quickly turned into the best partner I've ever had. And most of my gal pals are jealous as he treats me SO well.

 

But to get back to sex, yes he was not good at the beginning. He had had sex before (but really, not very many times). I believe he was 25 before he lost his virginity. And he was a horrible kisser. But I KNEW he was determined to be a good lover and please me so I was patient. After a few months, he became great. And always trying to get even better (He's often introduced some new technique he learned (tips on the internet) Sometimes they work and get added to our repetoire, others ones not so much. So ours has been a bit of a journey, but it's been a fun one! I witnessed his confidence in the bedroom grow. 2 years on we still have sex many times a week. Morning, noon and night on the weekends. We love it!

 

Will all girls be patient? Probably not, but the sensitive and caring ones who like you for YOU will be.

[anon_a_mouse]

Definitely keep the faith iwishiknew: there's some good insights here especially Leya's input. I put myself in the same boat, though not a virgin, not far from it and never had a relationship etc. I think we have to keep believing, continue to try to take some steps forward and keep a positive head on things: hearing stories like Leyas certainly help in reassurance.

[Leya]

Definitely keep the faith iwishiknew: there's some good insights here especially Leya's input. I put myself in the same boat, though not a virgin, not far from it and never had a relationship etc. I think we have to keep believing, continue to try to take some steps forward and keep a positive head on things: hearing stories like Leyas certainly help in reassurance.

 

Glad I could help =) But yes, my Guy had decided to take one last stab at it and take some "steps forward"...even if he didn't fully feel it would be worth....but if he hadn't, we would have NOT met. SO don't let your discouragement make you stop making an effort!!

Anyways, wish us luck - he has to relocate for his job for two years =( (I am staying because I have my own wonderful and long-established career that I love, plus all my family is here including two young nieces whom I want to be a significant part of their lives)

 

But yes, just pleeeeease don't give up. I truly don't get the "Bad boy" thing. And I truly DON'T get choosing a long term partner based more on looks (or even money) than personality and compatibility. Those partnerships tend not to go well.

And here is a last bit of positive news: Several studies have shown that marriages in which the women is at LEAST 27 years old have a much better outcome than those who marry before that. And I totally understand why! I hadn't fully developed as a person, figured who I was, what I wanted, until my late twenties. And I am happy that I was able to first establish my independent self, self-sufficiency, my career, and my confidence to stand on my own BEFORE I join forces with someone else. And honestly, guys...when you have to wait for it, you appreciate it SO MUCH MORE. None of that "the pasture is greener crap"....

So, the late "bloomers" might have the advantage!!

 

I wish you all the best!

[LeftBehind]

I could be wrong, but to me it seems like the bad boy thing, generally speaking, is attractive in the younger years. As people age it just seems juvenile and pathetic. At least from the feedback I've read.

 

That means that guys like us, who aren't that way, probably have a better chance as we age, but who knows.

[Leya]

I could be wrong, but to me it seems like the bad boy thing, generally speaking, is attractive in the younger years. As people age it just seems juvenile and pathetic. At least from the feedback I've read.

 

That means that guys like us, who aren't that way, probably have a better chance as we age, but who knows.

 

huh, I guess I am a freak, cause I NEVER liked the bad boy thing. I have always dated smart, respectful guys. But hey, you are probably correct for a good chunk of the female population...as gals find out (albeit too late) that bad boys kinda suck as partners. But there's more motivation for hanging in there and not giving up!

[Gracelove]

Don't give up hope, you'll totally have sex. Don't worry. Have you never had a girlfriend? Do you spend a lot of time alone? Why do you feel it hasn't happened yet?

 

I think your first time should be special. It should be with someone you love. Your first time...it's something you'll never forget.

[anon_a_mouse]

Thanks - some more good points made about personality and compatibility. Good luck on your situation too..

[iwishiknew]

1. Yes I'm in good physical shape.

2. Yes, I'm stylish. I wear casual clothes

3. Yes, I'm personable

4. I'm unemployed, which sucks. I'm trying so hard to get a job but it is not easy.

5. Yes, I have self-confidence

6. Yes, I have goals and ambitions

7. Yes, I do a lot of fun things, I'm no couch potato.

 

The biggest obstacle in getting a mate? Is the physical and attraction part. I can't attract any girls at all. No girl has ever found me attractive. I'm not good looking at all. I dress up nice, I'm very outgoung and honest and I have confidence but that does not work. Being short, disfigured and unattractive is very difficult for me to attract a girl and getting a gf.

 

 

 

I hope so! but I doubt it. No, I never had a gf or a date before. Sometimes I spend time alone but not always. I don't always sit inside doing nothing. I spend a lot of my time at the park.