piratehound Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Really, I've never been hated like this. Kicks me out of her house. Calls me horrible names. Calls her sister horrible names for dating me. Once when my girlfriend was on the phone with me, the sister came in, found out she was talking to me. Grabbed the phone from her and threw it against the wall shattering it, then beat my girlfriend up. The girlfriend's sister s 28. The girlfriend's brother is 23. My girlfriend is 25 I'm 28. These are people who have never done anything with their lives. The sister is 28 and never been to school, a bar waitress sometimes. The brother is 23, lives with his mom, sells pot, and is a dishwasher, sometimes. And here I show up, a soon to be lawyer- supposedly with my head on straight - and I get this reaction almost immediately from the family. Not what I expected at all. I was only ever nothing but kind to them. Even after they were rude to me my motto was "kill them with kindness" and it only made it worse. They took any opportunity they could to slam me behind my back. When I came around, they wouldn't say anything to me, just walk away. When I'd say hi they'd ignore me. When I told my girlfriend that I didn't like the way the sister made fun of my job, the sister later said I wasn't much of a man if I couldn't handle it. So it got pretty bad. I honestly didn't understand the psychology of it. My girlfriend said they always made fun of people who accomplished things they couldn't. But in this case, since I was dating her sister, they disliked me that much more. Finally I had had enough. I had enough of them calling me names, making fun of my job (which I used to support myself while and after law school), saying I wasn't a man. On top of that, they called my girlfriend HORRENDOUS names, things I could never type here (her own brother called her a stupid C-word for dating me). So one day I was at the apartment, and I had heard what her brother had called my girlfriend. And I heard how the sister had backed the brother up. So I picked an argument with the sister - telling her that there was no way I could ever say those things to my own sister. And finally I called her sister "trailer trash" for acting the way she did. The sister gasped and then screamed at me to get out of their place. So I left. That's when the bad stuff started. The sister expected my girlfrend to break up with me after I called the sister trailer trash, out of loyalty. When she found out my girlfrend was still talking to me - that's when she broke my girlfriend's phone and beat her up. A couple of months later I was at their apartment and the sister came home. When she saw me she started screaming at me calling me a piece of S and all of this and to get out. All of this to say - could I possibly be this bad a person that I get this reaction? Even before I insulted the sister she disliked me for months, making fun of everything about me even though I had never said a bad word to her. I'm still seeng my GF, but I can't be around her family for obvious reasons. This still bothers me. That someone could hate me this much. I need an explanaton, some reason. Sometimes I sit and obsess over it, thinking their must be something wrong with me to be hated and disliked so strongly. I just don't get it. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Trailer trash might have been going too far - but there is no shame in standing up for yourself or other people. But, you have to also let your girlfriend stand up for herself and if she won't stand up against them about things they call her there is not much you can do. I think that you have the explanation already. SOme people dislike other people if they are different from them. They might think you are even a little "too good" so they harass you more. These folks don't know how to act. I would let this blow over a bit and then if you really want to build a bridge invite them one on - one at a time out with you and your girlfriend but not all together. But really, where are the parents in this? If you are cordial to the parents, do they seem to have a kinder opinion of you? If the parents do or at least one does, I wouldn't honestly bother with everyone else right now. I would caution you though - there ARE some people who are the opposite of their families, etc, and are very different but often times the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I was married to someone who i thought was the innocent black sheep and then when life got challenging, he treated me just like his family treated him and also they really made my life even more miserable. Just make sure that you aren't trying to "rescue" someone out of it and you are genuinely with the girlfriend because you are compatible. That being said, i hope your gf moves out and gets a roommate or a room for rent so she can come into her own. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 With this kind of irrational behavior towards you, I don't think there is much point in trying to resolve things and build a bridge. What concerns me the most is how much will your gf take from the hatred her sister has to the relationship. Not saying this will happen but, one day your gf may give up just because they are family and you are not. I've been in situations where a partners sibling quietly never approved of me for various reasons which only applied to them. It's never turned out good in my experience. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Not saying this will happen but, one day your gf may give up just because they are family and you are not. I was dumped for that reason once. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Not saying this will happen but, one day your gf may give up just because they are family and you are not. I was dumped for that reason once. Sorry to hear this happened to you. I find it so selfish of a family to disapprove of a child or siblings relationship based on their own feelings with complete disregard for what their their family member wants. Link to comment
DN Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Seems to me that 'trailer trash' was almost a compliment. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Sorry to hear this happened to you. I find it so selfish of a family to disapprove of a child or siblings relationship based on their own feelings with complete disregard for what their their family member wants. I should say it was really a divorce, not just a breakup. I did my best just to stand back and be cordial and not instigate or engage them throughout the relationship and it typically worked well. Aside from a few moments when I had to stand my ground in small ways. It worked for awhile until they decided that I needed to go. It was very unpleasant. That's all I'll say. I do know a couple where one side of the family is a little out there and the couple has been married 20 years and are going strong, but not everyone can manage that unless both parties are truly a team and the child of the in laws does not allow them unlimited access. Link to comment
ncoconut Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 They are close minded people who have such a serious lack of self worth that they feel the need to insult others in order to higher themselves. You won't ever understand it, it is completely irrational and these people are very hurt inside.No good for you or your girlfriend. Just know that this is their problem and neither of yours and they do not seem like good people to be around. You know what everyone says about family, but I believe you can build your own-with people who care for and love you. my boyfriend's family is quite the same way and it took a while to finally come to terms with it and just let go. I have him and that's what matters. So, if this girl means a lot to you, stay strong when you have to, and help her get out of there. Link to comment
piratehound Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 Is this the same girl? Good catch. Yea I forgot I made this post. Link to comment
DN Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Then she isn't really very different from her family, is she? Except she is perhaps a little less open about her real feelings and attitudes. Link to comment
piratehound Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 Then she isn't really very different from her family, is she? Except she is perhaps a little less open about her real feelings and attitudes. A very real possibility.... I've lived in a bubble so I'm not used to being so hated. How do I quit obsessing. I remind myself of George when Jerry's girlfriend hated him Link to comment
DN Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 What if anything does she do to try and make things better? Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 They sound pretty insecure... Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 I know it is easier said than done, but IMO you should cut your losses and get out of this dysfunctional situation. These people can't be reached. They will be stuck in their own ignorance and rudeness forever. Your GF, although she is trying to transcend it, has some of the same undesirable qualities as her family. Think of this: Do you want a future with this GF and her family? If you have kids one day.....do you want these people to be "auntie" and "grandma" and have an influence over your child?? I agree with Poppa that they are far more dangerous and worse than you even know. In essence, you "ain't seen nothin' yet". I wouldn't waste another second of your time in this situation. You deserve better. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 I agree, run away, FAST. Link to comment
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