goodbye hopefuly

[lonly112000]

I dont try to hurt myself its like just somthin i do its not really me doin it its like there is this voice in my head tellin me to end my life tellin me that life isnt that good tellin me i cant win and then i think to my self why not i should do it as if any one would notice and then i decide to do it i look at this blood stained knife and i can feel it this is for the best i lift it to my throat say a little somthin and then i lower the knife ive done it it feels so good and then theres pain and in my sleep i here these voices or more like screams and i tryed to get to them at first but now im one of them one of them screamin on the inside someone help me but on the outside im just the kid in town that pops pills and cutts and smokes and all the parents tell their kids stay away from him hes just trouble well im troubled on the inside and no one sees it cause they are to busy stayin away from me to even know what im about i know that it aint normal but i aint goin to know institute were every oine is so druged they dont even know theyre in the world but hey im like that half the time so whats so bad about this life you ask that would make me want to do this well people and the fact that i aint never got anything all the stuff i have i worked for and now thats been yanked out from under my nose so well maybe this will be goodbye

[behind_these_eyes]

Think about what you're saying before you make any decisions. You're only 13. If you're miserable and everything has just been yanked out from under you, try not to look at it as another misfortune. Look at it as a chance to start over. Maybe if you feel like this you need to go somewhere to get help. If things are as bad as they can get, they can only get better. Don't quit before you've had a chance to see that happen. If you need someone to talk to you can pm me.

[lookingformyredangel]

Please think about this. Don't throw yourself away because once you do, there obviously is no turning back. Like behind_the_eyes if this truly is the worst, you can only go up. I know what its like. Maybe not your exact situation but trust me I've hit the bottom a couple of times and once I was almost gone for good if you know what I mean. You are only 13, you've got so much ahead of you...Don't turn away from everything you could be I'm always here if you need some one

[i_hate_the_world47]

well i agree with the other posters.Your so young and dont need to end your life.Things suck know but they will get better with time.Just stay strong through the tough times.It will prepare you for the new.

 

~meagan~

[thisisnotanexit]

If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

 

I don't know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you're reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.

 

I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won't argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

 

Well, you're still reading, and that's very good. I'd like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you're at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let's hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.

 

 

 

Start by considering this statement:

 

"Suicide is not chosen; it happens

when pain exceeds

resources for coping with pain."

 

That's all it's about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn't even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

 

 

Don't accept it if someone tells you, "that's not enough to be suicidal about." There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

 

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

 

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

 

Now I want to tell you five things to think about.

 

 

1 You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

 

2 Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, "I will wait 24 hours before I do anything." Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn't mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it's just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.

 

3 People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

 

4 Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

 

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what's going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:

 

Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans

Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S.

Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999

Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line

Call a psychotherapist

Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen

But don't give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.

 

5 Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

 

 

Well, it's been a few minutes and you're still with me. I'm really glad.

 

Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let's give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.

 

 

Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won't be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It's time to start looking around for one of them.

 

Now: I'd like you to call someone.

 

And while you're at it, you can still stay with me for a bit. Check out these sources of online help.

 

link removed

to see the rest.

[lonly112000]

everyone is tellin me that things will look up but i been hopin they would for 2 years and they havent and frankly im ready to give up its not as if any one would miss me everyone in my family ignors me and tries to pretend i dont exist yeh sure if i killed myself they would look sad but who would truly be sad no one and for that one second when im cuttin even though its not me doin it i cant control it but for that one second of pain every thing else is gone and then the thing is after ive cut i feel worse and now i got nothin after all thats happened in the last few days i feel like my head is gonna explode like ive sunk lower if thats possible sunk to the level to where now i dont really care about myself like if i die or kill myself then oh well the only thing thats gonna be difrent is that i wont have to see all these faces starin at me as i walk bye and maybe just maybe i wont hear all those screams and if im lucky then i wont have all these problems to deal with

[i_hate_the_world47]

Listen,lonely,i pmed you because i have many questions.Please just hang in there.

 

~Meagan~

[lonly112000]

ok great now my parents are mad at me im not alowed to go to my dads house anymore and its all for somthin i didnt even do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!God this life sucks!!!!!!!!!!

[hazlcha]

I was in a room when a man had a heart attack. The medic needed help -he asked my to give him mouth to mouth while he did CPR. I did. The man, a 79 year old who had been a prisoner in the Holocaust, survived the heart attack and woke up from a coma a week later.

 

I helped save his life.

 

You will too.

 

You must know that someone in the world needs you. You probably don't know who they are, where they are, but you might meet them day after tomorrow, in ten minutes and/or in ten years. You will be somewhere where you can save a life, either literally or in some other way. It will be someone you love dearly, someone who fills your life with light. You will be there, because your life has MEANING.

 

You're young, take your time, and find out what that meaning is. Think about what you love to do, what you know you can do better.

 

And share your feelings with someone who cares, like all the people who read your posts and want to help you. Get the shoulder to lean on that you deserve. Someday, you will save a life. Start planning now. Think, my friend. God gave you life for many beautiful reasons. Take control of your life by LIVING it! Even in this down time, ask yourself, "How WILL I grow from this experience, how WILL I turn this situation from a problem into an OPPORTUNITY?" Write down your answers - make yourself a declaration of purpose.

[lonly112000]

i cant wait ive been waitiin for 13 years and i still aint got nothin and i cant see me gettin anything because i know that no one here is gonna ever forget about what i did and what i said and any where i go my mind is gonna fight me all the way cause i got somthin that aint finished in this town i got to tell everyone the truth and i try but they believe what they want and not what is true all these people are like mad because i live in their town and i do what i do and now im going to end it i can see it in my head its like im seein my life in a movie and i see myself die and it plays over and over and i see myself losin everything and i see me on my bed lookin at this blood stained knife i can feel it this is for the best so i lift it to my throat say a little somthin and then i lower the knife somthin stops me its like ive been fightin off this water thats been risin ever sense i started feelin bad and ive finally given in and i walk into the water its at my knees then my waist then my neck and slip under the surface i start to fade away then i see this hand break through the surface i grab it and im pulled out i see this man standin there and he says you dont have to do this i cant tell who it is through the water blurin my eyes then the blur is gone i see who it is i cant believe my eyes its god

[Coyote_the_trickster]

Your 13, and yet that may seem like a long time, a long time indeed. But its not, and you know what? think about this, if you end your life, think if you were to impact someones life in the future if you didn't kill your self? ...now think that if you did, what happens to the person?

 

What if you changed that person to change the world? or even a small part of it?

 

is it worth killing your self over? is it worth to throw away a furure that hasn't been set yet?

 

You too young to kill your self, I realized I was to young. I though about it, in fact one night I was so close I could smell my own blood, and taste it...you know how old I was? I was 7....

[hazlcha]

I believe the name of the movie you might watch is "It's a Wonderful Life."

 

PS- You talk about a lot of stuff that's happening in your life without giving any details, and that's OK. Please, find a person to tell all the details to, even if it's the phone numbers in a previous post.