RelaxByWater84 Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 Are you the only family your mother has?? Link to comment
LostandUnfound Posted December 31, 2011 Author Share Posted December 31, 2011 it will i know it will .. and the thought of her having to go through that has stopped me before but like i said .. thats faded .. and i cant visualise her being sad about it anymore if i did it so yes it will but i guess something has clicked on or off and i dont care anymore ... Link to comment
replytome Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 And by no means am I trying to belittle what you're feeling. I can't even begin to imagine your experiences and feelings. And by no means do I think I understand what you're going/ have gone through. But I want to help the best I can. Link to comment
LostandUnfound Posted December 31, 2011 Author Share Posted December 31, 2011 no im 1 of 4 children she has the rest of them .. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I agree, the area where you are probably has a lot to do with it. Link to comment
replytome Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 it will i know it will .. and the thought of her having to go through that has stopped me before but like i said .. thats faded .. and i cant visualise her being sad about it anymore if i did it so yes it will but i guess something has clicked on or off and i dont care anymore ... There is nothing worse and more horrible than a parent, especially mother, losing their child. Link to comment
LostandUnfound Posted December 31, 2011 Author Share Posted December 31, 2011 i know what ure saying makes sense and anoys me that i cant get past the ure right and i shou;d do what u say .. i feel anger and i dont know why .. im just really lost .. .... Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 There is nothing worse and more horrible than a parent, especially mother, losing their child. I can agree with you there. I lost 4 children to miscarriage and one I got to see after he was born dead. It devastated me something horrible. If I lost my living child I would just give in completely. I would die and I know that. I would not have enough left to keep me going. My son is not physically disabled but he is socially and learning disabled. Different to you and yet still disabled. He has had some ribbing and being picked on. Mostly not though. He holds his head high and tells everyone he is the same as everyone else which is what I have taught him and he truly believes it in his heart. Please do not do this to your mother who loves you. Link to comment
replytome Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 i know what ure saying makes sense and anoys me that i cant get past the ure right and i shou;d do what u say .. i feel anger and i dont know why .. im just really lost .. .... Then the best thing I can suggest is to wait until your emotions give way to logic a bit. Wait until you get the motivation to change things. You are in control of your life, and what you CAN do is start figuring out your future, changing your environment etc. And btw, making fun etc of disabled people, is not unheard of because it's wrong or taboo etc...it's just that in MOST civilised places it's just completely alien to even think that way! It makes as little sense as making fun of a dog because it has a blue eyes... Link to comment
LostandUnfound Posted December 31, 2011 Author Share Posted December 31, 2011 the only emotions i know are sadness and hate and ive had them a long time .. its all i know.. what u see now is what i always am .. i dont drink i dont smoke i daydream about being something else other then what i am now and fantasise about dying thats me .. . .... Link to comment
LostandUnfound Posted December 31, 2011 Author Share Posted December 31, 2011 sorry for you loss and hope ure son has a fun filled happy life .. but like im saying i cant visualise my mum being sad or hurt about it even tho i know she will be i just cant visualise it .. she was my anchor u sound like a good one to .. Link to comment
RelaxByWater84 Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I don't want you to die. I want to come back here and see that you are alive. It saddens me when people die since I know others are going to be hurting. It also saddens me when people commit suicide since I know that they were hurting. I wish I were there with you so I could give you a hug and make sure you don't hurt yourself. Link to comment
replytome Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 the only emotions i know are sadness and hate and ive had them a long time .. its all i know.. what u see now is what i always am .. i dont drink i dont smoke i daydream about being something else other then what i am now and fantasise about dying thats me .. . .... Those are the only emotions I have as well. But for different reasons. My predominant emotion is fear, however. This is due to a crappy childhood, that is still going on, because of crappy parents and family. I suffer from panic disorder, and my panic attacks are so incredibly scary that I don't dare do anything for months after them. I've tried to commit suicide, from early on in childhood, but really lousy attempts. I will never try again. I decided to take control and not let my environment (home) ruin me and my life. I moved away, created my own life, and am now ''happy''. Despite being scared of everything, and many times thinking I want my life to fast forward till I die so that I know I havn't gone insane or any other fears have come true, I challenge myself to change my way of thinking/feeling. I've done bungee's skydive's and many such things, to push myself. I am now ''happy'' because I escaped that environment. (Happiness is something made up by society) I am not comparing this to your situation, but I'm trying to point at the fact that taking control and changing your environment/ CHOOSING how to live can help. The last thing that happened that brought me down was that my alcoholic dad tried to kill his senile mother (my beloved grandmother) and left a suicide note. Luckily we caught him in time cos we found the note. She later died cos she ''fell'' on her head. Link to comment
replytome Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I don't want you to die. I want to come back here and see that you are alive. It saddens me when people die since I know others are going to be hurting. It also saddens me when people commit suicide since I know that they were hurting. I wish I were there with you so I could give you a hug and make sure you don't hurt yourself. I ditto this! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I don't want you to die either. There are many people here who could be friends to you. Link to comment
RelaxByWater84 Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 Also you could never kiss a girl or woman or be kissed if you are dead. As a bad as this sounds that has stopped me in the past. The hope of getting my first kiss it what helped stopped me. Link to comment
replytome Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 Are you still there?? Link to comment
LostandUnfound Posted December 31, 2011 Author Share Posted December 31, 2011 yes u bring up a good point .. but the way i am .. i will never have children .. never be kissed 'hugged' i mean have u ever been sat somewhere and a nice girl comes to talk u say hi shes smiling .. im sat there thinking .. as she seen me walk in ... does she see how im walking .. surley not she musnt have seen me ... and thats confirmed by the shock in her eyes as she see's that im not just an alright looking lad .. im a cripple .. and to see the eyes switch like that is devastating its been a few times like that .. which is why i avoid girlslike the plaugue id rather cross over then walk past them .. yes i see them as 'them' and it was worse at school im my teens .. i never was a teenager it was taken away from me ... and all through life its like that and thats just the girls . . ..... so yea i accepted the fact that i would never have children a wife and a legacy .. which also makes my decision for tonight easiar .. dont kow why im typing this bit out .. guess i just want u to understand me a bit better . .. Link to comment
RelaxByWater84 Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I just looked at your profile and if that is you in that picture, then I have to say that you are one good looking guy. To tell you the truth, I would be intimidated by you. You have a nice skin tone. Link to comment
LostandUnfound Posted December 31, 2011 Author Share Posted December 31, 2011 yes i will be for another hr or 2 just sorting somethings before it happens . .. Link to comment
LostandUnfound Posted December 31, 2011 Author Share Posted December 31, 2011 intimadated till u saw me walk ... thats exactly what i thought when u put that .. thats the cynic in me.. i know im ' ok ' looking but that is nothing if ure a outcast like me .. what i wouldnt give to be normal . ... Link to comment
RelaxByWater84 Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 intimadated till u saw me walk ... thats exactly what i thought when u put that .. thats the cynic in me.. i know im ' ok ' looking but that is nothing if ure like me .. what i wouldnt give to be normal . ... To me that would make you more intrigueing. My mind would come up all these stories. I have a pretty vivid imagination :shame: Hey, I'm an outcast too. I'm bad socially and people think I'm pretty weird. I've learned how to skate by in work. Have you listened to "Sound of Madness" by Shinedown?? It helps me to realize that I have to fight for the things I want. It's a little intense but sometimes I need a kick in the butt. Guys have said I was pretty or cute but they don't approach even when I smile and do all the stuff necessary to attract a guy. So what happened that gave you your unique walk?? Link to comment
replytome Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I don't understand how literally every girl you've met has been a shallow Barbey. And no offense, but when self esteem is low, imagination plays its tricks. Chances are that many of the girls you mention and their looks were imagined due to low self esteem. I have low self esteem and always seem to hear people criticize the way I look...people I dont know etc. When in fact they're talking about completely unrelated stuff. And I strongly believe that every disabled person has a great chance to find girls. As long as they have a good personality and confidence. Because low confidence shows, and is the strongest repellent. Whilst high confidence can get anyone laid. And I'm by no means gay, but indeed, with your looks you have a great chance. As long as you match it with a positive and pleasant, confident personality that girls want to be around. People perceive you as you perceive yourself. Trust me, I've tested this stuff out. And so have many many men. Link to comment
replytome Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 Edit: the girls weren't imagined, the looks were. Link to comment
replytome Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 I'd like to suggest a book as well, that I read out of curiosity, and it turns out most guys have read. lol. It gives crazy insight to the psychology of dating. Neil Strauss: The Game. Please read it before making a decision about taking your life, and also try to follow the rest of the advice on here. Btw, I promise you it's all about perception. How you make others perceive you. Link to comment
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