Keyman Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 We'ver been together for a few months now and it hasn't always been fun. She never really had the in-love feeling for me although I had it for her. She tells me she had it briefly at the start, but nothing like the intense in love/lust feelings she had for the last couple of guys she had flings with. She tells me she still wants to be with me because I make a good boyfriend/partner long term, because we have similar visions for the future and the like. She tells me that this outweighs the fact that she isn't feeling the in-love feeling. She still likes to have sex with me and be around me, but while she is a high priority on my radar, I'm a low priority on hers. This is disconcerting for me, and we have some clashes over it. I want to be with her, but this issue is causing us a lot of stress and we can't always connect because of it. How can we cope? Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Cut your losses and break-up. I'm telling you man, she's going to eventually leave your for someone else who does make her go "Ka-pow!" in all her senses. I think your just going to be wasting your time. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Would you stay with a woman you didn't have that in-love feeling for? You really need to cut and run on this one. She's trying to focus more on "getting married" than long-term compatibility. Link to comment
mrtango Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 You know what it means? It means that she's with you until she finds someone else better fit than you in the long or short term. It means that you're expandable for her... She tells you that she's with you because she's unable to substitute you. I experienced this. She was in love but not anymore... Blah! You did everything possible but it is that simple: She doesn't feel it! It's not fair. But it's normal. Someone can stop loving someone else. It's natural. But please don't let her toy with your emotions. Because which is unnatural in this story is that you stay with somebody who doesn't love you and who will leave you one day without thinking a sec. If you break up with her in a gentle way, it's a possibility that she understands her feelings and maybe she will fall back in love with you because she will miss you. But for now, don't be an expandable toy... Link to comment
winniethepooh Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 We'ver been together for a few months now and it hasn't always been fun. Why not? Because of why you said below, or other reasons? She never really had the in-love feeling for me although I had it for her. She tells me she had it briefly at the start, but nothing like the intense in love/lust feelings she had for the last couple of guys she had flings with. Sometimes the in love feeling is out of sync. If she's trying to find a way to let you down gently then you probably have to face that she is going to leave you, maybe when she finds someone else. However, maybe she's just trying to be honest with you about her feelings. Does she accept that her feelings can change? Does she want them to change? Sometimes it's easy to have that in love feeling for someone you see no future with. What's different about you compared to the other guys? She tells me she still wants to be with me because I make a good boyfriend/partner long term, because we have similar visions for the future and the like. These are important things to consider in a relationship. What are your thoughts about her as a long term partner? She tells me that this outweighs the fact that she isn't feeling the in-love feeling. I think it's significant that she says that, and I would appreciate the honesty (if she's being honest). So what actions can you and her take that might encourage the in love feeling to arise for her? She still likes to have sex with me and be around me, but while she is a high priority on my radar, I'm a low priority on hers. This is disconcerting for me, and we have some clashes over it. Ah, well if you're a low priority, then that kind of contradicts her earlier statement. I want to be with her, but this issue is causing us a lot of stress and we can't always connect because of it. Does she want to be with you? Does she want to be in love with you? Does she want to make you a higher priority in your life? Is she still at the stage of playing games, or does she want to take things more seriously? What are her goals and priorities in life, and how do you fit in with them and support her? What about for you? How can we cope? You can on your own try to figure out what would make you more attractive to her to foster that in love feeling. Maybe find other things to do, create a bit of distance, lower her on your scale of priorities. But this could all backfire and drive her away. Or given that she seems to be open to communicating about it, try to come up with things to do together (or things not to do together) that might help her develop feelings. Are you being clingy and needy? That won't help. Is she? Link to comment
quirky Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 How does this make you feel? Her not having the 'in love' feeling. Link to comment
MySecretName Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Spare both of yourselves the heartache. If you wait too long it's going to be much harder on the both of you. If you don't feel in love there is no reason in wasting time - find someone that drives you crazy and vice versa! Link to comment
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