Dose of Reality for Dumped Guys

[DylanNotorious]

LoL this thread is hilarious.

 

Accept it pal, because not all women leave men because she has a back-up man. They leave because they have had enough of the BS.

[Jim Wormold]

Wow, great. Thanks for this.

 

I am happy that I sent her something that should make her smile

and that that should keep the door open... even if I move on.

 

I needed to make my feelings clearer as well as possible misunderstandings,

but I did that in a really beautiful and unconventional way. It was a very unique

package she got, and probably never received anything like that before. But she

deserves it, even if I never see or hear from her again. My memories of our last

contact are important to me too.

 

Keeping my distance feels better now that I have done that. All this previous

nonsense by other, ahem "dudes" on this thread, about me wanting to "control or manipulate"

her only made me laugh. I did a good thing and that makes me feel good too.

If it helps her remember us more fondly, even better.

 

You make a lot of valid points and I will reread them.

 

And yes, I will leave this thread now too, haha

 

By the way, i googled your OrangeMoon reference - enjoyed the music...

[Jim Wormold]

To be honest, the only men that buy into the sort of mentality and bizarre reasoning described in the first post are the ones with sloping foreheads and arms so long they scrape their knuckes off the pavement as they walk.

 

Generalisations helping any of you 'dudes' much?

 

Haha, this thread is becoming really amusing! Nice comment

[Blue Spiral]

To be honest, the only men that buy into the sort of mentality and bizarre reasoning described in the first post are the ones with sloping foreheads and arms so long they scrape their knuckes off the pavement as they walk.

 

Shiny, shiny shaming language. Shaming, obviously, is emotional, so applying it to self-described logic-based guys may not be effective. It's like using Kryptonite on Batman. He's just going to look at you funny, and then hand you over to Commissioner Gordon.

[LastMan]

It's funny that some of you are interpreting my advice as bitterness. If I was so bitter, I wouldn't bother trying to help people I don't even know on an internet forum.

 

I am not making generalizations about women. It is an essential truth of life that women are emotional beings. As we all know, emotions are fleeting. They come and go. For this reason alone, there is little sense of loyalty in a woman. Her love is not unconditional. She will go wherever her feelings take her.

 

For men, this is hard to understand. Men are logical beings, and they tend to be more sentimental about their relationships than women. They can't understand why someone they invested so much time with could just pick up and leave with no remorse. They go through the denial ("She'll be back"), anger ("How could that * * * * * !"), bargaining ("What if I made more of an effort?"), etc.

 

For the woman, it's like a switch was pulled and all her feelings for you are shut down. She doesn't want to talk to you, she doesn't want to "make it work" and she couldn't care less about what you're doing.

 

Guys, you have to protect your hearts. If you put yourself out there for a woman, stay on your guard, because she WILL take advantage of you if she thinks she can get away with it.

[Jim Wormold]

Shiny, shiny shaming language. Shaming, obviously, is emotional, so applying it to self-described logic-based guys may not be effective. It's like using Kryptonite on Batman. He's just going to look at you funny, and then hand you over to Commissioner Gordon.

 

I am not so convinced about all that talk of logic, frankly. It came laced with more

emotion than I care to want to deal with.

 

Logic for me is about cool-headed debate. That was school boy macho talk.

[DylanNotorious]

Men do this to woman all the time. Or is it now, just what woman do to men.........

[Blue Spiral]

Logic for me is about cool-headed debate. That was school boy macho talk.

 

I'm the least macho person you'll ever meet--in fact, I'm listening to Lady Gaga as we speak. I'm anti-confidence, for god's sake; I think it's a sham. The comment you quoted was obviously humor, as I didn't want to be mean/direct and say "Shaming language is stupid, especially in this scenario."

[Thorshammer]

I actually do agree that men usually think more logical, and women think more emotional. I have been in enough arguments with women that were confusing and ridiculous. My ex used to yell at me all the time how I was too logical.

 

But I also believe men can be emotional, and women become logical, where the feminine and masculine dynamics change in a relationship. Some women flat out refuse to be the less emotional one that they lose attraction, there is enough evidence of that on this board.

[Jim Wormold]

I'm the least macho person you'll ever meet--in fact, I'm listening to Lady Gaga as we speak. I'm anti-confidence, for god's sake; I think it's a sham. The comment you quoted was obviously humor, as I didn't want to be mean/direct and say "Shaming language is stupid, especially in this scenario."

 

I think I get what you are saying. I didnt mean to comment on your response at all, just to be clear.

My comment was directed at other posters. But yes, I am trying to have a laugh at the same time.

 

Lets all just have a group hug, kay

 

Oh heck, I am getting of this thread right now.

[Eocsor]

I'm sorry but those kind of sweeping generalizations are a load of BS. There is a grain of truth in some of the stuff you are saying in some cases. But your broad brush strokes make your argument totally indefensible. There are just too many exceptions in the broad range of human emotion and experience to try and pin it down like that.

PS

I don't think you are bitter. I just don't think your argument holds water. Their are too many exceptions to your rules.

PPS

Love the thread though

[johnnyp]

Letting go and working on yourself is exactly what I'm trying to convey here.

 

Letting go means not holding onto anger and resentment and actually 'letting go' instead of holding on to it and using your anger and pain to generalise about everyone else you'll ever meet going forwards. Not a judgement of you though LastMan, as I'm sure many of us have been through short phases of feeling exactly how you do about our ex GF's or BF's right after a bad break-up. It's not healthy to hold onto that for long though. There's a lot to be said for learning from a break-up and using it to become better, but any 'learning' that results in anger, bitterness, generalizing about an entire gender and expecting nothing but the worst from potential partners (not to mention wanting the 'power' in a relationship), is not good progress...it's regression!

[Tomuch2hope]

The parts in bold are probably the most sensible things you posted so far

[LastMan]

Letting go means not holding onto anger and resentment and actually 'letting go' instead of holding on to it and using your anger and pain to generalise about everyone else you'll ever meet going forwards. Not a judgement of you though LastMan, as I'm sure many of us have been through short phases of feeling exactly how you do about our ex GF's or BF's right after a bad break-up. It's not healthy to hold onto that for long though. There's a lot to be said for learning from a break-up and using it to become better, but any 'learning' that results in anger, bitterness, generalizing about an entire gender and expecting nothing but the worst from potential partners (not to mention wanting the 'power' in a relationship), is not good progress...it's regression!

 

I'm not advising anyone to approach women with anger and resentment. I'm merely advising the men on these forums to accept that most people are out for themselves. And that's ok.

 

But you have to toughen up to the facts of life sometimes. There are so many threads on these forums in which guys are afraid to let go and continue over-analyzing every text and email from their exes. They are hanging on to a false hope: that their ex-lover is still interested in them romantically. The world doesn't work like that.

 

Sometimes it's good to get angry, and let that anger motivate you, harden your heart, and move on to the next chapter of your life a stronger man.

[Humbert]

The many exceptions to the rule don't discount its general truth. I am not versed well enough in psychology (and that's supposing psychology is a science at all...) to make any general claims. In my own experience, however, LastMan's words ring true, and as a rule of thumb they're sound.

 

Even the most intolerably emotional and fickle men I've met come up with some semblance of rationale behind their actions, while the most level-headed and reasonable women I know always betray in their person that essential kernel of irrationality. Maybe I know the wrong people. But I know many people.

[Aqua066]

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, go back out there and learn to be a cutthroat bastard.

 

Get real.

 

Cutthoat bastard... Lol. I love that.

[Brownstone322]

I wasn't there ... so I don't know everything that has happened in your life ... but I suspect the core of the problem lies with you.

[PhilliesFan001]

Sorry OP but your post just sounds like a bitter or very jaded man, who's been hurt, lashing out at others or trying to bring them down to his level.

 

Maybe instead of trying to give advice to others you should focus on healing yourself with a bit of therapy.

[Saffron_]

The most worrying thing about this thread is not what the OP posted, because there are loads of woman hating threads about. It's the fact that some men on here are agreeing with what he's saying. Also it's always strange to me when I hear a man tell me (a woman) how ALL women are.

 

I always thought when I broke off relationships before it was because the guy treated me badly/cheated on me. I always thought (being an introvert) I enjoyed being alone. And I had no idea that when I last split with someone, there was somebody else I was getting 'plowed' by. I'm most upset about that part because I was completely unaware of it happening to me!

[LastMan]

Sorry OP but your post just sounds like a bitter or very jaded man, who's been hurt, lashing out at others or trying to bring them down to his level.

 

Maybe instead of trying to give advice to others you should focus on healing yourself with a bit of therapy.

 

I'm not in any way lashing out. I'm offering a helping hand to all those heartbroken guys who have delusions of getting back together with their exes.

 

You are a female. You really have no perspective on the situation that I'm addressing. Just because my advice is blunt and brutally honest doesn't make it a bitter screed.

[Saffron_]

 

You are a female. You really have no perspective on the situation that I'm addressing.

 

You are a male. And a dumped one at that! You really have no perspective on the female gender and why women act the way they do towards men when they're the ones that leave.

 

All you know is: Woman dumps man, woman does x, y and z, but beyond that there's nothing behind anything you say. You've just come up with some random reasons in your mind. It's all guesswork.

 

Whatsmore, for all you talk about men being logical, you seem to be confusing what logic actually is.

[rosie smith]

can I ask how old you are? cause you are giving a lot of us women a bad name and another thing is not all women are the same some of us would go back to our exs, some of us leave the man we love for a good reason.

 

I personally really enjoy being single at the mo and I prob won't be in another relationship, even if my ex and I manage to sort things out for at least another year and I am perfectly happy that way and my last thing is if we were all the same in life wouldn't life be boring?

 

don 't judge all of us women as if we are all the same, cause yes women can be emotional but so can men.

 

My ex cried through out our break out for example and I have been the more logical and stronger one.

 

and by the way in all my 32 years of living I have never nore would I do any of things you have described to an ex.

 

 

I really hope you can find a women soon that can treat you how you wannna be treated so you can at least, may be change your opinion about us. Best of luck

[Tired Tiger]

You are a female. You really have no perspective on the situation that I'm addressing.

 

Er, yeah... because a woman would clearly have no perspective on how women think. Or something.

 

Maybe it would serve you better to try and understand why you've chosen the women you have - and make better choices in the future - than to adopt an attitude that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Saffron_]

Er, yeah... because a woman would clearly have no perspective on how women think.

 

This was so good it needed saying twice

[LastMan]

Of course you enjoy being single, it means you can hook up with other guys at will. You're free now!

 

You left your man because you lost interest and you don't love him anymore.

 

He's crying because he's devastated. You "moved on" in your head long before the break up, but for him it was like a freight train straight to his chest.

 

If you really loved this guy, you wouldn't risk losing him. That's what I'm trying to express to all the guys here.

 

I hope all you men are paying attention out there. Notice the disparity between rosie smith's WORDS and her ACTIONS.