Dose of Reality for Dumped Guys

[LastMan]

For all of you guys who are deliberating over how to get your ex back, I'm going to do you a favor.

 

When women break up with men after a long term relationship, it's because they lost interest and attraction in you.

 

It didn't happen "out of the blue". She had emotionally divorced herself from you months or weeks earlier.

 

She doesn't miss you. She doesn't care about your feelings. If she contacts you, it's only to make sure that you are still a miserable wreck. She gets off on knowing that you are pining for her.

 

Also, women don't want to be alone. Before she broke it off with you, she already had another man waiting in line.

 

While you're banging your head on the wall wondering how you can make it right again, she is getting plowed by her new guy and loving every minute of it.

 

You're thinking "No way, my girl isn't like that". Well, let me tell you, she is. They all are.

 

Stop treating women like they are special. Get them off the pedestal. You may think your ex girlfriend "loved" you once, but what she was really in love with was her own emotions and how she felt at the moment. She never really "loved" you.

 

Women are devious and selfish creatures. As a man, you need to learn never to trust women. INTERNALIZE THAT.

 

Stop placing your self-worth and happiness in some broad that doesn't give a damn about you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, go back out there and learn to be a cutthroat bastard.

 

Your ex is never coming back. If she does, it's because you are the fall-back chump, and she won't respect you. What's worse, she will just leave you again in an even harsher fashion.

 

Get real.

[Thorshammer]

Lol, this is how I thought a few years ago too.

 

There are good people out there, not all are vicious. Both men and women are being dumped here for dumb reasons, so its not one sex. I actually do believe ex's find a back-up before they drop out, I know i did, but thats not in every case. Even when I was cold and mean, there were some women i dated that i knew i could never betray.

 

I also do believe that when some ex's come back, its usually them falling back to their option, which us. As much as I like to say that some came back because I changed from scrawny to brawny, i still had that feeling that it was just her option that got a "little" better- thats why i was so adamant to have them chase me to prove i was a priority, and even then the anxiety that i was dumped could never have it work in my eyes.

 

Though people do fall out of love, and it has to do with the downfall of attraction. Not many lie about love, not many have to.

[diarmuidz]

I see your point, and I agree there is probably more than some truth to it, but honestly man, your post just made me feel like * * * * .

 

Couples DO reconcile - I've seen it happen to people I know, and I've read about it all over this forum. I would suggest to all the guys "banging their heads against the wall trying to make it right", to just focus on themselves and if they still love their ex and can get past the hurt, to give reconciliation a chance if their ex shows up seeking forgiveness and asking for another chance. There is so much vitriol in your post - and while you may be giving "harsh reality" or "tough love", for some people here who are trying to recover, it's just far too blunt.

 

Some of us are hoping to reconcile, and it is that thought which keeps us motivated to get up, keep working, stay healthy, be happy, improve our lives. I hope one day I can get up and do all those things without thinking about my ex... I hope she does come back, and that we can work things out, but maybe while waiting for my ex, I'll find someone better and guess what, my plans will dramatically change. I don't know. I just know that now, today, I want her back and still love her. We had issues (family, LDR, career demands, etc etc), and maybe we can figure out a way to work past them.... So for someone like me, your post brought me down a little bit. I think it would be better posted in the "healing after divorce breakup" than in the "getting back together" forum...

 

But in any case, thanks for the posting. I hope if that post was based off of personal experience with your ex, that you're getting better too. Take care.

[aerobfa]

Yes, I agree with most of your post but don't be too harsh and generalize ALL women. Men are just as capable of this, too. I agree, most women won't break up "out of the blue." Losing interest and attraction could be one factor, but also you weren't giving something they needed. My ex of four years, friends for 15 total, broke up with me six months ago and had a another man lined up before she broke it off officially. She was pissed at me because the lack of the formal engagement (the ring and proposal) as I kept spending money on things like my car. But six months later, NC and focusing on myself, you will realize that she's just person that you don't want in your life.

 

Yes, to all the other guys that were dumped, get them off pedestal! There is nothing you can really do once a woman had made up her mind in this way. It's not worth the time or the tears anymore for them. And yes, if they do come back, why the hell would you want to be a backup and go back to someone who left you for another man? The relationship will never be the same again.

 

Good dose of reality, LastMan, thanks for sharing this wake up call for the guys out there that were dumped hard!

[LastMan]

If you're finding motivation in life through your hope to reconcile, more power to you. I suspect that eventually you'll reach the point where you are detached from your emotional investment with your ex. That will be the day when you realize that this motivation should come from a desire to be a better man.

[Hastyhand]

Fair enough, I dont agree with everything (like the generalisation), but I approve OP`s post.

 

Once you really can switch to this mindset, then you CAN heal quickly, but like with everything - moderation is in order.

Confrontation to females might become too strong inside you if you insert this ill mindset to yourself too often too much. That lays a bad foundation for potential new long term relatioships in the future. You have to believe in people, you have to know when to trust them.

 

Yes, you will get hurt - but the pain is worth it. Thats why we are living, thats how you Feel you are living.

 

Think back on the years you have spent together with your exs and then compare the time you have been hurt.

It`s years vs months on most cases. And I havent become a cynic if I tell you this.

 

All the best.

[LastMan]

It's not about being confrontational with women, it's about beating them at their own game.

 

Men should be cultivating options and investing in more than one woman at a time. That way, when you lose the ONE, your whole world doesn't come crashing down.

 

This is exactly what women do. They always have options, and they always have a stable of guys in orbit in case they decide they're bored with you.

[Thorshammer]

Hmmm, i was just about to post how I always refused to delete women from my online social profiles. I deleted all them for my ex 3 years ago, and now I have no options. I am not angry or cold right now, its whatever. I would care less if she got banged by 3 guys when she was with me. Reason i deleted all of them was because she did the same, and i had way more women chasing me online then she had men chasing her online. Recently i scrambled to find past women i was in flings with, most are getting married.

 

Women always have options, even when they dont want to. An attractive woman gets hit on a lot, at school, the workplace, walking down the street, etc. You would go insane thinking about it. It takes confidence to walk away from your ex and notice every guy is planting eyes on your woman when she sits there alone.

 

But, i will admit one thing... when i was a carless and cocky dude, a girl never left me for it. When women kept messaging me, they never left me for it. It turned some of them on, i became a challenge, something they didnt truly have. Though, I wouldnt go down this route with every woman, and i certainly dont have the desire to do that now.

[rigguy]

Interesting thread, agree with OP on most points however this is certainly asexual, it is pretty much a natural of a human creature. Just watching out for number one, think about it. Regardless female or male, all are trying to achieve happiness within, sometime at an expense of others. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with that.

[EgoJoe]

Branch Swinging 101

[blackhawks1287]

Oooh yay, another woman hating thread...

 

[winniethepooh]

Branch Swinging 101

Ha ha! Top marks. Cracked me up

[jeepman41]

Whose reality is this....the OP or every male person who has been dumped? There are a lot of generalizations here and some advice but every situation is different as the people involved in the relationship. I think some of these posts are done purely to see what kind of response it will invoke but it is exercising their First Amendment rights.

[EgoJoe]

Oooh yay, another woman hating thread...

 

 

Way to invest with satire.

[triggs]

you get through the angry stage, the sad, takes over. time will help, but most important, you are heading for a new future. most likely, a better one. dont forget to work on yourself, have fun, it's worth the emotions in the end.

[MaryJane2011]

Poor guy. I can imagine how many times you've been dumped by different girls.

[Jim Wormold]

The problem with it all is that anger is just ends up seeming even more pathetic.

 

Men should rather be asking themselves why so many are not able to express their feelings.

Not giving that emotional security women want. Something in the way boys are brought up?

 

That, and this OP's post comes accross as misogynist (though he may not intend to be it).

[OrangeMoon]

For all of you guys who are deliberating over how to get your ex back, I'm going to do you a favor.

 

When women break up with men after a long term relationship, it's because they lost interest and attraction in you.

TRUE

 

 

It didn't happen "out of the blue". She had emotionally divorced herself from you months or weeks earlier.

TRUE

 

She doesn't miss you. She doesn't care about your feelings. If she contacts you, it's only to make sure that you are still a miserable wreck. She gets off on knowing that you are pining for her.

BS...Everyone deals with the feelings of having hurt someone differently,it may well be to ease her own guilt from hurting you, but it doesnt mean she doesnt care)[

 

 

Also, women don't want to be alone. Before she broke it off with you, she already had another man waiting in line.

BS..some will,some wont.Men are more likely to do a switcharoo in my eyes because they are far less likely to handle staying alone for a long time. But yes, leaving is easier when you are atleast emotionally interested in someone else. Its a general part of the separation process in itself and not a typical female or male thing perse. Notice how you have found them..usually that's how they leave..

 

 

While you're banging your head on the wall wondering how you can make it right again, she is getting plowed by her new guy and loving every minute of it.

..you are making yourself crazy thinking things like this. But if she is with someone else, use it to move on faster..

 

You're thinking "No way, my girl isn't like that". Well, let me tell you, she is. They all are.

BIG BS..It took me a year to heal from 'dumping' my ex...and i was in my twenties..

 

Stop treating women like they are special. Get them off the pedestal. You may think your ex girlfriend "loved" you once, but what she was really in love with was her own emotions and how she felt at the moment. She never really "loved" you.

 

PARTLY TRUE, Dont agree with your reasoning for not putting them on pedestals, but I agree that the only person on a pedestal should be YOU (not all the time though..or share it ;-)) , but to make every woman out as selfish and that they have never loved you is BS to me. People's feelings change. Its harsh but that simple.

 

Women are devious and selfish creatures. As a man, you need to learn never to trust women. INTERNALIZE THAT.

BS--If you listen to that you are in for a sad life. Yes, you should always observe and be aware and always leave a healthy dose for yourself, but if you never trust a woman or girl any relationship you embark on will me doomed. You might as well stay alone if you are going to live by those rules. You can not prevent to get hurt, but you can have faith within yourself that you will move on as fast as you can when it doesnt work out after all.

 

Stop placing your self-worth and happiness in some broad that doesn't give a damn about you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, go back out there and learn to be a cutthroat bastard.

 

TRUE..just be your confident self.. Leave the cutthroat out. That's not an emotionally healthy guy..

 

Your ex is never coming back. If she does, it's because you are the fall-back chump, and she won't respect you. What's worse, she will just leave you again in an even harsher fashion.

Don't like the wording but partly TRUE, but once they break up with you, its broken..and not because she doesnt respect you, but simply because they have broken with you before (its not that big of a deal anymore)

 

Get real.

 

ALWAYS!

[LightInTheSky]

Women are devious and selfish creatures. As a man, you need to learn never to trust women. INTERNALIZE THAT.

 

Stop placing your self-worth and happiness in some broad that doesn't give a damn about you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, go back out there and learn to be a cutthroat bastard.

 

Ummm... please to all the men out there reading this, please, please, PLEASE, don't "learn to never trust women" seriously. Yes there are some bad ones out there, heck there's a lot of bad ones out there but there are also good ones. And not all of us have a back up waiting in the wings. I broke up with a guy because he cheated and I didn't have an extra waiting in the wings. The truth is your ex left because something was wrong. If you believe that the only reason she broke up with you is just because she was an evil person then your in denial. The only chance you have of getting her back is to better your self in all areas and if it was meant to be then maybe one day it will be. The guy that cheated who I broke up with I would still, to this day, consider getting back with if I truly believed he had changed. (For the record he hasn't changed and we ended up as good friends instead) But again please don't learn to never trust a woman again, that is no way to live your life.

[figur]

I wanted to do the breakdown just as OrangeMoon does, but she's spot on.

[Raaawr]

You obviously speaking from pain of a girlfriend joining a relationship soon after leaving you.

 

Yes it happens. I've seen it happen I once had a woman colleague give me the advice of lining someone up before you leave your relationship so it won't hurt. So yeah it exists.

 

To say everyone woman does it? That just petty anger. Everyone is different and every break up is different and everyone feels different and copes different. But coming on here and spouting off this nonsense is only going to upset people.

[Jim Wormold]

Originally Posted by LastMan

It didn't happen "out of the blue". She had emotionally divorced herself from you months or weeks earlier.

TRUE

 

I have often read this. If that is true then what happens with her

feelings in reconciliations later? Never as intense as previously?

Possible to get that same feeling back? Impossible to generalise?

 

I realise this sounds like generalisation, but any comments?

[Raaawr]

I have often read this. If that is true then what happens with her

feelings in reconciliations later? Never as intense as previously?

Possible to get that same feeling back? Impossible to generalise?

 

I realise this sounds like generalisation, but any comments?

Its being generic. Its possible she did check out months before, not consciously but sub consciously and over time she realised the feelings just aren't there anymore. You arent always looking at the last week or 2 in break ups, you can trace it back to months.

 

It is possible to get any feeling back, they are still there deep down but it requires work. Some people just arent willing to put in that work, some people are afraid that the work will fail.

 

Personally I dont believe you can ever completely fall out of love with someone, youll still have those feeling but they have been buried and its exceptionally hard to get them to resurface.

[mrtango]

"When women break up with men after a long term relationship, it's because they lost interest and attraction in you.

It didn't happen "out of the blue". She had emotionally divorced herself from you months or weeks earlier."

I agree. That was what she told me in "the talk". I respect her honesty to tell me that she doesn't love me anymore. Besides, she has not to. It's not an agreement or something, it's a feeling and she lost it and told me so without any game. You know what's hard? She stopped loving me and started to consider dumping me but I was unaware of that. So she acted like everything was great between us. I am a little bit angry about it.

 

"She doesn't miss you. She doesn't care about your feelings. If she contacts you, it's only to make sure that you are still a miserable wreck. She gets off on knowing that you are pining for her."

Man, I know this feeling. I feel the same. But the thing is we can't know that. For example, our mutual friends told me that she cried for days after dumping me but I see her partying photos on facebook. So I can't know which is real.

 

"Stop treating women like they are special. Get them off the pedestal. You may think your ex girlfriend "loved" you once, but what she was really in love with was her own emotions and how she felt at the moment. She never really "loved" you."

I think she really loved me. But she doesn't anymore. It can be. But I am not in her head that's why I can't be so sure nor you you can.

 

"Women are devious and selfish creatures. As a man, you need to learn never to trust women. INTERNALIZE THAT."

I think it can be true for some of them. And you know what I know some girls who told me the exact same thing. But I prefer to search for a women whom I can trust. In this journey I suffered a lot. That's why I understand your warning. But I prefer trust some women.

 

"Stop placing your self-worth and happiness in some broad that doesn't give a damn about you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, go back out there and learn to be a cutthroat bastard.

Your ex is never coming back. If she does, it's because you are the fall-back chump, and she won't respect you. What's worse, she will just leave you again in an even harsher fashion."

Unfortunately yes. Life is a ***** sometimes.

But after all, I am not angry with her. I am only sad. And it's life. I can't change the past but who knows the future? I can be a better man for myself. So I thank you to make me think that way.

I hope you will heal your wounds one day and find the right woman for you. Good luck.

[somethngwrng]

Definitely see truth in the OP and have already internalised these feelings.

 

I recognised my ex was emotionally detaching from me months before the relationship ended, I even broke up with her for a few weeks because of it. When we got back together, there was a lot of bickering about it. Her claiming "we don't get along anymore", which literally translated might have been "I don't want to do this anymore so I'm subconsciously making myself b*tchy all the time and starting fights". I have no doubt there was another guy in the picture, for various reasons. And last but not least, she has certainly contacted me for the sole reason of "making sure I'm a miserable wreck". She's gone as far as sleeping with me to make sure that my feelings were still there. NO MORE.

 

Have started doing things to become a "better man", I think of her a lot less when I'm busy 90% of the day. Forcefully surrounding myself with people, stopped activities by myself for the most part like gaming, which gives me too much time to think. Strict NC, she doesn't deserve another word or smidgen of emotion sent her way. I do miss her, but I miss what she was in the past before she started "emotionally detaching". The thing I'm finding hardest is that now I see women EVERYWHERE but I feel so battered over this whole thing I'm lacking any game or motivation to do anything about it.