Ladies: How Long Do You Wait To Contact The Guy After The First Date?

[RitaTrue]

A friend of mine and I had an interesting conversation about this, and I wanted to know what other women thought.

 

Ladies, after a good first date, how long do you generally wait before contacting the guy again? (and I mean with something thoughtful, not just: "Had a great time, bye."

[rockerstar]

Ummm....definitely no more than a week.....

It all depends also on how confident/shy they are.

[WhenWillILove]

I expect the guy to contact me.

[im_the_undead]

if he texts me immediately, i'll respond kindheartedly, immediately.

[DN]

Many women are behind the times, or are princessy types, and won't contact the guy - which can mean they miss out on great guys.

[Melting]

I also expect the guy to contact me

[sophie274]

If I hadn't heard from him after 3-5 days I would contact him then.

[quantumst8]

You should contact him whenever you want to. People play too many games and overanalyze things too much these days.

[Flyingpiglet]

If we hadn't arranged a second date, I would give it 3 or 4 days then contact them and ask if they wanted to go

If we had arranged a second date for in a weeks time or something, I would probably contact them a couple of days before.

 

Thats in an ideal world... In reality, I would be sat here he next day, worrying and trying to define the fine line between too needy and too distant. Probably typing a thread out on here saying.... 'Is it too soon to contact him' lol

[HoliPoli]

The man has to contact. There's a reason if he doesn't so I would move along. I disagree about waiting for the man to contact you being "behind the times". It's just how nature is and has been since the beginning of time.

[Flyingpiglet]

The man has to contact. There's a reason if he doesn't so I would move along. I disagree about waiting for the man to contact you being "behind the times". It's just how nature is and has been since the beginning of time.

 

Lots of things have changed since the beginning of time.

 

Woman are allowed to vote, fly planes, perform sugery and generally make decisions about how they want to live their lifes. Why should they resort back to being a wall flower when it comes to dating.

 

All a matter of opinion and perspective I suppose.

[DN]

I hear the "always has been since the beginning of time" argument a lot and to be honest it's really weak and just doesn't hold up. It's an excuse used by people who want to hold on to a status quo that suits them and has been used by everyone from slave-owners to people who don't want to pay for a date.

 

These days it is either a lack of courage or wanting to be treated like some sort of princess - a weak ego or an over-abundance of ego.

[quantumst8]

I don't mind being the first to make a move, but I do mind being the first, the second, and the third. I expect some reciprocation. If I invite a girl out on a date then I don't think it's too much to expect her to initiate the next date. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen often

[FathomFear]

The man has to contact. There's a reason if he doesn't so I would move along. I disagree about waiting for the man to contact you being "behind the times". It's just how nature is and has been since the beginning of time.

 

The problem is that people use this argument only when it goes in their favour. I highly doubt you'd be happy if some guy told you to stay barefoot in the kitchen because that's your "nature", for example.

 

It's in the best interest of women to have self-determination and seek out people they're interested in vs. being at the whim of the other person's choices.

[The_Seeker]

A friend of mine and I had an interesting conversation about this, and I wanted to know what other women thought.

 

Ladies, after a good first date, how long do you generally wait before contacting the guy again? (and I mean with something thoughtful, not just: "Had a great time, bye."

 

To be honest, it has to do who is attractive. I know this sounds WICKED SHALLOW. I'm not saying you have to be HOT or whatever.

 

If the person you're dating thinks you're way out of his league, then he will not call you because out of fear that you will reject him and for him thinking positively and getting his hopes up.

 

If the person you're dating and you think he is wicked attractive [smarts/personality/etc whatever you're into], then you're afraid to call him because you don't want to get your hopes out and OUT OF FEAR you think he will reject you.

 

Or it could be you two get along great but there is no "chemistry/communication/etc whatever you both are looking for." Or you are rebounding.

 

For me, before I entered my third relationship, I met him online and it's long distance. LOL 1 hour away. I was attracted to him but I wanted to know more of who he is. So I pretended I was blind so I don't think he's handsome/sexy/cute etc etc. I ignore his personality as well because I think everyone has the same qualities. I was looking for his values and his viewpoints on life and how he treats a person. I learned a lot and no I didn't interrogate him.

 

I made it fun and humorous. I did pay for dinner and he paid for the sport activity. I know I know, men are supposed to pay for the first dates etc etc. To be honest, I wanted to show him I wasn't entering a relationship with him [if that happens, great if not it's okay] for his money. I wanted to be in a relationship who has what I want and need. Mind you, this ended up being a 9 hours first date. Ha ha! Yea I know make the date short to maintain the "mystery." [rolls eyes]

 

We didn't text/call each other for a week. I don't know what his reasons were [i did remember him telling me he was very nervous for our first date because he couldn't believe I was prettier in person, and that I was spending time with him and I was laid back when we were watching ESPN]. Probably the same reason that I listed above. I didn't call because I wanted to make sure I was falling for who he is and not what he looks like or fun personality he is [i learned the same mistake from my last two relationships]. Since I wanted to learn more about him, I contacted him after 1 week and few days and asked if he would like to join me for this activity so I can learn more about who he is. He was very happy. Like a kid in a candy store.

 

He ended paying for the activity [he insisted] and dinner on the second date and yes we did kiss [Yea yea yea I know, moving too fast. But heck I want to know if he has any passion when it comes to kissing. I can't stand kissing a guy while he thinks about something else. Turns me off. It kind of reminds me of my first ex who would be kissing me and started thinking about something else. I told him since he has a chore list going on in his head he should go.]

 

Anyway third date, he paid again [insisted]. During this third date, he asked about forming a relationship with me. I didn't expect this to be this early. It seems a lot of people have to go on multiple [+6 dates] to form a relationship. He's way older than me and more experienced about relationship than I am. I told him I rather have him trust me and I am not here to apply for a girlfriend opportunity position and no way I am going to be a rebound [His last relationship was in January and it was 3 years]. I told him I know what I have to do if he wants to go back to her. LOL He was like no that relationship is dead to him and there is no way he is going back there. So this is when I realize we really do have the same values and know how to handle things when things really do get messy. In other words, we know how to communicate each other, know what we want and need.

 

Anyway sorry for a long summary about my third relationship.

 

What I'm trying to say is yes there are lots of dating rules, and culture behavior and differences, you can break or compromise. Just never lose yourself respect when you get disrespected by your date or special someone.

 

If you want to call, then CALL. ONLY IF YOU WANT TO SEE WHERE THIS RELATIONSHIP WILL GO AND BELIEVE THIS PERSON WILL INSPIRE YOU TO BE AND WANT TO BE BETTER. Not because:

 

A) You're bored out of your mind. = GET A LIFE

B) You just want to be a relationship for the hell of it

C) Timeclock is ticking.

D) You're a official gold digger.

 

If you don't want to, then DON'T because he's under the MOST WANTED LIST, Cheater, Player, Abuser, Someone's baby's daddy.

 

Simple as that. Unless you like to play the waiting game/stressing out, and then continue not to call.

 

I know this post goes toward the Ladies and negative to Guys. But this applies to both genders on to call or don't call.

 

Good luck everyone on finding someone who loves you for you.

[lila...]

I won't....if he wants to see me again, he'll contact me.

[DN]

The problem is that people use this argument only when it goes in their favour. I highly doubt you'd be happy if some guy told you to stay barefoot in the kitchen because that's your "nature", for example.

 

It's in the best interest of women to have self-determination and seek out people they're interested in vs. being at the whim of the other person's choices.

Of course it is. But some women don't have enough courage and others are too high-maintenance. The guy is better off without the latter anyway.

[quantumst8]

I won't....if he wants to see me again, he'll contact me.

 

That's not always true. I've wanted to see girls again, and not contacted them.

[The_Seeker]

That's not always true. I've wanted to see girls again, and not contacted them.

 

;] Out of fear and rejection.

 

Hehehe, see it applies to both genders.

[quantumst8]

;] Out of fear and rejection.

 

Hehehe, see it applies to both genders.

 

Perhaps, but I think it's more out of a desire for balance and reciprocation. If I invite a girl out on a date, I've shown interest. During the date, if I really like her, I'll do things that show interest. I expect the same from her if she's interested. If she shows strong signs of interest on the date, I'll probably just ask her out for a 2nd date without any further thought. But if I don't get any clear signs from her, I won't contact her again unless she contacts me. I simply want to date a girl that shows a similar level of interest that I show to her.

[HoliPoli]

Lots of things have changed since the beginning of time.

 

Woman are allowed to vote, fly planes, perform sugery and generally make decisions about how they want to live their lifes. Why should they resort back to being a wall flower when it comes to dating.

 

All a matter of opinion and perspective I suppose.

 

All these things have nothing to do with nature though?

 

I solidly believe for a relationship to be lasting the guy needs to do the chasing. If you chase him how will you ever know if he chose you?

 

I think the excuses are being made the other way around. Women are making them up to justify their insecurities and neediness - me included at times.

[HoliPoli]

That's not always true. I've wanted to see girls again, and not contacted them.

 

Then they just weren't the one for you or you would have.

[Flyingpiglet]

Then they just weren't the one for you or you would have.

 

Or he wasn't the one for them.... Or they would have

[DN]

I solidly believe for a relationship to be lasting the guy needs to do the chasing. If you chase him how will you ever know if he chose you?

Same thing applies in reverse. Sorry, but I think that is another weak excuse for not pulling your weight in a relationship even at the very outset.

 

But then people are usually able to find reasons, no matter how weak, for avoiding things they are not willing to do.

[Flyingpiglet]

All these things have nothing to do with nature though?

 

I solidly believe for a relationship to be lasting the guy needs to do the chasing. If you chase him how will you ever know if he chose you?

 

I think the excuses are being made the other way around. Women are making them up to justify their insecurities and neediness - me included at times.

 

How is any of it to do with nature, guys have feelings, insecurities and doubts the same as any female.

 

You want nature... At the beginning of time, we were covered in hair and the male would use the female to reproduce and look after their needs. Nothing more... Thats nature... Is that what you believe?

 

Guys need to be needed, wanted, desired and understood as much as any female. Just because a lot of them are programmed not to show it doesn't make it less true.