windsurfchick Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I've been dating a lovely guy for a year now, we even moved in together 6 weeks ago. He's kind and considerate, we look after each other when one of us is sick, we laugh and joke, occasionally fight but never go to bed angry with each other - We have a great relationship, that I don't want to lose. But whenever we talk about how we feel about each other he tells me that, while he cares for me deeply, he doesn't feel any love for me. I can't get my head around it, as far as I'm concerned he acts like he loves me, looks at me with that shiny sparkle in his eyes, everything about us as a couple says to me there's love there. But he says he doesn't feel it. He says that what he considers love is an intense feeling like you can't live without that person, but the way he described it to me, it just sounded like he was describing teenage infatuation. The last person he says he loved was back when he was about 19 (we're both 28). For me personally I feel like I love in a totally different way now than I did as a teenager or my early 20's, I want to figure out a way to say to him I think he should consider that maybe he doesn't understand what real love is without patronising him. The other day I asked him to tell me how he felt about me and he said he's happy when we're together, he loves cuddling up on the sofa with me after work, that our place we've just moved into feels like a proper home with me and that he wants to take care of me and treat me how a man should treat a woman. He also said that I challenge him to think about things in different ways some times, and that sometimes he doesn't like that I can be a bit bitter about my past (which I accept must be difficult for him). My question is this - do I stay with him when there's a likelihood he'll never love me, or do I do the painful thing and end it? It's really hard, because aside from the love thing it's the healthiest most honest relationship I've been in, and it's going to be incredibly difficult to throw that away. But I have a history of making the wrong call. I don't want to end up 30 and alone, but I guess there's no knowing what the future holds even when they say they love you... Link to comment
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