What a fool I am!!!

[Brandell]

It has been 5 months since my breakup and 4 months of No Contact and what did I go and do yesterday? Went and sent a text message to her cell fone asking how she was and would she like to meet for a coffee some time. OF COURSE I have received no reply and its unlikely I ever will.

 

What was I thinking?????

 

What sparked this off was seeing her in her car yesterday afternoon and then I went home and started to think and decided to send this message just incase she still thinks of me.

 

Reading back over the message now it sounds so pathetic... stuff about me being a stronger person and it would be great to meet for coffee as there are some things I would like to say for closure (relationship ended without proper closure as lots do) and you know what the message screams?.... I AM STILL INTERESTED... and now she will know that.

 

Ahhhh!!! tell me I will get over this.

[rich46]

At least you tried, and the fact that she hasn't had the decency to respond says it all really. So what's done is done. Don't worry about it, just get your head down and continue to move on.

 

I can't really say much more. You aren't the first to contact your ex, and you certainly won't be the last! Just don't let it get you down.

 

Good luck,

 

Rich

[Brandell]

well, one way to look at it (and its the only consolation I can give myself) is that the break in NC may have re-opened a stalemate in communication if she was not contacting me because I was not contacting her scenario. This was a faint possibility in my mind as she was very hurt over the breakup too even though she instigated it as she felt "outside issues and baggage" were too much to keep our relationship going.

 

She always claimed she loved me deeply though even up to the very last contact.

 

Very faint consolation I know but maybe.... just maybe it was worth trying.

 

Anyway. Does not matter now. The lack of response says it all.

 

Thanks Rich.

 

Help me heal again guys!!!!!

[Brandell]

And I was one of the biggest advocates of No Contact on this site in the last while and what did I go and do??

 

God, I am hurting so MUCH that I sent the message. I am back to Square ONE!!

 

Please anybody respond if only with identification.

[otrebla]

Wow, 4 months is such a big amount of time, you could have only texted: hello, what's up?

Well, I'm planning to call her on christmas, but when she's not home(she's never home!).

Well, that's what I think now, but heart doesn't listen to reasons.

Good luck.

[auburnslp]

There is nothing wrong with what you did...you had been healing, true, and this set you back...but you will see, it fades MUCH faster now, the pain will fade much faster...

 

I'm sorry you are hurting again...Two things one, don't beat yourself up over it...look at the bright side of it, which is now at least you won't have to wonder the "what if I had just written/called?" Now you know the answer, and can truly, truly begin to let go and move on. Number two is that it is normal what happened...you saw her in the car and just had to know, had to give it one last shot...and that is ok...

 

Trust me, it does hurt now, but just try to get back to the things you were doing that were helping you heal before this happened-don't sit around and be depressed...trust me that it will get better much more quickly than it took initially-same thing happened to me-after a couple months we broke nc and started hanging around, kissing, etc...then she got scared and broke it completely. I was also back at square one and hurting all over again, but it was surprising to me how quickly I got back to healing, and beyond that, with the finality of it, the closure, all questions answered, the hope gone, I have healed completely. In a little over a month now. Yes I still think of her and miss her from time to time, but now I completely look at the whole thing objectively and realize that we were just not meant to be...and that is why I am healed. If we were meant to be, we would be together, right?

 

Pray for me today. I have to go to her house. It is my son's 13th birthday, and he and her son are best friends, and we are taking him to the Braves game-field level seats But I have to go get him. I am hoping she stays inside...I totally do not even want to lay eyes on her ever again. But she might come out...pray for me that it doesn't set me back a little as this situation did to you...

 

You will be ok. And really, I am looking at this incident as a necessary evil for you, a temporary setback that will allow you to completely let go and move on with your life...which is an amazingly wonderful thing, trust me.

 

Good luck, stay on here and vent, be well, and be strong. Everything will be ok, I promise...Michael

[daredevil]

Been there also.. im 3 months from my ex i wrote to her each time the first month and a half, but after i started to do stuff and such i don't think of her anymore.. it really heals to do things... I started at the university last wednesdy.. and i really must say it has been so great.. so the best advice forget.. and do things which places your thoughts on other things.. its hard in the start, but it will come... trust me... the text message isnt important... what if she knows.. the only good thing would be if she answered, and either way.... U can go on.. it isn't so important.. imo

[shes2smart]

Ease up on yourself, dude. You had a little slip, don't turn it into more than what it is. No one's perfect, and in a moment of weakness you made a less-than-stellar decision. We've all been there/done that. (some more than others... *raising my hand, admitting guilt*)

 

No biggie. Drop it and move on.

[Mun]

Hey Brandell,

Listen, don't beat yourself up over this. Just start all over as of today with NC. You're not the only one that has sent one last email, text or phone call, no big deal. OK 8)

[Vert]

Auburn is right. At least now you know how she feels (or doesn't feel, as the case may be) about the current situation and getting back with you.

 

Auburn, I wish I could go to that game! Good luck man and keep your head up. Even if you do see her, try to imagine someone else standing there and it will help.

[auburnslp]

thanks Vert...thanks for the thoughts...

 

the game was awesome! Braves win 3-1, some fantastic plays on defense, Smoltz with the save, and an Andruw Jones HR! Couldn't have been better...my son had a great birthday...

 

Went well over at the ex's house...I saw her outside when I pulled in the driveway but she was inside before I got to the garage, and then when I dropped him off she didn't come out..good for me, but conflicting emotions there...for three years she loved my son as her own, said she did and showed it, and today she doesn't even come to his side of the car to say happy birthday? I was glad not to see her but that is just hurtful, because I know my son noticed the slight...oh crap, it's just all so complicated, isn't it? Who cares...back to my life...

 

Really Vert, thanks for the thoughts...I feel like I have friends here, friends I have never even met...odd, but very nice...Michael

[Aaryn]

Hey, it'll be OK. I don't think anyone on this board, including myself has done NC perfectly the first time. We are all human and loving someone, losing them and then having the chutzpah to keep on going without turning into a bitter, miserable person is what it is all about.

 

I think Auburn is right, this time it'll be easier to move on. As I see it, you've already done 4 months of work on NC, it's not like you lost it all by breaking one silly rule. That'd be like saying you were on a diet, pigged out on a pint of ice cream and gained 10 pounds. No way! All is not lost! Take it day by day. When I broke down and called my ex to see if we could work on things and he never returned my call, I felt so alone and pathetic. Granted, it was hard to take and you feel like you've lost all your self-respect, but take heed, it is easier for closure now that you know where she stands (i.e, not interested in responding). I think it is much better in the end than if she lead you on or said things that weren't true (that happened to me). If that had been the case, it would make things much worse and then you would be back at Step 1 again, wrapped up in the same old crap.

 

Stay stong, get out, do things you've neglected and above all, find one small thing to be happy about each day (for me today it was seeing a bunny in the grass -cheesy, right?), but just think one day at a time and no further. Each day you succeed at NC is a small victory in the war that you will one day win, and that is to be happy again without hurting.

 

Rock on, Aaryn

[DragonGirl724]

aww there is nothing wrong with what u did. please stop, its ok babe. ive tried to make plans w/ my ex too this past summer...it never happened but it hurt so bad him rejecting plans. i told him at one pt. im stronger person & how im ready to see him if he wants to etc...i never got a response to that letter either. it unbelievable how cold peope can be to those that love them. i cant fathom being so cruel & cold to anyone, let alone someone who loves me more than life itself...in life there are few who are going to love you, our exs are taking for granted all that we feel. i know how much it hurts u, im crying right now b/c i feel the same way. dont be hard on yourself. jus know in life u did all u could do. & thats all u COULD do. please keep your head up hun. im hurting right there w/ u. i know how difficult it could be at times.

 

-DG724

[MrMikeWikowski]

Dood,

 

First of all don't beat yourself up. Like everyone who has posted, we are only human, and we feel, and we all do things because of this.

 

But, maybe you should not look at it as a mistake. Maybe this is part of your learning and healing process.

 

I broke NC with my ex about a week and a half ago. It was days before she replied. I wasn't even sure I really wanted her to reply, it just seemed like something I needed to do. When she didn't reply at first I was relieved. Now she has replied and want to see me - thus making things much more complicated......

 

In a way, maybe it is good she hasn't replied. Maybe you are not ready yet? Or maybe she will reply at some point?

 

Regardless, you must stay strong, and fight the hurt. I know how hard it is. But you gotta hang in there man.

 

You have healed a lot, and are healing a lot. It just isn't a linear process, and there are some big bumps along the way.

 

Be strong, and be happy.

 

Mike

[Jake212]

hey, a little story about contact with ex after no contact:

 

I went into no contact with my ex(he dumped me, check my post in exboyfriends\ex-girlfriends forum for details) and after 2 weeks, he came up to me when we bumped into each other at a local club and asked if we were talking yet. (we have been broken up for about 3 months now and this happened last week). I broke down and said sure, so we went to lunch and hung out a couple nights at the local places and you know what "it sucked"!!!! He showed absolutly no emotion the entire time we were together and acted like a zombie to the point our conversations were one sided. It hurt me to see I did'nt matter to him anymore, I think it was just a game to him and I fell for it. I gave him back all the power he had over me, the power I took away from him by not talking with him. I was starting to get back to my old self by having no contact with him, now I'm back to sqaure one. My suggestion to Brandell, even if she contacts you just walk away. Take care of yourself, this was just a little set back, dont make yourself start over like me.

[cassiana]

Dear Brandell,

 

After four and a half months of no contact I sent my ex a jokey email to his work address. A day after he returned to work he sent me a jokey email back. Last Thursday I sent him another joke. He hasn't replied, so I sent him another at 3.30pm today. I did all this deliberately. I want him to know i'm still interested. If he doesn't reply its because he is a coward. As i have said before, the difference between winners and losers is staying power. I have staying power, he may not. Of course i'm doing alot of dating as well. It keeps me from obsessing and I might meet someone nicer.sadly so far I haven't met anyone I connect as well with. i really appreciated having him and didn't give another man a thought, now I'm brokenhearted. Everytime I click on my computer and there's no message its like a slap to my face. If you are a fool then so am I. Am i fool? Personally I think they are the fools because they don't see quality when its right in front of them.