interest in another man other than my bf

[SnoGirl42]

I am currently in a 5 yr relationship with my boyfriend who eventually wants to marry me. There is a long history and we have been through a lot and that is where my doubt come in for our future. A friend of mine knows a guy who is single and knows him pretty well since he is friends with her fiance. I really didn't want to meet him because i don't want to be tempted by another man. Well long story short, I met him and I really found him interesting and he seemed interested in me. Last night I was having a really hard day at work and he actually listened to me really well and I like that because sometimes my boyfriend has a short attention span and doesn't seem genuinely interested in listening to me.

 

This is just hard because I was not expecting to be interested in him while I am in a relationship. However, I wouldn't want to break up with my boyfriend since I don't know what the future holds with this other guy.

[camus154]

I really didn't want to meet him because i don't want to be tempted by another man. Well long story short, I met him and I really found him interesting and he seemed interested in me. Last night I was having a really hard day at work and he actually listened to me really well and I like that because sometimes my boyfriend has a short attention span and doesn't seem genuinely interested in listening to me.

 

Sounds to me like your friend was trying to hook you up. Friends don't normally do that when you're already with someone for no reason.

 

This is just hard because I was not expecting to be interested in him while I am in a relationship. However, I wouldn't want to break up with my boyfriend since I don't know what the future holds with this other guy.

 

You don't want to break up with your boyfriend because you don't have some kind of guarantee of what could happen with this other guy? That's your reasoning?

 

Do both of you a favor and break up. You're not happy with the boyfriend.

[Koglin]

Hold your horses. Everyone in the beginning seems interesting and is on their top notch behavior. No one comes without any of their own problems, it's just that they have not surfaced yet. You may end up with this guy only to learn that his issues are harder to deal with than that of your boyfriend and at that point it will be too late. If you are unsure of your current relationship, treat that as an isolated issue and end the relationship, then go and date other people. Don't mix the two issues together or you're asking for trouble and it isn't fair to your siginifcant other who has been there for you for many many years.

[pl3asehelp]

Just break up - that you are even asking this question means you shouldn't be in a relationship. You should tell your bf about this as well - he'll probably want to break up with you.

[guynextdoor]

Sounds like you go the GIGs syndrome..

[Glowguy]

You essentially went on on a date while you were in a relationship. That is borderline cheating in my mind. I think you know that your bf deserves better than that. You also know the right thing to do here.

[DN]

I agree that you should break up with your boyfriend if, instead of trying to make your relationship better, you have an interest in someone else. Holding on to him in case this new guy doesn't work out is somewhat selfish. Your boyfriend deserves someone who wants him and only him.

[april15]

Quit playing around with other men. Do some soul searching about your relationship with your bf. If you want to stay, find ways to liven up the relationship, put in the effort, break off inappropriate relations. If you are not happy with the direction your relationship is going, end it. Then you will be free to see where thing go with the new guy. As it stands proceeding with the new guy is only going to result in a lot of hurt and frustration.

[ToF]

I really didn't want to meet him because i don't want to be tempted by another man.

 

This tells me that you were not secure in your commitment to your boyfriend in the first place.

 

Tell your boyfriend about your feelings. He deserves the chance to weigh in on the decision, don't you think?

 

However, I wouldn't want to break up with my boyfriend since I don't know what the future holds with this other guy.

 

Give this another read ... I think you need to see how selfish it is. Your boyfriend deserves to be someone's first priority ... Not someone's "in case my crush doesn't want to be with me".

 

If the situation were reversed, would you rather your boyfriend hide his feelings or be honest with you, so that, at the very least, you were not living a lie? Because right now, your boyfriend is under the impression that he has a committed, monogamous girlfriend.

[SnoGirl42]

Thanks for the replies. It is selfish of me to think that I should stay just in case it doesn't work out and it is unfair to my bf if I do that. My current bf is a true 'catch' that a lot of women would want to date. He has a great job with a fantastic salary - I wouldn't have to work if we had kids and could still live very comfortable. He's caring and we have a lot in common. However, something has just been missing lately and I have felt this way even before I met this other guy. I haven't been as attracted to him anymore, he irritates me a lot lately, and I'm getting bored. We took a week long vacation last week and I didn't feel that connection or spark between us and it was hard for him to just be with me without having to go somewhere or do something.

 

This is just too confusing - maybe I should just take a break?

[Doofus]

It is unrealistic to think that, all your life, you're going to find just one person attractive. If you believe that as soon as you find yourself gazing at another man/woman with lust in your heart, it's time to dump your SO you are never going to have a relationship that lasts much beyond a few months. Given that, as long as you don't act on your attraction, you've done nothing wrong (although there's plenty of people on here who will disagree with me). It doesn't sound like you've acted on your attraction other than to talk to this fellow. If you have ,then that's different kettle of fish, but if you haven't then what you owe your BF is not, as others have suggested, some dramatic confession that you're intrigued by someone else and thus are saying goodbye but instead some concerted effort to rejuvenate the relationship. I don't mean to sound harsh, but when a relationship has stagnated, it's usually because both partners have become complacent. Snap out of it! LTR's are hard work sometimes. If you do want a lasting relationship, you need to dig in and do that work. If it's not bringing results, then consider ending it. But try before you quit. Otherwise, you'll be back on here five years from now, talking about how this new guy isn't that exciting anymore and you met someone else, and so on and so on until you're too old to be able to jump easily to new men.

[DN]

If your primary reason to stay with him is because he has a fantastic salary and you could be a stay at home Mom - then you are with him for entirely the wrong reasons and if you married him would be basically taking advantage of him. He deserves someone who loves him for himself not because of his money.

[Day_Walker]

If you are dis-satisfied in your current relationship then get out of it but you dont get out of a relationship for another person.

[DylanNotorious]

Sometimes you have to weigh up whether being in love is more important than being financially secure. You don't know what the future holds, and you don't know that you will always be secure in the money situation. Things can change pretty quickly, so if you don't want to waste your life away on the wrong man - follow your heart and take a chance on the unknown. You might be pleasantly suprized.

[veneratio]

If those are the only reasons to stay with your current bf then you should probably do him a favor and leave. There's nothing wrong with finding someone else attractive..were only human. Of course you click with the other guy..its something fresh, new and different. But your relationship doesn't sound very loving..so maybe its time to let go.

[Ms Darcy]

Have you tried talking to yourbf about your needs?

[zccr3279]

Not cool what you are doing. If I were your boyfriend, I'd be quite hurt. I know this, because a similar thing happened to me once.

 

How old are you, by the way?

[Alezia]

I don't personally think you can bring back that spark by simply talking about your needs. Communication is great, but in this case, it would seem more crushing and damaging than anything else. You can take concrete steps to try to help rejuvenate the flame - ex: have the kids babysat while you go out for dinner, take a vacation, hire a maid etc... In your case if you been fully inclusive in your posts, there doesn't even seem to be a basis for that spark other than for the fact that he can provide for you. If that's the case, then I would feel it's normal to want to explore other relationships.

 

Forget about the new guy, and imagine your life if you were now at life completely solo. Is it simply the finances that stop you? If money was not a concern, are there anything about HIM that you would miss? It's tempting to just compare the old vs. new guy, but doing so will probably lead you do delusions of how great the new guy is.