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Do they Still Dream About Me? - SuperDave71

SuperDave71

By SuperDave71
in Breaking Up Advice

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SuperDave71 Mentor

SuperDave71

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In our darkest hours, fear tends creep into our hearts and takes root. It convinces us to give up all hope and abandon all thoughts of what used to be. Happiness becomes a thing of the past and our hearts begin to turn cold but not by our own choice. The world as we know it becomes a different place. The love we thought would be ours forever is over. Fate, as it seems, dealt you a bad hand and you are left with the emptiness and sadness that was once filled with the love that was once yours. Was it all a dream? No, you tell yourself, I just wasn’t strong enough for love to stay.

 

 

No matter your current situation, things will always get better. Who wants to hear after a breakup that there are other fish in the sea? No one wants to believe that true love is really dead and that there isn’t a hope of reconciliation. The princess and prince of all fairy tales live happily ever after.

 

 

-True love never dies-

 

How many times have you sat and blamed yourself over circumstances beyond your control? Did you ever purposely sabotage your relationship in order to feel the way you do now? I think not. Words cannot express the emptiness a broken heart brings but we have all felt it. We have all felt that hollow in our chests. The world suddenly becomes a cloudy and dismal place. Memories become your solace and your heart aches because the love you had is over. Will they dream of me? Will they ever understand how much I love and need them? If they only knew what it is I feel inside, they would have never stopped loving me. They broken-hearted rational is only there to attempt to convince yourself that they will come back. They loved you once and soon they will realize what they are missing. The reality is that you hope underneath all the fear and tears that they are thinking exactly the way you are.

 

 

No one can ever give you advice on how to feel after a breakup. No matter if they have the best intent, only you can feel the way you do. The real question is how long are you going to choose to feel the way you do?

 

 

**Read that last part again**

 

 

Listen to my words, you have control over you. If you want to get lost and caught up in your own sadness and think you are not worth loving then I hope you can find solace in knowing you are not alone and nor is the world out to prove you’ re the only person in existence that cannot find or feel love in its truest form.

 

 

In my opinion, people have forgotten how to interact with one another. We text, email, rely on social networking in order to communicate yet we forgot what it is to be interpersonal. Our coping skills are less than they ever were. Take a pill for your ill instead of coping with the very thing you possibly could control if you just tried. We all want our problems to just go away. No one wants to suffer from heartache any more than they want to suffer from any horrific disease or genetic condition. To learn how to ground yourself is to open your eyes to what it is that living is about. You may have lost love (for now) but you are loved. You have the audacity not to look at what love you do have in order to suffer with the love you don’t. From the day you were conceived, someone has loved you. Chances are, over the years, that love has grown through family and friends. We all have our support system. These forums alone have thousands of strangers reaching out to other strangers all over the world in order to get advice from others that want to help. Just because we are from different backgrounds, geographical locations, religions and race doesn’t mean we all want what every wants…and that is to be loved and appreciated for who we are.

 

 

No one says it’s easy to suffer a broken heart but it gets easier when you put your life into perspective. I know it hurts right now. Remember that just because the day is cloudy doesn’t mean the sun isn’t there. We have to look beyond our boundaries. To deal with grief and heartache is merely a stepping stone in handling what it is to be alive. Sure it hurts for now but like death we will all have to go down the same road someday. You are no different. Life is what you make of it. Use the time you have wisely. No one in the world is to blame but you. If you believe in a higher power, take comfort in knowing God created millions of people for you to learn from. Take the time to love yourself and learn from others. Stop trying to convince yourself that your life is over because someone chose to leave. Chances are you had no say so in their decision but you do have 100% say in what it is YOU do and feel.

 

There is no magical formula in getting someone to come back. What I can tell you is so simple you probably won’t believe it at first but I know that those that respond to this post can attest. What brings someone back is love. Not the love you have for them now because they left but the love you showed them because you did love them with all your heart. No one on earth can take away true love. Looks fade and people change but truelove has NO boundaries. Even death cannot change what it is to be loved. Take my advice and learn that though these are just words, that I love you all. If I didn’t care, though I am a familiar name, I wouldn’t continue to post my thoughts and lessons I have been blessed to share. I am a stranger. I am a simple guy that has a huge heart and I want others to not agree with my opinions but to reflect upon them.

 

 

If your heart is broken, I will pray for you. I have been there. I have been on my knees and didn’t know how to get up because the loss of love took the life right out of me. I was given the strength to rise above my heartache. It wasn’t easy but I am proof you can do it. All you have to do is start believing in yourself. No one says you have to stop hoping love will return. You have to make that change in order for someone to WANT to come back. The secret is to do it for you and not for someone else. Why you ask? Because if you change for someone and they leave once again, they take what you changed for in the first place. If you change for you, they can NEVER take that away.

 

 

We all need improvement. Love isn’t perfect but it takes practice. Take the focus off of what you don’t have and pace it on what it is you DO have. When you ground yourself, you will start to open your eyes to the bigger picture. To put it into perspective, chances are you will live to see tomorrow regardless if you have a broken heart or not. There are those out in the world who are not worried about a broken heart but are wondering if they will see tomorrow. You will love and live to see another day. You may not see it in front of you but understand that things do not happen because you want them to; you have to make them happen. How is this possible? Plain and simple, you can’t make people love you but you can surely make them NOT love you. To work on your confidence, positive attitude and self-worth are all you need in order to make love find you once again. The key is to understand that love has standards. Love is attracted to confidence, not arrogance. Love is attracted to those that are motivated in attaining a goal but understand where they came from. Love is attracted to those that show compassion rather than empathy. Love is attracted to love. If you don’t love yourself, then love will be deterred.

 

 

Putting a band-aid on fixing yourself is like flying a kite in a tornado…it will be very short lived and other will see right through you. Self-improvement takes time. NOT other people’s time but your own. Quit putting a time table on love. If you are still trying to convince yourself that you have to get someone back quickly because someone else is in the shadows, then you have already lost. You are trying to get back a possession rather than love itself. Love is not a possession but a positive feeling between two or more people. If love cannot be reciprocated between BOTH parties, then it will never work. Take the time limitations off of your goal and you will be freed mind, body and soul to deal 100% with you rather than someone else. Lift the burden of changing you in order to be loved by someone else. Ask yourself ONE VERY IMPORTANT question.

 

 

**Would they do the same for me?**

 

 

If you answer no, then let go and learn from your time together. Close the chapter in order to write a new one. Life is nothing more than a series of lessons. If we don’t learn from those lessons, what have we truly learned? Stand up tall because today is a new day. The sun still shines despite your heart and head trying to convince you otherwise. Just because you can’t see tomorrow doesn’t mean you can’t change it or make it better than today. Learn that every day you choose to grow in a positive direction, even without the one you love, doesn’t mean you are not making progress.

 

 

 

Do they still dream about you? With all that I am, I hope that they do.

 

 

 

Let go of doubt, fear and hopelessness in order to let your light shine through.

I believe in you. It’s about time you believed in yourself.

 

 

Your Friend,

 

 

 

SuperDave71

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Scuza Apprentice

Scuza

Posted
Posted

I've read several of your posts, and they've given me a lot of the inspiration I needed to pull myself out of a rut.

Although none of us have ever met you, you've changed our lives for the better, expecting nothing in return. ENA is lucky to have a guy like SuperDave as a poster.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Muzatsu Explorer

Muzatsu

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Posted

Thank you Superdave. Your words helped me to gain perspective as an 18 year old girl who thought she would never love again. Now your words bring that familiar comfort to me once again at 22 when yet another love has died due to transitions in my life. Each time I graduate from school, I always get dumped. Perhaps, if I had ended them on a bittersweet note instead of dragging the relationships into the stressful realities of trying to make it on my own, I'd feel better...but I cannot lie to myself. Whether I broke up with them or they broke up with me, I would still come out deeply upset. You know why? Because I love vulnerably and I love completely, but at my age, most guys cannot give that to me. I am hoping one day that this relationship I've had that has ended can be reconciled, but at a later date. I do not mind seeing what other fish are in the sea, because these boys have cast me out of the net, floundering back in the ocean. All in all, I think I have learned a lot about myself through these relationships.

 

The thing that kills my relationships are my ambitions, the fact I won't ever compromise them...and I think my exes realize that and become afraid. I have been there to support them through rough and tumble, and to encourage them to do the things they really wanted to do in life. However, when it comes to me, they falter and feel afraid that they can never measure up. I think this is just a sign of immaturity, and they can either choose to dwell on their inabilities, or take this time to become a person that is worthy of love for themselves, not for me. My love for them translates into the fact though we tried our best, maybe they could not give their best they don't even know the depth of their own humanity. I believe foolishly and hang on even though I see the relationship decline in it's splendor. Even though I am not actually blindsided, I am actually just hurt that I hold on and they jump ship. Maybe it is time for me to let go. Before, I was so bad at it, I was addicted to their presence. Now I see that for me, it would not be demonstrating love to them either, only possessiveness.

 

 

 

Now even though I still sound young at 22, I feel that it is time to let go of these expectations that we need to save each other from our personal hells. That is co-dependence, not love. I have loved and been loved, but with scary futures and unstable economies, it is not a bright future admittedly. Unlike the first time I fell in love and failed, I did not beg anymore than I had to to make things work. The fact is, even when we broke up from time to time in anger, we always ran back to each other despite saying it will never work. We tried the friends thing only to kiss and fall in love again for months at a time. I can only say that it is sadly immaturity in an uncertain atmosphere that killed it. I do not believe someone really falls out of love with the person if there was an intense attraction, a beautiful friendship, and a desire to make each other happy. I believe desperation and losing sight of yourself at the expense of the other is a loss of love.

 

Never willing to compromise my basic happiness for someone's misery, I have realized I still have a way's to go in this relationship. A relationship I have been trying to heal for along time. And that is the relationship with myself. From being a confused teenager who wanted nothing more than to be needed by someone, to being a high school graduate who was uncertain of the future and wanting nothing more than to die if someone took away their love. Now, I still feel that pain that brings up all the bad memories of my past and how I have related myself to others. I feel the pain of being alone after I have once again lost my friends and my networks leaving a 4 year university behind, with my diploma in my hand, but no one to hold it with me. It is a shame that a person I had loved again for almost 4 years, decides he does not know what to do with his life much in the same fashion as a boyfriend I had in high school. Yet, I cannnot compare them unfairly, because there were different circumstances that led to this decision. It is an exquisite feeling of loss, coupled with the fact that I have so much I have yet to do.

 

I am young (22) but I love old. In my life I have had 3 relationships, with only one person I gave my virginity to. I am talking about one relationship that was 6 months, one that was 3 years, and one that was 4 years currently. The first person I had a relationship with was plain and simple totally incompatible, the second was my first love, and the third was the person I gave my virginity to and hoped for a future with. Other people my age honestly cannot even count how many partners or 'boyfriends' they have had. My issue is that I love people with all my heart, but do not think about how to preserve it when it's broken. But perhaps its because I always give my whole heart and do not build walls, that I get hurt so completely, that I understand what it is to love with my whole heart. It is an unbearable feeling to wake up dreaming of the person, as I did just now, but it is not the end.

 

My exes have always come back, and each time I had already moved on. They will always come back if you showed them a love they could never re-live with anyone else. Even if the grass was greener in their mind, they always find that the grass is dead, when it is compared to the pure love I gave them. If you were the person who gave them the most unselfish and giving love you could give, that person never forgets that love and will always remember it. I do not worry that they do not come back, and I am not overconfident in my ability to say this, but I believe my exes will always come back if you have showed them this. In my desperation I could beg for them back and tell them to take back their hurtful decision, but in the wisdom of my experience I chose to agree. I did not fight a decision that, hell, was probably on their mind for weeks already. I let them have their wishes, not because I do not want to try, but because I tried my best and they aren't willing to do the same. I now believe that if it is meant to be it will be, when I used to think cliches had no relevance. If this person is really not able to love, at least he has known love through me. If he grows up one day and finds out he can have this capacity and I happen to be single, then all has worked out. If he realizes it too late, well then someone else in the world can be happy with him. It makes me so jealous to think about it, but I realize that I do want his happiness regardless of who he, or I for that matter am with. Due to the lessons I've learned from 18-22, I realize love really is something you cannot diminish or kill with time, it is an energy. In physics, energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred into something else. I know my first love still loves me, but we were never meant to be together. I know this current person loves me, but has to prioritize his goals in life, as well as his family issues. The love cannot die as long as it was always there, even if the person believes they have fallen out of love. What they have fallen out of, is the time and focus to do anything about their love anymore. I now realize that the relationship isn't about the love, it is about the work you put into it to make it thrive. If the love was never there to begin with, well that's a different story. And at least you are better off.

 

-Muza

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  • 1 month later...
Lost81 Newbie

Lost81

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Posted

"What brings someone back is love" - this line baffles me. It is so true but after being split up six months now and having no contact, who contacts the other person? Right now I am too afraid and Im sure he would be too afraid. Number 1, because of fear of rejection and Number 2, for fear of hearing He/I am with someonelse and Number 3, what have we both been up to the last six months without each other? It all hurts so bad.

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  • 2 weeks later...
dumPI Contributor

dumPI

Posted
Posted

There is no magical formula in getting someone to come back. What I can tell you is so simple you probably won’t believe it at first but I know that those that respond to this post can attest. What brings someone back is love. Not the love you have for them now because they left but the love you showed them because you did love them with all your heart. No one on earth can take away true love.

 

Amazing writting. Very encouraging too.

 

I share your view on this. When an ex decides to come back is more out of the love you provided them with and they currently noticing how good that was more than realizing the grass isn't greener or they are alone and didn't find anyone. Sometimes people are wrong in timing to appreciate things.

 

On the other hand a break-up it's a time to improve ourselves for us in first place & for the ones we meet from now on whether an ex or a new gf.

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stab17 Apprentice

stab17

Posted
Posted
Take my advice and learn that though these are just words, that I love you all. If I didn’t care, though I am a familiar name, I wouldn’t continue to post my thoughts and lessons I have been blessed to share. I am a stranger. I am a simple guy that has a huge heart and I want others to not agree with my opinions but to reflect upon them.

 

 

If your heart is broken, I will pray for you. I have been there. I have been on my knees and didn’t know how to get up because the loss of love took the life right out of me. I was given the strength to rise above my heartache.

 

 

SuperDave, I don't know who you are but this really made me cry..... I adore people like you and wish I could be as strong as you..

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  • 5 months later...

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